SAH with Older Kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the people we know who have kids and two working parents, across the board, one of the parents has a very flexible job (part time, work for family business, work at home, work early hours to get out at noon). Nobody we know has both spouses leaving the house at 7:00, commuting an hour by metro/car, working 8.5 hrs, commuting back 1hr, and getting home 5:30/6:00p.m. Basically, all you would be doing is making dinner and putting the kids to bed (if they are younger).

We didn't have that set up (of great flexibility), so the higher earner kept working and the other runs the house/kids/school. It's a reciprocal relatioship, but it would be nice if one of us had the flexible or part time schedule. There are a lot of school activities/needs/days off/events.

What about single moms, divorced parents, military families, emergency personnel, families where one or both travel frequently. So glad everyone you know has these great flexible schedules where one parent drives their kid into school and one picks them up. That is not the average norm.

I need to be at work by 6:45am and my husband at 8am. Our kids school starts at 9:25am. We don't have that flexibility. I get done at 3:30 but I am not picking up at Bar-T until 4:30-4:45 because of neededing to stay later to finish and commute/traffic. We usually are quickly eating at home and off to 6pm sports practices twice a week. The other 3 days I try to get some errands in before getting them (and feeling guilty about it) because taking 3 tired kids food shopping sucks. My husband gets home around 6pm. I try and give it my all in the evening but I am spent. And stomach flu x3 kids usually equals 4 missed days of school by someone. This is reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the people we know who have kids and two working parents, across the board, one of the parents has a very flexible job (part time, work for family business, work at home, work early hours to get out at noon). Nobody we know has both spouses leaving the house at 7:00, commuting an hour by metro/car, working 8.5 hrs, commuting back 1hr, and getting home 5:30/6:00p.m. Basically, all you would be doing is making dinner and putting the kids to bed (if they are younger).

We didn't have that set up (of great flexibility), so the higher earner kept working and the other runs the house/kids/school. It's a reciprocal relatioship, but it would be nice if one of us had the flexible or part time schedule. There are a lot of school activities/needs/days off/events.

What about single moms, divorced parents, military families, emergency personnel, families where one or both travel frequently. So glad everyone you know has these great flexible schedules where one parent drives their kid into school and one picks them up. That is not the average norm.

I need to be at work by 6:45am and my husband at 8am. Our kids school starts at 9:25am. We don't have that flexibility. I get done at 3:30 but I am not picking up at Bar-T until 4:30-4:45 because of neededing to stay later to finish and commute/traffic. We usually are quickly eating at home and off to 6pm sports practices twice a week. The other 3 days I try to get some errands in before getting them (and feeling guilty about it) because taking 3 tired kids food shopping sucks. My husband gets home around 6pm. I try and give it my all in the evening but I am spent. And stomach flu x3 kids usually equals 4 missed days of school by someone. This is reality.

How often do your kids get stomach flu because none of the rest of it sounds as awful as you think it does?mLook into grocery delivery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about the PP's post sounds jealous. Why is so hard to admit some people find a career fulfilling - especially when data shows 80 percent of SAHMs do so because they can't afford childcare? Statistically women who have advanced degrees with high earning husbands chose to stay in the workforce. Average time off is two years away. You can look this up. Not everyone wants to stay at home.

And it is hard to find intellectually challenging volunteer work. There are legal implications to not paying a worker so a lot of companies only accept this type of work for grad school credit.

I don't think it is wrong at all to say some people want a fulfilling career, but two parents can not have careers and also raise their kids full time, whether they are young or in school. There is a choice and it seems like so many woman think they can do both but you can't without sacrificing one or the other every single day. You are choosing to be with a client instead of at your child's soccer practice. You are choosing to have a Nanny come take care of your child with a fever because you can't take another sick day. If you stay home with your child, you miss a meeting that potentially changes your career. You are stuck in traffic and miss your child's final performance. When your teen is devastated about their first break-up, you can't console them because you are at a convention for a few days. Sure, people can say this is life. The kids should understand. But most parents don't watch their kids grow up and say "I should have been there less."

I tried to do it. I had a wonderful job with tons of perks but once I had kids, they became my priority. I tried to do both but the last straw was pumping in a hotel room by myself on my child's first Halloween. I landed a great client and made a shit load in commission that day but all I cared about was wanting to be with my child. I am sure there are working moms that wouldn't have cared. I mean really, my child couldn't even walk yet and wouldn't remember it. But I would and it bothered me. And when I tried to go back again a few years later, the juggling between my husband and I and 2 kids took it's toll. I knew my job was not to work FT. It was to be a mom FT. It was the more important job. We could have made a shit load more money and easily hired a nanny but I wouldn't take any of these years back. It has been an absolute joy to raise my now 3 kids. I still work about 10-16 hours a month and make pennies but it keeps my foot in the door and that is the only reason I do it.

This is a great article.....

http://theweek.com/articles/627821/ugly-secret-working-moms

Sorry can't relate to that article. Seems like that is an older woman working before telecommute and flex schedules and the like.
My husband and I wanted both parents to raise our kids so we are both working flex schedules vs. the traditional paycheck dad. A lot of our friends are choosing the same thing - likely a generational thing.

You are living in a dream. 95% of families don't have a luxury of two parents working telecommuting and flex schedules. It isn't a generational thing. It is a Chevy Chase thing.

This article was written this week. And 79% of woman from dual income families say they still do most of the cleaning, errands, shopping, scheduling and cooking even if they work full time like their husband. So instead of trying to make things equal, woman are just increasing their workload. Maybe a few lucky people here on DCUM can outsource housekeeping, errands, laundry, shopping but most woman still have to do it themselves. Dads are not driving home from work worrying "did I make Suzy's well visit appointment?" "Did Johnny get his Halloween costume ready?" "What will I make for dinner, let's stop at the store."

I agree. Woman are stretched too thin. People here saying their husbands earn 500K but still want to work for the stimulation probably have housekeepers, nannies, and a zillion other perks most people don't have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about the PP's post sounds jealous. Why is so hard to admit some people find a career fulfilling - especially when data shows 80 percent of SAHMs do so because they can't afford childcare? Statistically women who have advanced degrees with high earning husbands chose to stay in the workforce. Average time off is two years away. You can look this up. Not everyone wants to stay at home.

And it is hard to find intellectually challenging volunteer work. There are legal implications to not paying a worker so a lot of companies only accept this type of work for grad school credit.

I don't think it is wrong at all to say some people want a fulfilling career, but two parents can not have careers and also raise their kids full time, whether they are young or in school. There is a choice and it seems like so many woman think they can do both but you can't without sacrificing one or the other every single day. You are choosing to be with a client instead of at your child's soccer practice. You are choosing to have a Nanny come take care of your child with a fever because you can't take another sick day. If you stay home with your child, you miss a meeting that potentially changes your career. You are stuck in traffic and miss your child's final performance. When your teen is devastated about their first break-up, you can't console them because you are at a convention for a few days. Sure, people can say this is life. The kids should understand. But most parents don't watch their kids grow up and say "I should have been there less."

I tried to do it. I had a wonderful job with tons of perks but once I had kids, they became my priority. I tried to do both but the last straw was pumping in a hotel room by myself on my child's first Halloween. I landed a great client and made a shit load in commission that day but all I cared about was wanting to be with my child. I am sure there are working moms that wouldn't have cared. I mean really, my child couldn't even walk yet and wouldn't remember it. But I would and it bothered me. And when I tried to go back again a few years later, the juggling between my husband and I and 2 kids took it's toll. I knew my job was not to work FT. It was to be a mom FT. It was the more important job. We could have made a shit load more money and easily hired a nanny but I wouldn't take any of these years back. It has been an absolute joy to raise my now 3 kids. I still work about 10-16 hours a month and make pennies but it keeps my foot in the door and that is the only reason I do it.

This is a great article.....

http://theweek.com/articles/627821/ugly-secret-working-moms

Sorry can't relate to that article. Seems like that is an older woman working before telecommute and flex schedules and the like.
My husband and I wanted both parents to raise our kids so we are both working flex schedules vs. the traditional paycheck dad. A lot of our friends are choosing the same thing - likely a generational thing.

You are living in a dream. 95% of families don't have a luxury of two parents working telecommuting and flex schedules. It isn't a generational thing. It is a Chevy Chase thing.

This article was written this week. And 79% of woman from dual income families say they still do most of the cleaning, errands, shopping, scheduling and cooking even if they work full time like their husband. So instead of trying to make things equal, woman are just increasing their workload. Maybe a few lucky people here on DCUM can outsource housekeeping, errands, laundry, shopping but most woman still have to do it themselves. Dads are not driving home from work worrying "did I make Suzy's well visit appointment?" "Did Johnny get his Halloween costume ready?" "What will I make for dinner, let's stop at the store."

I agree. Woman are stretched too thin. People here saying their husbands earn 500K but still want to work for the stimulation probably have housekeepers, nannies, and a zillion other perks most people don't have.

I don't work for the stimulation. I work because I'm a physician who runs a busy private practice. Being a doctor is my calling and my passion. Not all of us dream of days full of manicures and yoga. I didn't go to school for 12 years to throw it away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about the PP's post sounds jealous. Why is so hard to admit some people find a career fulfilling - especially when data shows 80 percent of SAHMs do so because they can't afford childcare? Statistically women who have advanced degrees with high earning husbands chose to stay in the workforce. Average time off is two years away. You can look this up. Not everyone wants to stay at home.

And it is hard to find intellectually challenging volunteer work. There are legal implications to not paying a worker so a lot of companies only accept this type of work for grad school credit.

I don't think it is wrong at all to say some people want a fulfilling career, but two parents can not have careers and also raise their kids full time, whether they are young or in school. There is a choice and it seems like so many woman think they can do both but you can't without sacrificing one or the other every single day. You are choosing to be with a client instead of at your child's soccer practice. You are choosing to have a Nanny come take care of your child with a fever because you can't take another sick day. If you stay home with your child, you miss a meeting that potentially changes your career. You are stuck in traffic and miss your child's final performance. When your teen is devastated about their first break-up, you can't console them because you are at a convention for a few days. Sure, people can say this is life. The kids should understand. But most parents don't watch their kids grow up and say "I should have been there less."

I tried to do it. I had a wonderful job with tons of perks but once I had kids, they became my priority. I tried to do both but the last straw was pumping in a hotel room by myself on my child's first Halloween. I landed a great client and made a shit load in commission that day but all I cared about was wanting to be with my child. I am sure there are working moms that wouldn't have cared. I mean really, my child couldn't even walk yet and wouldn't remember it. But I would and it bothered me. And when I tried to go back again a few years later, the juggling between my husband and I and 2 kids took it's toll. I knew my job was not to work FT. It was to be a mom FT. It was the more important job. We could have made a shit load more money and easily hired a nanny but I wouldn't take any of these years back. It has been an absolute joy to raise my now 3 kids. I still work about 10-16 hours a month and make pennies but it keeps my foot in the door and that is the only reason I do it.

This is a great article.....

http://theweek.com/articles/627821/ugly-secret-working-moms

Sorry can't relate to that article. Seems like that is an older woman working before telecommute and flex schedules and the like.
My husband and I wanted both parents to raise our kids so we are both working flex schedules vs. the traditional paycheck dad. A lot of our friends are choosing the same thing - likely a generational thing.

You are living in a dream. 95% of families don't have a luxury of two parents working telecommuting and flex schedules. It isn't a generational thing. It is a Chevy Chase thing.

This article was written this week. And 79% of woman from dual income families say they still do most of the cleaning, errands, shopping, scheduling and cooking even if they work full time like their husband. So instead of trying to make things equal, woman are just increasing their workload. Maybe a few lucky people here on DCUM can outsource housekeeping, errands, laundry, shopping but most woman still have to do it themselves. Dads are not driving home from work worrying "did I make Suzy's well visit appointment?" "Did Johnny get his Halloween costume ready?" "What will I make for dinner, let's stop at the store."

I agree. Woman are stretched too thin. People here saying their husbands earn 500K but still want to work for the stimulation probably have housekeepers, nannies, and a zillion other perks most people don't have.

I don't work for the stimulation. I work because I'm a physician who runs a busy private practice. Being a doctor is my calling and my passion. Not all of us dream of days full of manicures and yoga. I didn't go to school for 12 years to throw it away.

There is middle ground. Many of my physician friends work part time. ANd I know of no one whose days are filled with manicures and yoga.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about the PP's post sounds jealous. Why is so hard to admit some people find a career fulfilling - especially when data shows 80 percent of SAHMs do so because they can't afford childcare? Statistically women who have advanced degrees with high earning husbands chose to stay in the workforce. Average time off is two years away. You can look this up. Not everyone wants to stay at home.

And it is hard to find intellectually challenging volunteer work. There are legal implications to not paying a worker so a lot of companies only accept this type of work for grad school credit.

I don't think it is wrong at all to say some people want a fulfilling career, but two parents can not have careers and also raise their kids full time, whether they are young or in school. There is a choice and it seems like so many woman think they can do both but you can't without sacrificing one or the other every single day. You are choosing to be with a client instead of at your child's soccer practice. You are choosing to have a Nanny come take care of your child with a fever because you can't take another sick day. If you stay home with your child, you miss a meeting that potentially changes your career. You are stuck in traffic and miss your child's final performance. When your teen is devastated about their first break-up, you can't console them because you are at a convention for a few days. Sure, people can say this is life. The kids should understand. But most parents don't watch their kids grow up and say "I should have been there less."

I tried to do it. I had a wonderful job with tons of perks but once I had kids, they became my priority. I tried to do both but the last straw was pumping in a hotel room by myself on my child's first Halloween. I landed a great client and made a shit load in commission that day but all I cared about was wanting to be with my child. I am sure there are working moms that wouldn't have cared. I mean really, my child couldn't even walk yet and wouldn't remember it. But I would and it bothered me. And when I tried to go back again a few years later, the juggling between my husband and I and 2 kids took it's toll. I knew my job was not to work FT. It was to be a mom FT. It was the more important job. We could have made a shit load more money and easily hired a nanny but I wouldn't take any of these years back. It has been an absolute joy to raise my now 3 kids. I still work about 10-16 hours a month and make pennies but it keeps my foot in the door and that is the only reason I do it.

This is a great article.....

http://theweek.com/articles/627821/ugly-secret-working-moms

Sorry can't relate to that article. Seems like that is an older woman working before telecommute and flex schedules and the like.
My husband and I wanted both parents to raise our kids so we are both working flex schedules vs. the traditional paycheck dad. A lot of our friends are choosing the same thing - likely a generational thing.

You are living in a dream. 95% of families don't have a luxury of two parents working telecommuting and flex schedules. It isn't a generational thing. It is a Chevy Chase thing.

This article was written this week. And 79% of woman from dual income families say they still do most of the cleaning, errands, shopping, scheduling and cooking even if they work full time like their husband. So instead of trying to make things equal, woman are just increasing their workload. Maybe a few lucky people here on DCUM can outsource housekeeping, errands, laundry, shopping but most woman still have to do it themselves. Dads are not driving home from work worrying "did I make Suzy's well visit appointment?" "Did Johnny get his Halloween costume ready?" "What will I make for dinner, let's stop at the store."

I agree. Woman are stretched too thin. People here saying their husbands earn 500K but still want to work for the stimulation probably have housekeepers, nannies, and a zillion other perks most people don't have.

I don't work for the stimulation. I work because I'm a physician who runs a busy private practice. Being a doctor is my calling and my passion. Not all of us dream of days full of manicures and yoga. I didn't go to school for 12 years to throw it away.

My DH is an ortho surgeon at a busy practice. I feel medicine is an area where you can work as much or as little as you want. We know female physicians who work very part time, only working a few days per month or being on the schedule a few weeks per year. I don't think you are penalized the way a working attorney mom or finance professional.

I always get upset at DH because he piles on the surgeries. He could come home at 5 if he wanted to. He has colleagues who operate only once per week while DH operates 4 days per week. He does earn a high income though.

[Anonymous]

I don't know, I think the SAHM with the horse who volunteers at a museum a few days a week has it made in the shade. I'd love to do somethI got like that. I work 45 hours a week and only make 36k (nonprofit) I am tired of feeling over stressed, overworked, and underpaid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know, I think the SAHM with the horse who volunteers at a museum a few days a week has it made in the shade. I'd love to do somethI got like that. I work 45 hours a week and only make 36k (nonprofit) I am tired of feeling over stressed, overworked, and underpaid.

Oops hit post too soon. I'd like to be able to take my kids to the spray park on a random day after school and be there to see them enjoy it instead of hearing about them go with their aftercare program. I'd like to get the laundry and other chores done during the day for a nice instead of racing around after the kids go to bed. Why is it wrong to want that?? You really think I am better off than all the SAHMs who posted in here about being happy with how they spend their time? I think you are deep in a bubble with husbands who make a TON, allowing you to outsource EVERYTHING extra, if you really think that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about the PP's post sounds jealous. Why is so hard to admit some people find a career fulfilling - especially when data shows 80 percent of SAHMs do so because they can't afford childcare? Statistically women who have advanced degrees with high earning husbands chose to stay in the workforce. Average time off is two years away. You can look this up. Not everyone wants to stay at home.

And it is hard to find intellectually challenging volunteer work. There are legal implications to not paying a worker so a lot of companies only accept this type of work for grad school credit.

I don't think it is wrong at all to say some people want a fulfilling career, but two parents can not have careers and also raise their kids full time, whether they are young or in school. There is a choice and it seems like so many woman think they can do both but you can't without sacrificing one or the other every single day. You are choosing to be with a client instead of at your child's soccer practice. You are choosing to have a Nanny come take care of your child with a fever because you can't take another sick day. If you stay home with your child, you miss a meeting that potentially changes your career. You are stuck in traffic and miss your child's final performance. When your teen is devastated about their first break-up, you can't console them because you are at a convention for a few days. Sure, people can say this is life. The kids should understand. But most parents don't watch their kids grow up and say "I should have been there less."

I tried to do it. I had a wonderful job with tons of perks but once I had kids, they became my priority. I tried to do both but the last straw was pumping in a hotel room by myself on my child's first Halloween. I landed a great client and made a shit load in commission that day but all I cared about was wanting to be with my child. I am sure there are working moms that wouldn't have cared. I mean really, my child couldn't even walk yet and wouldn't remember it. But I would and it bothered me. And when I tried to go back again a few years later, the juggling between my husband and I and 2 kids took it's toll. I knew my job was not to work FT. It was to be a mom FT. It was the more important job. We could have made a shit load more money and easily hired a nanny but I wouldn't take any of these years back. It has been an absolute joy to raise my now 3 kids. I still work about 10-16 hours a month and make pennies but it keeps my foot in the door and that is the only reason I do it.

This is a great article.....

http://theweek.com/articles/627821/ugly-secret-working-moms

Sorry can't relate to that article. Seems like that is an older woman working before telecommute and flex schedules and the like.
My husband and I wanted both parents to raise our kids so we are both working flex schedules vs. the traditional paycheck dad. A lot of our friends are choosing the same thing - likely a generational thing.

You are living in a dream. 95% of families don't have a luxury of two parents working telecommuting and flex schedules. It isn't a generational thing. It is a Chevy Chase thing.

This article was written this week. And 79% of woman from dual income families say they still do most of the cleaning, errands, shopping, scheduling and cooking even if they work full time like their husband. So instead of trying to make things equal, woman are just increasing their workload. Maybe a few lucky people here on DCUM can outsource housekeeping, errands, laundry, shopping but most woman still have to do it themselves. Dads are not driving home from work worrying "did I make Suzy's well visit appointment?" "Did Johnny get his Halloween costume ready?" "What will I make for dinner, let's stop at the store."

I agree. Woman are stretched too thin. People here saying their husbands earn 500K but still want to work for the stimulation probably have housekeepers, nannies, and a zillion other perks most people don't have.

I don't work for the stimulation. I work because I'm a physician who runs a busy private practice. Being a doctor is my calling and my passion. Not all of us dream of days full of manicures and yoga. I didn't go to school for 12 years to throw it away.

There is middle ground. Many of my physician friends work part time. ANd I know of no one whose days are filled with manicures and yoga.

Then you haven't read through the thread. Throw in days of horseback rides as well.

[Anonymous]

Did you guys read the post about WOH parents with no family help nearby on General Parenting?

THIS is what real life is like. I am the OP of this thread and I relate a LOT to it. The women saying "oh it's so easy" puzzle me. I feel like they must be hiring a lot of domestic work out. A cleaning person once e/o week helps some but really not that much since it is daily life that overwhelms us.



So at our school, we were trying to coordinate with other families over summer camp, and we realized in our DD class, we are the only family with both parents WOH without local grandparents/aunts/uncles to share the load.

Majority seems most of the moms end up with a part--time job, or with significant telework arrangements.

We know one family with both parents working, but their grandparents pickup their kids everyday.

We both work full-time (40+ hours) with 30-45 minute commutes, and telework is not an option. We often have to catch up on email or be on-call at night.

We split shift, so we can get home not TOO late, and kids can do some afterschool activities, but getting dinner on the table and keeping house tidy is impossible. We had a cleaner for awhile, but it didn't help b/c it was the daily explosion of dishes, pots, pans and kids afterschool detritus that is the real issue. We need to get the kids to be more responsible for chores, we own, that but since as soon as we get home we trying to get dinner on the table and homework done there isn't much time for hand on parenting and enforcing chores. We consider dropping afterschool activities, but our kids natural instinct is not to be physical (in SACC they hang out inside doing crafts), so this is important to encouraging physical fitness. No backyard so can't just kick them out back while I make dinner, and not sure they would actually move rather than dig for worms

Weekends are slog of laundry, errands, catchup cleaning, but really house is kind of always a disaster so we can't entertain. We really need someone on deck, but it isn't like we can afford a house manager or live in nanny. And leaving early/late for split shift I'm sure is not helping our career advancement but only way we are hanging on.

Curious to hear from other families with both parents WOH without family nearby, and do we need to make some hard choices to get one of us down to part time or 50% WAH?

[Anonymous]

^ I also feel like I am constantly on the go like a freaking hamster on a wheel. There are many times that I want to just scream, make it stop!! I feel stretched too thin. I don't know what the answer is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about the PP's post sounds jealous. Why is so hard to admit some people find a career fulfilling - especially when data shows 80 percent of SAHMs do so because they can't afford childcare? Statistically women who have advanced degrees with high earning husbands chose to stay in the workforce. Average time off is two years away. You can look this up. Not everyone wants to stay at home.

And it is hard to find intellectually challenging volunteer work. There are legal implications to not paying a worker so a lot of companies only accept this type of work for grad school credit.

I don't think it is wrong at all to say some people want a fulfilling career, but two parents can not have careers and also raise their kids full time, whether they are young or in school. There is a choice and it seems like so many woman think they can do both but you can't without sacrificing one or the other every single day. You are choosing to be with a client instead of at your child's soccer practice. You are choosing to have a Nanny come take care of your child with a fever because you can't take another sick day. If you stay home with your child, you miss a meeting that potentially changes your career. You are stuck in traffic and miss your child's final performance. When your teen is devastated about their first break-up, you can't console them because you are at a convention for a few days. Sure, people can say this is life. The kids should understand. But most parents don't watch their kids grow up and say "I should have been there less."

I tried to do it. I had a wonderful job with tons of perks but once I had kids, they became my priority. I tried to do both but the last straw was pumping in a hotel room by myself on my child's first Halloween. I landed a great client and made a shit load in commission that day but all I cared about was wanting to be with my child. I am sure there are working moms that wouldn't have cared. I mean really, my child couldn't even walk yet and wouldn't remember it. But I would and it bothered me. And when I tried to go back again a few years later, the juggling between my husband and I and 2 kids took it's toll. I knew my job was not to work FT. It was to be a mom FT. It was the more important job. We could have made a shit load more money and easily hired a nanny but I wouldn't take any of these years back. It has been an absolute joy to raise my now 3 kids. I still work about 10-16 hours a month and make pennies but it keeps my foot in the door and that is the only reason I do it.

This is a great article.....

http://theweek.com/articles/627821/ugly-secret-working-moms

I think your post rings true for moms with babies (like your story about pumping in a hotel room), but this thread is about having kids in elementary school. For many moms (not all), when the kids are in school 5 days a week, the conflict you mentions is less of an issue. We have a babysitter every day after school for one hour, which allows me to work full-time. So I'm able to keep doing the work I love and the kids get to spend time with another person who cares for them. The babysitter has been with us for years, and we love her. This idea that kids have to spend all of their time after school with their mommies is ridiculous. All over the world and throughout history, women have worked and when they did the kids spent time with family or community members. This is actually GOOD for kids, to be around other influences, to see that they are not completely dependent on mommy and daddy but can connect with other people. The idea of not working so that I could have those five extra hours a week with my kids (the time they are with a babysitter until I get home at 4:30) is crazy.

But there are so many days they are not in school. Summer, Spring break, winter break. In fact there are only 180 or so school days. So, half the days of the year.

Most camps go to 3. My kids went to full day camp,even when I was a sah because that is what all their friends do. We take several
Week long family vacations, and several three to four day ones over holiday weekends. I get all federal holidays off, and have a generous leave policy, plus compressed work week.

DC seems to filled with flexible flex jobs that pay decently. $100-150k. No one is earning 500k-$1million+ working these flex jobs with generous leave policies.

DH used to be a military physician. He came home by 3pm everyday. Now he works until 7. He also earns 5x what he earned in the military.

My husband makes $500-$600k (bonus dependent) and has a lot of flexibility. Works from home, can wrap up work by 3 if i need him to pick up our son from preschool. Takes days off when he needs to. I make $250k and work a pretty standard 30 hour work week, lots of flexibility to work from home whenever i want to (i usually work from home 2 days a week), roll in late or early, and just get my work done when i want to. These jobs exist.

Would you mind sharing what you guys do? I would love a PT job earning 250k.

Dh is an economist and I'm an attorney in a niche area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ I also feel like I am constantly on the go like a freaking hamster on a wheel. There are many times that I want to just scream, make it stop!! I feel stretched too thin. I don't know what the answer is.

outsource more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about the PP's post sounds jealous. Why is so hard to admit some people find a career fulfilling - especially when data shows 80 percent of SAHMs do so because they can't afford childcare? Statistically women who have advanced degrees with high earning husbands chose to stay in the workforce. Average time off is two years away. You can look this up. Not everyone wants to stay at home.

And it is hard to find intellectually challenging volunteer work. There are legal implications to not paying a worker so a lot of companies only accept this type of work for grad school credit.

I don't think it is wrong at all to say some people want a fulfilling career, but two parents can not have careers and also raise their kids full time, whether they are young or in school. There is a choice and it seems like so many woman think they can do both but you can't without sacrificing one or the other every single day. You are choosing to be with a client instead of at your child's soccer practice. You are choosing to have a Nanny come take care of your child with a fever because you can't take another sick day. If you stay home with your child, you miss a meeting that potentially changes your career. You are stuck in traffic and miss your child's final performance. When your teen is devastated about their first break-up, you can't console them because you are at a convention for a few days. Sure, people can say this is life. The kids should understand. But most parents don't watch their kids grow up and say "I should have been there less."

I tried to do it. I had a wonderful job with tons of perks but once I had kids, they became my priority. I tried to do both but the last straw was pumping in a hotel room by myself on my child's first Halloween. I landed a great client and made a shit load in commission that day but all I cared about was wanting to be with my child. I am sure there are working moms that wouldn't have cared. I mean really, my child couldn't even walk yet and wouldn't remember it. But I would and it bothered me. And when I tried to go back again a few years later, the juggling between my husband and I and 2 kids took it's toll. I knew my job was not to work FT. It was to be a mom FT. It was the more important job. We could have made a shit load more money and easily hired a nanny but I wouldn't take any of these years back. It has been an absolute joy to raise my now 3 kids. I still work about 10-16 hours a month and make pennies but it keeps my foot in the door and that is the only reason I do it.

This is a great article.....

http://theweek.com/articles/627821/ugly-secret-working-moms

Sorry can't relate to that article. Seems like that is an older woman working before telecommute and flex schedules and the like.
My husband and I wanted both parents to raise our kids so we are both working flex schedules vs. the traditional paycheck dad. A lot of our friends are choosing the same thing - likely a generational thing.

You are living in a dream. 95% of families don't have a luxury of two parents working telecommuting and flex schedules. It isn't a generational thing. It is a Chevy Chase thing.

This article was written this week. And 79% of woman from dual income families say they still do most of the cleaning, errands, shopping, scheduling and cooking even if they work full time like their husband. So instead of trying to make things equal, woman are just increasing their workload. Maybe a few lucky people here on DCUM can outsource housekeeping, errands, laundry, shopping but most woman still have to do it themselves. Dads are not driving home from work worrying "did I make Suzy's well visit appointment?" "Did Johnny get his Halloween costume ready?" "What will I make for dinner, let's stop at the store."

Gee great to know you know my reality better than me. My point was that we have flexible schedules so it makes sense for both of us to work. There are people on this thread making sweeping generalizations "TRAFFIC! Long commutes! LONG HOURS! Conventions! Constant travel! Nannies raising kids!"

And I'm saying that is not my reality, no matter how angry that makes you. I'm sorry this was your life. If this was ours I would stay home. We could live off DH's income. We chose not to because we are both able to keep careers and raise our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about the PP's post sounds jealous. Why is so hard to admit some people find a career fulfilling - especially when data shows 80 percent of SAHMs do so because they can't afford childcare? Statistically women who have advanced degrees with high earning husbands chose to stay in the workforce. Average time off is two years away. You can look this up. Not everyone wants to stay at home.

And it is hard to find intellectually challenging volunteer work. There are legal implications to not paying a worker so a lot of companies only accept this type of work for grad school credit.

I don't think it is wrong at all to say some people want a fulfilling career, but two parents can not have careers and also raise their kids full time, whether they are young or in school. There is a choice and it seems like so many woman think they can do both but you can't without sacrificing one or the other every single day. You are choosing to be with a client instead of at your child's soccer practice. You are choosing to have a Nanny come take care of your child with a fever because you can't take another sick day. If you stay home with your child, you miss a meeting that potentially changes your career. You are stuck in traffic and miss your child's final performance. When your teen is devastated about their first break-up, you can't console them because you are at a convention for a few days. Sure, people can say this is life. The kids should understand. But most parents don't watch their kids grow up and say "I should have been there less."

I tried to do it. I had a wonderful job with tons of perks but once I had kids, they became my priority. I tried to do both but the last straw was pumping in a hotel room by myself on my child's first Halloween. I landed a great client and made a shit load in commission that day but all I cared about was wanting to be with my child. I am sure there are working moms that wouldn't have cared. I mean really, my child couldn't even walk yet and wouldn't remember it. But I would and it bothered me. And when I tried to go back again a few years later, the juggling between my husband and I and 2 kids took it's toll. I knew my job was not to work FT. It was to be a mom FT. It was the more important job. We could have made a shit load more money and easily hired a nanny but I wouldn't take any of these years back. It has been an absolute joy to raise my now 3 kids. I still work about 10-16 hours a month and make pennies but it keeps my foot in the door and that is the only reason I do it.

This is a great article.....

http://theweek.com/articles/627821/ugly-secret-working-moms

Sorry can't relate to that article. Seems like that is an older woman working before telecommute and flex schedules and the like.
My husband and I wanted both parents to raise our kids so we are both working flex schedules vs. the traditional paycheck dad. A lot of our friends are choosing the same thing - likely a generational thing.

You are living in a dream. 95% of families don't have a luxury of two parents working telecommuting and flex schedules. It isn't a generational thing. It is a Chevy Chase thing.

This article was written this week. And 79% of woman from dual income families say they still do most of the cleaning, errands, shopping, scheduling and cooking even if they work full time like their husband. So instead of trying to make things equal, woman are just increasing their workload. Maybe a few lucky people here on DCUM can outsource housekeeping, errands, laundry, shopping but most woman still have to do it themselves. Dads are not driving home from work worrying "did I make Suzy's well visit appointment?" "Did Johnny get his Halloween costume ready?" "What will I make for dinner, let's stop at the store."

Gee great to know you know my reality better than me. My point was that we have flexible schedules so it makes sense for both of us to work. There are people on this thread making sweeping generalizations "TRAFFIC! Long commutes! LONG HOURS! Conventions! Constant travel! Nannies raising kids!"

And I'm saying that is not my reality, no matter how angry that makes you. I'm sorry this was your life. If this was ours I would stay home. We could live off DH's income. We chose not to because we are both able to keep careers and raise our family.

I agree. We are in this position too. I suspect the people posting that are SAHMs whose husbands are sole breadwinners (with SAH wives obviously) so have these kids of jobs; therefore they think that's all there is. It's just not.