Social resume for sorority rush

[Anonymous]

At my university all frat & sorority houses were under residence life. Only the school itself owned them. They were houses but treated as dorms on paper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At my university all frat & sorority houses were under residence life. Only the school itself owned them. They were houses but treated as dorms on paper.

My school tried that. Every house refused to sell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:any discussion of greek life always devolves into this type of argument on this board. the fact is that if you talk to the girls in sororities they are generally happy with the experience, and they are also welcome to drop out at any time if they are not. Its a social club, why do we have to assign any more meaning to it than that? If the girls find their "home" great, if its not for them,, great. Why grown women (and possibly men) on this board care one way or the other, I simply don't understand.

For one thing, it's school sanctioned

And rush is organized by the school. They could choose to be more humane.

How many more years will it take for someone to hit a public school with an ADA or 1984 complaint based on rush?

Overdue. But when a school gets a reputation of having an especially brutal rush and moms start steering their daughters to the other major state U because of it (true story), a sorority will give a bid to someone with obvious differences (Down’s) for a PR stunt to show how “inclusive” are.

Stories like this are based on a very limited number of schools.

Generally speaking though sororities run the gamut from groups with all one type of young women to groups with all types. Sororities vary from school to school and the most snobby sorority at one school might be the most laid back at another school.

One problem that happens in rush is most freshman will go through the process and pick the group that matches their "fantasy self" - the young woman they imagine they might be sometime in the future - instead of picking the sorority that matches their real self. So the girl who wants to be outgoing and bubbly and popular but is really a bit more shy and reserved tries really hard to get into the outgoing bubbly popular all the time sorority and is crushed when she doesn't get accepted. She passes up the group of young women who are a bit more reserved but are just as fun and kind as the other sorority and have just as many activities going on but don't appear to be the most popular.

Another problem that happens is most freshman fail to understand that during rush the sisters are like sales people. They are really good at selling the sorority experience. They make everyone feel like they love them and want them in their group. That's so the rushee feels like she wants to be in that group. It can be hard to look past that and decide which group has the best sales people vs. which group has the best people for her.

This is my whole point pages ago. There is a sorority for everyone who wants to be in one. There is no such thing as "reject" sorority. It may be a less social, more nerdy or smaller sorority but who's to say that isn't the best fit for the rushee? Most girls at age 18-19 want to be popular, especially in a new school, so they naturally gravitate to the more popular sororities who simply can't take everyone. That does not mean that there's not a house there for them if they are open minded about perhaps a house they hadn't heard of before. You go through the process and get to know everyone the best you can, then decide. You have to give the process a chance for it to work, and even if you accept a bid somewhere you're unsure about, you can always drop before initiation and try again. It's just not this horrid experience from start to finish. Yes cut days are HARD, very hard. But in the end, you can have a good experience and end up with a group of likeminded sisters which really helps create friendships and bonds that hopefully will last a lifetime.

I am not a pro-greek person, though I was greek and i have absolutely no problem with my DC being greek or not being greek. I just don't understand all the vitriol from people who clearly have no idea first hand of what happens. Yes there are bad stories everywhere, but by in large, woman are happy in sororities and feel it's worthwhile. So why if you do not wish to be in one, do you need to denigrate those who do?

There actually is. When a school adds a new house, it keeps everyone through the end to build numbers. They might be a nice group but they are much less likely to be someone’s top few choices through the week. So girls dropped from all the other houses have that house as their only option after even just a couple days, and the university is thrilled because it will grow the house. Never mind their students’ first experience on campus. Nice.

did you ever think the a new house might be a great situation to come into?

Sure, a house with no tradition, no relationships with other houses, inferior facilities, no alumni network... seems great

You are so judgmental. My DS had an opportunity to join a house that was refounding and he seriously considered it because its a great experience to be involved in and help shape a house to what you want it to be. He decided it two big a hill to climb so he chose another, but there were some very strong reasons why he did want to consider it and stayed with them right until the end of rush.

Some people are entrepreneurial and enjoy that type of challenge and opportunity.

Building a new house today would cost millions of dollars assuming you could even get the land. Unless the frat still owned their old house, that's a huge hill to climb.

This particular house still had a house on the campus, but it was being leased to another house and wouldn't be usable probably at all during his college career until they got large enough to take it back over. There are often fraternities getting kicked off campus so houses become available for lease or buy. Sad truth, but happens all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:any discussion of greek life always devolves into this type of argument on this board. the fact is that if you talk to the girls in sororities they are generally happy with the experience, and they are also welcome to drop out at any time if they are not. Its a social club, why do we have to assign any more meaning to it than that? If the girls find their "home" great, if its not for them,, great. Why grown women (and possibly men) on this board care one way or the other, I simply don't understand.

For one thing, it's school sanctioned

And rush is organized by the school. They could choose to be more humane.

How many more years will it take for someone to hit a public school with an ADA or 1984 complaint based on rush?

Overdue. But when a school gets a reputation of having an especially brutal rush and moms start steering their daughters to the other major state U because of it (true story), a sorority will give a bid to someone with obvious differences (Down’s) for a PR stunt to show how “inclusive” are.

Stories like this are based on a very limited number of schools.

Generally speaking though sororities run the gamut from groups with all one type of young women to groups with all types. Sororities vary from school to school and the most snobby sorority at one school might be the most laid back at another school.

One problem that happens in rush is most freshman will go through the process and pick the group that matches their "fantasy self" - the young woman they imagine they might be sometime in the future - instead of picking the sorority that matches their real self. So the girl who wants to be outgoing and bubbly and popular but is really a bit more shy and reserved tries really hard to get into the outgoing bubbly popular all the time sorority and is crushed when she doesn't get accepted. She passes up the group of young women who are a bit more reserved but are just as fun and kind as the other sorority and have just as many activities going on but don't appear to be the most popular.

Another problem that happens is most freshman fail to understand that during rush the sisters are like sales people. They are really good at selling the sorority experience. They make everyone feel like they love them and want them in their group. That's so the rushee feels like she wants to be in that group. It can be hard to look past that and decide which group has the best sales people vs. which group has the best people for her.

Having been in a sorority and served as Rush Director, happy to report your speculation is off the mark. Most girls gravitate towards the sorority where they feel “most at home,” not the most aspirational.

I think the PP has a point, somewhat of a "know thyself" situation. My DD was dead set on one particular sorority, where she had a good friend from childhood (they had drifted over recent years). It was very much a party sorority, known for being very social and high emphasis on partying. My DD was cut the first night, even with the friend to vouch for her. At the end of the day, while my DD is very social and goes out just often as most kids, she barely drinks so in the end, that house would have been a terrible fit for her. She even sees that now seeing the people that did get a bid there, that it is for the best. She is a perfect fit for the house she's in that she had literally never heard of prior to rush.

Does she realize that her friend didn't actually vouch for her? My house would never think of cutting someone first day who was being vouched for. We may have pressed the friend to make sure, but if the friend stuck with it, that would be enough.

Actually it did happen the way i'm saying and DDs friend has actually since dropped the sorority in part as a result of what she saw during rush. Recommendations depended on whether or not the person recommending the rushee had enough clout and apparently my DD's friend did not. Her friend didn't even know she got cut.

So it really is who you know not who you are?

That’s nice.

It is which is why girls who have been groomed by their mothers for 5 years for this know that although “dirty rush” is not allowed, that’s how it works. Get yourself in front of the girls in the houses you think you want before rush. Junior and senior year of high school includes getting seen and meeting the people who will make decisions when you’re rushing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At my university all frat & sorority houses were under residence life. Only the school itself owned them. They were houses but treated as dorms on paper.

My school tried that. Every house refused to sell.

PP here. At my school the university first bought the houses, then turned them into sorority and fraternity houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:any discussion of greek life always devolves into this type of argument on this board. the fact is that if you talk to the girls in sororities they are generally happy with the experience, and they are also welcome to drop out at any time if they are not. Its a social club, why do we have to assign any more meaning to it than that? If the girls find their "home" great, if its not for them,, great. Why grown women (and possibly men) on this board care one way or the other, I simply don't understand.

For one thing, it's school sanctioned

And rush is organized by the school. They could choose to be more humane.

How many more years will it take for someone to hit a public school with an ADA or 1984 complaint based on rush?

Overdue. But when a school gets a reputation of having an especially brutal rush and moms start steering their daughters to the other major state U because of it (true story), a sorority will give a bid to someone with obvious differences (Down’s) for a PR stunt to show how “inclusive” are.

Stories like this are based on a very limited number of schools.

Generally speaking though sororities run the gamut from groups with all one type of young women to groups with all types. Sororities vary from school to school and the most snobby sorority at one school might be the most laid back at another school.

One problem that happens in rush is most freshman will go through the process and pick the group that matches their "fantasy self" - the young woman they imagine they might be sometime in the future - instead of picking the sorority that matches their real self. So the girl who wants to be outgoing and bubbly and popular but is really a bit more shy and reserved tries really hard to get into the outgoing bubbly popular all the time sorority and is crushed when she doesn't get accepted. She passes up the group of young women who are a bit more reserved but are just as fun and kind as the other sorority and have just as many activities going on but don't appear to be the most popular.

Another problem that happens is most freshman fail to understand that during rush the sisters are like sales people. They are really good at selling the sorority experience. They make everyone feel like they love them and want them in their group. That's so the rushee feels like she wants to be in that group. It can be hard to look past that and decide which group has the best sales people vs. which group has the best people for her.

Having been in a sorority and served as Rush Director, happy to report your speculation is off the mark. Most girls gravitate towards the sorority where they feel “most at home,” not the most aspirational.

I think the PP has a point, somewhat of a "know thyself" situation. My DD was dead set on one particular sorority, where she had a good friend from childhood (they had drifted over recent years). It was very much a party sorority, known for being very social and high emphasis on partying. My DD was cut the first night, even with the friend to vouch for her. At the end of the day, while my DD is very social and goes out just often as most kids, she barely drinks so in the end, that house would have been a terrible fit for her. She even sees that now seeing the people that did get a bid there, that it is for the best. She is a perfect fit for the house she's in that she had literally never heard of prior to rush.

Does she realize that her friend didn't actually vouch for her? My house would never think of cutting someone first day who was being vouched for. We may have pressed the friend to make sure, but if the friend stuck with it, that would be enough.

Actually it did happen the way i'm saying and DDs friend has actually since dropped the sorority in part as a result of what she saw during rush. Recommendations depended on whether or not the person recommending the rushee had enough clout and apparently my DD's friend did not. Her friend didn't even know she got cut.

So it really is who you know not who you are?

That’s nice.

It is which is why girls who have been groomed by their mothers for 5 years for this know that although “dirty rush” is not allowed, that’s how it works. Get yourself in front of the girls in the houses you think you want before rush. Junior and senior year of high school includes getting seen and meeting the people who will make decisions when you’re rushing.

Lolololol I went to a high school were like less than half the class goes away to college. And they certainly can’t join Greek Life. I would have had no way of meeting any of those people.

Sheltered DCUM strikes again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:any discussion of greek life always devolves into this type of argument on this board. the fact is that if you talk to the girls in sororities they are generally happy with the experience, and they are also welcome to drop out at any time if they are not. Its a social club, why do we have to assign any more meaning to it than that? If the girls find their "home" great, if its not for them,, great. Why grown women (and possibly men) on this board care one way or the other, I simply don't understand.

For one thing, it's school sanctioned

And rush is organized by the school. They could choose to be more humane.

How many more years will it take for someone to hit a public school with an ADA or 1984 complaint based on rush?

Overdue. But when a school gets a reputation of having an especially brutal rush and moms start steering their daughters to the other major state U because of it (true story), a sorority will give a bid to someone with obvious differences (Down’s) for a PR stunt to show how “inclusive” are.

Stories like this are based on a very limited number of schools.

Generally speaking though sororities run the gamut from groups with all one type of young women to groups with all types. Sororities vary from school to school and the most snobby sorority at one school might be the most laid back at another school.

One problem that happens in rush is most freshman will go through the process and pick the group that matches their "fantasy self" - the young woman they imagine they might be sometime in the future - instead of picking the sorority that matches their real self. So the girl who wants to be outgoing and bubbly and popular but is really a bit more shy and reserved tries really hard to get into the outgoing bubbly popular all the time sorority and is crushed when she doesn't get accepted. She passes up the group of young women who are a bit more reserved but are just as fun and kind as the other sorority and have just as many activities going on but don't appear to be the most popular.

Another problem that happens is most freshman fail to understand that during rush the sisters are like sales people. They are really good at selling the sorority experience. They make everyone feel like they love them and want them in their group. That's so the rushee feels like she wants to be in that group. It can be hard to look past that and decide which group has the best sales people vs. which group has the best people for her.

Having been in a sorority and served as Rush Director, happy to report your speculation is off the mark. Most girls gravitate towards the sorority where they feel “most at home,” not the most aspirational.

I think the PP has a point, somewhat of a "know thyself" situation. My DD was dead set on one particular sorority, where she had a good friend from childhood (they had drifted over recent years). It was very much a party sorority, known for being very social and high emphasis on partying. My DD was cut the first night, even with the friend to vouch for her. At the end of the day, while my DD is very social and goes out just often as most kids, she barely drinks so in the end, that house would have been a terrible fit for her. She even sees that now seeing the people that did get a bid there, that it is for the best. She is a perfect fit for the house she's in that she had literally never heard of prior to rush.

Does she realize that her friend didn't actually vouch for her? My house would never think of cutting someone first day who was being vouched for. We may have pressed the friend to make sure, but if the friend stuck with it, that would be enough.

Actually it did happen the way i'm saying and DDs friend has actually since dropped the sorority in part as a result of what she saw during rush. Recommendations depended on whether or not the person recommending the rushee had enough clout and apparently my DD's friend did not. Her friend didn't even know she got cut.

So it really is who you know not who you are?

That’s nice.

It is which is why girls who have been groomed by their mothers for 5 years for this know that although “dirty rush” is not allowed, that’s how it works. Get yourself in front of the girls in the houses you think you want before rush. Junior and senior year of high school includes getting seen and meeting the people who will make decisions when you’re rushing.

Lolololol I went to a high school were like less than half the class goes away to college. And they certainly can’t join Greek Life. I would have had no way of meeting any of those people.

Sheltered DCUM strikes again.

I agree. I don’t mean this as advice. I mean this is the stupid reality which why some girls end up so surprised and disappointed. The system is garbage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:any discussion of greek life always devolves into this type of argument on this board. the fact is that if you talk to the girls in sororities they are generally happy with the experience, and they are also welcome to drop out at any time if they are not. Its a social club, why do we have to assign any more meaning to it than that? If the girls find their "home" great, if its not for them,, great. Why grown women (and possibly men) on this board care one way or the other, I simply don't understand.

For one thing, it's school sanctioned

And rush is organized by the school. They could choose to be more humane.

How many more years will it take for someone to hit a public school with an ADA or 1984 complaint based on rush?

Overdue. But when a school gets a reputation of having an especially brutal rush and moms start steering their daughters to the other major state U because of it (true story), a sorority will give a bid to someone with obvious differences (Down’s) for a PR stunt to show how “inclusive” are.

Stories like this are based on a very limited number of schools.

Generally speaking though sororities run the gamut from groups with all one type of young women to groups with all types. Sororities vary from school to school and the most snobby sorority at one school might be the most laid back at another school.

One problem that happens in rush is most freshman will go through the process and pick the group that matches their "fantasy self" - the young woman they imagine they might be sometime in the future - instead of picking the sorority that matches their real self. So the girl who wants to be outgoing and bubbly and popular but is really a bit more shy and reserved tries really hard to get into the outgoing bubbly popular all the time sorority and is crushed when she doesn't get accepted. She passes up the group of young women who are a bit more reserved but are just as fun and kind as the other sorority and have just as many activities going on but don't appear to be the most popular.

Another problem that happens is most freshman fail to understand that during rush the sisters are like sales people. They are really good at selling the sorority experience. They make everyone feel like they love them and want them in their group. That's so the rushee feels like she wants to be in that group. It can be hard to look past that and decide which group has the best sales people vs. which group has the best people for her.

This is my whole point pages ago. There is a sorority for everyone who wants to be in one. There is no such thing as "reject" sorority. It may be a less social, more nerdy or smaller sorority but who's to say that isn't the best fit for the rushee? Most girls at age 18-19 want to be popular, especially in a new school, so they naturally gravitate to the more popular sororities who simply can't take everyone. That does not mean that there's not a house there for them if they are open minded about perhaps a house they hadn't heard of before. You go through the process and get to know everyone the best you can, then decide. You have to give the process a chance for it to work, and even if you accept a bid somewhere you're unsure about, you can always drop before initiation and try again. It's just not this horrid experience from start to finish. Yes cut days are HARD, very hard. But in the end, you can have a good experience and end up with a group of likeminded sisters which really helps create friendships and bonds that hopefully will last a lifetime.

I am not a pro-greek person, though I was greek and i have absolutely no problem with my DC being greek or not being greek. I just don't understand all the vitriol from people who clearly have no idea first hand of what happens. Yes there are bad stories everywhere, but by in large, woman are happy in sororities and feel it's worthwhile. So why if you do not wish to be in one, do you need to denigrate those who do?

Blaming the hurt girls again. Both of you.

None of us can speak to every school in the country, and I’m happy for you that you had a good experience, but a lot of girls have a horrendous experience and the schools could do better if they cared. If every girl got three choices on the last night, you would have a point. There are lots of girls who have one. That’s not how it’s supposed to work, and that’s not a choice.

These kids are 18, stop expecting them to handle it like a 40 year old.

Not sure what you are talking about, each girl gets only one bid, that’s how sorority match works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:any discussion of greek life always devolves into this type of argument on this board. the fact is that if you talk to the girls in sororities they are generally happy with the experience, and they are also welcome to drop out at any time if they are not. Its a social club, why do we have to assign any more meaning to it than that? If the girls find their "home" great, if its not for them,, great. Why grown women (and possibly men) on this board care one way or the other, I simply don't understand.

For one thing, it's school sanctioned

And rush is organized by the school. They could choose to be more humane.

How many more years will it take for someone to hit a public school with an ADA or 1984 complaint based on rush?

Overdue. But when a school gets a reputation of having an especially brutal rush and moms start steering their daughters to the other major state U because of it (true story), a sorority will give a bid to someone with obvious differences (Down’s) for a PR stunt to show how “inclusive” are.

Stories like this are based on a very limited number of schools.

Generally speaking though sororities run the gamut from groups with all one type of young women to groups with all types. Sororities vary from school to school and the most snobby sorority at one school might be the most laid back at another school.

One problem that happens in rush is most freshman will go through the process and pick the group that matches their "fantasy self" - the young woman they imagine they might be sometime in the future - instead of picking the sorority that matches their real self. So the girl who wants to be outgoing and bubbly and popular but is really a bit more shy and reserved tries really hard to get into the outgoing bubbly popular all the time sorority and is crushed when she doesn't get accepted. She passes up the group of young women who are a bit more reserved but are just as fun and kind as the other sorority and have just as many activities going on but don't appear to be the most popular.

Another problem that happens is most freshman fail to understand that during rush the sisters are like sales people. They are really good at selling the sorority experience. They make everyone feel like they love them and want them in their group. That's so the rushee feels like she wants to be in that group. It can be hard to look past that and decide which group has the best sales people vs. which group has the best people for her.

This is my whole point pages ago. There is a sorority for everyone who wants to be in one. There is no such thing as "reject" sorority. It may be a less social, more nerdy or smaller sorority but who's to say that isn't the best fit for the rushee? Most girls at age 18-19 want to be popular, especially in a new school, so they naturally gravitate to the more popular sororities who simply can't take everyone. That does not mean that there's not a house there for them if they are open minded about perhaps a house they hadn't heard of before. You go through the process and get to know everyone the best you can, then decide. You have to give the process a chance for it to work, and even if you accept a bid somewhere you're unsure about, you can always drop before initiation and try again. It's just not this horrid experience from start to finish. Yes cut days are HARD, very hard. But in the end, you can have a good experience and end up with a group of likeminded sisters which really helps create friendships and bonds that hopefully will last a lifetime.

I am not a pro-greek person, though I was greek and i have absolutely no problem with my DC being greek or not being greek. I just don't understand all the vitriol from people who clearly have no idea first hand of what happens. Yes there are bad stories everywhere, but by in large, woman are happy in sororities and feel it's worthwhile. So why if you do not wish to be in one, do you need to denigrate those who do?

Blaming the hurt girls again. Both of you.

None of us can speak to every school in the country, and I’m happy for you that you had a good experience, but a lot of girls have a horrendous experience and the schools could do better if they cared. If every girl got three choices on the last night, you would have a point. There are lots of girls who have one. That’s not how it’s supposed to work, and that’s not a choice.

These kids are 18, stop expecting them to handle it like a 40 year old.

Not sure what you are talking about, each girl gets only one bid, that’s how sorority match works.

I’m not talking about the bid. I clearly said “the last night”, where normally you have a list of three to rank. The bid comes the next day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:any discussion of greek life always devolves into this type of argument on this board. the fact is that if you talk to the girls in sororities they are generally happy with the experience, and they are also welcome to drop out at any time if they are not. Its a social club, why do we have to assign any more meaning to it than that? If the girls find their "home" great, if its not for them,, great. Why grown women (and possibly men) on this board care one way or the other, I simply don't understand.

For one thing, it's school sanctioned

And rush is organized by the school. They could choose to be more humane.

How many more years will it take for someone to hit a public school with an ADA or 1984 complaint based on rush?

Overdue. But when a school gets a reputation of having an especially brutal rush and moms start steering their daughters to the other major state U because of it (true story), a sorority will give a bid to someone with obvious differences (Down’s) for a PR stunt to show how “inclusive” are.

Stories like this are based on a very limited number of schools.

Generally speaking though sororities run the gamut from groups with all one type of young women to groups with all types. Sororities vary from school to school and the most snobby sorority at one school might be the most laid back at another school.

One problem that happens in rush is most freshman will go through the process and pick the group that matches their "fantasy self" - the young woman they imagine they might be sometime in the future - instead of picking the sorority that matches their real self. So the girl who wants to be outgoing and bubbly and popular but is really a bit more shy and reserved tries really hard to get into the outgoing bubbly popular all the time sorority and is crushed when she doesn't get accepted. She passes up the group of young women who are a bit more reserved but are just as fun and kind as the other sorority and have just as many activities going on but don't appear to be the most popular.

Another problem that happens is most freshman fail to understand that during rush the sisters are like sales people. They are really good at selling the sorority experience. They make everyone feel like they love them and want them in their group. That's so the rushee feels like she wants to be in that group. It can be hard to look past that and decide which group has the best sales people vs. which group has the best people for her.

This is my whole point pages ago. There is a sorority for everyone who wants to be in one. There is no such thing as "reject" sorority. It may be a less social, more nerdy or smaller sorority but who's to say that isn't the best fit for the rushee? Most girls at age 18-19 want to be popular, especially in a new school, so they naturally gravitate to the more popular sororities who simply can't take everyone. That does not mean that there's not a house there for them if they are open minded about perhaps a house they hadn't heard of before. You go through the process and get to know everyone the best you can, then decide. You have to give the process a chance for it to work, and even if you accept a bid somewhere you're unsure about, you can always drop before initiation and try again. It's just not this horrid experience from start to finish. Yes cut days are HARD, very hard. But in the end, you can have a good experience and end up with a group of likeminded sisters which really helps create friendships and bonds that hopefully will last a lifetime.

I am not a pro-greek person, though I was greek and i have absolutely no problem with my DC being greek or not being greek. I just don't understand all the vitriol from people who clearly have no idea first hand of what happens. Yes there are bad stories everywhere, but by in large, woman are happy in sororities and feel it's worthwhile. So why if you do not wish to be in one, do you need to denigrate those who do?

Blaming the hurt girls again. Both of you.

None of us can speak to every school in the country, and I’m happy for you that you had a good experience, but a lot of girls have a horrendous experience and the schools could do better if they cared. If every girl got three choices on the last night, you would have a point. There are lots of girls who have one. That’s not how it’s supposed to work, and that’s not a choice.

These kids are 18, stop expecting them to handle it like a 40 year old.

Not sure what you are talking about, each girl gets only one bid, that’s how sorority match works.

I’m not talking about the bid. I clearly said “the last night”, where normally you have a list of three to rank. The bid comes the next day.

we at my DD's school you could only have two houses for preference day, so the maximum choices you'd have are 2. Just FYI.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:any discussion of greek life always devolves into this type of argument on this board. the fact is that if you talk to the girls in sororities they are generally happy with the experience, and they are also welcome to drop out at any time if they are not. Its a social club, why do we have to assign any more meaning to it than that? If the girls find their "home" great, if its not for them,, great. Why grown women (and possibly men) on this board care one way or the other, I simply don't understand.

For one thing, it's school sanctioned

And rush is organized by the school. They could choose to be more humane.

How many more years will it take for someone to hit a public school with an ADA or 1984 complaint based on rush?

Overdue. But when a school gets a reputation of having an especially brutal rush and moms start steering their daughters to the other major state U because of it (true story), a sorority will give a bid to someone with obvious differences (Down’s) for a PR stunt to show how “inclusive” are.

Stories like this are based on a very limited number of schools.

Generally speaking though sororities run the gamut from groups with all one type of young women to groups with all types. Sororities vary from school to school and the most snobby sorority at one school might be the most laid back at another school.

One problem that happens in rush is most freshman will go through the process and pick the group that matches their "fantasy self" - the young woman they imagine they might be sometime in the future - instead of picking the sorority that matches their real self. So the girl who wants to be outgoing and bubbly and popular but is really a bit more shy and reserved tries really hard to get into the outgoing bubbly popular all the time sorority and is crushed when she doesn't get accepted. She passes up the group of young women who are a bit more reserved but are just as fun and kind as the other sorority and have just as many activities going on but don't appear to be the most popular.

Another problem that happens is most freshman fail to understand that during rush the sisters are like sales people. They are really good at selling the sorority experience. They make everyone feel like they love them and want them in their group. That's so the rushee feels like she wants to be in that group. It can be hard to look past that and decide which group has the best sales people vs. which group has the best people for her.

Having been in a sorority and served as Rush Director, happy to report your speculation is off the mark. Most girls gravitate towards the sorority where they feel “most at home,” not the most aspirational.

I think the PP has a point, somewhat of a "know thyself" situation. My DD was dead set on one particular sorority, where she had a good friend from childhood (they had drifted over recent years). It was very much a party sorority, known for being very social and high emphasis on partying. My DD was cut the first night, even with the friend to vouch for her. At the end of the day, while my DD is very social and goes out just often as most kids, she barely drinks so in the end, that house would have been a terrible fit for her. She even sees that now seeing the people that did get a bid there, that it is for the best. She is a perfect fit for the house she's in that she had literally never heard of prior to rush.

Does she realize that her friend didn't actually vouch for her? My house would never think of cutting someone first day who was being vouched for. We may have pressed the friend to make sure, but if the friend stuck with it, that would be enough.

Actually it did happen the way i'm saying and DDs friend has actually since dropped the sorority in part as a result of what she saw during rush. Recommendations depended on whether or not the person recommending the rushee had enough clout and apparently my DD's friend did not. Her friend didn't even know she got cut.

So it really is who you know not who you are?

That’s nice.

It is which is why girls who have been groomed by their mothers for 5 years for this know that although “dirty rush” is not allowed, that’s how it works. Get yourself in front of the girls in the houses you think you want before rush. Junior and senior year of high school includes getting seen and meeting the people who will make decisions when you’re rushing.

Lolololol I went to a high school were like less than half the class goes away to college. And they certainly can’t join Greek Life. I would have had no way of meeting any of those people.

Sheltered DCUM strikes again.

the PP is talking about very high tier very souther sororities. This type of connection is not necessary to join greek life. I had no connection at my northern school and got in and my DD while she had a few connections and was a legacy, ended up at an entirely different house than she expected, and she knew no one there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an alumni of a big state school sorority. I am also a former national officer. The "rec letter" is now an online form. It helps, but really only to get invited back to the second day. What is most important is your daughter's grades and extracurricular activities and volunteering. There are enough party girls going through recruitment and what sororities want are well rounded women who aren't going to flunk out. The biggest reason people get "cut" is grades and attitude. My cousin is a 4.0 honors student, in one or two activities. But her social skills are that of an elementary school student. she can't make small talk and she has a hard time engaging others in conversation. She was cut even during spring rush and even with my rec letter and my good friends. So it's not all about connections.

My parents were first generation college students and I'm from a blue collar, working class background. I had decent grades and a lot of leadership activities. My dad's law partners wrote letters of rec and I had a lot of older friends in different sororities. The sororities I liked most were not these ones. I found one that was more diverse and inclusive and more welcoming.

For people saying that sororities are not inclusive, you are full of it. I went to a southern state school. My sorority in the 1990s had Black, Asian and Latina women. Several of my pledge sisters were openly LGBTQIA. We had Jewish, Catholic, Muslim, atheists, politically conservative and progressive. Socially conservative and free spirits. Athletic women, artistic women, women who love to volunteer, party girls, slackers, etc.

The best thing about a sorority is the networking. When I moved to a new place and started my professional career, it helped me immensley. I met a lot of my best friends from my sorority. Sure there were a few "mean girls" but the majority of the women in my sorority were awesome: an Olympic athlete, patented a medical device, started a nonprofit, started a small business, etc. All while college students. I worked two jobs while paying for college on my own. Sororities are way more affordable than the dorms or apartments at big state schools. I had parking and a safe clean place to live. I loved it!

Inclusive of those you want, but not inclusive of those you don't want, and certainly not introverts or, perhaps, girls with ASD, I see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:any discussion of greek life always devolves into this type of argument on this board. the fact is that if you talk to the girls in sororities they are generally happy with the experience, and they are also welcome to drop out at any time if they are not. Its a social club, why do we have to assign any more meaning to it than that? If the girls find their "home" great, if its not for them,, great. Why grown women (and possibly men) on this board care one way or the other, I simply don't understand.

For one thing, it's school sanctioned

And rush is organized by the school. They could choose to be more humane.

How many more years will it take for someone to hit a public school with an ADA or 1984 complaint based on rush?

Overdue. But when a school gets a reputation of having an especially brutal rush and moms start steering their daughters to the other major state U because of it (true story), a sorority will give a bid to someone with obvious differences (Down’s) for a PR stunt to show how “inclusive” are.

Stories like this are based on a very limited number of schools.

Generally speaking though sororities run the gamut from groups with all one type of young women to groups with all types. Sororities vary from school to school and the most snobby sorority at one school might be the most laid back at another school.

One problem that happens in rush is most freshman will go through the process and pick the group that matches their "fantasy self" - the young woman they imagine they might be sometime in the future - instead of picking the sorority that matches their real self. So the girl who wants to be outgoing and bubbly and popular but is really a bit more shy and reserved tries really hard to get into the outgoing bubbly popular all the time sorority and is crushed when she doesn't get accepted. She passes up the group of young women who are a bit more reserved but are just as fun and kind as the other sorority and have just as many activities going on but don't appear to be the most popular.

Another problem that happens is most freshman fail to understand that during rush the sisters are like sales people. They are really good at selling the sorority experience. They make everyone feel like they love them and want them in their group. That's so the rushee feels like she wants to be in that group. It can be hard to look past that and decide which group has the best sales people vs. which group has the best people for her.

This is my whole point pages ago. There is a sorority for everyone who wants to be in one. There is no such thing as "reject" sorority. It may be a less social, more nerdy or smaller sorority but who's to say that isn't the best fit for the rushee? Most girls at age 18-19 want to be popular, especially in a new school, so they naturally gravitate to the more popular sororities who simply can't take everyone. That does not mean that there's not a house there for them if they are open minded about perhaps a house they hadn't heard of before. You go through the process and get to know everyone the best you can, then decide. You have to give the process a chance for it to work, and even if you accept a bid somewhere you're unsure about, you can always drop before initiation and try again. It's just not this horrid experience from start to finish. Yes cut days are HARD, very hard. But in the end, you can have a good experience and end up with a group of likeminded sisters which really helps create friendships and bonds that hopefully will last a lifetime.

I am not a pro-greek person, though I was greek and i have absolutely no problem with my DC being greek or not being greek. I just don't understand all the vitriol from people who clearly have no idea first hand of what happens. Yes there are bad stories everywhere, but by in large, woman are happy in sororities and feel it's worthwhile. So why if you do not wish to be in one, do you need to denigrate those who do?

There actually is. When a school adds a new house, it keeps everyone through the end to build numbers. They might be a nice group but they are much less likely to be someone’s top few choices through the week. So girls dropped from all the other houses have that house as their only option after even just a couple days, and the university is thrilled because it will grow the house. Never mind their students’ first experience on campus. Nice.

did you ever think the a new house might be a great situation to come into?

Did you choose to go there?

[Anonymous]

I went to a school with no sororities, so I am reading this thread with zero knowledge and total fascination. What does any of this have to do with college? It is such a strange thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to a school with no sororities, so I am reading this thread with zero knowledge and total fascination. What does any of this have to do with college? It is such a strange thing.

Me too. I intentionally avoided applying to schools with sororities and they sound even (much much much) worse than I even imagined.