How to stop being so frugal/cheap?

[Anonymous]

Take your savings and name it.

Name it with the thing you intend for one day.

“When’s the party?”

If not today, when, and for what?

[Anonymous]

Just because you have the money doesn't mean you need more crap. We have plenty of money, high income, and are minimal-ish. (I don't say minimalist because true minimalists would laugh.)

I hate wasting money but have no problem paying a reasonable price (after shopping around and also waiting to confirm it's not an impulse purchase.) $25 for a water bottle because you or kid literally do not have a water bottle? No problem! $25 for a water bottle because the color is cute or a new brand is trendy now, NO.

I don't pay brand premiums for lululemon, fancy sephora makeup, I don't buy $150 sneakers, etc.

If you truly NEED something and can afford it, you won't feel guilty. You feel guilty because you don't actually need it and therefore it is a waste of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to be like you - really hung up on the price of these insignificant items that don't add up to all that much. It's not like you're buying anything lavish, so I would pick a month where you just buy the things you want, and not fret over it.

At the end of the month, you'll pay off your CC, and because you can afford it and its lumped in with all your other expenses, you literally won't think it twice. You realize how silly it was to get hung up on this $20 item when it didn't matter at all from your budget, and you realize its more valuable and liberating to not be scrounging for pennies when you don't have to.

A lot more liberating to not have so many possessions to put away, organize, sort through, clean and maintain. Owning less is very freeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take your savings and name it.

Name it with the thing you intend for one day.

“When’s the party?”

If not today, when, and for what?

DP here. Retirement. Ultimate financial security. F-you money basically.

[Anonymous]

I'm in retirement, my spouse and I were very frugal and often cheap and we have $Ms saved - in both retirement accounts and outside. And now after 30+ years, we can't bring ourselves to spend.

Yes we can leave money to the kids (and we funded college and contributed to weddings and down payments.) Kids are all successful and doing well. One of the kids mentioned they pay for service to come clean their dog's poop out of their yard. My spouse was all "I'm not leaving money to them so they can waste it." And I was like "hmmm, they live a busy life with kids, two working parents and if this makes life easier good for them."

This started a whole (on-going) conversation about what to do with our money. I ran across the quote: "Don't let your death be the most generous thing you do". I am making an attempt to spend on "experiences" - more like a manicure or nicer meal but also travel. But I still have to bargain shop and am constantly thinking "I shouldn't really spend this money."

Long way of saying - I hope you figure this out younger rather than older, bc it doesn't get any easier/better.

[Anonymous]

I sometimes have this problem as well; for me it tends to be an inability to pull the trigger on something I need but for some reason (probably childhood trauma) deep down I tell myself I don’t deserve. For example I’ve lost 55 pounds and need new bras but haven’t been able to go and buy even one, and when I found one online I put it in the cart and left the tab open but couldn’t check out and eventually closed the tab.

I don’t know what the answer is. I have enough money for 100 bras.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im the same way.

+1

I went to Tyson's Galleria the other day and wanted to barf.

They had mattresses starting at 20k
GTFO

OMG. Gtfo for sure on that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set yourself a realistic budget for these things based on your income and savings. Then as long as that deodorant falls within your toiletries budget, buy it.

It's not really about it being in budget because I can afford it, it's just the spending of that much money.

That's the point of the budget - as long as the cost of the item is in the budget and you've allocated for it, you can spend that money.

Still, I can't spend it because I feel like it's too expensive still even though it might not be at all and I can afford it.

OK so what are you doing for deodorant then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a really hard time spending money even if it's something I need, I can't buy it. For example $15 pizza, $13 deodorant, $25 water bottle, $50 dollar jeans, $60 jacket. Normal things that people buy everyday for those prices and it just seems too hard to buy it and when I do I feel a lot of guilt. Growing up my parents were super cheap though. I can afford it all but I physically can't.

It sounds like your decisions are motivated by some kind of aversion to spending money, instilled in you by your parents, such that you feel guilty for spending money.

Is it that you don't think pizza should cost $15? (That actually seems like REALLY cheap pizza to me...)
Is it that you don't think you deserve a nice pizza (here conceptualized as $15)?
Is it that you had a $15 pizza yesterday and think that should only happen once a week? A month? A year?

What ARE your rules here? Evaluate how well your rules match your values.

For example, the $50 pair of jeans might last longer than the $20 jeans. If you are intentionally buying cheaper stuff because saving money is important, but you need to buy a new pair of jeans every year, are you really saving money?

What values are you trying to express with your money?

To me that cost for a pizza might be a tad bit too much, I kind of think I don't need nicer stuff. With the $50 jeans, I would love to buy them but just paying that much for one thing isn't worth it for me, so I would rather buy a new pair every year. It's not really about saving money, it's just the cost of specific items and it depends on the item. For example, I could buy $50-$60 shoes but ones over $100 (which most good shoes are) would be too much.

Honestly it sounds like you are enjoying the gamification of this, more than anything.

Are you open to shopping secondhand? You can get some barely worn jeans on Thredup for $20, that would cost well more than $50 in the store.

But also, have some pride! Buy yourself some nice clothes, man.

[Anonymous]

Right now is the time to be frugal OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just because you have the money doesn't mean you need more crap. We have plenty of money, high income, and are minimal-ish. (I don't say minimalist because true minimalists would laugh.)

I hate wasting money but have no problem paying a reasonable price (after shopping around and also waiting to confirm it's not an impulse purchase.) $25 for a water bottle because you or kid literally do not have a water bottle? No problem! $25 for a water bottle because the color is cute or a new brand is trendy now, NO.

I don't pay brand premiums for lululemon, fancy sephora makeup, I don't buy $150 sneakers, etc.

If you truly NEED something and can afford it, you won't feel guilty. You feel guilty because you don't actually need it and therefore it is a waste of money.

Except that a cute whatever can make you happy - not happy in the existential sense, like there's no more problems in the world. But I absolutely have cute things that make me smile every time I use them. I think that's worth something. If you don't that's fine - but I don't consider these things to be necessarily wasteful.

There are ways to cut back. Put stickers on a water bottle to make it cuter or whatever. But if you have the money and the space - and the desire - I don't see what is wrong with liking nice things.

[Anonymous]

It's not a cureall, but I try to guess how I'll feel about the purchase afterwards. It helps to think about past expriences.

There are times in the past I've splurged and afterwards was very happy I did so, times I've splurged and regretted it, times I didn't buy and regretted it, and times I've passed on something and didn't miss it.

For example, I bike a lot and had a perfectly good $400 bike, but then saw a super-nice bike ($1500 new, used for $700). It seemed wasteful to trade up, but I bought it and have gotten more joy from that bike than any other possession. On the other hand, when I splurge on a very nice meal, afterwards I often think I would have enjoyed a much cheaper restaurant just as much.

Your preferences will differ. Don't waste money on things that don't matter to YOU, but enjoy the things or experiences that you will find special, memorable, or particularly enjoyable.

[Anonymous]

If it helps, I am the exact opposite and it has always worked out. You just have to watch the bottom line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because you have the money doesn't mean you need more crap. We have plenty of money, high income, and are minimal-ish. (I don't say minimalist because true minimalists would laugh.)

I hate wasting money but have no problem paying a reasonable price (after shopping around and also waiting to confirm it's not an impulse purchase.) $25 for a water bottle because you or kid literally do not have a water bottle? No problem! $25 for a water bottle because the color is cute or a new brand is trendy now, NO.

I don't pay brand premiums for lululemon, fancy sephora makeup, I don't buy $150 sneakers, etc.

If you truly NEED something and can afford it, you won't feel guilty. You feel guilty because you don't actually need it and therefore it is a waste of money.

Except that a cute whatever can make you happy - not happy in the existential sense, like there's no more problems in the world. But I absolutely have cute things that make me smile every time I use them. I think that's worth something. If you don't that's fine - but I don't consider these things to be necessarily wasteful.

There are ways to cut back. Put stickers on a water bottle to make it cuter or whatever. But if you have the money and the space - and the desire - I don't see what is wrong with liking nice things.

It's obviously fine from a financial perspective if you can afford it and have the storage space. But, I and I ask this sincerely and without malice, have you ever stopped to question WHY "cute things" make you temporarily happy? We are guilty of falling for marketing. You are told overtly and subliminally that these "cute things" will make you look cute, feel good, etc. It has been ingrained in you. It's not that some random shirt actually makes you "happy" - it's just dopamine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a really hard time spending money even if it's something I need, I can't buy it. For example $15 pizza, $13 deodorant, $25 water bottle, $50 dollar jeans, $60 jacket. Normal things that people buy everyday for those prices and it just seems too hard to buy it and when I do I feel a lot of guilt. Growing up my parents were super cheap though. I can afford it all but I physically can't.

Think of it this way -- you can't take that money with you when you go. So all the money you saved by being frugal will probably end up going to someone who won't care at all for paying $1000 for one pair of jeans. Is that what you want? A lifetime of buying the cheap jeans so that someone else can buy the expensive jeans?