How to stop being so frugal/cheap?

[Anonymous]

I sometimes have this problem as well; for me it tends to be an inability to pull the trigger on something I need but for some reason (probably childhood trauma) deep down I tell myself I don’t deserve. For example I’ve lost 55 pounds and need new bras but haven’t been able to go and buy even one, and when I found one online I put it in the cart and left the tab open but couldn’t check out and eventually closed the tab.

I don’t know what the answer is. I have enough money for 100 bras.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im the same way.

+1

I went to Tyson's Galleria the other day and wanted to barf.

They had mattresses starting at 20k
GTFO

OMG. Gtfo for sure on that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set yourself a realistic budget for these things based on your income and savings. Then as long as that deodorant falls within your toiletries budget, buy it.

It's not really about it being in budget because I can afford it, it's just the spending of that much money.

That's the point of the budget - as long as the cost of the item is in the budget and you've allocated for it, you can spend that money.

Still, I can't spend it because I feel like it's too expensive still even though it might not be at all and I can afford it.

OK so what are you doing for deodorant then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a really hard time spending money even if it's something I need, I can't buy it. For example $15 pizza, $13 deodorant, $25 water bottle, $50 dollar jeans, $60 jacket. Normal things that people buy everyday for those prices and it just seems too hard to buy it and when I do I feel a lot of guilt. Growing up my parents were super cheap though. I can afford it all but I physically can't.

It sounds like your decisions are motivated by some kind of aversion to spending money, instilled in you by your parents, such that you feel guilty for spending money.

Is it that you don't think pizza should cost $15? (That actually seems like REALLY cheap pizza to me...)
Is it that you don't think you deserve a nice pizza (here conceptualized as $15)?
Is it that you had a $15 pizza yesterday and think that should only happen once a week? A month? A year?

What ARE your rules here? Evaluate how well your rules match your values.

For example, the $50 pair of jeans might last longer than the $20 jeans. If you are intentionally buying cheaper stuff because saving money is important, but you need to buy a new pair of jeans every year, are you really saving money?

What values are you trying to express with your money?

To me that cost for a pizza might be a tad bit too much, I kind of think I don't need nicer stuff. With the $50 jeans, I would love to buy them but just paying that much for one thing isn't worth it for me, so I would rather buy a new pair every year. It's not really about saving money, it's just the cost of specific items and it depends on the item. For example, I could buy $50-$60 shoes but ones over $100 (which most good shoes are) would be too much.

Honestly it sounds like you are enjoying the gamification of this, more than anything.

Are you open to shopping secondhand? You can get some barely worn jeans on Thredup for $20, that would cost well more than $50 in the store.

But also, have some pride! Buy yourself some nice clothes, man.

[Anonymous]

Right now is the time to be frugal OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just because you have the money doesn't mean you need more crap. We have plenty of money, high income, and are minimal-ish. (I don't say minimalist because true minimalists would laugh.)

I hate wasting money but have no problem paying a reasonable price (after shopping around and also waiting to confirm it's not an impulse purchase.) $25 for a water bottle because you or kid literally do not have a water bottle? No problem! $25 for a water bottle because the color is cute or a new brand is trendy now, NO.

I don't pay brand premiums for lululemon, fancy sephora makeup, I don't buy $150 sneakers, etc.

If you truly NEED something and can afford it, you won't feel guilty. You feel guilty because you don't actually need it and therefore it is a waste of money.

Except that a cute whatever can make you happy - not happy in the existential sense, like there's no more problems in the world. But I absolutely have cute things that make me smile every time I use them. I think that's worth something. If you don't that's fine - but I don't consider these things to be necessarily wasteful.

There are ways to cut back. Put stickers on a water bottle to make it cuter or whatever. But if you have the money and the space - and the desire - I don't see what is wrong with liking nice things.

[Anonymous]

It's not a cureall, but I try to guess how I'll feel about the purchase afterwards. It helps to think about past expriences.

There are times in the past I've splurged and afterwards was very happy I did so, times I've splurged and regretted it, times I didn't buy and regretted it, and times I've passed on something and didn't miss it.

For example, I bike a lot and had a perfectly good $400 bike, but then saw a super-nice bike ($1500 new, used for $700). It seemed wasteful to trade up, but I bought it and have gotten more joy from that bike than any other possession. On the other hand, when I splurge on a very nice meal, afterwards I often think I would have enjoyed a much cheaper restaurant just as much.

Your preferences will differ. Don't waste money on things that don't matter to YOU, but enjoy the things or experiences that you will find special, memorable, or particularly enjoyable.

[Anonymous]

If it helps, I am the exact opposite and it has always worked out. You just have to watch the bottom line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because you have the money doesn't mean you need more crap. We have plenty of money, high income, and are minimal-ish. (I don't say minimalist because true minimalists would laugh.)

I hate wasting money but have no problem paying a reasonable price (after shopping around and also waiting to confirm it's not an impulse purchase.) $25 for a water bottle because you or kid literally do not have a water bottle? No problem! $25 for a water bottle because the color is cute or a new brand is trendy now, NO.

I don't pay brand premiums for lululemon, fancy sephora makeup, I don't buy $150 sneakers, etc.

If you truly NEED something and can afford it, you won't feel guilty. You feel guilty because you don't actually need it and therefore it is a waste of money.

Except that a cute whatever can make you happy - not happy in the existential sense, like there's no more problems in the world. But I absolutely have cute things that make me smile every time I use them. I think that's worth something. If you don't that's fine - but I don't consider these things to be necessarily wasteful.

There are ways to cut back. Put stickers on a water bottle to make it cuter or whatever. But if you have the money and the space - and the desire - I don't see what is wrong with liking nice things.

It's obviously fine from a financial perspective if you can afford it and have the storage space. But, I and I ask this sincerely and without malice, have you ever stopped to question WHY "cute things" make you temporarily happy? We are guilty of falling for marketing. You are told overtly and subliminally that these "cute things" will make you look cute, feel good, etc. It has been ingrained in you. It's not that some random shirt actually makes you "happy" - it's just dopamine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a really hard time spending money even if it's something I need, I can't buy it. For example $15 pizza, $13 deodorant, $25 water bottle, $50 dollar jeans, $60 jacket. Normal things that people buy everyday for those prices and it just seems too hard to buy it and when I do I feel a lot of guilt. Growing up my parents were super cheap though. I can afford it all but I physically can't.

Think of it this way -- you can't take that money with you when you go. So all the money you saved by being frugal will probably end up going to someone who won't care at all for paying $1000 for one pair of jeans. Is that what you want? A lifetime of buying the cheap jeans so that someone else can buy the expensive jeans?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$13 deodorant is absurd!

Maybe I am this too…but really, $13 deodorant! Nope.

Yeah, came here to say this. What's up with $13 deodorant. I would also need some convincing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a really hard time spending money even if it's something I need, I can't buy it. For example $15 pizza, $13 deodorant, $25 water bottle, $50 dollar jeans, $60 jacket. Normal things that people buy everyday for those prices and it just seems too hard to buy it and when I do I feel a lot of guilt. Growing up my parents were super cheap though. I can afford it all but I physically can't.

Think of it this way -- you can't take that money with you when you go. So all the money you saved by being frugal will probably end up going to someone who won't care at all for paying $1000 for one pair of jeans. Is that what you want? A lifetime of buying the cheap jeans so that someone else can buy the expensive jeans?

If you want to work until 65 or 70, sure. But what if you don't? I sure as heck don't and I don't want DH to either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ILs were and are profoundly cheap, and I’ve known a few other pathologically cheap couples. None of them are in happy marriages, and I think the mindset kind of becomes “Well, if we can’t be happy, at least we can make sure the money is right.”

It’s easier to turn your nose up at spending money at a restaurant when the real issue is that you don’t have anyone with whom to enjoy the restaurant.

This really resonates with me.

One other thing that I'll add is that I hate shopping - the hunt, the spending money, the wondering if I will actually like what I buy, etc. I have structured a lot of my life around shopping less frequently (vs. spending less money). So for me, it's worth it to buy the one pair of $100 jeans that will last me 4 years because then I don't have to shop again (or think about spending that money, or deciding how much to spend) for a long time. I buy 5 sticks of deodorant at a time because then it's years before I run out. I know I'm not actually saving a ton of money but it's totally worth it to me because it means I can shop less frequently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being cheap and frugal are different.
I think you should learn the difference.
Being frugal is a virtue and being cheap is the opposite.

This! Sit down, budget and buy the things you actually need, making choices to spend "more" on things that matter, if it's in the budget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set yourself a realistic budget for these things based on your income and savings. Then as long as that deodorant falls within your toiletries budget, buy it.

It's not really about it being in budget because I can afford it, it's just the spending of that much money.

then you need therapy to help with whatever issues you have