I am heartbroken

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You ask her what she wants to do and you support her through that path. If she wants an abortion, drive her there. If she wants to keep the baby, help her while she gets a college degree.

This. My Mom has me at 19/20. She may want to keep baby. She may not. But you support her either way. And if she keeps baby you be positive or she will remember that you were not.

OP here - I kicked her out of the house, so I guess I'm not supportive. I am in shock and distancing myself to think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD who just turned 18 told me yesterday she is pregnant. I am so heartbroken with this child. I am not sure how to handle this. Anyone with same experience?

You say I love you and I am so excited to meet this new person and I have your back! I am not sure on why people are encouraging her to kill the baby.

It's not a baby. It's a cluster of cells with the potential to turn into a baby, many months from now.

And it's in OP's daughter's body. Listen, I've had more than one abortion and I'd do it again, but pro choice means ALL the choices, even the ones you wouldn't pick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You handle it by taking her to an abortion clinic.

+1

It's the best decision for everyone.

Agreed.

Except OPd grandchild, of course

OP is she in a relationship with the father?

OP here - she is in L.O.V.E. with the father, and yes, he is supportive (in his mind) he has no job and lives in his parents basement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You handle it by taking her to an abortion clinic.

+1

It's the best decision for everyone.

Agreed.

Except OPd grandchild, of course

OP is she in a relationship with the father?

OP here - she is in L.O.V.E. with the father, and yes, he is supportive (in his mind) he has no job and lives in his parents basement.

OMG my heart goes out to you. And them. But mostly you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The teen moms I know of that managed to do well for themselves had tremendous support from their parents and family. Was it hard at times, yes, but they were able to continue with their educations and build successful careers, because they had help from family with finances and childcare in the early going.

I dunno. It's a mixed bag. For every handful of success stories you hear there are an equal number of true disasters where the young parents simply abdicate all responsibility and leave their kids with the grandparents (or foster parents) to raise. Most just muddle through life and do the best that they can even with tons of family support. They aren't rich, they aren't destitute, just sort of middle of the road. Their kids often turn out great, though, because they did have so many people watching out for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know FOUR different families who are raising their grandchildren because the “young adult” mom thought she’d rather go live her life without a kid to put a damper on the partying. Just sayin.

OP here - and this is one of my concerns right here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You ask her what she wants to do and you support her through that path. If she wants an abortion, drive her there. If she wants to keep the baby, help her while she gets a college degree.

This. My Mom has me at 19/20. She may want to keep baby. She may not. But you support her either way. And if she keeps baby you be positive or she will remember that you were not.

OP here - I kicked her out of the house, so I guess I'm not supportive. I am in shock and distancing myself to think.

You don't have to pretend to be happy about this nor do you have to tell your DD that it is all going to be o.k. It is actually good that you are giving her a dose of reality - things are not going to be rainbows and snowflakes. You are very concerned and you have a reason to be.

You are being up front and honest with her which is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You ask her what she wants to do and you support her through that path. If she wants an abortion, drive her there. If she wants to keep the baby, help her while she gets a college degree.

This. My Mom has me at 19/20. She may want to keep baby. She may not. But you support her either way. And if she keeps baby you be positive or she will remember that you were not.

OP here - I kicked her out of the house, so I guess I'm not supportive. I am in shock and distancing myself to think.

You don't have to pretend to be happy about this nor do you have to tell your DD that it is all going to be o.k. It is actually good that you are giving her a dose of reality - things are not going to be rainbows and snowflakes. You are very concerned and you have a reason to be.

You are being up front and honest with her which is fine.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You handle it by taking her to an abortion clinic.

+1

It's the best decision for everyone.

Agreed.

Except OPd grandchild, of course

OP is she in a relationship with the father?

OP here - she is in L.O.V.E. with the father, and yes, he is supportive (in his mind) he has no job and lives in his parents basement.

OMG my heart goes out to you. And them. But mostly you.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. As an adoptive mom and a foster mom, I am appalled at the callousness of some of the posters here. It certainly explains a lot about how our children came to be in our hearts and home. They are a blessing every minute of every day and I cannot imagine living without them.

OP, I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Your daughter has a lot of trust in you that she shared the news of her pregnancy with you and that she is turning to you for help. I have some thoughts about resources but I'm not sure if this thread is the place to post them because of the vitriol from at least one poster. I will keep an eye out in other forums or for a different thread in case you post there.

Good luck to you and hugs. My best wishes for a healthy and happy grandchild who will flourish and thrive in a home filled with tons of love and support.

OP here - I will take the resource recommendations please

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You ask her what she wants to do and you support her through that path. If she wants an abortion, drive her there. If she wants to keep the baby, help her while she gets a college degree.

This. My Mom has me at 19/20. She may want to keep baby. She may not. But you support her either way. And if she keeps baby you be positive or she will remember that you were not.

OP here - I kicked her out of the house, so I guess I'm not supportive. I am in shock and distancing myself to think.

Are you trying to write a book? Maybe you could title it:
How To Make a Bad Situation Worse
or, perhaps
How to Ensure the Worst Possible Outcome For my Daughter?
or, maybe
How to Never Be a Part of My Grandchildren's Lives?

She's your daughter. Help her. This is the time. Remember when you looked into that beautiful infant's eyes and promised to be there for her, no matter what? Well, here is the time to make good on that promise. It was easy to say those words back then, but the real mettle is shown when the chips are down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD who just turned 18 told me yesterday she is pregnant. I am so heartbroken with this child. I am not sure how to handle this. Anyone with same experience?

You say I love you and I am so excited to meet this new person and I have your back! I am not sure on why people are encouraging her to kill the baby.

It's not a baby. It's a cluster of cells with the potential to turn into a baby, many months from now.

And it's in OP's daughter's body. Listen, I've had more than one abortion and I'd do it again, but pro choice means ALL the choices, even the ones you wouldn't pick.

No one is saying OP should try to force her adult daughter to abort. She couldn't if she wanted to. But yes, I'm one of the posters who says abortion should be on the table. An unemployed teenage couple living with their parents is not exactly the ideal family situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know FOUR different families who are raising their grandchildren because the “young adult” mom thought she’d rather go live her life without a kid to put a damper on the partying. Just sayin.

OP here - and this is one of my concerns right here.

That is a valid concern it sounds like. I have seen plenty of grandparents raising their grandchildren over the years. There are quite a few paternal grandparents who step up. It is not all on the maternal grandparents. You do not necessarily have to be the grandparent that the grandchild lives with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You ask her what she wants to do and you support her through that path. If she wants an abortion, drive her there. If she wants to keep the baby, help her while she gets a college degree.

This. My Mom has me at 19/20. She may want to keep baby. She may not. But you support her either way. And if she keeps baby you be positive or she will remember that you were not.

OP here - I kicked her out of the house, so I guess I'm not supportive. I am in shock and distancing myself to think.

Are you trying to write a book? Maybe you could title it:
How To Make a Bad Situation Worse
or, perhaps
How to Ensure the Worst Possible Outcome For my Daughter?
or, maybe
How to Never Be a Part of My Grandchildren's Lives?

She's your daughter. Help her. This is the time. Remember when you looked into that beautiful infant's eyes and promised to be there for her, no matter what? Well, here is the time to make good on that promise. It was easy to say those words back then, but the real mettle is shown when the chips are down.

I'm not the OP, but I'm pretty sure most people don't do that whole gazing-into-eyes, "I promise I'll be there for you no matter what" thing upon giving birth. You're kinda making that up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here.

OP, this happened to my sister, who I love dearly, with all of my heart.

Both families (ours and her DH) have some pretty screwed up dynamics - but suffice to say that there was at least some level of financial, physical and emotional support available to them. And it was still freaking hard on them.

She and her husband did the best they could by their kids (they ended up married, with two) - but neither has a college education, and they have worked their butts off to do so. Their financial picture as they age is pretty bleak - they just never caught a good stride financially, because they were always dealing with the expenses of raising a family and, honestly, they never really had a plan, other than deal with the s**t life was throwing at them as it came.

My sister cleaned toilets to help support them, for god's sake... She loves her kids - but I have to tell you, it hurts me to see her struggling and I would have wished better for her, even though that would have meant an abortion and that my nephews maybe wouldn't exist.

As pp have noted, people want to make it all rosy and like a child is always a blessing. But the reality of unplanned pregnancies, without the means to support the child is that it very often results in a lifetime of struggle for all involved (parents, child, and grandparents).

Just some more food for thought on the termination side.

OP - I totally agree and this is what I told her. She thinks she/ they can handle it. I am so mad at her, and I'm pretty sure she is mad at me too. I told her I was done with her and her boyfriend, and if she thinks she is so mature to handle the situation, she can go live with her farther and figure it out.

I could totally see myself saying this, so no judgment. But I think that sometime soon you should reach out to her on the phone and have a civil conversation. Statements like this have the potential to destroy the relationship for a long time to come. I think you need space, and it's great that she can be with her dad for a while. I would just try to keep the door open for a conversation eventually. Also, tell your ex husband to make sure she watches lots of episodes of "Teen Mom"