SAH with Older Kids?
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Anonymous
I think DCUM's is a great place to pretend to be someone your not 
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Anonymous
Right, we believe you. |
Anonymous
What do you not believe? This thread is about whether it becomes more difficult for working parents when children start elementary school. I quit my job when my child was in kindergarten and he is now in first grade. Before I quit my job, we had a PT housekeeper/cook/nanny that many working parents on this thread seem to have. After I quit my job, we kept the PT housekeeper but cut her hours. Her mother became ill so she moved back to her home country to take care of her mom. I am also newly pregnant. When DH and I discussed having a third child, we said it would be doable if I have help so my older kids won't get shortchanged. DH earns a high income, which is why we can afford help and for me to stay home. Not sure why this is so unbelievable to you. |
Anonymous
Or maybe you don't believe that I am a lousy housekeeper. Guess what? There are dirty dishes in my sink right now and I plan to do them tomorrow. I already did a load of dishes right before dinner and dinner dishes are still in the sink. The horror!!! I am online looking for a new obgyn since I didn't deliver in this area. Also looking up camps for my kids since I have terrible morning sickness. Maybe you don't want to believe that either. |
Anonymous
You just sound awful 
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Anonymous
You protest too much. First you describe yourself as a new sahm , then you say you are not. Not really interested in playing catfish with you. |
Anonymous
I haven't been responding to you and I believe what you're saying because I think it's this weirdly prevalent way of thinking around here - this idea that you have to hire help if you have multiple children, even if SAH, in order not to "shortchange" your children. Great that you have the resources to do it, but don't make the mistake of thinking your children need you to be hyper-involved in every last detail of their lives. It's okay, and healthy, for children to have to entertain themselves sometimes, learn to do homework independently, etc. it's okay for them to sometimes play Legos and run around in the backyard while you deal with a baby or make dinner. I guess it just seems so foreign to me because I had my third when my older two were around the ages of yours, and it never would have crossed my mind to hire a nanny/full time housekeeper even if we could have easily afforded it. We do have a house cleaner every other week, but I can't imagine feeling like I needed more than that. I don't think any of my children have suffered or felt shortchanged; in fact, I think we are thriving! I don't begrudge you for wanting tons of help or for being able to afford it, but this idea that it's somehow required in order to have another child is really strange. |
Anonymous
Maybe to you staying home for a year is not new. I always tell people that I just recently started staying home. Sorry if that offends you. I say this in real life. No one actually drills me on whether I stopped working a month ago or a year ago. It may actually be 1 year 4 months so not quite 1.5 yrs. |
Anonymous
What ev, first you are, then you aren't, now you are trying to pretend you didn't say two contradictory things. It's hard to keep facts straight in the 7000 square foot fantasy house. |
Anonymous
PP here. My DH did not want to have a third originally because he wanted to focus on our two children. He has a very demanding job and works 60+ hours per week. He said he didn't think he could do diapers and sleepless nights again. I actually don't mind the house being a bit messy. DH is the neat freak. Our family compromise was that the third child was doable if we got help. We have not worked out the logistics of who we will hire. I do know I want afternoon coverage plus some night coverage in addition to housekeeping/cooking. I want to be able to work out a few times a week. Preferably this person can be the same person so we could have one FT employee. |
Anonymous
Not pretending. I consider myself a new SAHM because it still feels new to me. We have also been living in the DC area for almost 5 years. I often still say that we are new to the area. You know why? It still feels new! |
Anonymous
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PP again. I don't know why I keep clicking on this thread.
To the OP, many of our friends have families where both parents work. Many parents use SACC, Kindercare, tae kwon do places or other daycares that may do both before and after care. If you use SACC, your child can do after school programs at the school. Another option is the afternoon sitter. I actually used both aftercare and had the PT housekeeper. Some parents have one or both parents with extremely flexible schedules. They flex and don't need care or they enjoy both flexibility and paid help. Also know double doctor, double attorney, double banker families who have a full time nanny, au pair or live in housekeeper for school aged children. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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OP, to answer your question, this isn't a generalizable thing. There are a million different individual circumstances that matter here. For some people, maybe with less flexible jobs and kids who do a lot of activities or who are sick often, it's harder in elementary school. Maybe they had easy babies and toddlers who slept through the night early on and were mellow little toddlers. Maybe your friends have long commutes or inflexible jobs. Maybe they have their mother nearby and she's helpful. Maybe one spouse has a very rigid schedule. Maybe they have one kid, maybe they have four. It's just there are so many different permutations.
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Anonymous
I believe you. You have so little time because you are obsessively posting online. |