
Oh, put a sock in it. The girl has gone over to her own father's house. He's her parent, too. |
I'm 54 and the idea of raising another person for the next 22 years...ugh. My heart goes out to you, Op. I hope your daughter and this boy grow up mighty fast and become good, solid parents to their child. Praying for you and for them. |
I would encourage her to have the boyfriend talk to the military recruiters- Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines. Marrying the boyfriend if he enlists would link her to a lot of social services. Most enlisted soldiers have kids at a young age. The best schools are on/near military bases and family would have housing, secure paycheck, good medical care and access to a lot of social services and access to additional education. I think this might be their only good choice. |
OP here - I wish my story will have a happy ending like this. |
Absolutely agree with this. OP---you should plainly state what you are and are not prepared to do so that she and boyfriend and boyfriend's parents are all clear on where you stand and no one is looking to you to be the responsible adult in this situation. Were it me, I would be saying: I do not believe you have the maturity, the education or the resources to parent a child at this point in your life. I will pay for you to terminate this pregnancy and will offer $XX amount for you to continue with school/educational training so that you can stand on your own as an adult. Alternatively, I will work with you to develop an adoption plan with a reputable agency. I will NOT parent your child. I will not offer free housing, free childcare or financial support. Maybe boyfriend's parents will take her in. Maybe her father will now have to figure this out. My guess is that when those parties hear that you aren't going to solve this all for them, there will be more adults pressuring them to make responsible decisions. She is going to hate you for some period of time. If she goes against every expectation you have about her and her boyfriend's behavior and lack of maturity and somehow pulls herself together, then you could step in later and offer additional support. But right now it sounds like she is in fantasy land and you will be doing her (and yourself) a disservice if you perpetuate that magical thinking. |
OP here - how was your husband a good provider unless he was much older than you? |
She married an older guy (24) with an established 6 years in the military. Shortly after they married, he started his own company and she stayed home. He was not a teenager, far from it. That isn't to say that he wasn't a remarkable guy but he wasn't exactly a teenager living in his parents' basement when she met him, either. |
lol, seriously. Talk about writing a book... ![]() |
It wouldn’t be 22 years |
Okay, let's say it's 16. Is that really better? |
I see them through college. For me, it would be 22 years. |
PP here. I'm so sorry, OP. One thing that I forgot to mention: my sister and her DH started their lives in the hole financially - I think it was something like $10k - because of the cost of just the pregnancy... This is from webMD: https://www.webmd.com/baby/features/cost-of-having-a-baby#1. Obviously there are many more resources that can help you and everyone involved understand the financial implications of her choice to keep this baby. Not doing so is 1000% irresponsible. "The cost of having a baby can really add up at the hospital. You should make sure you are well-prepared financially for this part of pregnancy, especially if you don't have health insurance. The costs of childbirth can be steep. The charge for an uncomplicated cesarean section was about $15,800 in 2008. An uncomplicated vaginal birth cost about $9,600, government data show. Women who have individual health insurance policies often find that maternity care coverage is completely excluded, says Carol Sakala, PhD, director of programs at the nonprofit Childbirth Connection." And those figures are from 08. Do they have health insurance? I know you have kicked her out, and said you are done - but maybe the role you can play (along with setting really firm boundaries about the physical/financial support you are willing/able to offer) is to be the voice of reason and reality. Root out the costs that people don't think about/pay attention to and share this information with DD, BF, exH and BF's parents. Just a thought... And, honestly, OP - please don't play in to all of the people who want to make you wrong for not wanting to allow this to adversely affect your life (if that is true). Yes, it will be a human. But, if DD decides to take this on and then peace out, there are other options than you having to raise it. Her dad can. The father can. The father's parents can. Or, they can go into the foster system/be put up for adoption. it's sad - but this is 100% your daughter's/the father's responsibility to bear - not yours. |
Well, people are saying that OP should still provide housing and financial support for her 18 year old daughter, so 22 years seems to be closer to the expectations, no? You can’t have it both ways... |
In my experience it is 5-6. |
22 more years would make her daughter 40... so no! |