SAH with Older Kids?

[Anonymous]

I WAH. I often have to get them to activities by 4:45 or 5pm. They get home from school at 3.50pm.

They need to eat prior too. 90 min of sports.

Many early release days, school events, etc. it would be hard as hell if I WOH--not to mention weather closures.

If you can WAH, it's feasible. If not--Id need to drop part-time at a minimum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely harder, esp. if they are involved in a lot of activities or travel teams. Our lives are still chaotic, but not as bad as trying to work around 2 full-time schedules. A part-time gig during school hours would probably work, but knowing I have a couple hours of downtime during the day allows me to get a break before the kids get home and start all of their activities. Most night I'm not home until 8 or 9 pm, so my "work" day is divided between mornings (with errands, grocery shopping, etc.) and after school til bedtime. I usually get a break from about 1 pm - 3 pm (although I'll do laundry and other small things around the house usually, but it's still a break).

I'm so sorry, but I have to point out the lunacy of this. Most kids start elementary school by 9am. At a minimum (if your kids take the bus, you have even more time), you are filling 9am-1pm with errands and groceries? You have 4 hours a day or 20 hours per week of grocery runs and errands?

I sincerely have no beef with staying at home with kids at any age. But you have to keep it real people. You're living an awesome life filled with a lot of leisure time. Just call a spade a spade.

NP here. I have a preschooler and elementary aged child so it is a little different but my preschool starts kindergarten this fall. I drop off the kids at school and I work out 4 out of 5 school days. When I worked, I used to grocery shop once a week and often produce would go bad. I threw out a lot of food. Now I grocery shop 2-3 times per week. I rotate stores and usually only buy food for 2-3 days at a time. I am not a great cook so I may go to Whole Foods or Wegmens to buy premade food for dinner. I volunteer at each of my children's school about once a week. I meet a friend and/or DH for lunch once a week.

I quit my job when my oldest was in kindergarten. K kicked my ass with like 15 snow days, 10 2 hour delays, random teacher work days on top of early dismissals and breaks. I was outsourcing out my entire life. I was scrambling to/from work and usually had work left when I got home. I was unhappy. I also felt like I was getting fat with no time to work out and no time for myself. My kids and marriage are much better after I quit my job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IMO, when they're older, they need the actual parents more -- to look at homework (rather than a nanny or au pair) and talking to them about issue they're facing as tweens or teens. Plus all the driving around to activities.

Worked for us. I have one child at TJ right now and the other is a straight A student. It's not because of the AP helping with homework, it is because they are naturally intelligent and a core family value we have is hard work and goal achievement. Not many parents can look at or correct my boys calculus homework. It was simply checked for completion.

The AP had minimal involvement with "issues they faced" that has been our job. Working for a paycheck does not mean our kids don't share with us. And thr AP driving? That's exactly what she was hired for.

Yes. It is fortunate we can afford an AP. I frankly couldn't imagine getting off work and hauling my kids to all their sports activities. For instance, my one son had practice at 445 yesterday. AP dropped him off, I then got to practice at 5:30 to watch and them pick him up. In thr meantime, AP did some simple meal prep. I got home, finished up dinner and we all ate at 730. Can't imagine the logistics otherwise. I would have had to leave work at 345. My teens are missing nothing by not having me at home between 330-530. I don't need to hover over their homework or personally make them a snack

[Anonymous]

Working 9-5 in DC really means 7-7 if you live in the suburbs. When we had daycare that was possible. Now that they are older, someone needs to be there to work with them after school, take them to their activities, cook dinner etc etc. Too much time alone gives kids plenty of opportunity to get into trouble ...

[Anonymous]

So much bs in this thread. It is much easier to work when the kids are older. I was a SAHM when my kids were young and during early elementary. Starting looking to go back to work then because kids are at school all day. Most of my SAHM friends did the same. Now, with a fifth and second graders, there are very few SAHs compared to the preschool years.

My kids get home from school at 4. I have a nanny that works afternoons and drives them where they need to go if a practice starts before I get home. She is with them only an hour or two before I or my husband gets home. Kids do their homework (or at least start it with her). We review and deal with any questions when we get home. Other friends send their kids to after school care, where, guess what -- they do homework. Believe me, I get plenty of time in car with kids taking them to school (on way to work), picking them up from practices, and driving all over for their activities on weekends.

In middle and high school, kids will get home even later because of after school activities. Starting at about age 9, they want to be with friends more than mom and dad.

If you want to spend time at home in order to spend time with kids, the time to do it is when kids are preschool/toddler age and you are the center of their universe. If you hate your job and want more leisure time, then maybe staying home with older kids makes more sense. Personally, I found it incredibly boring trying to fill the seven plus hours they were at school with meaningful activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely harder, esp. if they are involved in a lot of activities or travel teams. Our lives are still chaotic, but not as bad as trying to work around 2 full-time schedules. A part-time gig during school hours would probably work, but knowing I have a couple hours of downtime during the day allows me to get a break before the kids get home and start all of their activities. Most night I'm not home until 8 or 9 pm, so my "work" day is divided between mornings (with errands, grocery shopping, etc.) and after school til bedtime. I usually get a break from about 1 pm - 3 pm (although I'll do laundry and other small things around the house usually, but it's still a break).

I'm so sorry, but I have to point out the lunacy of this. Most kids start elementary school by 9am. At a minimum (if your kids take the bus, you have even more time), you are filling 9am-1pm with errands and groceries? You have 4 hours a day or 20 hours per week of grocery runs and errands?

I sincerely have no beef with staying at home with kids at any age. But you have to keep it real people. You're living an awesome life filled with a lot of leisure time. Just call a spade a spade.

NP here. I have a preschooler and elementary aged child so it is a little different but my preschool starts kindergarten this fall. I drop off the kids at school and I work out 4 out of 5 school days. When I worked, I used to grocery shop once a week and often produce would go bad. I threw out a lot of food. Now I grocery shop 2-3 times per week. I rotate stores and usually only buy food for 2-3 days at a time. I am not a great cook so I may go to Whole Foods or Wegmens to buy premade food for dinner. I volunteer at each of my children's school about once a week. I meet a friend and/or DH for lunch once a week.

I quit my job when my oldest was in kindergarten. K kicked my ass with like 15 snow days, 10 2 hour delays, random teacher work days on top of early dismissals and breaks. I was outsourcing out my entire life. I was scrambling to/from work and usually had work left when I got home. I was unhappy. I also felt like I was getting fat with no time to work out and no time for myself. My kids and marriage are much better after I quit my job.

So, you stay at home to grocery shop more frequently and go to the gym, got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely harder, esp. if they are involved in a lot of activities or travel teams. Our lives are still chaotic, but not as bad as trying to work around 2 full-time schedules. A part-time gig during school hours would probably work, but knowing I have a couple hours of downtime during the day allows me to get a break before the kids get home and start all of their activities. Most night I'm not home until 8 or 9 pm, so my "work" day is divided between mornings (with errands, grocery shopping, etc.) and after school til bedtime. I usually get a break from about 1 pm - 3 pm (although I'll do laundry and other small things around the house usually, but it's still a break).

I'm so sorry, but I have to point out the lunacy of this. Most kids start elementary school by 9am. At a minimum (if your kids take the bus, you have even more time), you are filling 9am-1pm with errands and groceries? You have 4 hours a day or 20 hours per week of grocery runs and errands?

I sincerely have no beef with staying at home with kids at any age. But you have to keep it real people. You're living an awesome life filled with a lot of leisure time. Just call a spade a spade.

I had the exact same thought.

Do either of you actually know anyone staying home with elementary and up kids? The women I know who do are busy all the time - no, not with lunches, manicures, or the gym! With housework, errands, volunteering at kids school, etc. Perhaps there are families who outsource everything so that SAHP is living easy, but for the families I know that is certainly not the case.

[Anonymous]

I took a few years off when my kids were super busy in sports. I just couldn't work all day, rush home, rush them out to sports fields, get home 2 hours later, put dinner on the table, clean up and do it all again the next day.
Now that my oldest is driving, it's much easier, I can have her take the younger ones to lessons, etc. and I am able to WOHM. I try to leave the office by 4pm and then log back in at home so I can be around after school because I don't want my teens home alone too long.
If you can swing it financially, I think taking some time off during the young teen years is good in many regards. Or, if you can go to work earlier, get home earlier, that would be a good option as well. Lastly, try to do what I do, leave work, beat the rush hour home, log back in at home and finish your day remotely. It's unfortunate that employers don't offer more flexible options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely harder, esp. if they are involved in a lot of activities or travel teams. Our lives are still chaotic, but not as bad as trying to work around 2 full-time schedules. A part-time gig during school hours would probably work, but knowing I have a couple hours of downtime during the day allows me to get a break before the kids get home and start all of their activities. Most night I'm not home until 8 or 9 pm, so my "work" day is divided between mornings (with errands, grocery shopping, etc.) and after school til bedtime. I usually get a break from about 1 pm - 3 pm (although I'll do laundry and other small things around the house usually, but it's still a break).

I'm so sorry, but I have to point out the lunacy of this. Most kids start elementary school by 9am. At a minimum (if your kids take the bus, you have even more time), you are filling 9am-1pm with errands and groceries? You have 4 hours a day or 20 hours per week of grocery runs and errands?

I sincerely have no beef with staying at home with kids at any age. But you have to keep it real people. You're living an awesome life filled with a lot of leisure time. Just call a spade a spade.

I had the exact same thought.

Do either of you actually know anyone staying home with elementary and up kids? The women I know who do are busy all the time - no, not with lunches, manicures, or the gym! With housework, errands, volunteering at kids school, etc. Perhaps there are families who outsource everything so that SAHP is living easy, but for the families I know that is certainly not the case.

Well, the women I know who SAH with older children do find time to go to the gym, shop, have nails done . . . but so what? Good for them. I wish I could do so. Since when is this a competition for who is the biggest mommy martyr? Why do any of us have to give up a little me time or simple pleasures now and then (btw, I think gym time is for health so that doesn't count)? Once those kids come home, they go, go, go. So, if they have a little downtime in their day, what's it to anyone? Again, I wish I could got PT or SAH but I can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely harder, esp. if they are involved in a lot of activities or travel teams. Our lives are still chaotic, but not as bad as trying to work around 2 full-time schedules. A part-time gig during school hours would probably work, but knowing I have a couple hours of downtime during the day allows me to get a break before the kids get home and start all of their activities. Most night I'm not home until 8 or 9 pm, so my "work" day is divided between mornings (with errands, grocery shopping, etc.) and after school til bedtime. I usually get a break from about 1 pm - 3 pm (although I'll do laundry and other small things around the house usually, but it's still a break).

I'm so sorry, but I have to point out the lunacy of this. Most kids start elementary school by 9am. At a minimum (if your kids take the bus, you have even more time), you are filling 9am-1pm with errands and groceries? You have 4 hours a day or 20 hours per week of grocery runs and errands?

I sincerely have no beef with staying at home with kids at any age. But you have to keep it real people. You're living an awesome life filled with a lot of leisure time. Just call a spade a spade.

I had the exact same thought.

Do either of you actually know anyone staying home with elementary and up kids? The women I know who do are busy all the time - no, not with lunches, manicures, or the gym! With housework, errands, volunteering at kids school, etc. Perhaps there are families who outsource everything so that SAHP is living easy, but for the families I know that is certainly not the case.

um, yes, I did it for a year or two. Lots of free time, more than I could fill constructively.

[Anonymous]

It's really hard to find good care for elementary school kids. Most nannies want the cute cuddly babies and toddlers, not the older kids with opinions and their own friends. Prospective nannies don't even respond to my email when I tell them how old my kids are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO, when they're older, they need the actual parents more -- to look at homework (rather than a nanny or au pair) and talking to them about issue they're facing as tweens or teens. Plus all the driving around to activities.

Worked for us. I have one child at TJ right now and the other is a straight A student. It's not because of the AP helping with homework, it is because they are naturally intelligent and a core family value we have is hard work and goal achievement. Not many parents can look at or correct my boys calculus homework. It was simply checked for completion.

The AP had minimal involvement with "issues they faced" that has been our job. Working for a paycheck does not mean our kids don't share with us. And thr AP driving? That's exactly what she was hired for.

Yes. It is fortunate we can afford an AP. I frankly couldn't imagine getting off work and hauling my kids to all their sports activities. For instance, my one son had practice at 445 yesterday. AP dropped him off, I then got to practice at 5:30 to watch and them pick him up. In thr meantime, AP did some simple meal prep. I got home, finished up dinner and we all ate at 730. Can't imagine the logistics otherwise. I would have had to leave work at 345. My teens are missing nothing by not having me at home between 330-530. I don't need to hover over their homework or personally make them a snack

You are missing things but you don't know that you are. BTW I never outsource driving, you may gravely regret that.

[Anonymous]

We have 2 elementary school aged children and two working parents and it's gotten a lot harder even though our children only take 1 activity per season. I pick them up from after school care between 5:30-6 pm, we come home and have a 2 1/2 hour window for showers, homework, and dinner. It's stressful for the children because we are all rushing around. Then there's snow day closures, sick days, teacher work days with complete meltdowns because they want to stay home and not go to SACC, there's SACC pick up when DH travels for work and I'm scrambling to make it to SACC by 6:15. We are seriously thinking about DH quitting his job in order to have a more balanced life at home. We'd have to give up our house and move to a townhouse but some of the townhouses are more expensive than our older SHF so financially, it doesn't make sense for us to move. We're struggling with the decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO, when they're older, they need the actual parents more -- to look at homework (rather than a nanny or au pair) and talking to them about issue they're facing as tweens or teens. Plus all the driving around to activities.

Worked for us. I have one child at TJ right now and the other is a straight A student. It's not because of the AP helping with homework, it is because they are naturally intelligent and a core family value we have is hard work and goal achievement. Not many parents can look at or correct my boys calculus homework. It was simply checked for completion.

The AP had minimal involvement with "issues they faced" that has been our job. Working for a paycheck does not mean our kids don't share with us. And thr AP driving? That's exactly what she was hired for.

Yes. It is fortunate we can afford an AP. I frankly couldn't imagine getting off work and hauling my kids to all their sports activities. For instance, my one son had practice at 445 yesterday. AP dropped him off, I then got to practice at 5:30 to watch and them pick him up. In thr meantime, AP did some simple meal prep. I got home, finished up dinner and we all ate at 730. Can't imagine the logistics otherwise. I would have had to leave work at 345. My teens are missing nothing by not having me at home between 330-530. I don't need to hover over their homework or personally make them a snack

You are missing things but you don't know that you are. BTW I never outsource driving, you may gravely regret that.

Can you please elaborate? I don't understand what you mean by this. Serious question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really hard to find good care for elementary school kids. Most nannies want the cute cuddly babies and toddlers, not the older kids with opinions and their own friends. Prospective nannies don't even respond to my email when I tell them how old my kids are.

You aren't paying enough. It's a lot easier to take care of older kids.