Reply to SAHMs and marriage dynamics?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm a big law partner and a lot of my male colleagues have wives who are SAHMs. I'm not super involved in their marriages, obviously, but just from hearing how they talk amongst themselves, it seems like a lot of them lose respect for their wives. All conversations become about the kids or the household, and they start seeing their wives more as a mother to their kids than a true partner and equal. They do love their wives, and I think their marriages are mostly happy, but it does sometimes feel like they see their colleagues (male and female) as their peers and their wives as a step beneath - and that's with the good ones. As you probably know, cheating is rampant in big law. This may be unique to law, and big law in particular, where people tend to make their career their personality and most of their self worth. [/quote]

Yes - I have also seen this from male friends of mine. Not until 40s - I think it’s based on the kids being at school full time and the wife is still like - spending the day walking a dog and saying stuff takes up the whole time. Women get super mad when you suggest this but when so many women work and raise school aged kids it creates a cognitive dissonance [/quote]

I am in my 40s, and my wife is a SAHM with school aged kids. I don't feel this way at all. When I see the families with two full time parents with multiple kids, it creates no cognitive dissonance at all because they seem overstretched and generally pretty harried and unhappy. So, yes, we could have more money if my wife worked full time, but I don't think it's worth and am glad she doesn't. I know several other men in my same circumstance, and I never hear that they wished their wives would work more. So it is all anecdotal, but I doubt you are really seeing this from your male friends, or you just have a different social set than I do.[/quote]

I think it's just a status thing for you personally. If all your male friends think this way they are just all wealthy and you are not in touch with men who are overstretched trying to bring in money.[/quote]

Why do you think it's a status thing, as opposed to the reasons I actually gave? Is it so hard to believe that there are people who feel lucky to have someone who is willing to focus on the kids and home life, rather than more money? [/quote]

DP.  I think some people have a very hard time relating to others.  They can’t understand that some men are truly happy with a SAHM and prefer this arrangement. My own father never had any desire for my mom to work and frankly didn’t care.  They were both happy with their life.  My own husband wants that $$$$$[/quote]

Yeah, I get that. [b]More money is always better, [/b]all things being equal. In my view, all things are not equal though. And yes, I make a good bit of money, though not so much that an extra couple hundred thousand dollars a year wouldn't matter. [/quote]

Not everyone feels this way.  Because more money often comes at a price.  Some families think it’s worth it and others do not.  A lot of families also have a HHI target where they can live the life they want.  [/quote]

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