How to stop being so frugal/cheap?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't shop unless we need something. But I have no problem spending $50+ on a pair of jeans that I love, or a Lululemon sports bra for DD because that's what she really wants and will wear it once a week.

I consider it wasteful to buy a bunch of stuff that you don't love. I buy fewer, nicer things for my family. It doesn't seem to cost any more than buying a bunch of cheap, trendy stuff and we feel good wearing the items.

The problem is a lot of people confuse “more expensive” with “nicer.” The two are not the same. Teens in particular have not learned this yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a really hard time spending money even if it's something I need, I can't buy it. For example $15 pizza, $13 deodorant, $25 water bottle, $50 dollar jeans, $60 jacket. Normal things that people buy everyday for those prices and it just seems too hard to buy it and when I do I feel a lot of guilt. Growing up my parents were super cheap though. I can afford it all but I physically can't.

It sounds like your decisions are motivated by some kind of aversion to spending money, instilled in you by your parents, such that you feel guilty for spending money.

Is it that you don't think pizza should cost $15? (That actually seems like REALLY cheap pizza to me...)
Is it that you don't think you deserve a nice pizza (here conceptualized as $15)?
Is it that you had a $15 pizza yesterday and think that should only happen once a week? A month? A year?

What ARE your rules here? Evaluate how well your rules match your values.

For example, the $50 pair of jeans might last longer than the $20 jeans. If you are intentionally buying cheaper stuff because saving money is important, but you need to buy a new pair of jeans every year, are you really saving money?

What values are you trying to express with your money?

To me that cost for a pizza might be a tad bit too much, I kind of think I don't need nicer stuff. With the $50 jeans, I would love to buy them but just paying that much for one thing isn't worth it for me, so I would rather buy a new pair every year. It's not really about saving money, it's just the cost of specific items and it depends on the item. For example, I could buy $50-$60 shoes but ones over $100 (which most good shoes are) would be too much.

That is a kind of poverty mindset, though, OP. Even though the financial reality is not there, the mindset remains "buy the cheap thing now and every year from now on instead of a slightly more expensive thing every 2-3 years instead." As a former poor person (credentials: raised on welfare, school lunches, utility vouchers, secondhand everything not very often), I think it's important to note that that mindset, when divorced from the financial reality of poverty, is DISORDERED. It's a thing to be challenged, not indulged. If you're evaluating your values and deciding to move away from consumption in general, fine, but if you're just consuming more because you think you're being "frugal" by spending $30 on crappy jeans that end up in a landfill every year, something else is going on.

DP here. For some things this is true but not for all things. The $30 Costco puffer coat has been just as warm and lasted me just as long as an LL bean one or a Patagonia one. Lululemon doesn't last twice as long because it costs twice as much as other brands.

It's really not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a really hard time spending money even if it's something I need, I can't buy it. For example $15 pizza, $13 deodorant, $25 water bottle, $50 dollar jeans, $60 jacket. Normal things that people buy everyday for those prices and it just seems too hard to buy it and when I do I feel a lot of guilt. Growing up my parents were super cheap though. I can afford it all but I physically can't.

It sounds like your decisions are motivated by some kind of aversion to spending money, instilled in you by your parents, such that you feel guilty for spending money.

Is it that you don't think pizza should cost $15? (That actually seems like REALLY cheap pizza to me...)
Is it that you don't think you deserve a nice pizza (here conceptualized as $15)?
Is it that you had a $15 pizza yesterday and think that should only happen once a week? A month? A year?

What ARE your rules here? Evaluate how well your rules match your values.

For example, the $50 pair of jeans might last longer than the $20 jeans. If you are intentionally buying cheaper stuff because saving money is important, but you need to buy a new pair of jeans every year, are you really saving money?

What values are you trying to express with your money?

To me that cost for a pizza might be a tad bit too much, I kind of think I don't need nicer stuff. With the $50 jeans, I would love to buy them but just paying that much for one thing isn't worth it for me, so I would rather buy a new pair every year. It's not really about saving money, it's just the cost of specific items and it depends on the item. For example, I could buy $50-$60 shoes but ones over $100 (which most good shoes are) would be too much.

That is a kind of poverty mindset, though, OP. Even though the financial reality is not there, the mindset remains "buy the cheap thing now and every year from now on instead of a slightly more expensive thing every 2-3 years instead." As a former poor person (credentials: raised on welfare, school lunches, utility vouchers, secondhand everything not very often), I think it's important to note that that mindset, when divorced from the financial reality of poverty, is DISORDERED. It's a thing to be challenged, not indulged. If you're evaluating your values and deciding to move away from consumption in general, fine, but if you're just consuming more because you think you're being "frugal" by spending $30 on crappy jeans that end up in a landfill every year, something else is going on.

DP here. For some things this is true but not for all things. The $30 Costco puffer coat has been just as warm and lasted me just as long as an LL bean one or a Patagonia one. Lululemon doesn't last twice as long because it costs twice as much as other brands.

It's really not.

I own all three. It is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't shop unless we need something. But I have no problem spending $50+ on a pair of jeans that I love, or a Lululemon sports bra for DD because that's what she really wants and will wear it once a week.

I consider it wasteful to buy a bunch of stuff that you don't love. I buy fewer, nicer things for my family. It doesn't seem to cost any more than buying a bunch of cheap, trendy stuff and we feel good wearing the items.

The problem is a lot of people confuse “more expensive” with “nicer.” The two are not the same. Teens in particular have not learned this yet.

Nobody is confused by this concept. When you're paying more, you expect higher quality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't shop unless we need something. But I have no problem spending $50+ on a pair of jeans that I love, or a Lululemon sports bra for DD because that's what she really wants and will wear it once a week.

I consider it wasteful to buy a bunch of stuff that you don't love. I buy fewer, nicer things for my family. It doesn't seem to cost any more than buying a bunch of cheap, trendy stuff and we feel good wearing the items.

The problem is a lot of people confuse “more expensive” with “nicer.” The two are not the same. Teens in particular have not learned this yet.

Nobody is confused by this concept. When you're paying more, you expect higher quality.

Almost every is fooled by branding. Evidence of it it’s all around us. It’s not nicer simply because you paid more. The lululemon belt bag is not any nicer than Amazon dupe. Aviator nation sweats are just…sweats.

[Anonymous]

are you frugal or are you cheap? these are two totally different things and you can’t be both simultaneously.

I get no dopamine kick from spending and would never buy $13 deodorant or a $25 water bottle. that’s just dumb. Maybe Im older than you, but at 47, i really don’t need much and prefer to surround myself with things that spark joy. Buying crap doesn’t get me excited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't shop unless we need something. But I have no problem spending $50+ on a pair of jeans that I love, or a Lululemon sports bra for DD because that's what she really wants and will wear it once a week.

I consider it wasteful to buy a bunch of stuff that you don't love. I buy fewer, nicer things for my family. It doesn't seem to cost any more than buying a bunch of cheap, trendy stuff and we feel good wearing the items.

The problem is a lot of people confuse “more expensive” with “nicer.” The two are not the same. Teens in particular have not learned this yet.

Nobody is confused by this concept. When you're paying more, you expect higher quality.

hahaha! i love this. As someone who works in marketing for a well known brand, you have validated that i do my job well. I own a TON of this brand because I get it for free, but the secret is all in how we market and merchandise our products. For example a raincoat from my company can set you back $500. I promise you it doesn’t keep you 10X more dry than a $50 one from the columbia outlet store.

[Anonymous]

I'm very much the same way. Parents grew up poor and thrifty; moved themselves up to middle class through lots of saving and being frugal. I found Ramit Sethi's book "I will teach you to be rich" to be helpful--discusses the concept of a "rich" life--as identifying what priorities you have and how you can use money to support the things that make you the happiest/fulfilled, while not spending on things that you don't find important. This really helped me--while I also find that it makes me feel really happy that I never have to think twice about activities/classes/opportunities/toys for my kids, I couldn't care less about having a fancy car, or designer clothes, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't shop unless we need something. But I have no problem spending $50+ on a pair of jeans that I love, or a Lululemon sports bra for DD because that's what she really wants and will wear it once a week.

I consider it wasteful to buy a bunch of stuff that you don't love. I buy fewer, nicer things for my family. It doesn't seem to cost any more than buying a bunch of cheap, trendy stuff and we feel good wearing the items.

The problem is a lot of people confuse “more expensive” with “nicer.” The two are not the same. Teens in particular have not learned this yet.

Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. I don't buy designer handbags and I'm not a fan of logos on my clothes. Sometimes I can find high quality items that I love for low prices on sale or at discount stores. But that Lululemon sports bra really is higher quality than the ones at TJ Maxx.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a really hard time spending money even if it's something I need, I can't buy it. For example $15 pizza, $13 deodorant, $25 water bottle, $50 dollar jeans, $60 jacket. Normal things that people buy everyday for those prices and it just seems too hard to buy it and when I do I feel a lot of guilt. Growing up my parents were super cheap though. I can afford it all but I physically can't.

It sounds like your decisions are motivated by some kind of aversion to spending money, instilled in you by your parents, such that you feel guilty for spending money.

Is it that you don't think pizza should cost $15? (That actually seems like REALLY cheap pizza to me...)
Is it that you don't think you deserve a nice pizza (here conceptualized as $15)?
Is it that you had a $15 pizza yesterday and think that should only happen once a week? A month? A year?

What ARE your rules here? Evaluate how well your rules match your values.

For example, the $50 pair of jeans might last longer than the $20 jeans. If you are intentionally buying cheaper stuff because saving money is important, but you need to buy a new pair of jeans every year, are you really saving money?

What values are you trying to express with your money?

To me that cost for a pizza might be a tad bit too much, I kind of think I don't need nicer stuff. With the $50 jeans, I would love to buy them but just paying that much for one thing isn't worth it for me, so I would rather buy a new pair every year. It's not really about saving money, it's just the cost of specific items and it depends on the item. For example, I could buy $50-$60 shoes but ones over $100 (which most good shoes are) would be too much.

That is a kind of poverty mindset, though, OP. Even though the financial reality is not there, the mindset remains "buy the cheap thing now and every year from now on instead of a slightly more expensive thing every 2-3 years instead." As a former poor person (credentials: raised on welfare, school lunches, utility vouchers, secondhand everything not very often), I think it's important to note that that mindset, when divorced from the financial reality of poverty, is DISORDERED. It's a thing to be challenged, not indulged. If you're evaluating your values and deciding to move away from consumption in general, fine, but if you're just consuming more because you think you're being "frugal" by spending $30 on crappy jeans that end up in a landfill every year, something else is going on.

DP here. For some things this is true but not for all things. The $30 Costco puffer coat has been just as warm and lasted me just as long as an LL bean one or a Patagonia one. Lululemon doesn't last twice as long because it costs twice as much as other brands.

It's really not.

Right! Some things are truly worth the extra cost. Patagonia being one. However, if you don't have $300, then yes the $30 Costco is a great alternative, but you cannot think they are actually "equal". And Lulu does last---my kid has Lulu stuff (didn't buy until they were a teen and stopped growing) that looks almost new 5+ years in. The target/costco brands simply don't hold up as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't shop unless we need something. But I have no problem spending $50+ on a pair of jeans that I love, or a Lululemon sports bra for DD because that's what she really wants and will wear it once a week.

I consider it wasteful to buy a bunch of stuff that you don't love. I buy fewer, nicer things for my family. It doesn't seem to cost any more than buying a bunch of cheap, trendy stuff and we feel good wearing the items.

The problem is a lot of people confuse “more expensive” with “nicer.” The two are not the same. Teens in particular have not learned this yet.

Nobody is confused by this concept. When you're paying more, you expect higher quality.

And if it is not "higher quality" we smartly decide not to purchase it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't shop unless we need something. But I have no problem spending $50+ on a pair of jeans that I love, or a Lululemon sports bra for DD because that's what she really wants and will wear it once a week.

I consider it wasteful to buy a bunch of stuff that you don't love. I buy fewer, nicer things for my family. It doesn't seem to cost any more than buying a bunch of cheap, trendy stuff and we feel good wearing the items.

The problem is a lot of people confuse “more expensive” with “nicer.” The two are not the same. Teens in particular have not learned this yet.

Nobody is confused by this concept. When you're paying more, you expect higher quality.

hahaha! i love this. As someone who works in marketing for a well known brand, you have validated that i do my job well. I own a TON of this brand because I get it for free, but the secret is all in how we market and merchandise our products. For example a raincoat from my company can set you back $500. I promise you it doesn’t keep you 10X more dry than a $50 one from the columbia outlet store.

Well yes, the Columbia outlet at $50 is an amazing deal. And yes, the $200 Columbia (not outlet) is good enough quality and likely not worth the $extra $300 to get your brand.
But the difference between a target raincoat and a Columbia is something you can tell. Sure the Target will work, and if you cannot afford the full price Columbia, you probably shouldn't purchase it. But if you can, 9 times out of 10 it will last significantly longer than the target basic brand

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't shop unless we need something. But I have no problem spending $50+ on a pair of jeans that I love, or a Lululemon sports bra for DD because that's what she really wants and will wear it once a week.

I consider it wasteful to buy a bunch of stuff that you don't love. I buy fewer, nicer things for my family. It doesn't seem to cost any more than buying a bunch of cheap, trendy stuff and we feel good wearing the items.

The problem is a lot of people confuse “more expensive” with “nicer.” The two are not the same. Teens in particular have not learned this yet.

Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. I don't buy designer handbags and I'm not a fan of logos on my clothes. Sometimes I can find high quality items that I love for low prices on sale or at discount stores. But that Lululemon sports bra really is higher quality than the ones at TJ Maxx.

Yes---my Lulu will last me 5-7+ years, basic stuff from target/TJ maxx will be finished in 3-4 years tops.

To a certain point, you get what you pay for. However, once you hit Lulu level, you don't really get "higher quality" above that, most above that is about the Name and the name only. So a $300 sports bra from a luxury brand (above Lulu) is not any or much better.
So the key is finding the lowest level of "luxury" that is still providing more quality. Once you hit that, realize anything else is just paying for the brand.

Like nobody in DCUM needs a Canadian Goose jacket, you simply don't. It does not get that cold here. And you can find really good Patagonia equivalents for 1/2 or 1/3 the price.

Sure you can wear a target jacket and it will "do the job decently" but the Patagonia will do the job for 10+ years and still be going strong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't shop unless we need something. But I have no problem spending $50+ on a pair of jeans that I love, or a Lululemon sports bra for DD because that's what she really wants and will wear it once a week.

I consider it wasteful to buy a bunch of stuff that you don't love. I buy fewer, nicer things for my family. It doesn't seem to cost any more than buying a bunch of cheap, trendy stuff and we feel good wearing the items.

The problem is a lot of people confuse “more expensive” with “nicer.” The two are not the same. Teens in particular have not learned this yet.

Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. I don't buy designer handbags and I'm not a fan of logos on my clothes. Sometimes I can find high quality items that I love for low prices on sale or at discount stores. But that Lululemon sports bra really is higher quality than the ones at TJ Maxx.

Yes---my Lulu will last me 5-7+ years, basic stuff from target/TJ maxx will be finished in 3-4 years tops.

To a certain point, you get what you pay for. However, once you hit Lulu level, you don't really get "higher quality" above that, most above that is about the Name and the name only. So a $300 sports bra from a luxury brand (above Lulu) is not any or much better.
So the key is finding the lowest level of "luxury" that is still providing more quality. Once you hit that, realize anything else is just paying for the brand.

Like nobody in DCUM needs a Canadian Goose jacket, you simply don't. It does not get that cold here. And you can find really good Patagonia equivalents for 1/2 or 1/3 the price.

Sure you can wear a target jacket and it will "do the job decently" but the Patagonia will do the job for 10+ years and still be going strong

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't shop unless we need something. But I have no problem spending $50+ on a pair of jeans that I love, or a Lululemon sports bra for DD because that's what she really wants and will wear it once a week.

I consider it wasteful to buy a bunch of stuff that you don't love. I buy fewer, nicer things for my family. It doesn't seem to cost any more than buying a bunch of cheap, trendy stuff and we feel good wearing the items.

The problem is a lot of people confuse “more expensive” with “nicer.” The two are not the same. Teens in particular have not learned this yet.

Nobody is confused by this concept. When you're paying more, you expect higher quality.

And if it is not "higher quality" we smartly decide not to purchase it

Exactly. Sometimes it costs more money to get higher quality. If something is more expensive but not higher quality (or that marginal level of higher quality isn't necessary), then we don't purchase it.