Weird situation with new neighbor from high school - WWYD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are two factors at play here:
1. OP was probably a bully in high school and either doesn't want to admit it or is choosing to not remember
2. Neighbor was obviously damaged by OPs mean girl behavior. But neighbor is also acting inappropriately by approaching OPs kids.
CONCLUSION: OP should apologize and neighbor should seek therapy.

I would apologize only with the condition that crazy neighbor stay far away from my kids and me going forward. She sounds unwell. And i doubt that woukd give the neighbor the closure she thinks she needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are two factors at play here:
1. OP was probably a bully in high school and either doesn't want to admit it or is choosing to not remember
2. Neighbor was obviously damaged by OPs mean girl behavior. But neighbor is also acting inappropriately by approaching OPs kids.
CONCLUSION: OP should apologize and neighbor should seek therapy.

I would apologize only with the condition that crazy neighbor stay far away from my kids and me going forward. She sounds unwell. And i doubt that woukd give the neighbor the closure she thinks she needs.

I disagree. It might actually give the neighbor some closure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. I just read this whole thread and whether or not the OP bullied this neighbor, neighbor was WAY out of line approaching the kids and saying what she did. How are some not seeing how wrong this is??

Agree. I was bullied in school so I know how hurtful it is.

If the neighbor truly feels victimized by OP and needs to say something, then she should do it in a 1:1 communication.

If I were OP's victim I would be more stealthy and less confrontational, but OP would have an enemy in her own neighborhood plotting revenge. Revenge is best served up cold. What your back OP, you got it coming.

You're emotionally stunted at best and sociopath at worst. Seek help.

Turnabout is fair play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be so embarrassed if I had been thinking about somebody for 30 years and later found out they legitimately had no recollection of who I am/was. Talk about insult to injury.

It would be like if someone raped you and decades later they don't remember what they did or who you are. It's like being victimized again by your apparent insignificance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So she found out where you live, found out what your kids look like, and approached them while they were out riding their bikes and confronted them about perceived slights from 20 years ago? That’s stalker-like behavior. I’d communicate to her with a witness or in writing that if she has something to say to you she can do so, but she needs to stay away from your children.

The kids thing was solidly wrong. For that reason alone, no contact. Grey rock. If she somehow makes it into the neighborhood social circle, don't participate. Tell your kids to avoid her, or if they have no choice when actually passing her in the neighborhood, quick wave and move on. Whacko.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be so embarrassed if I had been thinking about somebody for 30 years and later found out they legitimately had no recollection of who I am/was. Talk about insult to injury.

It would be like if someone raped you and decades later they don't remember what they did or who you are. It's like being victimized again by your apparent insignificance.

Like Kavanaugh who was probably blackout drunk when he assaulted girls.

OP saying she doesn't remember is a cop out. I would love to hear neighbor's side of the story without the hyperbole from OP.

[Anonymous]

The neighbor sounds like she doesn't understand social norms, is hyper-focused on perceived slights, and unable to self soothe. You know, the kind of behavior that gets you bullied as a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The neighbor sounds like she doesn't understand social norms, is hyper-focused on perceived slights, and unable to self soothe. You know, the kind of behavior that gets you bullied as a kid.

Gross. And nonsensical. Either this woman was bullied or not. You can’t say she’s “over sensitive to perceived slights” in one breath and then say she’s the “type” who gets bullied in the next.

Also, I don’t care what someone’s social shortcomings are, there is no excuse due bullying. It honestly makes it worse. No one should get bullied, bullying the kids with limited social skills is extra terrible because it will hurt them the most. I always teach my DD to be extra thoughtful with any kid who seems sensitive or like they are having a hard time. She doesn’t have to befriend them if she doesn’t want to, but we teach her to be gentle with those who need it most.

What do you teach your kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The neighbor sounds like she doesn't understand social norms, is hyper-focused on perceived slights, and unable to self soothe. You know, the kind of behavior that gets you bullied as a kid.

This was exactly my thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The neighbor sounds like she doesn't understand social norms, is hyper-focused on perceived slights, and unable to self soothe. You know, the kind of behavior that gets you bullied as a kid.

Gross. And nonsensical. Either this woman was bullied or not. You can’t say she’s “over sensitive to perceived slights” in one breath and then say she’s the “type” who gets bullied in the next.

Also, I don’t care what someone’s social shortcomings are, there is no excuse due bullying. It honestly makes it worse. No one should get bullied, bullying the kids with limited social skills is extra terrible because it will hurt them the most. I always teach my DD to be extra thoughtful with any kid who seems sensitive or like they are having a hard time. She doesn’t have to befriend them if she doesn’t want to, but we teach her to be gentle with those who need it most.

What do you teach your kid?

PP is talking about reality, not your parental efforts to thwart bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The neighbor sounds like she doesn't understand social norms, is hyper-focused on perceived slights, and unable to self soothe. You know, the kind of behavior that gets you bullied as a kid.

Is this how you chose your victims in high school? Nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The neighbor sounds like she doesn't understand social norms, is hyper-focused on perceived slights, and unable to self soothe. You know, the kind of behavior that gets you bullied as a kid.

This was exactly my thought.

PP described many neuro a-typical people. As a society, should we say that if people with those traits are bullied - knowing that many of them have ASD, ADHD, anxiety, etc - they must have brought the bullying upon themselves? As for whether or not they were bullied at all, should we also be so quick to assume that their perceived slights have zero basis in reality? The truth usually lies somewhere in the middle, don't you think?

[Anonymous]

It sounds as if op just ignored her in high school; that isn’t bullying. New neighbor clearly has trouble relating to other people in normal social settings, as does her husband. There is no moral obligation to be friends with everyone

[Anonymous]

We should not take OPs spin on events as the absolute facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The neighbor sounds like she doesn't understand social norms, is hyper-focused on perceived slights, and unable to self soothe. You know, the kind of behavior that gets you bullied as a kid.

This was exactly my thought.

PP described many neuro a-typical people. As a society, should we say that if people with those traits are bullied - knowing that many of them have ASD, ADHD, anxiety, etc - they must have brought the bullying upon themselves? As for whether or not they were bullied at all, should we also be so quick to assume that their perceived slights have zero basis in reality? The truth usually lies somewhere in the middle, don't you think?

No one is saying it is their fault for getting bullied. A PP pointed out that having low EQ, taking things personally that may not have anything to do with her, and few coping mechanisms may explain why she was bullied as a kid (or why she thought she was being bullied). Certain kids become targets. No one said that was their fault; it is just reality. The fact that this woman approached OP's kids and had her husband start up with OP's husband says to me that she has zero EQ. You can try to understand what is happening without blaming either person here. It seems to me that this new neighbor exhibits some challenges that may have plagued her for most of her life (which were not caused by OP).