How to stop being so frugal/cheap?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in retirement, my spouse and I were very frugal and often cheap and we have $Ms saved - in both retirement accounts and outside. And now after 30+ years, we can't bring ourselves to spend.

Yes we can leave money to the kids (and we funded college and contributed to weddings and down payments.) Kids are all successful and doing well. One of the kids mentioned they pay for service to come clean their dog's poop out of their yard. My spouse was all "I'm not leaving money to them so they can waste it." And I was like "hmmm, they live a busy life with kids, two working parents and if this makes life easier good for them."

This started a whole (on-going) conversation about what to do with our money. I ran across the quote: "Don't let your death be the most generous thing you do". I am making an attempt to spend on "experiences" - more like a manicure or nicer meal but also travel. But I still have to bargain shop and am constantly thinking "I shouldn't really spend this money."

Long way of saying - I hope you figure this out younger rather than older, bc it doesn't get any easier/better.

How old are you?

My mom has always been this way, and now, when she is almost 80, the spending got super easy because it’s necessary. She is extremely happy she didn’t “figure this out” when younger because now she’s got this pile of FU money that allows her to continue to live her life the way she used to, but with some adjustments. For example, she still goes places, but now she’s gets an Uber. She has a cleaning lady, she has a guy who comes in for minor repairs, and so on with many things she used to do herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because you have the money doesn't mean you need more crap. We have plenty of money, high income, and are minimal-ish. (I don't say minimalist because true minimalists would laugh.)

I hate wasting money but have no problem paying a reasonable price (after shopping around and also waiting to confirm it's not an impulse purchase.) $25 for a water bottle because you or kid literally do not have a water bottle? No problem! $25 for a water bottle because the color is cute or a new brand is trendy now, NO.

I don't pay brand premiums for lululemon, fancy sephora makeup, I don't buy $150 sneakers, etc.

If you truly NEED something and can afford it, you won't feel guilty. You feel guilty because you don't actually need it and therefore it is a waste of money.

Except that a cute whatever can make you happy - not happy in the existential sense, like there's no more problems in the world. But I absolutely have cute things that make me smile every time I use them. I think that's worth something. If you don't that's fine - but I don't consider these things to be necessarily wasteful.

There are ways to cut back. Put stickers on a water bottle to make it cuter or whatever. But if you have the money and the space - and the desire - I don't see what is wrong with liking nice things.

It's obviously fine from a financial perspective if you can afford it and have the storage space. But, I and I ask this sincerely and without malice, have you ever stopped to question WHY "cute things" make you temporarily happy? We are guilty of falling for marketing. You are told overtly and subliminally that these "cute things" will make you look cute, feel good, etc. It has been ingrained in you. It's not that some random shirt actually makes you "happy" - it's just dopamine.

You say "just dopamine" like that doesn't count for anything? Yes, I do think about why these things make me happy. It makes me happy to wear a dress I enjoy; it makes me happy to have a house that I enjoy looking at - art that catches my eye even years after I've bought it. I don't have spendy taste - whcih is lucky because I don't have a spendy budget - but even when I was super broke I liked to buy pieces of art ($25 sometimes; $400 sometimes) because it really does make me feel good to look around my house and see these things. We got nice plates for our wedding 15 years ago and every day we use them, and I still love them. I don't think it's nuts to feel like part of building a life for yourself, is surrounding yourself with things that give you pleasure.

I'm sure every one of your bank accounts is better than mine. But it seems so impossibly grim to say that you will pay $20 for jeans once every two years and that's the limit to how you'll enjoy the clothes you put on yourself.

It's fine if you don't get anything out of pretty things. And certainly we have problems with overconsumption - financial problems, environmental problems. But there is nothing virtuous about being immune to beauty and pleasure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a really hard time spending money even if it's something I need, I can't buy it. For example $15 pizza, $13 deodorant, $25 water bottle, $50 dollar jeans, $60 jacket. Normal things that people buy everyday for those prices and it just seems too hard to buy it and when I do I feel a lot of guilt. Growing up my parents were super cheap though. I can afford it all but I physically can't.

Think of it this way -- you can't take that money with you when you go. So all the money you saved by being frugal will probably end up going to someone who won't care at all for paying $1000 for one pair of jeans. Is that what you want? A lifetime of buying the cheap jeans so that someone else can buy the expensive jeans?

Yes, that wouldn't make me feel as bad as buying the more expensive pair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a really hard time spending money even if it's something I need, I can't buy it. For example $15 pizza, $13 deodorant, $25 water bottle, $50 dollar jeans, $60 jacket. Normal things that people buy everyday for those prices and it just seems too hard to buy it and when I do I feel a lot of guilt. Growing up my parents were super cheap though. I can afford it all but I physically can't.

Think of it this way -- you can't take that money with you when you go. So all the money you saved by being frugal will probably end up going to someone who won't care at all for paying $1000 for one pair of jeans. Is that what you want? A lifetime of buying the cheap jeans so that someone else can buy the expensive jeans?

Yes, that wouldn't make me feel as bad as buying the more expensive pair.

If that’s true, stay frugal and please will your money to me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a really hard time spending money even if it's something I need, I can't buy it. For example $15 pizza, $13 deodorant, $25 water bottle, $50 dollar jeans, $60 jacket. Normal things that people buy everyday for those prices and it just seems too hard to buy it and when I do I feel a lot of guilt. Growing up my parents were super cheap though. I can afford it all but I physically can't.

So don’t spend. What’s the problem here? No one needs to be buying $15 pizzas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a really hard time spending money even if it's something I need, I can't buy it. For example $15 pizza, $13 deodorant, $25 water bottle, $50 dollar jeans, $60 jacket. Normal things that people buy everyday for those prices and it just seems too hard to buy it and when I do I feel a lot of guilt. Growing up my parents were super cheap though. I can afford it all but I physically can't.

So don’t spend. What’s the problem here? No one needs to be buying $15 pizzas.

Where are pizzas $15?? Most pizzas are $30 these days.

[Anonymous]

OP— stay frugal and give your money away to good causes. Other people could use that money, and will value it more than you do.

[Anonymous]

I think many people misinterpreted my post and it's my fault for writing frugal, but what I meant is cheap. I like nice things like everyone else so I don't try to buy second hand clothes or off brand food but some things, are just too hard to buy in general and nowadays especially with rising costs.

[Anonymous]

For non-consumables, consider a "cost per wear/use" yes $50 for jeans can feel like a lot, but if you are going to wear them a lot its really not much money. If you will use the water bottle daily you are saving considering the cost of a one time use bottle. Spending $15 on a slice of pizza would be hard for me unless it was a one off. I try not to eat out due to the cost even if I can afford it. I would rather have a cushion of money so I feel good taking a big trip instead

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a really hard time spending money even if it's something I need, I can't buy it. For example $15 pizza, $13 deodorant, $25 water bottle, $50 dollar jeans, $60 jacket. Normal things that people buy everyday for those prices and it just seems too hard to buy it and when I do I feel a lot of guilt. Growing up my parents were super cheap though. I can afford it all but I physically can't.

Why is this a problem? Your post is ridiculous. You've been influenced by too many trashy tv shows where fake people spend every penny they have trying to look like they have more than everyone else.

You're a troll aren't you.

The current psycho administration is going nuts that we aren't spending money as they burn down our country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because you have the money doesn't mean you need more crap. We have plenty of money, high income, and are minimal-ish. (I don't say minimalist because true minimalists would laugh.)

I hate wasting money but have no problem paying a reasonable price (after shopping around and also waiting to confirm it's not an impulse purchase.) $25 for a water bottle because you or kid literally do not have a water bottle? No problem! $25 for a water bottle because the color is cute or a new brand is trendy now, NO.

I don't pay brand premiums for lululemon, fancy sephora makeup, I don't buy $150 sneakers, etc.

If you truly NEED something and can afford it, you won't feel guilty. You feel guilty because you don't actually need it and therefore it is a waste of money.

Except that a cute whatever can make you happy - not happy in the existential sense, like there's no more problems in the world. But I absolutely have cute things that make me smile every time I use them. I think that's worth something. If you don't that's fine - but I don't consider these things to be necessarily wasteful.

There are ways to cut back. Put stickers on a water bottle to make it cuter or whatever. But if you have the money and the space - and the desire - I don't see what is wrong with liking nice things.

It's obviously fine from a financial perspective if you can afford it and have the storage space. But, I and I ask this sincerely and without malice, have you ever stopped to question WHY "cute things" make you temporarily happy? We are guilty of falling for marketing. You are told overtly and subliminally that these "cute things" will make you look cute, feel good, etc. It has been ingrained in you. It's not that some random shirt actually makes you "happy" - it's just dopamine.

You say "just dopamine" like that doesn't count for anything? Yes, I do think about why these things make me happy. It makes me happy to wear a dress I enjoy; it makes me happy to have a house that I enjoy looking at - art that catches my eye even years after I've bought it. I don't have spendy taste - whcih is lucky because I don't have a spendy budget - but even when I was super broke I liked to buy pieces of art ($25 sometimes; $400 sometimes) because it really does make me feel good to look around my house and see these things. We got nice plates for our wedding 15 years ago and every day we use them, and I still love them. I don't think it's nuts to feel like part of building a life for yourself, is surrounding yourself with things that give you pleasure.

I'm sure every one of your bank accounts is better than mine. But it seems so impossibly grim to say that you will pay $20 for jeans once every two years and that's the limit to how you'll enjoy the clothes you put on yourself.

It's fine if you don't get anything out of pretty things. And certainly we have problems with overconsumption - financial problems, environmental problems. But there is nothing virtuous about being immune to beauty and pleasure.

I have a lovely wardrobe and home. You can have these things without a constant need for shopping and “updating.” No one is asking you to live in a shoebox. But my day to day life does not involve consumerism beyond groceries. There are lots ways to find “happiness” and dopamine without spending money. Sex, good conversations, time spent in nature, with your family, children, pets, helping others, etc.

[Anonymous]

If it’s something that just affects you, like clothes and toiletries, who cares?

If it’s something important that affects others, like staying in your dilapidated house or choosing not to pay for SN therapy out of cheapness, then yeah you should seek therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a really hard time spending money even if it's something I need, I can't buy it. For example $15 pizza, $13 deodorant, $25 water bottle, $50 dollar jeans, $60 jacket. Normal things that people buy everyday for those prices and it just seems too hard to buy it and when I do I feel a lot of guilt. Growing up my parents were super cheap though. I can afford it all but I physically can't.

So don’t spend. What’s the problem here? No one needs to be buying $15 pizzas.

Where are pizzas $15?? Most pizzas are $30 these days.

Yeah, all the costs here are low aside from the deodorant (but to me megababe works better than anything and costs that much) None of these choices would break the bank and either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think many people misinterpreted my post and it's my fault for writing frugal, but what I meant is cheap. I like nice things like everyone else so I don't try to buy second hand clothes or off brand food but some things, are just too hard to buy in general and nowadays especially with rising costs.

So don’t buy things. This isn’t a problem. Not buying things doesn’t mean you’re cheap.

[Anonymous]

Seems like you need attention, which isn’t something you can buy anyway. Go out and focus on making friends.