SAHMs and marriage dynamics?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on the finances. I get it if one spouse makes $1m+ (fewer than 3 kids) and will do consistently for x many years - and net worth at least $5m, but any less than that it is weird for one spouse to not work if can bc how are you saving to set your kids up for best possible life?

I WOH right now, but come from a family with some inherited wealth. Accumulation of wealth to pass down to generations is not always the best thing you can do for kids. My two siblings were disincentivized from being ambitious because they knew there was a nest egg. I’ve also seen this in other families. Educating your child well, incentivizing them to challenge themselves, and teaching them to help others are far more important things you can do as parent rather than handing them a big bank account.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a big law partner and a lot of my male colleagues have wives who are SAHMs. I'm not super involved in their marriages, obviously, but just from hearing how they talk amongst themselves, it seems like a lot of them lose respect for their wives. All conversations become about the kids or the household, and they start seeing their wives more as a mother to their kids than a true partner and equal. They do love their wives, and I think their marriages are mostly happy, but it does sometimes feel like they see their colleagues (male and female) as their peers and their wives as a step beneath - and that's with the good ones. As you probably know, cheating is rampant in big law. This may be unique to law, and big law in particular, where people tend to make their career their personality and most of their self worth.

Yes - I have also seen this from male friends of mine. Not until 40s - I think it’s based on the kids being at school full time and the wife is still like - spending the day walking a dog and saying stuff takes up the whole time. Women get super mad when you suggest this but when so many women work and raise school aged kids it creates a cognitive dissonance

I am in my 40s, and my wife is a SAHM with school aged kids. I don't feel this way at all. When I see the families with two full time parents with multiple kids, it creates no cognitive dissonance at all because they seem overstretched and generally pretty harried and unhappy. So, yes, we could have more money if my wife worked full time, but I don't think it's worth and am glad she doesn't. I know several other men in my same circumstance, and I never hear that they wished their wives would work more. So it is all anecdotal, but I doubt you are really seeing this from your male friends, or you just have a different social set than I do.

I think it's just a status thing for you personally. If all your male friends think this way they are just all wealthy and you are not in touch with men who are overstretched trying to bring in money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a big law partner and a lot of my male colleagues have wives who are SAHMs. I'm not super involved in their marriages, obviously, but just from hearing how they talk amongst themselves, it seems like a lot of them lose respect for their wives. All conversations become about the kids or the household, and they start seeing their wives more as a mother to their kids than a true partner and equal. They do love their wives, and I think their marriages are mostly happy, but it does sometimes feel like they see their colleagues (male and female) as their peers and their wives as a step beneath - and that's with the good ones. As you probably know, cheating is rampant in big law. This may be unique to law, and big law in particular, where people tend to make their career their personality and most of their self worth.

Yes - I have also seen this from male friends of mine. Not until 40s - I think it’s based on the kids being at school full time and the wife is still like - spending the day walking a dog and saying stuff takes up the whole time. Women get super mad when you suggest this but when so many women work and raise school aged kids it creates a cognitive dissonance

I am in my 40s, and my wife is a SAHM with school aged kids. I don't feel this way at all. When I see the families with two full time parents with multiple kids, it creates no cognitive dissonance at all because they seem overstretched and generally pretty harried and unhappy. So, yes, we could have more money if my wife worked full time, but I don't think it's worth and am glad she doesn't. I know several other men in my same circumstance, and I never hear that they wished their wives would work more. So it is all anecdotal, but I doubt you are really seeing this from your male friends, or you just have a different social set than I do.

If your social set doesn’t include men who are cheaters, gossip negatively about their wives at work and think of their wives as a “step down” then I think you’ve found a good group!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a big law partner and a lot of my male colleagues have wives who are SAHMs. I'm not super involved in their marriages, obviously, but just from hearing how they talk amongst themselves, it seems like a lot of them lose respect for their wives. All conversations become about the kids or the household, and they start seeing their wives more as a mother to their kids than a true partner and equal. They do love their wives, and I think their marriages are mostly happy, but it does sometimes feel like they see their colleagues (male and female) as their peers and their wives as a step beneath - and that's with the good ones. As you probably know, cheating is rampant in big law. This may be unique to law, and big law in particular, where people tend to make their career their personality and most of their self worth.

Yes - I have also seen this from male friends of mine. Not until 40s - I think it’s based on the kids being at school full time and the wife is still like - spending the day walking a dog and saying stuff takes up the whole time. Women get super mad when you suggest this but when so many women work and raise school aged kids it creates a cognitive dissonance

I am in my 40s, and my wife is a SAHM with school aged kids. I don't feel this way at all. When I see the families with two full time parents with multiple kids, it creates no cognitive dissonance at all because they seem overstretched and generally pretty harried and unhappy. So, yes, we could have more money if my wife worked full time, but I don't think it's worth and am glad she doesn't. I know several other men in my same circumstance, and I never hear that they wished their wives would work more. So it is all anecdotal, but I doubt you are really seeing this from your male friends, or you just have a different social set than I do.

I think it's just a status thing for you personally. If all your male friends think this way they are just all wealthy and you are not in touch with men who are overstretched trying to bring in money.

Why do you think it's a status thing, as opposed to the reasons I actually gave? Is it so hard to believe that there are people who feel lucky to have someone who is willing to focus on the kids and home life, rather than more money?

[Anonymous]

Each marriage is different. You cannot generalize and say all SAHM marriages are happy and all couples who work are miserable. But I will say for myself, a SAHM, we have a nice easy marriage. Life is relaxing and pretty low stress. It makes for nice home life and both DH and I are happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a big law partner and a lot of my male colleagues have wives who are SAHMs. I'm not super involved in their marriages, obviously, but just from hearing how they talk amongst themselves, it seems like a lot of them lose respect for their wives. All conversations become about the kids or the household, and they start seeing their wives more as a mother to their kids than a true partner and equal. They do love their wives, and I think their marriages are mostly happy, but it does sometimes feel like they see their colleagues (male and female) as their peers and their wives as a step beneath - and that's with the good ones. As you probably know, cheating is rampant in big law. This may be unique to law, and big law in particular, where people tend to make their career their personality and most of their self worth.

Yes - I have also seen this from male friends of mine. Not until 40s - I think it’s based on the kids being at school full time and the wife is still like - spending the day walking a dog and saying stuff takes up the whole time. Women get super mad when you suggest this but when so many women work and raise school aged kids it creates a cognitive dissonance

I am in my 40s, and my wife is a SAHM with school aged kids. I don't feel this way at all. When I see the families with two full time parents with multiple kids, it creates no cognitive dissonance at all because they seem overstretched and generally pretty harried and unhappy. So, yes, we could have more money if my wife worked full time, but I don't think it's worth and am glad she doesn't. I know several other men in my same circumstance, and I never hear that they wished their wives would work more. So it is all anecdotal, but I doubt you are really seeing this from your male friends, or you just have a different social set than I do.

I think it's just a status thing for you personally. If all your male friends think this way they are just all wealthy and you are not in touch with men who are overstretched trying to bring in money.

Why do you think it's a status thing, as opposed to the reasons I actually gave? Is it so hard to believe that there are people who feel lucky to have someone who is willing to focus on the kids and home life, rather than more money?

I just think it's a sign that the men you hang around are not worried about money is all. The men I meet who don't make enough don't think this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a big law partner and a lot of my male colleagues have wives who are SAHMs. I'm not super involved in their marriages, obviously, but just from hearing how they talk amongst themselves, it seems like a lot of them lose respect for their wives. All conversations become about the kids or the household, and they start seeing their wives more as a mother to their kids than a true partner and equal. They do love their wives, and I think their marriages are mostly happy, but it does sometimes feel like they see their colleagues (male and female) as their peers and their wives as a step beneath - and that's with the good ones. As you probably know, cheating is rampant in big law. This may be unique to law, and big law in particular, where people tend to make their career their personality and most of their self worth.

Yes - I have also seen this from male friends of mine. Not until 40s - I think it’s based on the kids being at school full time and the wife is still like - spending the day walking a dog and saying stuff takes up the whole time. Women get super mad when you suggest this but when so many women work and raise school aged kids it creates a cognitive dissonance

I am in my 40s, and my wife is a SAHM with school aged kids. I don't feel this way at all. When I see the families with two full time parents with multiple kids, it creates no cognitive dissonance at all because they seem overstretched and generally pretty harried and unhappy. So, yes, we could have more money if my wife worked full time, but I don't think it's worth and am glad she doesn't. I know several other men in my same circumstance, and I never hear that they wished their wives would work more. So it is all anecdotal, but I doubt you are really seeing this from your male friends, or you just have a different social set than I do.

I think it's just a status thing for you personally. If all your male friends think this way they are just all wealthy and you are not in touch with men who are overstretched trying to bring in money.

Why do you think it's a status thing, as opposed to the reasons I actually gave? Is it so hard to believe that there are people who feel lucky to have someone who is willing to focus on the kids and home life, rather than more money?

DP. I think some people have a very hard time relating to others. They can’t understand that some men are truly happy with a SAHM and prefer this arrangement. My own father never had any desire for my mom to work and frankly didn’t care. They were both happy with their life. My own husband wants that $$$$$

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a big law partner and a lot of my male colleagues have wives who are SAHMs. I'm not super involved in their marriages, obviously, but just from hearing how they talk amongst themselves, it seems like a lot of them lose respect for their wives. All conversations become about the kids or the household, and they start seeing their wives more as a mother to their kids than a true partner and equal. They do love their wives, and I think their marriages are mostly happy, but it does sometimes feel like they see their colleagues (male and female) as their peers and their wives as a step beneath - and that's with the good ones. As you probably know, cheating is rampant in big law. This may be unique to law, and big law in particular, where people tend to make their career their personality and most of their self worth.

Yes - I have also seen this from male friends of mine. Not until 40s - I think it’s based on the kids being at school full time and the wife is still like - spending the day walking a dog and saying stuff takes up the whole time. Women get super mad when you suggest this but when so many women work and raise school aged kids it creates a cognitive dissonance

I am in my 40s, and my wife is a SAHM with school aged kids. I don't feel this way at all. When I see the families with two full time parents with multiple kids, it creates no cognitive dissonance at all because they seem overstretched and generally pretty harried and unhappy. So, yes, we could have more money if my wife worked full time, but I don't think it's worth and am glad she doesn't. I know several other men in my same circumstance, and I never hear that they wished their wives would work more. So it is all anecdotal, but I doubt you are really seeing this from your male friends, or you just have a different social set than I do.

I think it's just a status thing for you personally. If all your male friends think this way they are just all wealthy and you are not in touch with men who are overstretched trying to bring in money.

Why do you think it's a status thing, as opposed to the reasons I actually gave? Is it so hard to believe that there are people who feel lucky to have someone who is willing to focus on the kids and home life, rather than more money?

I just think it's a sign that the men you hang around are not worried about money is all. The men I meet who don't make enough don't think this way.

For instance, do you live in a condo or an apartment? Do you work two jobs? Do you have to support your parents? Do you have a sick child or parent you have to support with time or money? Are most safe neighborhoods closed off to you because they are too expensive to live in? Or are your kids in private school and you live in the Yorktown school district? All of this matters and then on top of it, it matters if the person is faithful and actually enjoys living a family life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a big law partner and a lot of my male colleagues have wives who are SAHMs. I'm not super involved in their marriages, obviously, but just from hearing how they talk amongst themselves, it seems like a lot of them lose respect for their wives. All conversations become about the kids or the household, and they start seeing their wives more as a mother to their kids than a true partner and equal. They do love their wives, and I think their marriages are mostly happy, but it does sometimes feel like they see their colleagues (male and female) as their peers and their wives as a step beneath - and that's with the good ones. As you probably know, cheating is rampant in big law. This may be unique to law, and big law in particular, where people tend to make their career their personality and most of their self worth.

Yes - I have also seen this from male friends of mine. Not until 40s - I think it’s based on the kids being at school full time and the wife is still like - spending the day walking a dog and saying stuff takes up the whole time. Women get super mad when you suggest this but when so many women work and raise school aged kids it creates a cognitive dissonance

I am in my 40s, and my wife is a SAHM with school aged kids. I don't feel this way at all. When I see the families with two full time parents with multiple kids, it creates no cognitive dissonance at all because they seem overstretched and generally pretty harried and unhappy. So, yes, we could have more money if my wife worked full time, but I don't think it's worth and am glad she doesn't. I know several other men in my same circumstance, and I never hear that they wished their wives would work more. So it is all anecdotal, but I doubt you are really seeing this from your male friends, or you just have a different social set than I do.

I think it's just a status thing for you personally. If all your male friends think this way they are just all wealthy and you are not in touch with men who are overstretched trying to bring in money.

Why do you think it's a status thing, as opposed to the reasons I actually gave? Is it so hard to believe that there are people who feel lucky to have someone who is willing to focus on the kids and home life, rather than more money?

DP. I think some people have a very hard time relating to others. They can’t understand that some men are truly happy with a SAHM and prefer this arrangement. My own father never had any desire for my mom to work and frankly didn’t care. They were both happy with their life. My own husband wants that $$$$$

Yeah, I get that. More money is always better, all things being equal. In my view, all things are not equal though. And yes, I make a good bit of money, though not so much that an extra couple hundred thousand dollars a year wouldn't matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a big law partner and a lot of my male colleagues have wives who are SAHMs. I'm not super involved in their marriages, obviously, but just from hearing how they talk amongst themselves, it seems like a lot of them lose respect for their wives. All conversations become about the kids or the household, and they start seeing their wives more as a mother to their kids than a true partner and equal. They do love their wives, and I think their marriages are mostly happy, but it does sometimes feel like they see their colleagues (male and female) as their peers and their wives as a step beneath - and that's with the good ones. As you probably know, cheating is rampant in big law. This may be unique to law, and big law in particular, where people tend to make their career their personality and most of their self worth.

Yes - I have also seen this from male friends of mine. Not until 40s - I think it’s based on the kids being at school full time and the wife is still like - spending the day walking a dog and saying stuff takes up the whole time. Women get super mad when you suggest this but when so many women work and raise school aged kids it creates a cognitive dissonance

I am in my 40s, and my wife is a SAHM with school aged kids. I don't feel this way at all. When I see the families with two full time parents with multiple kids, it creates no cognitive dissonance at all because they seem overstretched and generally pretty harried and unhappy. So, yes, we could have more money if my wife worked full time, but I don't think it's worth and am glad she doesn't. I know several other men in my same circumstance, and I never hear that they wished their wives would work more. So it is all anecdotal, but I doubt you are really seeing this from your male friends, or you just have a different social set than I do.

I think it's just a status thing for you personally. If all your male friends think this way they are just all wealthy and you are not in touch with men who are overstretched trying to bring in money.

Why do you think it's a status thing, as opposed to the reasons I actually gave? Is it so hard to believe that there are people who feel lucky to have someone who is willing to focus on the kids and home life, rather than more money?

DP. I think some people have a very hard time relating to others. They can’t understand that some men are truly happy with a SAHM and prefer this arrangement. My own father never had any desire for my mom to work and frankly didn’t care. They were both happy with their life. My own husband wants that $$$$$

They can’t understand that some men are truly happy with a SAHM and prefer this arrangement

There are reasons for this feeling is all I'm saying. It feels safer for them. They want less chaos at home and more chaos at work. They already have a safety net with family money. Their guy friends think they are cooler if they have a SAHM as a wife. All of this matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a big law partner and a lot of my male colleagues have wives who are SAHMs. I'm not super involved in their marriages, obviously, but just from hearing how they talk amongst themselves, it seems like a lot of them lose respect for their wives. All conversations become about the kids or the household, and they start seeing their wives more as a mother to their kids than a true partner and equal. They do love their wives, and I think their marriages are mostly happy, but it does sometimes feel like they see their colleagues (male and female) as their peers and their wives as a step beneath - and that's with the good ones. As you probably know, cheating is rampant in big law. This may be unique to law, and big law in particular, where people tend to make their career their personality and most of their self worth.

Yes - I have also seen this from male friends of mine. Not until 40s - I think it’s based on the kids being at school full time and the wife is still like - spending the day walking a dog and saying stuff takes up the whole time. Women get super mad when you suggest this but when so many women work and raise school aged kids it creates a cognitive dissonance

I am in my 40s, and my wife is a SAHM with school aged kids. I don't feel this way at all. When I see the families with two full time parents with multiple kids, it creates no cognitive dissonance at all because they seem overstretched and generally pretty harried and unhappy. So, yes, we could have more money if my wife worked full time, but I don't think it's worth and am glad she doesn't. I know several other men in my same circumstance, and I never hear that they wished their wives would work more. So it is all anecdotal, but I doubt you are really seeing this from your male friends, or you just have a different social set than I do.

I think it's just a status thing for you personally. If all your male friends think this way they are just all wealthy and you are not in touch with men who are overstretched trying to bring in money.

Why do you think it's a status thing, as opposed to the reasons I actually gave? Is it so hard to believe that there are people who feel lucky to have someone who is willing to focus on the kids and home life, rather than more money?

DP. I think some people have a very hard time relating to others. They can’t understand that some men are truly happy with a SAHM and prefer this arrangement. My own father never had any desire for my mom to work and frankly didn’t care. They were both happy with their life. My own husband wants that $$$$$

Yeah, I get that. More money is always better, all things being equal. In my view, all things are not equal though. And yes, I make a good bit of money, though not so much that an extra couple hundred thousand dollars a year wouldn't matter.

Not everyone feels this way. Because more money often comes at a price. Some families think it’s worth it and others do not. A lot of families also have a HHI target where they can live the life they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a big law partner and a lot of my male colleagues have wives who are SAHMs. I'm not super involved in their marriages, obviously, but just from hearing how they talk amongst themselves, it seems like a lot of them lose respect for their wives. All conversations become about the kids or the household, and they start seeing their wives more as a mother to their kids than a true partner and equal. They do love their wives, and I think their marriages are mostly happy, but it does sometimes feel like they see their colleagues (male and female) as their peers and their wives as a step beneath - and that's with the good ones. As you probably know, cheating is rampant in big law. This may be unique to law, and big law in particular, where people tend to make their career their personality and most of their self worth.

Yes - I have also seen this from male friends of mine. Not until 40s - I think it’s based on the kids being at school full time and the wife is still like - spending the day walking a dog and saying stuff takes up the whole time. Women get super mad when you suggest this but when so many women work and raise school aged kids it creates a cognitive dissonance

I am in my 40s, and my wife is a SAHM with school aged kids. I don't feel this way at all. When I see the families with two full time parents with multiple kids, it creates no cognitive dissonance at all because they seem overstretched and generally pretty harried and unhappy. So, yes, we could have more money if my wife worked full time, but I don't think it's worth and am glad she doesn't. I know several other men in my same circumstance, and I never hear that they wished their wives would work more. So it is all anecdotal, but I doubt you are really seeing this from your male friends, or you just have a different social set than I do.

I think it's just a status thing for you personally. If all your male friends think this way they are just all wealthy and you are not in touch with men who are overstretched trying to bring in money.

Why do you think it's a status thing, as opposed to the reasons I actually gave? Is it so hard to believe that there are people who feel lucky to have someone who is willing to focus on the kids and home life, rather than more money?

DP. I think some people have a very hard time relating to others. They can’t understand that some men are truly happy with a SAHM and prefer this arrangement. My own father never had any desire for my mom to work and frankly didn’t care. They were both happy with their life. My own husband wants that $$$$$

Yeah, I get that. More money is always better, all things being equal. In my view, all things are not equal though. And yes, I make a good bit of money, though not so much that an extra couple hundred thousand dollars a year wouldn't matter.

A couple hundred thousand dollars a year??? What did I miss here? Are you making a generalization about SAHMs based on the idea that a family is missing out on a couple hundred thousand dollars a year because she’s staying at home?

[Anonymous]

And on the flip side, I'm friends now with two women who are married to a lawyer and a state department worker and they stayed at home to raise the children. Well turns out the men are cheating with multiple people and now they are worried they will leave them. They are in a huge pickle. It's all good till it isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a big law partner and a lot of my male colleagues have wives who are SAHMs. I'm not super involved in their marriages, obviously, but just from hearing how they talk amongst themselves, it seems like a lot of them lose respect for their wives. All conversations become about the kids or the household, and they start seeing their wives more as a mother to their kids than a true partner and equal. They do love their wives, and I think their marriages are mostly happy, but it does sometimes feel like they see their colleagues (male and female) as their peers and their wives as a step beneath - and that's with the good ones. As you probably know, cheating is rampant in big law. This may be unique to law, and big law in particular, where people tend to make their career their personality and most of their self worth.

Yes - I have also seen this from male friends of mine. Not until 40s - I think it’s based on the kids being at school full time and the wife is still like - spending the day walking a dog and saying stuff takes up the whole time. Women get super mad when you suggest this but when so many women work and raise school aged kids it creates a cognitive dissonance

I am in my 40s, and my wife is a SAHM with school aged kids. I don't feel this way at all. When I see the families with two full time parents with multiple kids, it creates no cognitive dissonance at all because they seem overstretched and generally pretty harried and unhappy. So, yes, we could have more money if my wife worked full time, but I don't think it's worth and am glad she doesn't. I know several other men in my same circumstance, and I never hear that they wished their wives would work more. So it is all anecdotal, but I doubt you are really seeing this from your male friends, or you just have a different social set than I do.

I think it's just a status thing for you personally. If all your male friends think this way they are just all wealthy and you are not in touch with men who are overstretched trying to bring in money.

Why do you think it's a status thing, as opposed to the reasons I actually gave? Is it so hard to believe that there are people who feel lucky to have someone who is willing to focus on the kids and home life, rather than more money?

DP. I think some people have a very hard time relating to others. They can’t understand that some men are truly happy with a SAHM and prefer this arrangement. My own father never had any desire for my mom to work and frankly didn’t care. They were both happy with their life. My own husband wants that $$$$$

Yeah, I get that. More money is always better, all things being equal. In my view, all things are not equal though. And yes, I make a good bit of money, though not so much that an extra couple hundred thousand dollars a year wouldn't matter.

A couple hundred thousand dollars a year??? What did I miss here? Are you making a generalization about SAHMs based on the idea that a family is missing out on a couple hundred thousand dollars a year because she’s staying at home?

And this is what I mean. That everyone on this board talks as if every job makes well over $100,000 a year. That's just silly. If this person is not missing a couple hundred thousand a year, they are not having money issues of any kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a big law partner and a lot of my male colleagues have wives who are SAHMs. I'm not super involved in their marriages, obviously, but just from hearing how they talk amongst themselves, it seems like a lot of them lose respect for their wives. All conversations become about the kids or the household, and they start seeing their wives more as a mother to their kids than a true partner and equal. They do love their wives, and I think their marriages are mostly happy, but it does sometimes feel like they see their colleagues (male and female) as their peers and their wives as a step beneath - and that's with the good ones. As you probably know, cheating is rampant in big law. This may be unique to law, and big law in particular, where people tend to make their career their personality and most of their self worth.

Yes - I have also seen this from male friends of mine. Not until 40s - I think it’s based on the kids being at school full time and the wife is still like - spending the day walking a dog and saying stuff takes up the whole time. Women get super mad when you suggest this but when so many women work and raise school aged kids it creates a cognitive dissonance

I am in my 40s, and my wife is a SAHM with school aged kids. I don't feel this way at all. When I see the families with two full time parents with multiple kids, it creates no cognitive dissonance at all because they seem overstretched and generally pretty harried and unhappy. So, yes, we could have more money if my wife worked full time, but I don't think it's worth and am glad she doesn't. I know several other men in my same circumstance, and I never hear that they wished their wives would work more. So it is all anecdotal, but I doubt you are really seeing this from your male friends, or you just have a different social set than I do.

I think it's just a status thing for you personally. If all your male friends think this way they are just all wealthy and you are not in touch with men who are overstretched trying to bring in money.

Why do you think it's a status thing, as opposed to the reasons I actually gave? Is it so hard to believe that there are people who feel lucky to have someone who is willing to focus on the kids and home life, rather than more money?

DP. I think some people have a very hard time relating to others. They can’t understand that some men are truly happy with a SAHM and prefer this arrangement. My own father never had any desire for my mom to work and frankly didn’t care. They were both happy with their life. My own husband wants that $$$$$

Yeah, I get that. More money is always better, all things being equal. In my view, all things are not equal though. And yes, I make a good bit of money, though not so much that an extra couple hundred thousand dollars a year wouldn't matter.

Not everyone feels this way. Because more money often comes at a price. Some families think it’s worth it and others do not. A lot of families also have a HHI target where they can live the life they want.

That was exactly my point. More money is better when all else is equal, but all else is not equal, and our view is that the life tradeoffs are not worth it.