MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her house, she can be concerned. Weird to offer her a white noise machine and its not going to drown out the crying. Let her nurture baby.

No.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:So much drama. Why didn’t you just keep your door closed and not go out in the hallway? You could have waited to use the bathroom once the baby was settled and everyone was back in bed.

Yeah, why did you continue to go out into the hall each night knowing you would meet her there and have to deal with her?

Do you think maybe because OP had to pee and didn’t want to be sitting there uncomfortable, needing to pee for 15 minutes while breastfeeding? -np

They both need to use the bathroom every time the baby wakes up? Weird.

The fact that breastfeeding OP makes her husband get up every time she nurses the baby at night tells you all you need to know about her. My husband did this the first week or two but certainly not for months and months. Jesus! I also didn’t change the baby’s diaper anymore at that point.

Who said OP “makes” her husband do anything? They have a routine that works for them. To the point where DH was the one so annoyed at his mother’s antics that HE decided they will no longer stay there.

[Anonymous]

First time parents are so precious.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:So much drama. Why didn’t you just keep your door closed and not go out in the hallway? You could have waited to use the bathroom once the baby was settled and everyone was back in bed.

Yeah, why did you continue to go out into the hall each night knowing you would meet her there and have to deal with her?

Do you think maybe because OP had to pee and didn’t want to be sitting there uncomfortable, needing to pee for 15 minutes while breastfeeding? -np

They both need to use the bathroom every time the baby wakes up? Weird.

I think a lot of people need to pee in the middle of the night, especially if they are woken up by something other than their body, like a car alarm. I know I do.

So… maybe like MIL, also woken up by something either than her body?

That is harassment?

Right…so maybe MIL could do as she was asked for several nights in a row, and even before the trip commenced, and leave the parents/baby alone during the one night wake up? Maybe? So maybe like MIL could use the restroom and then go back to bed, instead of loudly talking and generally getting in the way when she had already been told multiple times that the parents didn’t want help? Like, maybe?

Like, maybe, but she didn't. Maybe she didn't like being told what to do in her own house, maybe? So, now what? Burn the witch?

DP. It's her house, but it's OP's baby. The grandparents don't get a vote or any control over how the baby is cared for. They were told the routine in advance and told no help was needed multiple nights in a row. What possible reason is there for continuing to harass the parents in the middle of the night?

You don't get to come to someone's house and demand everything revolves around your routine.

It's a few minutes in the middle of the night to attend to bodily needs, and OP and her husband told his parents in advance about this routine, offered to stay in a hotel, and were pressured to stay there. If you don't want parents of a young baby tending to its needs as they see fit, don't pressure them to stay with you.

You can't half ass wanting to be an adult,

"Mom and dad, we want to see you too, we'll be staying in a hotel." Done it's not up for discussion, OP and her husband made a bad choice, and instead of of taking ownership they decided to act like children and say we told you so,

They should have chose better from the start. They wer rude . There's nothing that took place that justifies Op's rudneess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mistakes of first-timers.

1. You don't stay over people's houses when your kid isn't STTN. YOu get a hotel, you get an Airbnb stay home.


2. You don't go to someone else's house and demand they change their routine to accommodate you. You and your DH were rude here.


3. It sounds like your MIL was offering to help, maybe she thought you would appreciate someone else holding the baby or changing a diaper/feeding so you could get some sleep. Given your attitude, you would be here complaining if she didn't offer.

4. You were rude.


5/ How you solve this call MIL apologize for being brusk and pushing her., you were tired and didn't realize how difficult it would be traveling with a new baby. You see now that she was just trying to help and you appreciate that. With that in mind overnight visits will have to wait until baby is sleeping through the night.

Nope, MIL being pushy and loud and not listening to or respecting her guests’ wishes was also rude. OP/her husband offered to stay in a hotel, and it was the ILs who asked for baby to stay under their roof. Oh well! No more overnight visits with your grandbaby. Bet the other set of parents who listen and respect the new parents will get more time and overnight visits with grandbaby. MIL and FIL will have to content themselves with hotel visits, or they can darn well drive five hours themselves. Oh well!

This. The real takeaway is never stay with MiL overnight again. Hotels and AirBnBs from now on, I would say even after STTN as another poster pointed out kids don’t always do well in new places. If MIL gets upset just say it was clearly too big of a disturbance to her last time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First time parents are so precious.

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother always woke up and prowled around when we were similarly situated, but she WANTED TO, and never gave us grief for it. What exactly is yours pissed about? The wake-ups or that you seemed annoyed at her presence?

+1 It is HER house. She has a right to walk around in it. OP, you and your husband were the intruders and you don't seem to understand that. OP, you need to learn some manners.

Cool. Walk around AWAY from the baby and parents all she likes. Repeatedly, loudly meddling when asked not to umpteen times when they are trying to calm the baby down? No.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am a light sleeper and would be awakened easily by a crying baby down the hall. The groggy sleep of the dead isn't easy for us Olds. My H and I will sometimes have perfectly coherent conversations in the night when one of us simply turns over in bed.

So her impulse to get up and see if she can help probably seems perfectly normal to her. Try to show some compassion for aging parents if you can.

Once AGAIN, they told her repeatedly every night that they did not need or want help and to please go back to bed.

It is not her baby. She is not the parent. Her loud-talking “help” is not required.

I would have altered my routine such that there was as little crying as possible to avoid waking up the MIL since the "routine" obviously played out the same way every night. Screw the bathroom and diaper change, nurse the baby right away, back to sleep, then use the bathroom. Seems like everyone just kept making the same mistakes again and again and expecting a different outcome.

Anyone who expected me to leave my baby in a soiled diaper so they don’t hear four minutes of crying is someone I can visit overnight once my child is potty trained. My goodness.

A good mom wouldn't let the baby cry for 4 minutes in any of this. Do better.

I don’t need to, thankfully, my parents and in laws are respectful, kind people who love their granddaughter.

Oh, you only have one? Figures. You sounds inexperienced and new to this.

Yup! But learning very quickly to be thankful for my parents and in-laws who would never behave like this!

Mine aren't like that either, but the whole "it's MY baby not yours" sounds like very brand new mom speak. When you have more kids and are spread thin you become a little more grateful for the help you can get and aren't so worried about being judged for your parenting skills as a first time mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mistakes of first-timers.

1. You don't stay over people's houses when your kid isn't STTN. YOu get a hotel, you get an Airbnb stay home.


2. You don't go to someone else's house and demand they change their routine to accommodate you. You and your DH were rude here.


3. It sounds like your MIL was offering to help, maybe she thought you would appreciate someone else holding the baby or changing a diaper/feeding so you could get some sleep. Given your attitude, you would be here complaining if she didn't offer.

4. You were rude.


5/ How you solve this call MIL apologize for being brusk and pushing her., you were tired and didn't realize how difficult it would be traveling with a new baby. You see now that she was just trying to help and you appreciate that. With that in mind overnight visits will have to wait until baby is sleeping through the night.

Nope, MIL being pushy and loud and not listening to or respecting her guests’ wishes was also rude. OP/her husband offered to stay in a hotel, and it was the ILs who asked for baby to stay under their roof. Oh well! No more overnight visits with your grandbaby. Bet the other set of parents who listen and respect the new parents will get more time and overnight visits with grandbaby. MIL and FIL will have to content themselves with hotel visits, or they can darn well drive five hours themselves. Oh well!

This. The real takeaway is never stay with MiL overnight again. Hotels and AirBnBs from now on, I would say even after STTN as another poster pointed out kids don’t always do well in new places. If MIL gets upset just say it was clearly too big of a disturbance to her last time.

-1 I don't see a MIL being rude or pushy. I see someone who wanted to see her grandchild. Probably figured she could help with the baby's routine and maybe give mom and dad a break. Didn't realize how rigid and rude her DIL was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her house, she can be concerned. Weird to offer her a white noise machine and its not going to drown out the crying. Let her nurture baby.

No.

Seriously gross. No baby wants to be “nurtured” by some loud stranger in the middle of the night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much drama. Why didn’t you just keep your door closed and not go out in the hallway? You could have waited to use the bathroom once the baby was settled and everyone was back in bed.

Yeah, why did you continue to go out into the hall each night knowing you would meet her there and have to deal with her?

Do you think maybe because OP had to pee and didn’t want to be sitting there uncomfortable, needing to pee for 15 minutes while breastfeeding? -np

They both need to use the bathroom every time the baby wakes up? Weird.

I think a lot of people need to pee in the middle of the night, especially if they are woken up by something other than their body, like a car alarm. I know I do.

So… maybe like MIL, also woken up by something either than her body?

Right…so maybe MIL could do as she was asked for several nights in a row, and even before the trip commenced, and leave the parents/baby alone during the one night wake up? Maybe? So maybe like MIL could use the restroom and then go back to bed, instead of loudly talking and generally getting in the way when she had already been told multiple times that the parents didn’t want help? Like, maybe?

Like, maybe, but she didn't. Maybe she didn't like being told what to do in her own house, maybe? So, now what? Burn the witch?

Oh, there’s no “maybe,” and there’s no “burning.” MIL was free to keep butting in even after she was asked not to. Grandbaby won’t be staying in her home anymore. Oh well! She can roam the halls alone now.

Exactly. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother always woke up and prowled around when we were similarly situated, but she WANTED TO, and never gave us grief for it. What exactly is yours pissed about? The wake-ups or that you seemed annoyed at her presence?

+1 It is HER house. She has a right to walk around in it. OP, you and your husband were the intruders and you don't seem to understand that. OP, you need to learn some manners.

Cool. Walk around AWAY from the baby and parents all she likes. Repeatedly, loudly meddling when asked not to umpteen times when they are trying to calm the baby down? No.

You mean offering to help calm the baby down, and let's be honest the whole routine is probably way longer than the 4 to 10 minutes OP thinks it is. As a pp said OP is the typical first-time mom who thinks she knows everything and feels like every offer of help is a judgment, keep it up she'll be wondering why grandma doesn't help with future kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much drama. Why didn’t you just keep your door closed and not go out in the hallway? You could have waited to use the bathroom once the baby was settled and everyone was back in bed.

Yeah, why did you continue to go out into the hall each night knowing you would meet her there and have to deal with her?

Do you think maybe because OP had to pee and didn’t want to be sitting there uncomfortable, needing to pee for 15 minutes while breastfeeding? -np

They both need to use the bathroom every time the baby wakes up? Weird.

I think a lot of people need to pee in the middle of the night, especially if they are woken up by something other than their body, like a car alarm. I know I do.

So… maybe like MIL, also woken up by something either than her body?

Right…so maybe MIL could do as she was asked for several nights in a row, and even before the trip commenced, and leave the parents/baby alone during the one night wake up? Maybe? So maybe like MIL could use the restroom and then go back to bed, instead of loudly talking and generally getting in the way when she had already been told multiple times that the parents didn’t want help? Like, maybe?

Like, maybe, but she didn't. Maybe she didn't like being told what to do in her own house, maybe? So, now what? Burn the witch?

Oh, there’s no “maybe,” and there’s no “burning.” MIL was free to keep butting in even after she was asked not to. Grandbaby won’t be staying in her home anymore. Oh well! She can roam the halls alone now.

Exactly. Problem solved.

Some of you have major issues. You hatred of all people who dared to birth a son is psychipathic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a light sleeper and would be awakened easily by a crying baby down the hall. The groggy sleep of the dead isn't easy for us Olds. My H and I will sometimes have perfectly coherent conversations in the night when one of us simply turns over in bed.

So her impulse to get up and see if she can help probably seems perfectly normal to her. Try to show some compassion for aging parents if you can.

Once AGAIN, they told her repeatedly every night that they did not need or want help and to please go back to bed.

It is not her baby. She is not the parent. Her loud-talking “help” is not required.

I would have altered my routine such that there was as little crying as possible to avoid waking up the MIL since the "routine" obviously played out the same way every night. Screw the bathroom and diaper change, nurse the baby right away, back to sleep, then use the bathroom. Seems like everyone just kept making the same mistakes again and again and expecting a different outcome.

Anyone who expected me to leave my baby in a soiled diaper so they don’t hear four minutes of crying is someone I can visit overnight once my child is potty trained. My goodness.

A good mom wouldn't let the baby cry for 4 minutes in any of this. Do better.

I don’t need to, thankfully, my parents and in laws are respectful, kind people who love their granddaughter.

Oh, you only have one? Figures. You sounds inexperienced and new to this.

Yup! But learning very quickly to be thankful for my parents and in-laws who would never behave like this!

Mine aren't like that either, but the whole "it's MY baby not yours" sounds like very brand new mom speak. When you have more kids and are spread thin you become a little more grateful for the help you can get and aren't so worried about being judged for your parenting skills as a first time mom.

Oh I’m grateful for help, when it’s help! Someone loudly disturbing my baby during her middle of the night feeding isn’t help. Doing it repeatedly for several days is downright counterproductive. My mom and MiL are great help, which is to say they contribute actual assistance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her house, she can be concerned. Weird to offer her a white noise machine and its not going to drown out the crying. Let her nurture baby.

No.

Seriously gross. No baby wants to be “nurtured” by some loud stranger in the middle of the night.

My MIL was actually really good with settling babies down at night. I learned a couple of tricks from her, OP may have learned a thing or two.