Is it normal for sibling not to tell you they are having a baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is excused for asking at first if it was a joke. But once she realized it wasn't, removing herself from the group chat/facetime was rude. And describing here that she "sadly" realized it wasn't a joke, is all we need to hear to figure out why the sister didn't share her pregnancy news in the first place.

Removing herself from the chat confirms that the sister (who OP says is prone to "drama") made the right call to keep OP at a distance.

It also sounds like OP and the sibling being in "regular contact" the last 6 months was probably both being on the group chat, not them calling each other weekly, or texting each other every few days about what the kids are up to.

Yeah, leaving the chat is just buying into the drama and reflecting it back on OP. There were no doubt others who were also surprised?

I have a sister who can be passive aggressive with information and I've given up trying to figure out what I "did" to make her treat me in that way. But the sequence is more like: 1) she tells everyone else the news (except me), 2) posts it on social media, 3) I then wish her well and congratulations, and 4) with faux surprise she says she thought our mom would have told me. SHe doesn't like to talk on the phone so mainly texts and doesn't visit to I see her in person only at family events or when I visit (she lives in the same city as my parents). She's kind of like the queen bee of the family is the way I'd phrase it. I admit the relationship bothers me and I wish it was better but me getting outwardly huffy would only make things worse.

OP here. I don’t think I could suffer that level of abuse. No thanks.

Your generation throws around the term abusive too much.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is excused for asking at first if it was a joke. But once she realized it wasn't, removing herself from the group chat/facetime was rude. And describing here that she "sadly" realized it wasn't a joke, is all we need to hear to figure out why the sister didn't share her pregnancy news in the first place.

Removing herself from the chat confirms that the sister (who OP says is prone to "drama") made the right call to keep OP at a distance.

It also sounds like OP and the sibling being in "regular contact" the last 6 months was probably both being on the group chat, not them calling each other weekly, or texting each other every few days about what the kids are up to.

You are the one who is obtuse. She is not sad about the baby; she is sad about the poor state of her relationship with her sibling, which she thought was fine until that moment.

OP here. Thank you. This is exactly it. I wasn’t sad the baby was born of course, but sad that my sister didn’t think to tell me before it happened. Because of that choice, I have sadly realized that the relationship I thought we had is nonexistent, and I will no longer be in touch with this person. I will redirect the energy and resources into the other children in my life whose parents value our relationship. Thank you for understanding the situation as I described it and not misconstruing my words.

You still shouldn't have left the group chat. It called attention to you when you could have just stayed along with everyone else and said a few nice things or said very little. But leaving early made you look like the drama queen.

[Anonymous]

You are the one who is obtuse. She is not sad about the baby; she is sad about the poor state of her relationship with her sibling, which she thought was fine until that moment.

This is not true. It is a "always been nothing but drama" relationship. You were led to believe it was "fine" because OP is withholding/trickling information, giving us whatever narrative she needs for her validation.

We are not estranged. We exchange texts about twice a week.

That sounds fine.

[She] has always been nothing but drama and I should have done it long ago to be honest.

Not fine.

Now it's not fine. OP didn't disclose this in the beginning, because it would have called into question the validity of her sibling not telling her about a pregnancy. This tells you everything you need to know about OPs involvement in this drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You are the one who is obtuse. She is not sad about the baby; she is sad about the poor state of her relationship with her sibling, which she thought was fine until that moment.

This is not true. It is a "always been nothing but drama" relationship. You were led to believe it was "fine" because OP is withholding/trickling information, giving us whatever narrative she needs for her validation.

We are not estranged. We exchange texts about twice a week.

That sounds fine.

[She] has always been nothing but drama and I should have done it long ago to be honest.

Not fine.

Now it's not fine. OP didn't disclose this in the beginning, because it would have called into question the validity of her sibling not telling her about a pregnancy. This tells you everything you need to know about OPs involvement in this drama.

It doesn't really, unless you are making a lot of assumptions or know the family involved. Do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is excused for asking at first if it was a joke. But once she realized it wasn't, removing herself from the group chat/facetime was rude. And describing here that she "sadly" realized it wasn't a joke, is all we need to hear to figure out why the sister didn't share her pregnancy news in the first place.

Removing herself from the chat confirms that the sister (who OP says is prone to "drama") made the right call to keep OP at a distance.

It also sounds like OP and the sibling being in "regular contact" the last 6 months was probably both being on the group chat, not them calling each other weekly, or texting each other every few days about what the kids are up to.

You are the one who is obtuse. She is not sad about the baby; she is sad about the poor state of her relationship with her sibling, which she thought was fine until that moment.

OP here. Thank you. This is exactly it. I wasn’t sad the baby was born of course, but sad that my sister didn’t think to tell me before it happened. Because of that choice, I have sadly realized that the relationship I thought we had is nonexistent, and I will no longer be in touch with this person. I will redirect the energy and resources into the other children in my life whose parents value our relationship. Thank you for understanding the situation as I described it and not misconstruing my words.

OP is no-contacting the new family member who has nothing to do with this. Nothing. This child is entirely innocent; except in the unhinged judgement of OP.

This just lends more credibility to the theory that the sibling's actions had justification.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You are the one who is obtuse. She is not sad about the baby; she is sad about the poor state of her relationship with her sibling, which she thought was fine until that moment.

This is not true. It is a "always been nothing but drama" relationship. You were led to believe it was "fine" because OP is withholding/trickling information, giving us whatever narrative she needs for her validation.

We are not estranged. We exchange texts about twice a week.

That sounds fine.

[She] has always been nothing but drama and I should have done it long ago to be honest.

Not fine.

Now it's not fine. OP didn't disclose this in the beginning, because it would have called into question the validity of her sibling not telling her about a pregnancy. This tells you everything you need to know about OPs involvement in this drama.

It doesn't really, unless you are making a lot of assumptions or know the family involved. Do you?

Everything we need to know is that we have one bitter participant in a long-standing mutual feud. And based on the responses, this person is only here for validation, not perspective; this person is withholding and misleading; this person is creating hostility for other family members who aren't involved. Yes we have plenty of insight here to make these assumptions.

[Anonymous]

My MIL didn't tell her own mother she was expecting her 4th kid until after the baby was born.

It happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is excused for asking at first if it was a joke. But once she realized it wasn't, removing herself from the group chat/facetime was rude. And describing here that she "sadly" realized it wasn't a joke, is all we need to hear to figure out why the sister didn't share her pregnancy news in the first place.

Removing herself from the chat confirms that the sister (who OP says is prone to "drama") made the right call to keep OP at a distance.

It also sounds like OP and the sibling being in "regular contact" the last 6 months was probably both being on the group chat, not them calling each other weekly, or texting each other every few days about what the kids are up to.

Yeah, leaving the chat is just buying into the drama and reflecting it back on OP. There were no doubt others who were also surprised?

I have a sister who can be passive aggressive with information and I've given up trying to figure out what I "did" to make her treat me in that way. But the sequence is more like: 1) she tells everyone else the news (except me), 2) posts it on social media, 3) I then wish her well and congratulations, and 4) with faux surprise she says she thought our mom would have told me. SHe doesn't like to talk on the phone so mainly texts and doesn't visit to I see her in person only at family events or when I visit (she lives in the same city as my parents). She's kind of like the queen bee of the family is the way I'd phrase it. I admit the relationship bothers me and I wish it was better but me getting outwardly huffy would only make things worse.

OP here. I don’t think I could suffer that level of abuse. No thanks.

PP here. Well, it's not worth it to me to sever other familial relationships, because going no-contact with one person usually has cascading effects. It's easier to keep things surficial and just put less effort in and not gove her ammunition against me.