Found nude pics on DHs phone

[Anonymous]

So, to get some perspective, I'd like to ask people who haven't cheated yet have been accused by their spouse of cheating ... what did you do? Did you storm out of the house? Did you get super defensive? Did you gaslight your spouse? Were you OUTRAGED?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, I would just ask my husband.

Immediately.

Please get back to us w/what he tells you.

Op here. He came home yesterday after being out drinking with his friends the night before. He said he actually slept at his friends place and went out with him. He denies sexting and chatting with anyone. He is outraged I’d accuse him of cheating and says if he found nudes on my phone his first thought wouldn’t be to accuse me of cheating. He says this feels like an interrogation and he isn’t cool with it.

So I’m not getting any answers.

Wow. So he spent the night "with a friend" and is now back to pretending the pic didn't exist? So many lies. I'm sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, this all did start because she freaked out over some nudes on her husband's phone. I think making it clear to OP that for some people and relationships this wouldn't be a huge deal and wouldn't lead to the immediate assumption that my husband is cheating or that it's not normal for a man to want to look at nudes, even if he is happy at home. I was just hoping to give her another take and that maybe this isn't about cheating at all. Especially if they are in a rut, kids are young and sex has been less frequent. Been there....

You’re the corpse at every funeral. That’s so hot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex wife would snap nude pics of other moms from our kids school while they changing at the YMCA. She did this for me and at my request because I wanted to see them nude but no one knew. I most definately shared them with some of the other dads.

This is a crime.

+1. Yikes! Definitely criminal behavior.

Agree, but perhaps this is just his fantasy.

[Anonymous]

For the folks who are into gambling, what's the over/under on the number of pages this thread goes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, to get some perspective, I'd like to ask people who haven't cheated yet have been accused by their spouse of cheating ... what did you do? Did you storm out of the house? Did you get super defensive? Did you gaslight your spouse? Were you OUTRAGED?

My wife had some kind of gyno issue years ago where the OBGYN told her it was probably an STD. She was pissed, sure I was cheating on her, and confronted me.

I haven't so much as kissed another woman in 15 years (since before we married), so just laughed about the whole thing and said "I don't know what to tell you, but I promise I didn't cheat on you". I maintained my innocence, but found the whole thing kind of amusing. I think that put her at ease, that I was so relaxed about it, and obviously had nothing to hide. Definitely wasn't outraged, although I did tell her she might want to find a new OBGYN.

Secretly, it also put me a little at ease because it's obvious she's not cheating on me if she's confronting me about this.

[Anonymous]

50 internet points on panicked/quizzical post from OP reiterating some form of "what should I do?" on page 23.

[Anonymous]

Plus she hasn't told us what the phone bill reveals. Not sure I'm buying any of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, to get some perspective, I'd like to ask people who haven't cheated yet have been accused by their spouse of cheating ... what did you do? Did you storm out of the house? Did you get super defensive? Did you gaslight your spouse? Were you OUTRAGED?

My wife had some kind of gyno issue years ago where the OBGYN told her it was probably an STD. She was pissed, sure I was cheating on her, and confronted me.

I haven't so much as kissed another woman in 15 years (since before we married), so just laughed about the whole thing and said "I don't know what to tell you, but I promise I didn't cheat on you". I maintained my innocence, but found the whole thing kind of amusing. I think that put her at ease, that I was so relaxed about it, and obviously had nothing to hide. Definitely wasn't outraged, although I did tell her she might want to find a new OBGYN.

Secretly, it also put me a little at ease because it's obvious she's not cheating on me if she's confronting me about this.

Thanks, PP. This sounds like what somebody should do when they are actually confronted and are entirely innocent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would the jerks who have taken over this thread with their "I'm so hot, I send nudes to my husband" vs. "No, you're making that up" PLEASE STOP.

Some of us aren't interested in your hijacking. Start another thread about sending nudes in general.

If they are doing stuff like that it only shows how young and dumb they are.

I just see jealousy in every post since I made comments that clearly make some uncomfortable. Look, I was just trying to give the OP some hope that maybe her husband just likes to look at nudies and isn't cheating. Not one reply to her post seemed to want to see any other side to the situation other than he must be cheating. See, this says so much about DCUM women. I am 42, not young, married to the same guy since I was 25. It's called a different perspective than immediately going to...there are nudes on my husbands phone and jump to....that means he is cheating. A

If my husband came at me and accused me of cheating on him with my boss because I had a dick pick.....well, I would be staying at my parents too. The correct way to handle this, would have been to say that I came across a picture on your phone today, I don't want to accuse you of anything but it had me concerned. Go from there.

Also, if you are the type to be pissed he has nudes, and he knows it, he is going to lie to you. That doesn't mean he is sleeping with this woman.

It's extremely poor judgement to send nude photos anywhere for obvious reasons. You never know where they will end up.
OP never should have confronted him until she had proof imo. I suggested that. Instead she should have gone through the phone records, and used other resources to find out about that photo. She could have gone back into his phone to see if it was something fwd'd or where it came from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, I would just ask my husband.

Immediately.

Please get back to us w/what he tells you.

Op here. He came home yesterday after being out drinking with his friends the night before. He said he actually slept at his friends place and went out with him. He denies sexting and chatting with anyone. He is outraged I’d accuse him of cheating and says if he found nudes on my phone his first thought wouldn’t be to accuse me of cheating. He says this feels like an interrogation and he isn’t cool with it.

So I’m not getting any answers.

Sorry OP. This doesn’t sound good.

OK OP you need to drop it with him. Start investigating and backtracking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:50 internet points on panicked/quizzical post from OP reiterating some form of "what should I do?" on page 23.

Yeah OP seems more caught up in the drama than anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, I would just ask my husband.

Immediately.

Please get back to us w/what he tells you.

Op here. He came home yesterday after being out drinking with his friends the night before. He said he actually slept at his friends place and went out with him. He denies sexting and chatting with anyone. He is outraged I’d accuse him of cheating and says if he found nudes on my phone his first thought wouldn’t be to accuse me of cheating. He says this feels like an interrogation and he isn’t cool with it.

So I’m not getting any answers.

First he gaslit you. Now he is using another abusive technique - DARVO - Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.

His response is telling you who he is, what kind of person he is. I hope you are listening - not to his excuses but to what he is revealing about himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, I would just ask my husband.

Immediately.

Please get back to us w/what he tells you.

Op here. He came home yesterday after being out drinking with his friends the night before. He said he actually slept at his friends place and went out with him. He denies sexting and chatting with anyone. He is outraged I’d accuse him of cheating and says if he found nudes on my phone his first thought wouldn’t be to accuse me of cheating. He says this feels like an interrogation and he isn’t cool with it.

So I’m not getting any answers.

First he gaslit you. Now he is using another abusive technique - DARVO - Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.

His response is telling you who he is, what kind of person he is. I hope you are listening - not to his excuses but to what he is revealing about himself.

That’s right. If you are a man and you defend yourself, you’re abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, I would just ask my husband.

Immediately.

Please get back to us w/what he tells you.

Op here. He came home yesterday after being out drinking with his friends the night before. He said he actually slept at his friends place and went out with him. He denies sexting and chatting with anyone. He is outraged I’d accuse him of cheating and says if he found nudes on my phone his first thought wouldn’t be to accuse me of cheating. He says this feels like an interrogation and he isn’t cool with it.

So I’m not getting any answers.

First he gaslit you. Now he is using another abusive technique - DARVO - Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.

His response is telling you who he is, what kind of person he is. I hope you are listening - not to his excuses but to what he is revealing about himself.

That’s right. If you are a man and you defend yourself, you’re abusive.

If "defending yourself" is bald-faced lying, then trying a different lie, then leaving the house to avoid discussion and lying about where you're going, then demanding not to be questioned on your many lies, yep.