Jealous of Big Law partner spouses?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I think what you’re seeing here are spouses who’s married to biglaw and fall into 2 camps… 1 happy marriages, 2 unhappy marriages. The happy marriages find a way to maximize time at home and the unhappy marriages the biglaw partner throws in more and more time at work for possibly diminishing returns because it’s more palatable than being at home. This is supported by the claims of better work/life balance being accompanied by less unpleasant posters and the claims of bad work/life balance being accompanied by bitter, accusatory, suspicious, and unpleasant posters.

It all seems to align.

Not even close. My husband is very happy at home and miserable at work. We are saving FU money as fast as we possibly can. It think it’s the more materlistic/less materialistic divide. They happy wives are willing to up with anything just for the giant paycheck. Even if it’s “easy street” now, they didn’t get there on easy street.

Yea, I'm the PP with a big law spouse but who also works. Reading this thread was fascinating. I think the people who think it's worth it can't make their own money.

Double Biglaw for over a decade (he made partner I made counsel). I don’t understand what you’re getting at. Of course having so much money you never have to think about it is worth a lot of BS.

Ah, but you actually wanted biglaw - people who 'make' counsel basically wanted partner but didn't get it. By the way, I was biglaw too until I jumped ship - I was the associate you all hated because I was super smart, super good, and also super jack@$$-y about the fact that I wouldn't work for partners who didn't go to Ivies. I also memorized all of the associates published hours so I could tell you which dummy to bother instead of me who wasn't hitting their billables.

You're right, I wanted partner and didn't get it.

Now that that's handled, holy shit, this is one of the most unhinged things I've ever read in my life. You imply that this is a common "type" in biglaw, the "type" we all hated, but my God. I'm quite sure I've never met someone like you, and if I had, I would have an entire comedy set about you.

Well, I’m sure you would’ve hated me, since I got tons of associates to follow my lead and say no to unreasonable crap, especially from people who had no firm influence. Like yourself.

Sorry your bullying didn’t work out for you. Enjoy everyone at your firm knowing you’re subpar.

Unlike you, I'm not too worried about the opinions of people at law firms. As long as the checks clear, I'm happy. My real joy in life (other than my family) is investing and watching my money grow.

Um, you mean watching your husband’s earnings grow right? Because we are both on this thread because we are spouses of law firm partners haha.

He makes much more than me (especially since I'm part time) but obviously we both contribute to our investments. Are you here because you flamed out of the legal field entirely? Can't imagine how that happened, with your sparkling personality.

Read the whole thread. I probably make more than you. ESP because you’re part-time.

What kind of idiot goes part time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I think what you’re seeing here are spouses who’s married to biglaw and fall into 2 camps… 1 happy marriages, 2 unhappy marriages. The happy marriages find a way to maximize time at home and the unhappy marriages the biglaw partner throws in more and more time at work for possibly diminishing returns because it’s more palatable than being at home. This is supported by the claims of better work/life balance being accompanied by less unpleasant posters and the claims of bad work/life balance being accompanied by bitter, accusatory, suspicious, and unpleasant posters.

It all seems to align.

Not even close. My husband is very happy at home and miserable at work. We are saving FU money as fast as we possibly can. It think it’s the more materlistic/less materialistic divide. They happy wives are willing to up with anything just for the giant paycheck. Even if it’s “easy street” now, they didn’t get there on easy street.

Yea, I'm the PP with a big law spouse but who also works. Reading this thread was fascinating. I think the people who think it's worth it can't make their own money.

Double Biglaw for over a decade (he made partner I made counsel). I don’t understand what you’re getting at. Of course having so much money you never have to think about it is worth a lot of BS.

Ah, but you actually wanted biglaw - people who 'make' counsel basically wanted partner but didn't get it. By the way, I was biglaw too until I jumped ship - I was the associate you all hated because I was super smart, super good, and also super jack@$$-y about the fact that I wouldn't work for partners who didn't go to Ivies. I also memorized all of the associates published hours so I could tell you which dummy to bother instead of me who wasn't hitting their billables.

You're right, I wanted partner and didn't get it.

Now that that's handled, holy shit, this is one of the most unhinged things I've ever read in my life. You imply that this is a common "type" in biglaw, the "type" we all hated, but my God. I'm quite sure I've never met someone like you, and if I had, I would have an entire comedy set about you.

Well, I’m sure you would’ve hated me, since I got tons of associates to follow my lead and say no to unreasonable crap, especially from people who had no firm influence. Like yourself.

Sorry your bullying didn’t work out for you. Enjoy everyone at your firm knowing you’re subpar.

Unlike you, I'm not too worried about the opinions of people at law firms. As long as the checks clear, I'm happy. My real joy in life (other than my family) is investing and watching my money grow.

Um, you mean watching your husband’s earnings grow right? Because we are both on this thread because we are spouses of law firm partners haha.

He makes much more than me (especially since I'm part time) but obviously we both contribute to our investments. Are you here because you flamed out of the legal field entirely? Can't imagine how that happened, with your sparkling personality.

Read the whole thread. I probably make more than you. ESP because you’re part-time.

What kind of idiot goes part time?

I'm sure you do make more than me in W2 income. But the fact you still want to talk about W2 income is a key hint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what you’re seeing here are spouses who’s married to biglaw and fall into 2 camps… 1 happy marriages, 2 unhappy marriages. The happy marriages find a way to maximize time at home and the unhappy marriages the biglaw partner throws in more and more time at work for possibly diminishing returns because it’s more palatable than being at home. This is supported by the claims of better work/life balance being accompanied by less unpleasant posters and the claims of bad work/life balance being accompanied by bitter, accusatory, suspicious, and unpleasant posters.

It all seems to align.

Not even close. My husband is very happy at home and miserable at work. We are saving FU money as fast as we possibly can. It think it’s the more materlistic/less materialistic divide. They happy wives are willing to up with anything just for the giant paycheck. Even if it’s “easy street” now, they didn’t get there on easy street.

Yea, I'm the PP with a big law spouse but who also works. Reading this thread was fascinating. I think the people who think it's worth it can't make their own money.

Double Biglaw for over a decade (he made partner I made counsel). I don’t understand what you’re getting at. Of course having so much money you never have to think about it is worth a lot of BS.

Ah, but you actually wanted biglaw - people who 'make' counsel basically wanted partner but didn't get it. By the way, I was biglaw too until I jumped ship - I was the associate you all hated because I was super smart, super good, and also super jack@$$-y about the fact that I wouldn't work for partners who didn't go to Ivies. I also memorized all of the associates published hours so I could tell you which dummy to bother instead of me who wasn't hitting their billables.

You're right, I wanted partner and didn't get it.

Now that that's handled, holy shit, this is one of the most unhinged things I've ever read in my life. You imply that this is a common "type" in biglaw, the "type" we all hated, but my God. I'm quite sure I've never met someone like you, and if I had, I would have an entire comedy set about you.

Well, I’m sure you would’ve hated me, since I got tons of associates to follow my lead and say no to unreasonable crap, especially from people who had no firm influence. Like yourself.

Sorry your bullying didn’t work out for you. Enjoy everyone at your firm knowing you’re subpar.

Unlike you, I'm not too worried about the opinions of people at law firms. As long as the checks clear, I'm happy. My real joy in life (other than my family) is investing and watching my money grow.

Um, you mean watching your husband’s earnings grow right? Because we are both on this thread because we are spouses of law firm partners haha.

He makes much more than me (especially since I'm part time) but obviously we both contribute to our investments. Are you here because you flamed out of the legal field entirely? Can't imagine how that happened, with your sparkling personality.

Read the whole thread. I probably make more than you. ESP because you’re part-time.

What kind of idiot goes part time?

I'm sure you do make more than me in W2 income. But the fact you still want to talk about W2 income is a key hint.

Lol okay, this weird pissing match has gotten boring. Enjoy your PT counsel role haha and counting your money.

[Anonymous]

Envy and jealousy are life-sapping forces. There are so many ways to enjoy life, which is short and fleeting. A close, 48-yo friend just died of cancer. Nobody talked about his bank account or career at his memorial.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:^ And I'll add, WE miss dinner with the kids when we go out on a date or have another social obligation, but HE has missed dinner for work only once in the last six months.

Geostationary.

Clearly there is something wrong with your memory if you only remember once. No one believes this is true. I do believe that your cognition might be faulty.

Well, I believe it to be true. I had a law school professor who was always home for dinner. She said it was just really, really important to her to be home for dinner every day so she did it even when she was a junior partner at a big law firm (in case anybody is curious I think it was Kirkland in litigation). Her husband wasn't an attorney but had a really demanding job as well and he was there for dinners too. Of course they stayed up late to get things done. It's just about what you prioritize.

I didn't mean junior partner, I meant junior associate.

Yes, of course, because you don’t make partner at Kirkland by leaving every day at 4pm and never traveling. Hence, she’s a law professor making 1/50th of what a Kirkland partner makes. Cool story bro.

Yes, law professor =/= big law partner. They get summers off, ffs. The PP who keeps mentioning the law professor sounds like they are either still in law school or fresh out of it.

Good lord. We have people in this thread who can't distinguish between the lifestyle of a junior associate and a junior partner.

Exactly—but, they still all think they are experts on the secret life of the Biglaw Wife. It’s comical.

Sorry for re-upping this stupid thread but I am a big law wife and my husband's hours as a junior associate were worse and less flexible than they are now as a junior partner. Also, I'm fifteen years out of law school, and yes I totally had a girl crush on this professor. She was awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much money does a typical Biglaw partner in a top 10 or 20 law firm in DC bring home in a month? I keep asking and nobody tells me. Am I right that it’s like $200,000 a month?

This and it can be much much more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much money does a typical Biglaw partner in a top 10 or 20 law firm in DC bring home in a month? I keep asking and nobody tells me. Am I right that it’s like $200,000 a month?

This and it can be much much more.

Or much less.

[Anonymous]

So much drama in this thread. Geez. I had a guarantee to be equity at a V25, but I ended up walking away from it. Wasn’t worth it and we had been been investing aggressively for many years to afford to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So much drama in this thread. Geez. I had a guarantee to be equity at a V25, but I ended up walking away from it. Wasn’t worth it and we had been been investing aggressively for many years to afford to do so.

Yes, a lot of it toxic. Despite what some spouses on this tread want you believe. Good for you for getting out. Hopefully, you are a happier and healthier person now.

[Anonymous]

My dad is a retired big law partner in NYC (M&A). Went to Yale law. He’s brilliant.

On a good weekday growing up he was home by 7:30-9pm. Watched some tv with us. On weekends he was very present, played sports with us, taught us to ski, read books, took us to and from play dates, coached little league.

But when he was closing a deal he had to work really long hours and depending on the client, had to travel a lot. He worked a ton on at least 50% of our vacations and even had to miss a few vacations or birthdays altogether.

My dad describes it as grueling and retired around 60. By the end of his career, he worked from home a lot but like other posters have said, he was just in his office working away.

My mom handled everything related to the kids and the day to day of our household. She also had her own more flexible career (she’s retired now too.) we never had to worry about money and grew up with private school, great camps, private lessons etc. which was nice, but I’m sure the way my dads career had to take priority was stressful for my mom and my for parents marriage.

I think a lot of people who marry guys in big law want to run the show at home though and are ok with that set up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you fine if they're stuck working and on calls on holidays and in the middle of family vacations? With having them come home after 10pm many nights?

Works pretty well for me.

[Anonymous]

Saying big law a lot is also a weird flag. The people at the top firms are not generically saying "I work in big law" just like a Harvard grad isn't going around saying "I went to an Ivy League school." There are huge variations in prestige (and $$) based on the firm and practice area. Some positions would make people far more envious too.
Money and lifestyle wise, I'd be more jealous of PE or VC spouses or of doc spouses where the specialty is lucrative with easy hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Saying big law a lot is also a weird flag. The people at the top firms are not generically saying "I work in big law" just like a Harvard grad isn't going around saying "I went to an Ivy League school." There are huge variations in prestige (and $$) based on the firm and practice area. Some positions would make people far more envious too.
Money and lifestyle wise, I'd be more jealous of PE or VC spouses or of doc spouses where the specialty is lucrative with easy hours.

Not a good analogy. HLS grads (or Harvard grads of any kind) are well known for setting word records on how fast they slip that info into a conversation. It is called "dropping the H bomb".

[Anonymous]

I am jealous of the people that have a great quality of life and don't think too much about how much money they do or don't have.

[Anonymous]

A lot of the partners I encountered over the years had serious substance abuse problems and were cheating on their spouses. Everyone is different of course, but it’s definitely part of the culture within the profession. Also lots of divorces.