If all your siblings went on vacation without you, would you be hurt?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don't get it. We go skiing with a group of mixed ages and abilities all the time. Someone says "we're taking the kids up to Difficult Slope this morning. We'll join up with you at Easy Slope after lunch." And anyone not comfortable with Hard Slope says "ok, have fun! "

And then you leave the four year old alone on the bunny slope?

Huh? The 4 year old has two parents. Why would she need to be alone on the bunny slope?

And then what about the other kids who are also under 10 but not at the same level as their cousins? I’m guessing OP, knowing her sister and the dynamics, believes that the other 2 kids will become the responsibility of the others in the group, and she doesn’t want that responsibility on her ski vacation, which is perfectly legitimate. The sister with the 4 kids should be self aware enough to know that her family isn’t a good fit for this trip and tell her sisters to enjoy themselves. It’s called maturity.

We do this every year. Everyone breaks off into smaller groups and does the hills they're capable of. When my husband wants to do blacks, ds and I do our own thing or hang out with cousins. Then dh joins up with us again after a bit. Meanwhile, other members of the group are doing the same, sometimes together, sometimes separately. Never do all 12 of us stick together all day.

I suppose op doesn't think her sister and spouse are self sufficient enough for this arrangement?

I think the sticking point would be the ages of the sister’s kids. The 5 month old and 4 year old don’t ski, so an adult needs to be dealing with them at all times. It’s not clear what level skiers the sister’s other 2 kids are, other than they are not as good as the other cousins and are too young to ski alone, so another adult needs to be with them at all times as well. OP seems to think/know that other members of the group will be tasked with helping out with the sister’s kids, whether it’s the non skier kids or the young skiers, and she doesn’t want to have to do that on her ski vacation.

most big ski resorts have full day lessons/day care for 4 year olds (how much of the time is spent skiing varies by resort). They also have childcare for babies in most cases (not sure exactly when it starts). Not saying your sister should avail herself of these options but they definitely exist so it seems a bit presumptuous to use the lack of daytime child care options for the little kids as an excuse to not invite that sister.

OP has already said that her sister will not be comfortable utilizing any resort child care because of Covid. I don’t understand why people think OP either needs to contort herself and her vacation plans in order to invite this sister who’s family is not compatible with the vacation OP wants, or invite sister and dictate the child care she needs to utilize to come on the trip and not cramp the style of everyone else. This is not that hard, everyone is an adult, sister with the 4 kids under 10 does not need to be invited and should take a long hard look at herself if she is butt hurt by the fact that her sister didn’t want to take a ski vacation with her group of kids that either can’t ski or aren’t at the same level as the other people on the trip. This is part of the deal when you have kids, not every activity people in your circle participate in will be appropriate for your entire family, it’s not a personal affront to not include you in those activities because the world doesn’t revolve around you.

It’s not her “circle,” it’s her FAMILY for heaven’s sake. My god, you people are heartless.

So becuase someone is family you have to include them on a vacation? I have adult children and my siblings have young kids. If my siblings with young kids went to Disney and didn’t invite me I would not be all in my feelings about it. Different life phases, not some kind of personal attack. Seriously there must be a lot of millennials in these responses becuase I don’t understand the idea that everyone needs to be invited to everything as adults. This isn’t an elementary school party.

The difference is you wouldn’t want to go to Disney. The sister would want to go skiing but they don’t want her there.

[Anonymous]

How do you know the sister wants to go skiing??

[Anonymous]

My sister has 5 kids and constantly expects others to watch the youngest 3 at family events. We happily do what we can for them and love my sister.
If we don't step up they wouldn't be able to decorate cookies or make ornaments because that sister is not into any of it but her kids are. I wouldn't invite her in my vacation either for this reason but the other 2 no problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know the sister wants to go skiing??

The OP has made it pretty clear they would come if invited.

[Anonymous]

Adults choose who to invite on vacations. This isnt a family celebration. Adults understand this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP really you worked hard to have this particular vacation. Have it with one sister. I did rather extreme equestrian vacations and they were expensive and never able to be repeated. Grab this vacation, ask only one sister, and don’t look back. Yes having 6 other people in my equestrian vacation would not have worked.

Totally agree. Figure out something else with the whole family as a wedding gift for the newly-married sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adults choose who to invite on vacations. This isnt a family celebration. Adults understand this.

OK Mr. Spock.

Do people really interact with their family this way? How sad.

[Anonymous]

I would be heartbroken, please don't do this.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Adults choose who to invite on vacations. This isnt a family celebration. Adults understand this.

OK Mr. Spock.

Do people really interact with their family this way? How sad.

OP is talking about a one time vacation tailored to a specific activity that this other sister’s kids either can’t do or are not as proficient at as the rest of the group, not how her family handles the run of the mill beach vacation. Get a grip people, everything does not revolve around you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are people even entertaining the idea of inviting the sister with young kids? OP and the eldest don’t want her there. Don’t invite her and also don’t invite the youngest.

It’s what OP planned initially, it makes the most sense, and it isn’t hurtful because it’s not leaving one person out.

THIS it’s not so difficult and doesn’t make OP a narcissist. That word thrown around way too much.
OP you know perfectly well you will be babysitting if you ask your sister with 4 kids. That will cause mite hurt feelings than not inviting.
Clear is kind. Unclear (you can come but no babysitting ) is unkind. It’s a SKI vacation not a family reunion.

[Anonymous]

I think most of the PPs here can’t afford a ski vacation and are just being mean.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Adults choose who to invite on vacations. This isnt a family celebration. Adults understand this.

OK Mr. Spock.

Do people really interact with their family this way? How sad.

OP is talking about a one time vacation tailored to a specific activity that this other sister’s kids either can’t do or are not as proficient at as the rest of the group, not how her family handles the run of the mill beach vacation. Get a grip people, everything does not revolve around you.

dp I do hope that op at the very least talks to the sister who is not going to be invited. The worst if she found out that she wasn't included after the fact. Don't sneak around, op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adults choose who to invite on vacations. This isnt a family celebration. Adults understand this.

OK Mr. Spock.

Do people really interact with their family this way? How sad.

OP is talking about a one time vacation tailored to a specific activity that this other sister’s kids either can’t do or are not as proficient at as the rest of the group, not how her family handles the run of the mill beach vacation. Get a grip people, everything does not revolve around you.

It's mean to exclude one family member who would want to come, but you deem "not a good fit". Not sure why this is such a hard concept to grasp.

OP should go with the older sister as planned initially. Simple.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Omg you are really committed to being an asshole OP. Inviting the youngest sister is a huge mistake and will undoubtedly hurt feelings. I would be SO sad if I were the sister with younger kids. It’s really not fun being left out.

This is not kindergarten. Put on your big girl panties and realize that having 4 kids under the age of 10 means that some things, like a ski vacation meant for experienced skiers, are not a good fit for your family. I really don’t get everyone’s reactions to this. Everyone is an adult and should be over being hurt like elementary school children. Look in the mirror and realize a 5 month old baby, a 4 year old, and 2 other kids under 10 would cramp everyone else’s ski vacation. It’s not like OP is talking about a toddler centric vacation.

I hate this expression when used to be mean. Just because one is an adult doesn't mean your feelings can't be hurt. Does op want to fracture her family? If so, proceed and invite the other sister and have a grand old time. Remember, op asked if people would be hurt and you would not but, others would be. It has nothing to do with "big girl pants"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be heartbroken, please don't do this.

Because you’re that sibling that makes everything about you. Through your heartbreak you wouldn’t be able to rationally understand that your brood of 4 kids under 10, which includes an infant and a 4 year old, don’t really fit into a ski vacation geared toward kids who are good skiers and adults? Let me guess you’re also the sibling that uses family vacations as free babysitting for your kids because of course your kids are amazing and who wouldn’t want to spend their vacation babysitting them for you.