SAH with Older Kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about the PP's post sounds jealous. Why is so hard to admit some people find a career fulfilling - especially when data shows 80 percent of SAHMs do so because they can't afford childcare? Statistically women who have advanced degrees with high earning husbands chose to stay in the workforce. Average time off is two years away. You can look this up. Not everyone wants to stay at home.

And it is hard to find intellectually challenging volunteer work. There are legal implications to not paying a worker so a lot of companies only accept this type of work for grad school credit.

I don't think it is wrong at all to say some people want a fulfilling career, but two parents can not have careers and also raise their kids full time, whether they are young or in school. There is a choice and it seems like so many woman think they can do both but you can't without sacrificing one or the other every single day. You are choosing to be with a client instead of at your child's soccer practice. You are choosing to have a Nanny come take care of your child with a fever because you can't take another sick day. If you stay home with your child, you miss a meeting that potentially changes your career. You are stuck in traffic and miss your child's final performance. When your teen is devastated about their first break-up, you can't console them because you are at a convention for a few days. Sure, people can say this is life. The kids should understand. But most parents don't watch their kids grow up and say "I should have been there less."

I tried to do it. I had a wonderful job with tons of perks but once I had kids, they became my priority. I tried to do both but the last straw was pumping in a hotel room by myself on my child's first Halloween. I landed a great client and made a shit load in commission that day but all I cared about was wanting to be with my child. I am sure there are working moms that wouldn't have cared. I mean really, my child couldn't even walk yet and wouldn't remember it. But I would and it bothered me. And when I tried to go back again a few years later, the juggling between my husband and I and 2 kids took it's toll. I knew my job was not to work FT. It was to be a mom FT. It was the more important job. We could have made a shit load more money and easily hired a nanny but I wouldn't take any of these years back. It has been an absolute joy to raise my now 3 kids. I still work about 10-16 hours a month and make pennies but it keeps my foot in the door and that is the only reason I do it.

This is a great article.....

http://theweek.com/articles/627821/ugly-secret-working-moms

Sorry can't relate to that article. Seems like that is an older woman working before telecommute and flex schedules and the like.
My husband and I wanted both parents to raise our kids so we are both working flex schedules vs. the traditional paycheck dad. A lot of our friends are choosing the same thing - likely a generational thing.

You are living in a dream. 95% of families don't have a luxury of two parents working telecommuting and flex schedules. It isn't a generational thing. It is a Chevy Chase thing.

This article was written this week. And 79% of woman from dual income families say they still do most of the cleaning, errands, shopping, scheduling and cooking even if they work full time like their husband. So instead of trying to make things equal, woman are just increasing their workload. Maybe a few lucky people here on DCUM can outsource housekeeping, errands, laundry, shopping but most woman still have to do it themselves. Dads are not driving home from work worrying "did I make Suzy's well visit appointment?" "Did Johnny get his Halloween costume ready?" "What will I make for dinner, let's stop at the store."

Gee great to know you know my reality better than me. My point was that we have flexible schedules so it makes sense for both of us to work. There are people on this thread making sweeping generalizations "TRAFFIC! Long commutes! LONG HOURS! Conventions! Constant travel! Nannies raising kids!"

And I'm saying that is not my reality, no matter how angry that makes you. I'm sorry this was your life. If this was ours I would stay home. We could live off DH's income. We chose not to because we are both able to keep careers and raise our family.

It's nice for you that you have unique circumstances but what you're not hearing is people telling you that your experience is NOT the norm! So maybe be quiet about your special circumstances and don't spout nonsense about which you apparently know nothing. Long days and long commutes (and low pay) are the norm for most Americans. If you are highly paid, such that you can afford to outsource every annoying household chore as a PP was telling me to do, your experience IS NOT THE NORM. So STFU about what REAL middle class people should do.

[Anonymous]

PP - calm down. Seems to me this thread is about women opting to stay home when their kids are in school to make their family's lives easier. So let's not pretend we were discussing the 80 percent of women who can't afford to work because wages are so low they can't cover childcare, or the women who simply can't afford not to work.

Obviously not everyone can choose to stay home when kids are in school 35 hours a week. Let's not boil the ocean. I was talking from my vantage point of a family who could afford to. The question seemed to be, are families CHOOSING this?

Certainly lower income families have fewer options. It sucks - and I for one advocate for better maternity leave policies, free preschool, better after care options, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I also feel like I am constantly on the go like a freaking hamster on a wheel. There are many times that I want to just scream, make it stop!! I feel stretched too thin. I don't know what the answer is.

outsource more.

Not enough $$$$ beyond a housecleaning e/o week. Like the article mentioned, what I really need help with are the daily chores: grocery shopping, washing dishes (even loading/unloading a dishwasher takes 10 minutes - which after a long, exhausting day at work I am loath to do), laundry, homework, packing lunches, sorting through the mail, feed and walk the dog, tidying up clutter, etc. Even stupid time wasting errands. I keep getting email notices about my kid's late book. The library near us closes at 6 and I always forget by the time the weekend rolls around. Sorry I don't have time to go to the freaking library on top of everything else! I am being pulled in so many different directions in the 2-3 hours after work and before bedtime.

Forget kids' activities. This is real life. It's hard and it sucks a lot of the time. Yet I am soooo lucky to be working according to the smug moms in here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I also feel like I am constantly on the go like a freaking hamster on a wheel. There are many times that I want to just scream, make it stop!! I feel stretched too thin. I don't know what the answer is.

outsource more.

Not enough $$$$ beyond a housecleaning e/o week. Like the article mentioned, what I really need help with are the daily chores: grocery shopping, washing dishes (even loading/unloading a dishwasher takes 10 minutes - which after a long, exhausting day at work I am loath to do), laundry, homework, packing lunches, sorting through the mail, feed and walk the dog, tidying up clutter, etc. Even stupid time wasting errands. I keep getting email notices about my kid's late book. The library near us closes at 6 and I always forget by the time the weekend rolls around. Sorry I don't have time to go to the freaking library on top of everything else! I am being pulled in so many different directions in the 2-3 hours after work and before bedtime.

Forget kids' activities. This is real life. It's hard and it sucks a lot of the time. Yet I am soooo lucky to be working according to the smug moms in here.

Get rid of the dog. That is one hassle you don't need on top of everything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about the PP's post sounds jealous. Why is so hard to admit some people find a career fulfilling - especially when data shows 80 percent of SAHMs do so because they can't afford childcare? Statistically women who have advanced degrees with high earning husbands chose to stay in the workforce. Average time off is two years away. You can look this up. Not everyone wants to stay at home.

And it is hard to find intellectually challenging volunteer work. There are legal implications to not paying a worker so a lot of companies only accept this type of work for grad school credit.

I don't think it is wrong at all to say some people want a fulfilling career, but two parents can not have careers and also raise their kids full time, whether they are young or in school. There is a choice and it seems like so many woman think they can do both but you can't without sacrificing one or the other every single day. You are choosing to be with a client instead of at your child's soccer practice. You are choosing to have a Nanny come take care of your child with a fever because you can't take another sick day. If you stay home with your child, you miss a meeting that potentially changes your career. You are stuck in traffic and miss your child's final performance. When your teen is devastated about their first break-up, you can't console them because you are at a convention for a few days. Sure, people can say this is life. The kids should understand. But most parents don't watch their kids grow up and say "I should have been there less."

I tried to do it. I had a wonderful job with tons of perks but once I had kids, they became my priority. I tried to do both but the last straw was pumping in a hotel room by myself on my child's first Halloween. I landed a great client and made a shit load in commission that day but all I cared about was wanting to be with my child. I am sure there are working moms that wouldn't have cared. I mean really, my child couldn't even walk yet and wouldn't remember it. But I would and it bothered me. And when I tried to go back again a few years later, the juggling between my husband and I and 2 kids took it's toll. I knew my job was not to work FT. It was to be a mom FT. It was the more important job. We could have made a shit load more money and easily hired a nanny but I wouldn't take any of these years back. It has been an absolute joy to raise my now 3 kids. I still work about 10-16 hours a month and make pennies but it keeps my foot in the door and that is the only reason I do it.

This is a great article.....

http://theweek.com/articles/627821/ugly-secret-working-moms

Sorry can't relate to that article. Seems like that is an older woman working before telecommute and flex schedules and the like.
My husband and I wanted both parents to raise our kids so we are both working flex schedules vs. the traditional paycheck dad. A lot of our friends are choosing the same thing - likely a generational thing.

You are living in a dream. 95% of families don't have a luxury of two parents working telecommuting and flex schedules. It isn't a generational thing. It is a Chevy Chase thing.

This article was written this week. And 79% of woman from dual income families say they still do most of the cleaning, errands, shopping, scheduling and cooking even if they work full time like their husband. So instead of trying to make things equal, woman are just increasing their workload. Maybe a few lucky people here on DCUM can outsource housekeeping, errands, laundry, shopping but most woman still have to do it themselves. Dads are not driving home from work worrying "did I make Suzy's well visit appointment?" "Did Johnny get his Halloween costume ready?" "What will I make for dinner, let's stop at the store."

Gee great to know you know my reality better than me. My point was that we have flexible schedules so it makes sense for both of us to work. There are people on this thread making sweeping generalizations "TRAFFIC! Long commutes! LONG HOURS! Conventions! Constant travel! Nannies raising kids!"

And I'm saying that is not my reality, no matter how angry that makes you. I'm sorry this was your life. If this was ours I would stay home. We could live off DH's income. We chose not to because we are both able to keep careers and raise our family.

It's nice for you that you have unique circumstances but what you're not hearing is people telling you that your experience is NOT the norm! So maybe be quiet about your special circumstances and don't spout nonsense about which you apparently know nothing. Long days and long commutes (and low pay) are the norm for most Americans. If you are highly paid, such that you can afford to outsource every annoying household chore as a PP was telling me to do, your experience IS NOT THE NORM. So STFU about what REAL middle class people should do.

It is my norm and the norm of most of my friends. I'm a new poster BTW. You sound very unhappy. Sorry your experience never progressed with the internet boom of 1996.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the people we know who have kids and two working parents, across the board, one of the parents has a very flexible job (part time, work for family business, work at home, work early hours to get out at noon). Nobody we know has both spouses leaving the house at 7:00, commuting an hour by metro/car, working 8.5 hrs, commuting back 1hr, and getting home 5:30/6:00p.m. Basically, all you would be doing is making dinner and putting the kids to bed (if they are younger).

We didn't have that set up (of great flexibility), so the higher earner kept working and the other runs the house/kids/school. It's a reciprocal relatioship, but it would be nice if one of us had the flexible or part time schedule. There are a lot of school activities/needs/days off/events.

What about single moms, divorced parents, military families, emergency personnel, families where one or both travel frequently. So glad everyone you know has these great flexible schedules where one parent drives their kid into school and one picks them up. That is not the average norm.

I need to be at work by 6:45am and my husband at 8am. Our kids school starts at 9:25am. We don't have that flexibility. I get done at 3:30 but I am not picking up at Bar-T until 4:30-4:45 because of neededing to stay later to finish and commute/traffic. We usually are quickly eating at home and off to 6pm sports practices twice a week. The other 3 days I try to get some errands in before getting them (and feeling guilty about it) because taking 3 tired kids food shopping sucks. My husband gets home around 6pm. I try and give it my all in the evening but I am spent. And stomach flu x3 kids usually equals 4 missed days of school by someone. This is reality.

How often do your kids get stomach flu because none of the rest of it sounds as awful as you think it does?mLook into grocery delivery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about the PP's post sounds jealous. Why is so hard to admit some people find a career fulfilling - especially when data shows 80 percent of SAHMs do so because they can't afford childcare? Statistically women who have advanced degrees with high earning husbands chose to stay in the workforce. Average time off is two years away. You can look this up. Not everyone wants to stay at home.

And it is hard to find intellectually challenging volunteer work. There are legal implications to not paying a worker so a lot of companies only accept this type of work for grad school credit.

I don't think it is wrong at all to say some people want a fulfilling career, but two parents can not have careers and also raise their kids full time, whether they are young or in school. There is a choice and it seems like so many woman think they can do both but you can't without sacrificing one or the other every single day. You are choosing to be with a client instead of at your child's soccer practice. You are choosing to have a Nanny come take care of your child with a fever because you can't take another sick day. If you stay home with your child, you miss a meeting that potentially changes your career. You are stuck in traffic and miss your child's final performance. When your teen is devastated about their first break-up, you can't console them because you are at a convention for a few days. Sure, people can say this is life. The kids should understand. But most parents don't watch their kids grow up and say "I should have been there less."

I tried to do it. I had a wonderful job with tons of perks but once I had kids, they became my priority. I tried to do both but the last straw was pumping in a hotel room by myself on my child's first Halloween. I landed a great client and made a shit load in commission that day but all I cared about was wanting to be with my child. I am sure there are working moms that wouldn't have cared. I mean really, my child couldn't even walk yet and wouldn't remember it. But I would and it bothered me. And when I tried to go back again a few years later, the juggling between my husband and I and 2 kids took it's toll. I knew my job was not to work FT. It was to be a mom FT. It was the more important job. We could have made a shit load more money and easily hired a nanny but I wouldn't take any of these years back. It has been an absolute joy to raise my now 3 kids. I still work about 10-16 hours a month and make pennies but it keeps my foot in the door and that is the only reason I do it.

This is a great article.....

http://theweek.com/articles/627821/ugly-secret-working-moms

Sorry can't relate to that article. Seems like that is an older woman working before telecommute and flex schedules and the like.
My husband and I wanted both parents to raise our kids so we are both working flex schedules vs. the traditional paycheck dad. A lot of our friends are choosing the same thing - likely a generational thing.

You are living in a dream. 95% of families don't have a luxury of two parents working telecommuting and flex schedules. It isn't a generational thing. It is a Chevy Chase thing.

This article was written this week. And 79% of woman from dual income families say they still do most of the cleaning, errands, shopping, scheduling and cooking even if they work full time like their husband. So instead of trying to make things equal, woman are just increasing their workload. Maybe a few lucky people here on DCUM can outsource housekeeping, errands, laundry, shopping but most woman still have to do it themselves. Dads are not driving home from work worrying "did I make Suzy's well visit appointment?" "Did Johnny get his Halloween costume ready?" "What will I make for dinner, let's stop at the store."

I agree. Woman are stretched too thin. People here saying their husbands earn 500K but still want to work for the stimulation probably have housekeepers, nannies, and a zillion other perks most people don't have.

I don't work for the stimulation. I work because I'm a physician who runs a busy private practice. Being a doctor is my calling and my passion. Not all of us dream of days full of manicures and yoga. I didn't go to school for 12 years to throw it away.

And my guess is you are the one with nannies, housekeepers, lawn services, dry cleaning, food delivery, and more that the PP is talking about. So you get home from your 6 figure job and barely have to lift a finger. Again, this is NOT the real world. Do you not understand that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I also feel like I am constantly on the go like a freaking hamster on a wheel. There are many times that I want to just scream, make it stop!! I feel stretched too thin. I don't know what the answer is.

outsource more.

Not enough $$$$ beyond a housecleaning e/o week. Like the article mentioned, what I really need help with are the daily chores: grocery shopping, washing dishes (even loading/unloading a dishwasher takes 10 minutes - which after a long, exhausting day at work I am loath to do), laundry, homework, packing lunches, sorting through the mail, feed and walk the dog, tidying up clutter, etc. Even stupid time wasting errands. I keep getting email notices about my kid's late book. The library near us closes at 6 and I always forget by the time the weekend rolls around. Sorry I don't have time to go to the freaking library on top of everything else! I am being pulled in so many different directions in the 2-3 hours after work and before bedtime.

Forget kids' activities. This is real life. It's hard and it sucks a lot of the time. Yet I am soooo lucky to be working according to the smug moms in here.

Get rid of the dog. That is one hassle you don't need on top of everything else.

Thanks working mom. Great advice!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about the PP's post sounds jealous. Why is so hard to admit some people find a career fulfilling - especially when data shows 80 percent of SAHMs do so because they can't afford childcare? Statistically women who have advanced degrees with high earning husbands chose to stay in the workforce. Average time off is two years away. You can look this up. Not everyone wants to stay at home.

And it is hard to find intellectually challenging volunteer work. There are legal implications to not paying a worker so a lot of companies only accept this type of work for grad school credit.

I don't think it is wrong at all to say some people want a fulfilling career, but two parents can not have careers and also raise their kids full time, whether they are young or in school. There is a choice and it seems like so many woman think they can do both but you can't without sacrificing one or the other every single day. You are choosing to be with a client instead of at your child's soccer practice. You are choosing to have a Nanny come take care of your child with a fever because you can't take another sick day. If you stay home with your child, you miss a meeting that potentially changes your career. You are stuck in traffic and miss your child's final performance. When your teen is devastated about their first break-up, you can't console them because you are at a convention for a few days. Sure, people can say this is life. The kids should understand. But most parents don't watch their kids grow up and say "I should have been there less."

I tried to do it. I had a wonderful job with tons of perks but once I had kids, they became my priority. I tried to do both but the last straw was pumping in a hotel room by myself on my child's first Halloween. I landed a great client and made a shit load in commission that day but all I cared about was wanting to be with my child. I am sure there are working moms that wouldn't have cared. I mean really, my child couldn't even walk yet and wouldn't remember it. But I would and it bothered me. And when I tried to go back again a few years later, the juggling between my husband and I and 2 kids took it's toll. I knew my job was not to work FT. It was to be a mom FT. It was the more important job. We could have made a shit load more money and easily hired a nanny but I wouldn't take any of these years back. It has been an absolute joy to raise my now 3 kids. I still work about 10-16 hours a month and make pennies but it keeps my foot in the door and that is the only reason I do it.

This is a great article.....

http://theweek.com/articles/627821/ugly-secret-working-moms

Sorry can't relate to that article. Seems like that is an older woman working before telecommute and flex schedules and the like.
My husband and I wanted both parents to raise our kids so we are both working flex schedules vs. the traditional paycheck dad. A lot of our friends are choosing the same thing - likely a generational thing.

You are living in a dream. 95% of families don't have a luxury of two parents working telecommuting and flex schedules. It isn't a generational thing. It is a Chevy Chase thing.

This article was written this week. And 79% of woman from dual income families say they still do most of the cleaning, errands, shopping, scheduling and cooking even if they work full time like their husband. So instead of trying to make things equal, woman are just increasing their workload. Maybe a few lucky people here on DCUM can outsource housekeeping, errands, laundry, shopping but most woman still have to do it themselves. Dads are not driving home from work worrying "did I make Suzy's well visit appointment?" "Did Johnny get his Halloween costume ready?" "What will I make for dinner, let's stop at the store."

Gee great to know you know my reality better than me. My point was that we have flexible schedules so it makes sense for both of us to work. There are people on this thread making sweeping generalizations "TRAFFIC! Long commutes! LONG HOURS! Conventions! Constant travel! Nannies raising kids!"

And I'm saying that is not my reality, no matter how angry that makes you. I'm sorry this was your life. If this was ours I would stay home. We could live off DH's income. We chose not to because we are both able to keep careers and raise our family.

It's nice for you that you have unique circumstances but what you're not hearing is people telling you that your experience is NOT the norm! So maybe be quiet about your special circumstances and don't spout nonsense about which you apparently know nothing. Long days and long commutes (and low pay) are the norm for most Americans. If you are highly paid, such that you can afford to outsource every annoying household chore as a PP was telling me to do, your experience IS NOT THE NORM. So STFU about what REAL middle class people should do.

It is my norm and the norm of most of my friends. I'm a new poster BTW. You sound very unhappy. Sorry your experience never progressed with the internet boom of 1996.

Wow, not the PP but you are an selfish entitled bitch with an extremely ugly heart. Get down off your pedestal and see that most of America doesn't have the opportunities that you had/have. Talk about a lack of empathy. Wearing blinders won't make you a better human being. Just wow.

[Anonymous]

Angry mom, what exactly are you looking for? How many kids do you have? How old are they? Get the groceries delivered and start having Dh and the kids help around the house. Take some personal days, find a job that makes you happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Angry mom, what exactly are you looking for? How many kids do you have? How old are they? Get the groceries delivered and start having Dh and the kids help around the house. Take some personal days, find a job that makes you happier.

And start a different thread Angry Mom. This one was started as a conversation about women who are choosing to stay home when kids are in school. People are chiming in about why CHOSE to do this, or why they CHOSE not to do this.

Most people make decisions about their family based on THEIR INDIVIDUAL CIRCUMSTANCES not on the "middle class."

We get that a lot of people don't have these options. But some people do and their experiences are valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I also feel like I am constantly on the go like a freaking hamster on a wheel. There are many times that I want to just scream, make it stop!! I feel stretched too thin. I don't know what the answer is.

outsource more.

Not enough $$$$ beyond a housecleaning e/o week. Like the article mentioned, what I really need help with are the daily chores: grocery shopping, washing dishes (even loading/unloading a dishwasher takes 10 minutes - which after a long, exhausting day at work I am loath to do), laundry, homework, packing lunches, sorting through the mail, feed and walk the dog, tidying up clutter, etc. Even stupid time wasting errands. I keep getting email notices about my kid's late book. The library near us closes at 6 and I always forget by the time the weekend rolls around. Sorry I don't have time to go to the freaking library on top of everything else! I am being pulled in so many different directions in the 2-3 hours after work and before bedtime.

Forget kids' activities. This is real life. It's hard and it sucks a lot of the time. Yet I am soooo lucky to be working according to the smug moms in here.

Get rid of the dog. That is one hassle you don't need on top of everything else.

How about getting rid of a kid? Wouldn't that take away more hassle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I also feel like I am constantly on the go like a freaking hamster on a wheel. There are many times that I want to just scream, make it stop!! I feel stretched too thin. I don't know what the answer is.

outsource more.

Not enough $$$$ beyond a housecleaning e/o week. Like the article mentioned, what I really need help with are the daily chores: grocery shopping, washing dishes (even loading/unloading a dishwasher takes 10 minutes - which after a long, exhausting day at work I am loath to do), laundry, homework, packing lunches, sorting through the mail, feed and walk the dog, tidying up clutter, etc. Even stupid time wasting errands. I keep getting email notices about my kid's late book. The library near us closes at 6 and I always forget by the time the weekend rolls around. Sorry I don't have time to go to the freaking library on top of everything else! I am being pulled in so many different directions in the 2-3 hours after work and before bedtime.

Forget kids' activities. This is real life. It's hard and it sucks a lot of the time. Yet I am soooo lucky to be working according to the smug moms in here.

Get rid of the dog. That is one hassle you don't need on top of everything else.

How about getting rid of a kid? Wouldn't that take away more hassle

LOL, perhaps this page should be required reading for all those "should I have a third" threads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about the PP's post sounds jealous. Why is so hard to admit some people find a career fulfilling - especially when data shows 80 percent of SAHMs do so because they can't afford childcare? Statistically women who have advanced degrees with high earning husbands chose to stay in the workforce. Average time off is two years away. You can look this up. Not everyone wants to stay at home.

And it is hard to find intellectually challenging volunteer work. There are legal implications to not paying a worker so a lot of companies only accept this type of work for grad school credit.

I don't think it is wrong at all to say some people want a fulfilling career, but two parents can not have careers and also raise their kids full time, whether they are young or in school. There is a choice and it seems like so many woman think they can do both but you can't without sacrificing one or the other every single day. You are choosing to be with a client instead of at your child's soccer practice. You are choosing to have a Nanny come take care of your child with a fever because you can't take another sick day. If you stay home with your child, you miss a meeting that potentially changes your career. You are stuck in traffic and miss your child's final performance. When your teen is devastated about their first break-up, you can't console them because you are at a convention for a few days. Sure, people can say this is life. The kids should understand. But most parents don't watch their kids grow up and say "I should have been there less."

I tried to do it. I had a wonderful job with tons of perks but once I had kids, they became my priority. I tried to do both but the last straw was pumping in a hotel room by myself on my child's first Halloween. I landed a great client and made a shit load in commission that day but all I cared about was wanting to be with my child. I am sure there are working moms that wouldn't have cared. I mean really, my child couldn't even walk yet and wouldn't remember it. But I would and it bothered me. And when I tried to go back again a few years later, the juggling between my husband and I and 2 kids took it's toll. I knew my job was not to work FT. It was to be a mom FT. It was the more important job. We could have made a shit load more money and easily hired a nanny but I wouldn't take any of these years back. It has been an absolute joy to raise my now 3 kids. I still work about 10-16 hours a month and make pennies but it keeps my foot in the door and that is the only reason I do it.

This is a great article.....

http://theweek.com/articles/627821/ugly-secret-working-moms

Sorry can't relate to that article. Seems like that is an older woman working before telecommute and flex schedules and the like.
My husband and I wanted both parents to raise our kids so we are both working flex schedules vs. the traditional paycheck dad. A lot of our friends are choosing the same thing - likely a generational thing.

You are living in a dream. 95% of families don't have a luxury of two parents working telecommuting and flex schedules. It isn't a generational thing. It is a Chevy Chase thing.

This article was written this week. And 79% of woman from dual income families say they still do most of the cleaning, errands, shopping, scheduling and cooking even if they work full time like their husband. So instead of trying to make things equal, woman are just increasing their workload. Maybe a few lucky people here on DCUM can outsource housekeeping, errands, laundry, shopping but most woman still have to do it themselves. Dads are not driving home from work worrying "did I make Suzy's well visit appointment?" "Did Johnny get his Halloween costume ready?" "What will I make for dinner, let's stop at the store."

Gee great to know you know my reality better than me. My point was that we have flexible schedules so it makes sense for both of us to work. There are people on this thread making sweeping generalizations "TRAFFIC! Long commutes! LONG HOURS! Conventions! Constant travel! Nannies raising kids!"

And I'm saying that is not my reality, no matter how angry that makes you. I'm sorry this was your life. If this was ours I would stay home. We could live off DH's income. We chose not to because we are both able to keep careers and raise our family.

It's nice for you that you have unique circumstances but what you're not hearing is people telling you that your experience is NOT the norm! So maybe be quiet about your special circumstances and don't spout nonsense about which you apparently know nothing. Long days and long commutes (and low pay) are the norm for most Americans. If you are highly paid, such that you can afford to outsource every annoying household chore as a PP was telling me to do, your experience IS NOT THE NORM. So STFU about what REAL middle class people should do.

It is my norm and the norm of most of my friends. I'm a new poster BTW. You sound very unhappy. Sorry your experience never progressed with the internet boom of 1996.

You are a techie and have similar techie friends. In our circles of lawyers, physicians and bankers, you can't always make the big bucks working flex jobs that you can work from home. We do have a seven figure income though as do many of our friends.

DH's parents were robotics and computer science majors in the 90's. Their skills have become obsolete despite their PhDs. They lost most of their money during the tech bubble so not every tech's financial situation is rosy. FIL has worked for various start ups and VC firms. They have recovered and doing just fine financially.

[Anonymous]

Haha, my favorite part is these threads is how many people love to find a way to drop in a word about their "7 figure income." So tacky. If you are earning that much, none of these concerns mentioned should be concerns at all.