WWYD? Struggling to help my devastated teen DD whose friends/teammates pranked her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe all of the people in here suggesting that OP goes to the media and hires a lawyer!

I'm really like 0_0.

Yes it was cruel. Yes the mean girls should be punished by their parents (though I doubt they will be).

But the MEDIA?

Would "the media" even care?

Eh, they might. Bullying is a topic that is getting a lot of attention right now, and rightly so. A story like this is a good illustration of how kids can get caught up in doing something that they think is "funny," but is actually quite cruel. This situation can be a learning moment for the young people involved and also other kids to think about when a plan crosses that line.

This story could also be a good one for teachers to use to teach kids about the difference between a "prank" and simply being mean to another student.

+1

I think the local media would actually love it. Kids are committing suicide these days over bullying. Even little kids. As the PP said, being able to tease out this event, talk about bullying vs a "prank", implications, the school's response, etc, is all interesting material for an article. We always read these articles about kids dying from bullying and think "but HOW could this happen?" and "but what did the school do about the stuff that happened earlier?" etc, well this is earlier. And it's interesting to see what the school does about it. There are plenty of parents who would be interested to read about this.

I can see a really good media story out of this incident. In addition to the bullying which is a trendy topic right now, there’s also the involvement of the star athlete which automatically adds some glamour. The wealth and connections of the bullies’ families is another interesting dynamic especially if OP and her daughter are lower on the socioeconomic ladder.

Social Class, Bullying, A Celebrity, teen girls, hazing?

Sounds like a great story!

[Anonymous]

Some people on here are completely crazy. The daughter doesn’t even want op to tell the coach. Why would she want this turned into a media story?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe all of the people in here suggesting that OP goes to the media and hires a lawyer!

I'm really like 0_0.

Yes it was cruel. Yes the mean girls should be punished by their parents (though I doubt they will be).

But the MEDIA?

Would "the media" even care?

Actually, it was the poster defending the bullies who brought up the lawyers. When someone suggested telling others in the community and the media, the poster wrote:

"Not only is that a terrible idea, but if they are as connected as OP says, I guarantee 110 percent, that they have outstanding lawyers. Plural. "

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read Queen Bees and Wannabees and figure out why your child is the target. Hint: it's not because these girls wanted to play a fun prank and your DD is the least likely to tell. She might be the least likely to tell, but that's not why she's the target. Something happened, and your DD might truly not know what it is.
Figure it out, and teach her how to stand up for herself. Tell her to comment on the picture. "It was so cool of you guys to let me know about the date change" or whatever with a roll eye emoji. Let her use her voice. And stop being scared of teen girls yourself.

Yeah, that'll work great...if she wants the queen bees to know that she'll do nothing to them, and they're free to step up the bulling as they wish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe all of the people in here suggesting that OP goes to the media and hires a lawyer!

I'm really like 0_0.

Yes it was cruel. Yes the mean girls should be punished by their parents (though I doubt they will be).

But the MEDIA?

Would "the media" even care?

Actually, it was the poster defending the bullies who brought up the lawyers. When someone suggested telling others in the community and the media, the poster wrote:

"Not only is that a terrible idea, but if they are as connected as OP says, I guarantee 110 percent, that they have outstanding lawyers. Plural. "

Yep, which is ridiculous - you don't need to be afraid of lawyers when you factually report what happened. Given everything that OP has written and also implied about her daughter, they don't seem like the sensationalizing type.

And I think people were saying the media thing if the school doesn't handle it well by kicking the girls off the team. I actually didn't expect OP's daughter to want to stay on the team with the witches still there. And if she's forced to leave, why would she protect the bullies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe all of the people in here suggesting that OP goes to the media and hires a lawyer!

I'm really like 0_0.

Yes it was cruel. Yes the mean girls should be punished by their parents (though I doubt they will be).

But the MEDIA?

Would "the media" even care?

Eh, they might. Bullying is a topic that is getting a lot of attention right now, and rightly so. A story like this is a good illustration of how kids can get caught up in doing something that they think is "funny," but is actually quite cruel. This situation can be a learning moment for the young people involved and also other kids to think about when a plan crosses that line.

This story could also be a good one for teachers to use to teach kids about the difference between a "prank" and simply being mean to another student.

+1

I think the local media would actually love it. Kids are committing suicide these days over bullying. Even little kids. As the PP said, being able to tease out this event, talk about bullying vs a "prank", implications, the school's response, etc, is all interesting material for an article. We always read these articles about kids dying from bullying and think "but HOW could this happen?" and "but what did the school do about the stuff that happened earlier?" etc, well this is earlier. And it's interesting to see what the school does about it. There are plenty of parents who would be interested to read about this.

I can see a really good media story out of this incident. In addition to the bullying which is a trendy topic right now, there’s also the involvement of the star athlete which automatically adds some glamour. The wealth and connections of the bullies’ families is another interesting dynamic especially if OP and her daughter are lower on the socioeconomic ladder.

Social Class, Bullying, A Celebrity, teen girls, hazing?

Sounds like a great story!

They aren’t going to be able to name minors in an expose.

Ya’ll are crazy.

[Anonymous]

This thread went from practical advice on a difficult bullying situation to a fast train to crazy town. Involving the media? Really? Yes, no one will mess with OP's DD after media involvement- no one will come near her.

[Anonymous]

OP, I really encourage you to rethink what you're doing with your daughter. You seem to think that this was a one-time incident and that the situation will return to the former normal. I don't think that is what is going to happen.

It is very difficult to eradicate relational aggression systems of behavior once they are in place in a group. Allowing your daughter to stay on the team and at the same school as the bullies leave her open to future bullying. And it will probably escalate.

Bullying in girls (relational aggression) is a learned behavior and the girls learn it from their mothers. You've seen evidence of this because you've said that two of the mothers were part of the incident. The girls are behaving like a wolf pack and they've isolated the weakest link, your daughter. Your daughter's is not going to improve unless there is a substantive collaborative effort by the school, the coaching staff and parents.

Please speak with the coach and the principal of your daughter's school. Also consider that it may be in your daughter's best interest to move to a different school if the coach and the principal are not supportive.

[Anonymous]

Paragraphs. Dear God, why can’t you long posters learn to write in proper paragraphs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Paragraphs. Dear God, why can’t you long posters learn to write in proper paragraphs!

I'll bite. I'm 21:38. What exactly is wrong with my paragraphs?

[Anonymous]

Your daughter is free to change her mind later if she decides others need to know. There is no immediate need to report it right away against her wishes. Jot down what you know about the incident, and set it aside for now.

How did they communicate the wrong date? Is it something she still has?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I really encourage you to rethink what you're doing with your daughter. You seem to think that this was a one-time incident and that the situation will return to the former normal. I don't think that is what is going to happen.

It is very difficult to eradicate relational aggression systems of behavior once they are in place in a group. Allowing your daughter to stay on the team and at the same school as the bullies leave her open to future bullying. And it will probably escalate.

Bullying in girls (relational aggression) is a learned behavior and the girls learn it from their mothers. You've seen evidence of this because you've said that two of the mothers were part of the incident. The girls are behaving like a wolf pack and they've isolated the weakest link, your daughter. Your daughter's is not going to improve unless there is a substantive collaborative effort by the school, the coaching staff and parents.

Please speak with the coach and the principal of your daughter's school. Also consider that it may be in your daughter's best interest to move to a different school if the coach and the principal are not supportive.

Kate Middleston changed schools and was bullied. Now future Queen of England. Dont leave your DD to put up with this torture. Ostracism is a painful torture. This team siunds like its being run by a pack of hyenas. The coach must ne aware of it. Tge school is doung nothing. Ask your daughter what she wants to do. Invokve counselor. And go up the chajn. This is not healthy. I woukd not want my DD at the schooll any longer.

[Anonymous]

PP forgive misspells. Phone.

[Anonymous]

Mean Moms = Mean Daughters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter is free to change her mind later if she decides others need to know. There is no immediate need to report it right away against her wishes. Jot down what you know about the incident, and set it aside for now.

How did they communicate the wrong date? Is it something she still has?

Space and time diminish these sorts of things. No. It shouldn’t wait.