How to stop being so frugal/cheap?

[Anonymous]

I have a really hard time spending money even if it's something I need, I can't buy it. For example $15 pizza, $13 deodorant, $25 water bottle, $50 dollar jeans, $60 jacket. Normal things that people buy everyday for those prices and it just seems too hard to buy it and when I do I feel a lot of guilt. Growing up my parents were super cheap though. I can afford it all but I physically can't.

[Anonymous]

It's a mindset.

[Anonymous]

Being cheap and frugal are different.
I think you should learn the difference.
Being frugal is a virtue and being cheap is the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Set yourself a realistic budget for these things based on your income and savings. Then as long as that deodorant falls within your toiletries budget, buy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Set yourself a realistic budget for these things based on your income and savings. Then as long as that deodorant falls within your toiletries budget, buy it.

It's not really about it being in budget because I can afford it, it's just the spending of that much money.

[Anonymous]

If your parents were like this, you’re probably subconsciously trying to “please” your parents, even if they’re unaware of whatever you’re doing. You’re probably trying to either gain their approval or gain an understanding of them.

What’s your current situation with them? Are they alive? Are you enmeshed with them? Were you NOT the golden child and this is your way of gaining their approval (even if they’re dead)?

My ILs were and are profoundly cheap, and I’ve known a few other pathologically cheap couples. None of them are in happy marriages, and I think the mindset kind of becomes “Well, if we can’t be happy, at least we can make sure the money is right.”

It’s easier to turn your nose up at spending money at a restaurant when the real issue is that you don’t have anyone with whom to enjoy the restaurant.

[Anonymous]

Im the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set yourself a realistic budget for these things based on your income and savings. Then as long as that deodorant falls within your toiletries budget, buy it.

It's not really about it being in budget because I can afford it, it's just the spending of that much money.

That's the point of the budget - as long as the cost of the item is in the budget and you've allocated for it, you can spend that money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set yourself a realistic budget for these things based on your income and savings. Then as long as that deodorant falls within your toiletries budget, buy it.

It's not really about it being in budget because I can afford it, it's just the spending of that much money.

That's the point of the budget - as long as the cost of the item is in the budget and you've allocated for it, you can spend that money.

Still, I can't spend it because I feel like it's too expensive still even though it might not be at all and I can afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your parents were like this, you’re probably subconsciously trying to “please” your parents, even if they’re unaware of whatever you’re doing. You’re probably trying to either gain their approval or gain an understanding of them.

What’s your current situation with them? Are they alive? Are you enmeshed with them? Were you NOT the golden child and this is your way of gaining their approval (even if they’re dead)?

My ILs were and are profoundly cheap, and I’ve known a few other pathologically cheap couples. None of them are in happy marriages, and I think the mindset kind of becomes “Well, if we can’t be happy, at least we can make sure the money is right.”

It’s easier to turn your nose up at spending money at a restaurant when the real issue is that you don’t have anyone with whom to enjoy the restaurant.

We have a great relationship currently, it's just they had the not best income so they always tell me things were too expensive so now that I can afford it I still can't buy it.

[Anonymous]

It's in your head. It's not about money for the things you describe.
Would if feel better if you had a coupon for each of the items?
My kid wanted chewing gum. It costs $5.99. I have the money, but I felt a whole lot better with my 40% CVS coupon. Still hurt, but a little less.
I grew up super poor. I have no problem spending money. Just not on the things that I find complete crap like McDonalds today. So, that's what's in my head. I will still do it, but sparingly.
I want value for my items. If I like something I must have, it's already valuable to me. Doesn't happen often though.
By one thing a week. Try to get it on sale and see how you feel. Maybe the thrill of getting it cheaper is more exciting than 'losing' the money.

[Anonymous]

I'm the same. My husband calls me a money hoarder. I can't help it, I grew up poor and even though I never felt uncomfortable as a kid and had everything I needed, I was VERY aware of spending. I can't seem to shake it.

[Anonymous]

Do you want to lie on your deathbed knowing that you never wore jeans that cost more than $5? If no, change your destiny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the same. My husband calls me a money hoarder. I can't help it, I grew up poor and even though I never felt uncomfortable as a kid and had everything I needed, I was VERY aware of spending. I can't seem to shake it.

What classifies as 'poor' here and for you?

[Anonymous]

Alternatively: you don’t need to opt in to a wasteful capitalism system. You can buy clothes second hand for a tenth of the price, while also being better for the environment.

But definitely buy the pizza.