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Weird situation with new neighbor from high school - WWYD
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Anonymous
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We have lived in our home a long time and are well established here. We go for walks, we chat with neighbors, lend tools, kids are running back and forth, the usual. Recently my kids came in from riding bikes and told me a woman came up to them asked if their mom was [my name], and when they confirmed she said she'd gone to high school with me and I was very mean to her. They were like, "Uh ... sorry about that." They biked off and told me later that day.
A few days ago my husband was outside doing some garden stuff and a guy approached HIM, said he just moved to the area, they chatted, and then the guy told DH "I think our wives went to high school together, but didn't get along." The guy kind of laughed it off, and the conversation moved along. Yesterday, I was out for a walk with a neighbor/friend who's going through a tough time, we round the corner, and nearly bump into .... a woman I vaguely recognized. It's her - the woman I went to high school with! We apologized for almost bumping into her. I was searching my brain for her name and she introduced herself to my neighbor/friend and said, "Jessica and I went to high school together, but we weren't friends to say the least. She and her friends hated me, right?" It was awkward. My neighbor was like, "Oh, well ... high school was so long ago, we're all more mature now and Jess is a great friend to have now," and we quickly said goodbye and walked on. Here's the thing: I barely remember interacting with this woman when we were high school girls! If I was mean to her, it was probably by ignoring her. But apparently she is going to introduce herself to everyone by connecting herself to me and announcing some history we had that I don't remember. How do I handle this? Do I owe her an apology for perceived slights? I reached out to two people from high school that I'm FB friends with, to ask their recollection of her and both basically said she was super awkward and always trying to push her way into conversations and activities she wasn't welcome in. Neither could remember me being specifically mean to her, and both mentioned other girls who they said WERE mean to her. Do I go talk to her? Do I defend my reputation? Nothing? |
Anonymous
| Ignore it. She is being really horrible and nasty. |
Anonymous
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Don’t do anything and be as gracious as you can when anyone mentions it. Something like “I don’t recall that we knew each other very well but I know high school can be tough and I hope I didn’t hurt her feelings somehow.”
No one who meets a woman like this is going to assume you did anything bad. They’re going to assume she was a little nuts then and is a little nuts now. Just be generous and gracious and don’t add to any gossip about it. |
Anonymous
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It doesn't matter if you were mean to her then (as long it's not criminal-level behavior). What's unhealthy and abnormal is that she is obsessing about it!
Please do nothing at all. Do not stoop to defending yourself. any grown woman who harps on such things look crazy (and is crazy). All your neighbors understand that. if you wade in, you'll just contribute to the crazy. |
Anonymous
| You should trash her on DCUM. Then, IRL, let it go. |
Anonymous
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I normally say something shocking in return like, “You’re right, I am such a b*#ch. You should ask my husband and kids.” Normally people are stunned and are not sure how to respond. I then normally laugh and walk away breezily.
If she approaches your children again just have them say something like “you’re right, she is the worst!” Always say it in a friendly way with a smile - makes them more nervous. |
Anonymous
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Most normal people will handle it like your neighbor friend did-- it's a very awkward thing to say to people you are just meeting and everyone will feel like she's a bit pathetic and try to smooth things over.
You can jump in with some humor whenever she brings it up- "Oh, high school? Maybe Larla was a Shark and I was a Jet? I don't really remember" |
Anonymous
Of course that's what you do. |
Anonymous
The fact that you have a canned response to this sort of thing says a lot about you. |
Anonymous
| Take the high road. She’s going to embarrass herself if she continues with her behavior. |
Anonymous
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Yeah, I would just ignore and if you run into her, just her, and she brings it up to you just say something like "Oh Larla, I'm so sorry if you feel like I treated you poorly back in high school. It was such a long time ago, I hope we're both able to move on from high school now that we're adults!"
I mean, that's not very good, hopefully someone else can come up with something better, but you know what I'm getting at, right? |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
| "I'm sorry you feel that way, I hope we can develop a better relationship now that we're neighbors!" |
Anonymous
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it sounds like you were snobby and exclusive towards her.
You and your friends considered her “socially awkward” and were exclusive to her. She was probably just trying to be friendly and your friends interpreted that as her pushing her self into situations where she was t welcome. Because you were too cool to hang out with her. And she remembers that you were snobby and mean and exclusive. There were girls like that in my high school class. I would hate to live near them or work near them because they would bring up bad feelings. So yeah, you were a mean girl in high school and now it’s coming back to bite you. Can’t say I feel sorry for you. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like she is still super awkward and doesn't realize that she is immediately identifying herself as a crazy person by announcing perceived slights from high school. Your neighbors already have an opinion of you, she's the one who is getting a reputation here. |