Son and DIL insulting vacation we paid for

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP TELL US THE OTHER COMPLAINTS.

I mean, beside the new mom had no sleep and you refused a solution.

Drama. Is son capable of hanging up a dark sheet over the window? Vacation with a baby is rough but that doesn’t mean you get to drag everyone else down with you.

Some of the OBX rentals I have seen have thread bare towels and sheets. Pretty sure there were no extras to use for a big window.

[Anonymous]

“I feel hurt when you insult the house I paid so much money to rent.”

That’s all you need to say!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our son and DIL haven’t joined us for our annual beach house vacation since before COVID, so we were thrilled that the came along this year and brought their two boys. DH and I pay for the rental, which is several thousand. We think it’s a very nice house and location. Our kids and their spouses contribute groceries and meals.

The son/DIL who haven’t joined in years have been complaining nonstop, calling it a “trip” and saying things like “these curtains are so flimsy, we can’t sleep in the morning” and saying “anytime you have to make up the bed and bring your own toilet paper, it’s not a vacation, it’s a trip.” They some of it jokingly, but have real complaints and annoyances about the house. No rental is perfect, but what can you expect? Should we ask them to stop?

OP, I am wondering if you have any kind of relationship with your DIL. If not, why? Why wouldn't you say something to her 1:1 (example): "let's go see this window, and what we can do to help!" And if MIL needs here son to go get a $5. paper blind at home depot, maybe (wait for it) MIlL can tell her son to do that.

If they say anything about making the beds, just say - it's vacation - no one has to do anything! You know, communicate.

MIL, is communication always so hard for you? Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a little sad. I love my mom and I would feel bad complaining nonstop about a house she had rented for us. I even have my own issues with my MIL but I would never want her to feel like I hated a vacation she planned. Even when it doesn’t quite work out, they both put great effort into planning family functions. I don’t know about OP, but I know my MIL and mom would be over the moon to vacation with us and family is so important to them. It would feel mean to actively burst their bubble the whole trip.

Agree.
This spring I took my kids to visit my dad where he lives during the winter. He rented us all a place on the beach. It wasn’t exactly up to my standards, but I made the best of it and we had a great time. It was my choice to use my time off for the trip, nobody forced me onto the plane at gun point. My dad made all of the arrangements and paid for them-it didn’t occur to me to complain in front of him, that would have been rude and cruel, not to mention setting a horrible example for my kids that may come back to bite me someday!

This is sweet and, barring actual toxic and dysfunctional family situations which should be handled maturely, we should all remember to treat family kindly. One day you’ll be the grandma that doesn’t quite do it right…proceed wisely!

Key words here. Time to step up and communicate in a caring, warm manner, OP - don't be a petulant child.

Exactly and if this was one of my siblings and their spouse I would have told them to STFU already after 1 day.

You don't think the whining adults are acting a wee bit childish?

Exactly! I’m usually pro adult child/dil on these threads because I can relate but I just can’t relate to defending constant complaining on a vacation to the person who organized it. Who are these posters saying “well, then OP didn’t do good enough?”. It’s rude to passively aggressively complain the whole time, no excuse. Son needs to leave early or go get a hotel room or shut it and decline the invite next year.

Com-paining about a throw pillow is not attacking OP.

Imo it is rude to complain about everything “wrong” with the place when everyone else is enjoying the trip. I’ve picked out rentals they ended up not being great before and I would be so annoyed if DH whined the whole time. I’d pick a different place next time but nitpicking isn’t helpful and it brings everyone down.

Are you OP?

If not, is this what happened OP? Or was it one thing? Asking for details, please. I hope OP is not sock puppeting.

Nope. I’m a 33y/o with my own MIL and 2 young kids of my own. I genuinely can’t believe people are defending rudeness and can’t fathom that anyone but OP would find constant complaining rude. And I do empathize with the young family because trips with kids are hard but why would the correct solution be to whine the whole time?

Having extra sheets available.

Not that hard.

But maybe OP should have had you know, a CONVERSATION with her DIL?

OP do you not speak to you DIL? Is there a reason why? Genuinely curious.

Listen, I’m not OP but you sound very sure of your opinions and we are going to have to agree to disagree here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“I feel hurt when you insult the house I paid so much money to rent.”

That’s all you need to say!

Yeah, but then you risk alienating your DIL, son and their family - if you are rude to them.

If OP demands respect, she has to extend it family wide, not just pick and choose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They sound annoying, OP. This a type of people. The type of people who like to run things down and don't see the need to contribute to the positive atmosphere of the group. It's a family trip and it's nice when people pitch in with good spirits.

An ex-boyfriend and his brother always split the cost for a beach vacation for their family, including his mom. His mom was a complainer. If the beach house wasn't up to her standards, she complained nonstop. It was annoying. These were guys in their 20s getting a beach house, primarily for their mom, and they couldn't afford top of the line.

If you want, you could give them a role in picking the house next year. Maybe if they have some ownership of the decision, they'll be less likely to be annoying about it.

Until then, just ignore.

Great phrase in bold. If the rental is for specific dates and location requested by an adult DC we have the adult DC choose the property. Not we anticipate attendance and this is the unit for week x. The contract can be in the name of an adult DC and you give them cash.

One likes to rent houses and wants beachfront. More work than this vacation https://www.ritzcarlton.com/en/hotels/florida/amelia-island/area-activities/recreation/pool-beach-services

[Anonymous]

I love this thread because every time we rent a beach house, MIL initiates the WTF were they thinking discussion about design choices, etc. We have shared many a great laugh over it!

OP, maybe try laughing about the situation?

[Anonymous]

It’s pretty normal to voice notable observations about hotels and rentals. OP sounds very sensitive and doesn’t seem to be aware that what is great for her may not be great for others. OP you need to let go f acting like this rental is a personal reflection of you.

OP also needs to drop the focus n how she is being s generous n providing this great beach house and everyone should be so grateful. OP should be grateful that her adult kids are willing to give up ther vacation time and spend it with her at this rental.. OP may claim that she doesn’t pressure them to come to the beach house but I would bet $1000000 that if they declined OP would still expect some other type of visit either at her house or being hosted by them. Her sn and DIL may not like the beach house and beach week but it may be the lesser of ther evils compared to staying at
OPs house or having to host her.

On trip/obligation vs vacation, yes it is a very real distinction. This has been made much worse by the pandemic. The boomers are all we haven’t seen you since COV.iD!!! The adult kids are burnt out from a year of remote school while trying to get work done and or may have burned through their vacation time with COVID daycare polices. They probably haven’t had a real vacation since COVID and they’re stuck in boomer beach week he’ll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you guilt and pressure them about coming on your beach vacation and then expect them to be grateful for it?
When I'm on PTO I'd like to have it be my choice or have some perks that makes it worth my while.
If your son doesn't want to visit you of his own volition, there's not much you can do about it. He's a jerk, but then, maybe so are you.

OP here. We invited them every year. We understood the first year of COVID when vaccines weren’t out yet. But after vaccines everyone else came and we invited, not pressured just invited and made it clear we were all vaccinated. I want them to feel included but if they don’t like being here I wouldn’t say anything if they just declined.

OP you are too sensitive.
Next year do not plan this.
"we understood the first year of covid" Tells me all I need to know about you. You are the opinionated one not them

Next year don't rent a home.

I agree it is not a vacation when I have to bring towels, sheets, soap, etc.. not a fan at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s pretty normal to voice notable observations about hotels and rentals. OP sounds very sensitive and doesn’t seem to be aware that what is great for her may not be great for others. OP you need to let go f acting like this rental is a personal reflection of you.

OP also needs to drop the focus n how she is being s generous n providing this great beach house and everyone should be so grateful. OP should be grateful that her adult kids are willing to give up ther vacation time and spend it with her at this rental.. OP may claim that she doesn’t pressure them to come to the beach house but I would bet $1000000 that if they declined OP would still expect some other type of visit either at her house or being hosted by them. Her sn and DIL may not like the beach house and beach week but it may be the lesser of ther evils compared to staying at
OPs house or having to host her.

On trip/obligation vs vacation, yes it is a very real distinction. This has been made much worse by the pandemic. The boomers are all we haven’t seen you since COV.iD!!! The adult kids are burnt out from a year of remote school while trying to get work done and or may have burned through their vacation time with COVID daycare polices. They probably haven’t had a real vacation since COVID and they’re stuck in boomer beach week he’ll.

+1

No kidding! Op are you always this rigid? Are you on the spectrum?

I am asking because my MIL is, and might take offense to anyone saying something - no matter how innocuous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you guilt and pressure them about coming on your beach vacation and then expect them to be grateful for it?
When I'm on PTO I'd like to have it be my choice or have some perks that makes it worth my while.
If your son doesn't want to visit you of his own volition, there's not much you can do about it. He's a jerk, but then, maybe so are you.

OP here. We invited them every year. We understood the first year of COVID when vaccines weren’t out yet. But after vaccines everyone else came and we invited, not pressured just invited and made it clear we were all vaccinated. I want them to feel included but if they don’t like being here I wouldn’t say anything if they just declined.

OP you are too sensitive.
Next year do not plan this.
"we understood the first year of covid" Tells me all I need to know about you. You are the opinionated one not them

Next year don't rent a home.

I agree it is not a vacation when I have to bring towels, sheets, soap, etc.. not a fan at all.

+1

OP you sound unrealistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you guilt and pressure them about coming on your beach vacation and then expect them to be grateful for it?
When I'm on PTO I'd like to have it be my choice or have some perks that makes it worth my while.
If your son doesn't want to visit you of his own volition, there's not much you can do about it. He's a jerk, but then, maybe so are you.

OP here. We invited them every year. We understood the first year of COVID when vaccines weren’t out yet. But after vaccines everyone else came and we invited, not pressured just invited and made it clear we were all vaccinated. I want them to feel included but if they don’t like being here I wouldn’t say anything if they just declined.

OP you are too sensitive.
Next year do not plan this.
"we understood the first year of covid" Tells me all I need to know about you. You are the opinionated one not them

Next year don't rent a home.

I agree it is not a vacation when I have to bring towels, sheets, soap, etc.. not a fan at all.

+1

OP you sound unrealistic.

-1 OP rent whatever you want. If your adult children don’t want to attend, they can decline. And if they do decide to attend, they can use their manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you guilt and pressure them about coming on your beach vacation and then expect them to be grateful for it?
When I'm on PTO I'd like to have it be my choice or have some perks that makes it worth my while.
If your son doesn't want to visit you of his own volition, there's not much you can do about it. He's a jerk, but then, maybe so are you.

OP here. We invited them every year. We understood the first year of COVID when vaccines weren’t out yet. But after vaccines everyone else came and we invited, not pressured just invited and made it clear we were all vaccinated. I want them to feel included but if they don’t like being here I wouldn’t say anything if they just declined.

OP you are too sensitive.
Next year do not plan this.
"we understood the first year of covid" Tells me all I need to know about you. You are the opinionated one not them

Next year don't rent a home.

I agree it is not a vacation when I have to bring towels, sheets, soap, etc.. not a fan at all.

Whether you think it’s a vacation or not isn’t the point. Complaining to the person who paid shows a lack of appreciation and is rude, full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s pretty normal to voice notable observations about hotels and rentals. OP sounds very sensitive and doesn’t seem to be aware that what is great for her may not be great for others. OP you need to let go f acting like this rental is a personal reflection of you.

OP also needs to drop the focus n how she is being s generous n providing this great beach house and everyone should be so grateful. OP should be grateful that her adult kids are willing to give up ther vacation time and spend it with her at this rental.. OP may claim that she doesn’t pressure them to come to the beach house but I would bet $1000000 that if they declined OP would still expect some other type of visit either at her house or being hosted by them. Her sn and DIL may not like the beach house and beach week but it may be the lesser of ther evils compared to staying at
OPs house or having to host her.

On trip/obligation vs vacation, yes it is a very real distinction. This has been made much worse by the pandemic. The boomers are all we haven’t seen you since COV.iD!!! The adult kids are burnt out from a year of remote school while trying to get work done and or may have burned through their vacation time with COVID daycare polices. They probably haven’t had a real vacation since COVID and they’re stuck in boomer beach week he’ll.

+1

No kidding! Op are you always this rigid? Are you on the spectrum?

I am asking because my MIL is, and might take offense to anyone saying something - no matter how innocuous.

dp Yes let's blame all Autistic people for this type of problem!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I feel hurt when you insult the house I paid so much money to rent.”

That’s all you need to say!

Yeah, but then you risk alienating your DIL, son and their family - if you are rude to them.

If OP demands respect, she has to extend it family wide, not just pick and choose.

This is absurd. OP doesn’t need to silently accept rudeness out of fear her adult son will alienate her after being called out on it. OP has a spine.