I slept with another man and am consumed with guilt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Telling is incredibly selfish. You're essentially buying your own clean conscience with your spouse's pain. Why?

Disagree. Obviously opinion is divided here, but if I were her DH I would want to know, and expect to be told if our marriage was anything other than a convenience to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The man was married too, so he doesn't have much incentive to blab

Maybe not an incentive, but if he was packing condoms on a business trip and banging drunk married women then this ain't his first rodeo. It's only a matter of time until he's at a bar (which we know he's into) with a colleague and has a couple too many, and he'll brag about that one time in Geneva when he nailed Donna from the DC office and she was a wild one. "But don't tell anyone."

And of course this isn't a secret most people keep. Folks love gossip and dirt. It'll get out among people you know. May not make it back to DH, but people will find out and you'll be widely knowns as that Donna chick who totally banged Bjorn over in Switzerland at the product launch party.

Heck, every horn job married guy in your office will suddenly start sniffing around you.

I had the same thought. I'm surprised it took so long for someone to mention it. I could easily see how the gossip starts because your married co-worker is known for hooking up with someone during these work trips. As a female, I would want to know what married male co-workers are on the prowl so I don't innocently think ohhh no he isn't flirting, he's married and find myself in an uncomfortable situation. So I could all too easily see how I would listen to gossip about it or ask, he seems a little cozy, is that how he normally acts.... Anyway, unless no one saw you, I'm sure someone suspects, especially if he normally has a special friend during these gatherings and never the same one twice.

[Anonymous]

I'm a DH, and I'd personally rather not know. Especially, if it was a very likely one time fling and that was it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a DH, and I'd personally rather not know. Especially, if it was a very likely one time fling and that was it.

Just curious, have you cheated yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Telling is incredibly selfish. You're essentially buying your own clean conscience with your spouse's pain. Why?

Disagree. Obviously opinion is divided here, but if I were her DH I would want to know, and expect to be told if our marriage was anything other than a convenience to her.

What makes you think it's a convenience?

[Anonymous]

Who packs condoms on a business trip? Do guys usually do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who packs condoms on a business trip? Do guys usually do that?

Married guys....I wouldn't think so.

Single guys. Hell yes. ALWAYS have condoms with you. Either in your car, in your briefcase/backpack, in your luggage, etc. Traveling or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Telling is incredibly selfish. You're essentially buying your own clean conscience with your spouse's pain. Why?

Disagree. Obviously opinion is divided here, but if I were her DH I would want to know, and expect to be told if our marriage was anything other than a convenience to her.

What makes you think it's a convenience?

Because if she doesn't tell, it is clear she has prioritized her desire for security and stability over honesty and her DH's ability to walk his own path. How is that anything other than using someone else for your own purposes? It is distorting someone else's life to advance your own interests.

Realistically, I believe if she keeps her mouth shut, she gets away with it. I would not want my DW to trick me into staying devoted based on a deception. Of course, l might forgive her too. It's a difficult situation. But, to me, if you truly cared about someone, you would not deny them a choice by depriving them of such important information.

Unlike many here, I don't condemn OP. I could see making the same mistake. No one is made of stone, and someone sufficiently attractive could prompt many of us to do the same. Or so it seems to me. But ultimately my empathy is with her DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who packs condoms on a business trip? Do guys usually do that?

Players. Dollars to donuts OP is not the first married woman this guy has seduced. He is obviously vastly more attractive than her DH or this would not have happened. I bet he gets all the girls. lol

[Anonymous]

If you are going to sleep with a coworker or colleague, at least make sure you get a big ass promotion out of the deal. Cheaters 101

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - A man here who cheated on his wife, felt horrible, then lied about it for almost 15 years. When I finally confessed - it was HELL for both of us. One of the things that hurt her almost as much as my betrayal was that my wife was never given the chance to react in real time, I never gave her the option of ditching my lying cheating ass and finding someone better. I not only cheated on her and our marriage but I cheated out of the opportunity to make an honest opinion of whether to stay married to me. Insert knife, then twist... You have to own this, suffer the consequences, whatever they are, and then move on. Don't insult him further by lying just because you are a chicken shit (like I was). You did it, own it and deal with the consequences - then move on. Hopefully your marriage will survive.

If you were my husband and confessed about something that happened 15 years ago, I'd call you stupid for bringing that up (because you did it to make yourself make feel better, not me), and go on with our life.

When my DH and I were married, I told him that if he ever has a one-night stand with no intention of doing it again, then I hope he has enough brains to never let me find out because I don't want to know. I expect to be protected from this information.

I disagree. But then, I have never given my DH permission to cheat. I actually meant that whole "forsaking all others" thing and expect the same from him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Telling is incredibly selfish. You're essentially buying your own clean conscience with your spouse's pain. Why?

Disagree. Obviously opinion is divided here, but if I were her DH I would want to know, and expect to be told if our marriage was anything other than a convenience to her.

What makes you think it's a convenience?

Because if she doesn't tell, it is clear she has prioritized her desire for security and stability over honesty and her DH's ability to walk his own path. How is that anything other than using someone else for your own purposes? It is distorting someone else's life to advance your own interests.

Realistically, I believe if she keeps her mouth shut, she gets away with it. I would not want my DW to trick me into staying devoted based on a deception. Of course, l might forgive her too. It's a difficult situation. But, to me, if you truly cared about someone, you would not deny them a choice by depriving them of such important information.

Unlike many here, I don't condemn OP. I could see making the same mistake. No one is made of stone, and someone sufficiently attractive could prompt many of us to do the same. Or so it seems to me. But ultimately my empathy is with her DH.

Well, considering that she went halfway around the world and spread her legs for some other guy that she claims to not even care about, I doubt that she has her DH's best interests in mind anyway. It takes a certain kind of selfish to do that. I'm sure she won't tell him "to protect him" ( ) but DH deserves to know who he's married to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Telling is incredibly selfish. You're essentially buying your own clean conscience with your spouse's pain. Why?

Disagree. Obviously opinion is divided here, but if I were her DH I would want to know, and expect to be told if our marriage was anything other than a convenience to her.

What makes you think it's a convenience?

Because if she doesn't tell, it is clear she has prioritized her desire for security and stability over honesty and her DH's ability to walk his own path. How is that anything other than using someone else for your own purposes? It is distorting someone else's life to advance your own interests.

Realistically, I believe if she keeps her mouth shut, she gets away with it. I would not want my DW to trick me into staying devoted based on a deception. Of course, l might forgive her too. It's a difficult situation. But, to me, if you truly cared about someone, you would not deny them a choice by depriving them of such important information.

Unlike many here, I don't condemn OP. I could see making the same mistake. No one is made of stone, and someone sufficiently attractive could prompt many of us to do the same. Or so it seems to me. But ultimately my empathy is with her DH.

Well, considering that she went halfway around the world and spread her legs for some other guy that she claims to not even care about, I doubt that she has her DH's best interests in mind anyway. It takes a certain kind of selfish to do that. I'm sure she won't tell him "to protect him" ( ) but DH deserves to know who he's married to.

I don't think that rhetoric helps, though. Everyone agrees what she did is bad. I personally think it could happen to a lot of folks who are too confident on this issue because they have never faced serious temptation. What one does after that, when one has more time for reflection, say more about a person in my view.

[Anonymous]

I tend to think this was a made up story.

[Anonymous]

Don't do it. There is no upside . None.