So are we to never have a husband-wife trip without kids for another 14 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're so mad your mother in law is too old to do this and so anxious to blame your husband, you ignored a half dozen obvious solutions.

I understand now why marriages fade out.

Why are you assuming op is a wife? I was getting husband vibes or it could be same sex couple.

I noticed this too. Many posters seemed to assume it OP is the wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're so mad your mother in law is too old to do this and so anxious to blame your husband, you ignored a half dozen obvious solutions.

I understand now why marriages fade out.

Why are you assuming op is a wife? I was getting husband vibes or it could be same sex couple.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents never took a weekend away just them. That is a newer trend among the affluent and those with young local family. We took one vacation without our kids and our younger one cried for us. Didn’t vacation without the kids for another 15 years.

Mine did. I'm 46. This isn't a "trend."

I’m 48 and I don’t know one family that took a weekend away trip without their kids from my childhood at all. This was not a thing if your parents did it was certainly an exception. It is a trend that more younger people are doing it now, but in the past, people did not have the time or the resources to take weekend away trips without their kids.

I basically agree with this but it was also not that uncommon in previous generations to send kids for extended stays with families. My mom who was a kid during the Great Depression spent most of the summer every year with her grandparents who lived by a lake in the country, because that was considered safer and more healthy than letting her wander around their quasi industrial small city where she grew up.
Anyway, if we are going to get all judgy on this…. There’s a huge difference between situations where your kid can spend a week with loving grandma, or ones where you’re just hiring some random stranger to watch your kids. I think if you have the right setup, it’s great for kids to get that extra bonding time with relatives. I never did it because my parents were very elderly, but my older siblings did it and it was great for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Couple of things:

I have an almost 16 year old, and I would not take a trip and leave them home alone. 16 seems like an adult when you have tiny kids: 16 is NOT an adult.

If you have the funds to take a trip, you can hire a sitter, right? Or you can find another family that you trust and perhaps even trade off with them for the weekend on occasion. Also, he may change his mind about his mom. Do you have siblings? If they come to visit, perhaps they can extend their visit for a few days for you an DH to get away.

Which sitters watch your kids all weekend? Vast majority of sitters in this area are HS girls and college students who can barely text back their availability in a punctual manner...let alone watch your kids for an entire weekend.

We live in MoCo and I don't know of any other families using overnight sitters. Or at least they are not advertising it publicly!

I left my now 13yo with a sitter for a weekend starting when he was six months old. Double-time after 8hrs, flat rate for overnight. It was expensive but worthwhile.

[Anonymous]

Back in the day I had mom friends and we would trade off watching kids for a weekend away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was speaking with my spouse about getting a weekend away together just the two of us - we need some time to reconnect. We have two young kids. My MIL lives locally, but is getting older. We haven't taken a solo trip together since when our first was an infant and my mother watched him for a weekend.

Asked my spouse if we could inquire with MIL about doing a weekend away in 2025. Spouse put the kibosh on that quickly, saying MIL is too old to watch two young kids.

So - is this it? We won't be taking another kid-free trip until our youngest is 16 and can stay home alone?

If so, I can now understand why marriages fade out.

What the hell do other people do? Or are you with your kids 24/7?

Sounds about right. Sorry. My husbands parents are dead. My mom is dead. Dad is in great health but probably not the right person to watch my kids longer than a few hours. Aunts and uncles are busy with their own kids and live out of state. They would probably do it but we’d have to fly the whole family to their house five states away and we go drive someone any hour
Form their house. It would be a whole thing . . . And still very expensive.

We visit dad in FL and might squeeze in a date night. Every once in a while my kids have play dates or parties that are close and we can drop off and go on walk together. It is what it is.

For special occasions we get a sitter.

I cannot imagine a week away without massive logistical challenges. Doable, but a stressor in its own.

[Anonymous]

We paid our nanny $1,000 20 years ago to watch our kids for five days. Can only imagine what it costs in 2026.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents never took a weekend away just them. That is a newer trend among the affluent and those with young local family. We took one vacation without our kids and our younger one cried for us. Didn’t vacation without the kids for another 15 years.

Mine did. I'm 46. This isn't a "trend."

I’m 48 and I don’t know one family that took a weekend away trip without their kids from my childhood at all. This was not a thing if your parents did it was certainly an exception. It is a trend that more younger people are doing it now, but in the past, people did not have the time or the resources to take weekend away trips without their kids.

I basically agree with this but it was also not that uncommon in previous generations to send kids for extended stays with families. My mom who was a kid during the Great Depression spent most of the summer every year with her grandparents who lived by a lake in the country, because that was considered safer and more healthy than letting her wander around their quasi industrial small city where she grew up.
Anyway, if we are going to get all judgy on this…. There’s a huge difference between situations where your kid can spend a week with loving grandma, or ones where you’re just hiring some random stranger to watch your kids. I think if you have the right setup, it’s great for kids to get that extra bonding time with relatives. I never did it because my parents were very elderly, but my older siblings did it and it was great for everyone.

You can still build a relationship with grandparents without having them fly solo for a week with the kids. This post is more so asking how the parents can get a break while leaving the kids with someone they trust at a cost that makes sense for them. The relationship building is more of a side benefit. In reality, not every grandparent is in a situation where not a sacrifice or challenge to them, especially if they aren’t retired, if they are caring for their parents, if they have health issues, or they don’t have a partner to share the load of watching the children.

This reminded me a bit of this article how Millennials don’t think their parents are doing enough as grandparents https://www.upworthy.com/gen-x-grandparents-the-worst-ex1

[Anonymous]

1. Cousins camp - kids spend a week at their cousin's house over the summer, your siblings kids spend a week with you. It's good for the cousins to develop a relationship (could be grandparents, but if they are too old to watch kids for a week, then siblings it is). This works until about age 13/14

2. Sleep away camp is the best thing ever. Most are expensive, but, girl scout camp and boy scout camp are not expensive at all, and YMCA is decently priced compared to most.

Those were our vacation times when the kids were young. When they were mid- and late- teens, we took them everywhere with us. Now that they are young adults, they ask us about joining for a family vacation. They are young and don't have a lot of money, and, we are happy to have them travel with us and spend time with them, as we see them so much less often now

[Anonymous]

Any men /husabnds have an opinion on this ..?

[Anonymous]

You could send your kids to sleep away camp. It's not cheap, but that's how it goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We paid our nanny $1,000 20 years ago to watch our kids for five days. Can only imagine what it costs in 2026.

This is still happening. Our college age child and three of her friends all do this. They nanny for families during the Summer so they can have a child free vacation. One even tags along w the family.

I think it's ideal. They stay at home and the kids love it! Spoiler -- the families all recommend them to their other friends and family who also desire a kid free vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We paid our nanny $1,000 20 years ago to watch our kids for five days. Can only imagine what it costs in 2026.

This is still happening. Our college age child and three of her friends all do this. They nanny for families during the Summer so they can have a child free vacation. One even tags along w the family.

I think it's ideal. They stay at home and the kids love it! Spoiler -- the families all recommend them to their other friends and family who also desire a kid free vacation.

How old are the kids they are staying with? I have had many college age sitters including ones I really liked, but none I'd leave my under 10 kids with while I went far enough away that it would take me a while to get back. I could see doing an overnight an hour away maybe. But most college kids would be hugely overwhelmed by, say, a late night ER visit. I also could see things going sideways after the first day if the kids got off schedule with meals or sleep. Nothing that parents or an experienced nanny couldn't deal with, but something that might really overwhelm a college student who just babysits as a side gig for money.

I would definitely happily pay for a college age sitter to come with us on a beach or resort vacation to ensure we got kid-free time and date nights during the trip, but that's not travel without kids, obviously. In terms of solo parent time, it's not much different from just taking date nights at home or getting a nanny to cover part of the weekend so we could do something on our own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never felt the need to have parent-only trips during our kids' childhoods, OP, so I guess everyone's different. We enjoyed our family vacations. Having kids never felt like a sacrifice. Oldest is in college now.

Your medal is in the mail. Thank you so much for your contribution to this discussion.

dp Why are you so offended that pp did not want to go away without kids? I never did either but, don't begrudge anyone who does. Different families do different things! And no medal is required either way If friends told me that they are having a child free vacation I always said 'have fun!'

I'm not offended but I'm allowed to roll my eyes, hard, at someone who says, smugly, that they never felt that having kids was a sacrifice. You can feel free to spend time with people who say stuff like that. For me, it's a no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never felt the need to have parent-only trips during our kids' childhoods, OP, so I guess everyone's different. We enjoyed our family vacations. Having kids never felt like a sacrifice. Oldest is in college now.

Same

+1

Mostly the same. We left them overnight here and there but usually out of necessity (attending a wedding or other event). We’ve never both (at the same time) been a plane ride away from our kids- but our oldest hasn’t graduated HS yet. We’ll have plenty of time for that in a few years. It goes by so fast.

You actually don’t know that. Seems extreme to only vacation for 16-18 years or more with children in tow.

I love my children but also go away with only my husband and girls trips too. It’s important to me to have a life outside of my children and trips like these are fun and also help me appreciate my family life.

Focusing on only your kids for decades of life and then BOOM they are gone - will be a rude awakening and a challenging transition.

+1000

But PP, you'll never reason with these people. They'll just start asking you why you bothered to have kids at all if you were going to spend one week out of 52 each year away from them.

Honestly, this question is a great litmus test for when you meet new people - ask them if they'd ever spend a weekend away without their kids. If they say no, hard pass.

Good call - hard pass on the people who make it a litmus test. They are too black and white and not very creative.

It's ironic that you're not calling the people who say they will NEVER take time away from their kids the black-and-white thinkers...

Doesn’t sound like they are the ones dropping friendship.

What are you talking about? The point of using a litmus test is to decide if you're going to be friends with people, not to decide which friendships you're going to drop.

Ok. You are the only one refusing to get to know anyone because of their stance on vacations without children.

Yeah, if someone approached the topic the way the PP did, I'm good because it's pretty clear that their line of thinking on that topic would extend to other issues and life is too short to be friends with people like that. I'm sure they can find their own tribe. I don't know why this bothers you so much - I wouldn't be remotely offended if someone didn't want to be friends with me because I am a working mom or because I have a hobby or because I spend time away from my kids or because I go on trips with my friends. Truly, I'm good.

+1000

The line of thinking on this topic definitely extends into other areas.