SAH with Older Kids?

[Anonymous]

To accomodate the new start times for high schoolers, fcps moved many elementary schools to start times after 9:00 (some as.late as 9:15!). It is difficult for families where both parents work.

[Anonymous]

It is more difficult for us to handle our late elementary and middle school children than our toddlers/preschoolers. More demands are made on the children. Varied schedules for activities pulls us all over the place. We are older now and tired of working so hard.

[Anonymous]

I agree it is easier to WOHM FT when they are little kids.

They have pretty much one activity -- daycare/aftercare. One place to pick up and drop off.

Now it's various teams and lessons and after school things all over the place, but also the homework needs, the emotional needs etc.

I def. think ramping down in the MS/HS years makes sense, if it is at all possible. I learn about what is REALLY going on with my kids by just being a fly on the wall after school, being available for them if they feel like talking etc.

I do have a bias. My parents worked FT and after school in MS/HS I got myself into all kinds of trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is more difficult for us to handle our late elementary and middle school children than our toddlers/preschoolers. More demands are made on the children. Varied schedules for activities pulls us all over the place. We are older now and tired of working so hard.

+1 and we are are not a family that over schedules. DS is not on a travel team and only does 1 or 2 sports a year. It is exhausting because he's also in after care and we don't get home until after 5. When practice is from 7-8 it is tiring for everyone and we are always trying to squeeze in homework. I go early so I can pick up both kids and be home by 5. DH goes later to do mornings but then works late every evening. Neither of us can telework. It's easier with our preschooler because there isn't homework and she is happy playing outside. It will be busier in a few years when they both have activities but then hopefully I can carpool.

Yes, we are older and tired but I couldn't have handled being a SAHM during the baby years. Part time and having afternoons off or having flexibility would be ideal.

[Anonymous]

I would love to be a SAH with elementary aged kids! So much free time while they are at school....

However, if I could have stayed at home, it would have been when he was a baby and toddler. they need their parents more at that age - their are greater benefits to having the close time then compared to when they are older.

B/c I believe all the running around will be stressful when DS is elementary aged, this is the reason I only have one kid. Trying to coordinate multiple kids after school and weekend schedules seems very hectic.

[Anonymous]

Yes, which is exactly why we have an AuPair. He gets them from school, gives them a snack, and makes sure they do their homework and chores. He also helps get them to practice and helps them get to their friends house and let's their friends come over after school.

It get harder. Much harder in a different way. Both of us could not work if we didn't have that 3rd set of hands.

[Anonymous]

IMO, when they're older, they need the actual parents more -- to look at homework (rather than a nanny or au pair) and talking to them about issue they're facing as tweens or teens. Plus all the driving around to activities.

[Anonymous]

i work full time and was not tempted to SAH while they were babies bc I have a great nanny who took great care of them (and still does watch them in afternoons and on days off), but I think it's easier for a nanny to "replace" what you would do with a baby vs an elementary-aged child - like help with homework, take them to the orthodontist, be there for sports activities, etc. i'd love to have a job where I could leave at 3 and pick up the kids and be with them in the afternoon - but easier said than done.

[Anonymous]

I SAH for 3 kids. 9th, 6th and 2nd. Different schools (one private that I drive) different school events, different sports, various activities.

While they are at school, I go to the gym, shopping, meal plan, clean, laundry, and I restore old furniture. I volunteer in 2 of the school's twice a week. I am also a Girl Scout leader and a softball coach.

When I was working FT it was extremely stressful managing schedules and DH and I were scrambling and sometimes fighting on who went where. Weekends was a family clean and laundry fest. It wasnt enjoyable. Once the oldest gets her license I will probably go back PT.

[Anonymous]

sorry, but sah with babies and toddlers is absolutely harder than sah with ES and older kids. Are you kidding? Sah with babies and toddlers are constant feeding/diaper changing/potty training/educating/dealing with tantrums/dealing with mess and spit up plus the groceries/laundry/cooking/errands with kids in tow! As a sah parent of an older kid you get the kids it the door (but they can dress themselves and brush their teeth and find their library book and maybe even make their lunch) and then you have hours of freedom! Then you pick them up and drive them to a class or sport where another teacher or coach is in charge of them.

I was a sah and now that my kids are in school I work and it is SO much easier now than it was when I was home with them as babies. Hands down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:sorry, but sah with babies and toddlers is absolutely harder than sah with ES and older kids. Are you kidding? Sah with babies and toddlers are constant feeding/diaper changing/potty training/educating/dealing with tantrums/dealing with mess and spit up plus the groceries/laundry/cooking/errands with kids in tow! As a sah parent of an older kid you get the kids it the door (but they can dress themselves and brush their teeth and find their library book and maybe even make their lunch) and then you have hours of freedom! Then you pick them up and drive them to a class or sport where another teacher or coach is in charge of them.

I was a sah and now that my kids are in school I work and it is SO much easier now than it was when I was home with them as babies. Hands down.

I don't think anyone would debate that the physical part of caring for babies is harder.

What we are saying is now that our kids are older, in late ES/MS/HS -- the kind of attention/caretaking they need is more involved.

Anyone can change a diaper, or two or four, but reading over your kid's paper and seeing that she has problems with sentence structure, or algebra, or picking up on moods that could signal serious distress -- these are the things we want to be there for and not farm out to someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:sorry, but sah with babies and toddlers is absolutely harder than sah with ES and older kids. Are you kidding? Sah with babies and toddlers are constant feeding/diaper changing/potty training/educating/dealing with tantrums/dealing with mess and spit up plus the groceries/laundry/cooking/errands with kids in tow! As a sah parent of an older kid you get the kids it the door (but they can dress themselves and brush their teeth and find their library book and maybe even make their lunch) and then you have hours of freedom! Then you pick them up and drive them to a class or sport where another teacher or coach is in charge of them.

I was a sah and now that my kids are in school I work and it is SO much easier now than it was when I was home with them as babies. Hands down.

You're missing the whole point. It may be easier on you now, but it's more important for kids in elementary school, middle school and high school to have their parents present than babies and toddlers. Your role as a parent becomes much more complex and important the older they get. I'm okay having a daycare teacher help potty train, not so okay having an au pair help navigate middle school homework and social problems. In addition, you can drop kids off at daycare and pick them up at the same place after 10 hours when they're babies and toddlers. Not so much when they're elementary, middle and high schoolers. That's when their schedule dictates yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry, but sah with babies and toddlers is absolutely harder than sah with ES and older kids. Are you kidding? Sah with babies and toddlers are constant feeding/diaper changing/potty training/educating/dealing with tantrums/dealing with mess and spit up plus the groceries/laundry/cooking/errands with kids in tow! As a sah parent of an older kid you get the kids it the door (but they can dress themselves and brush their teeth and find their library book and maybe even make their lunch) and then you have hours of freedom! Then you pick them up and drive them to a class or sport where another teacher or coach is in charge of them.

I was a sah and now that my kids are in school I work and it is SO much easier now than it was when I was home with them as babies. Hands down.

I don't think anyone would debate that the physical part of caring for babies is harder.

What we are saying is now that our kids are older, in late ES/MS/HS -- the kind of attention/caretaking they need is more involved.

Anyone can change a diaper, or two or four, but reading over your kid's paper and seeing that she has problems with sentence structure, or algebra, or picking up on moods that could signal serious distress -- these are the things we want to be there for and not farm out to someone else.

I agree. So many working parents are checked out of reality. I was. So tired coming home and only having 2 hours with all 3 kids wanting attention. And all I wanted was dinner because I barely ate all day and spent an hour in traffic and was late for soccer pick up. There wasn't enough time in the day to get a handle on who was doing what, who is struggling, truly investing time to each. Now we have family dinners, I am more relaxed and listen to them. Bedtime is much nicer too. It isn't for everyone. Some people think raising your kids is lame and gladly outsource it. But they wouldn't be happy at home anyway.

[Anonymous]

I still have a baby at home, but my oldest is in elementary school (plus a preschooler in the middle). Right now I stay at home and my life is crazy busy, as things tend to be with an infant/small children. But seeing how things are with my elementary schooler (2nd grade), I cannot imagine needing/wanting to SAH full time with all kids in school full time. I know the afternoons can be crazy, but still - that is a whole lot of free time! I mean, more power to you - I'm kind of jealous! I hope to find something part time/school hours so that I can be home in the afternoons once my youngest is in preschool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry, but sah with babies and toddlers is absolutely harder than sah with ES and older kids. Are you kidding? Sah with babies and toddlers are constant feeding/diaper changing/potty training/educating/dealing with tantrums/dealing with mess and spit up plus the groceries/laundry/cooking/errands with kids in tow! As a sah parent of an older kid you get the kids it the door (but they can dress themselves and brush their teeth and find their library book and maybe even make their lunch) and then you have hours of freedom! Then you pick them up and drive them to a class or sport where another teacher or coach is in charge of them.

I was a sah and now that my kids are in school I work and it is SO much easier now than it was when I was home with them as babies. Hands down.

You're missing the whole point. It may be easier on you now, but it's more important for kids in elementary school, middle school and high school to have their parents present than babies and toddlers. Your role as a parent becomes much more complex and important the older they get. I'm okay having a daycare teacher help potty train, not so okay having an au pair help navigate middle school homework and social problems. In addition, you can drop kids off at daycare and pick them up at the same place after 10 hours when they're babies and toddlers. Not so much when they're elementary, middle and high schoolers. That's when their schedule dictates yours.

Yep. I have 3 teenagers. Trust me, being consumed with work and checked out at home a bit can have detrimental effects. I am living it. I have very normal, high gpa, volunteering high schoolers. My sweet wonderful high school daughter got into a mess with a boy and the phone and other drama. All will be ok but let me tell you, parents of wee ones, the reality is - someone needs to be available and plugged in and not exhausted from work. It all depends on your job and your hours and your flexibility. Don't be lulled into thinking they are ok bc we talk after her soccer game. They have secret lives- all of them.