I slept with another man and am consumed with guilt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay will certainly not call DH. At a minimum I need to process this. If I ultimately don't end up telling him, what can i do? How can I make it up? I know I can't but could I try? We have a beautiful DS and I also feel guilty about that. He is only a toddler but he has a horrible disgusting mother.

He does not. You made a mistake. Don't get hysterical about it now, it wont do any good. You can feel all the guilt you want, but dont become ashamed of it. What you did does not define you as a person any more than any of the hundreds of other activities you performed this week- that doesnt make it any less wrong though.

Try to stay calm and wait until you can speak with a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All you pps know that if this was a DH you would tell him he is a pig and an a-hole and that he had to tell his wife.

I cannot believe these responses.

Just posted the same thing.

I know I really cannot believe I am reading these responses. It really is an f-ed up double standard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to take care of your alcohol problem. Find a therapist as soon as you get home.

Agreed.

New rule for yourself: if you are attracted to someone, do not get drunk. Limit yourself to two drinks max, and stay with a group.

Therapy stat to work on your selfishness, and on your self-destruction & self-hate.

[Anonymous]

WTF?

Add me to the people who cannot believe all this sympathy for the cheater.

I believe that you have a moral obligation to tell. Why? Because the "good marriage" you think you had is ALREADY destroyed. You will be living a lie to your spouse, your innocent spouse who no longer has the marriage he thought he had.

I say this as someone whose marriage survived infidelity. Not knowing is the worst. Once DH revealed the truth, we were able to move forward. Did I know he cheated? No, but his guilt was so all-consuming that I knew something was terribly wrong. Plus he started drinking insane amounts. I was ready to divorce him over that alone.

Get over to www.survivinginfidelity.com for support. Yes, they provide support for wayward spouses, too.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Oh great, the nasty judgmental DCUM trolls have descended. How lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All you pps know that if this was a DH you would tell him he is a pig and an a-hole and that he had to tell his wife.

I cannot believe these responses.

Just posted the same thing.

I know I really cannot believe I am reading these responses. It really is an f-ed up double standard.

WTF are all of you old hags talking about. No double standard. I'd give the same advice to a DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow if this was a man who was the OP the responses would be SO DIFFERENT. Interesting.

-Signed a Married Woman

+1,000

I disagree. I've always read it's selfish to tell. You are unloading your guilt o you feel better, and at the same time out your spouse in a world of hurt. I don't care of it's a man or woman.

But, OP, I'd be really worried about STDs. Condoms are not 100% protection. For that reason, I'd get tested and consider telling spouse.,it's horrible to cheat but even worse to pass on a disease that could be dangerous or last a lifetime. I'd definitely try some counseling to work through that. Not friends, they will hold it against you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All you pps know that if this was a DH you would tell him he is a pig and an a-hole and that he had to tell his wife.

I cannot believe these responses.

Just posted the same thing.

I know I really cannot believe I am reading these responses. It really is an f-ed up double standard.

WTF are all of you old hags talking about. No double standard. I'd give the same advice to a DH.

Well thats great you are "pro-cheater". And I am 31 idiot....but yes I am an old hag!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow if this was a man who was the OP the responses would be SO DIFFERENT. Interesting.

-Signed a Married Woman

No. I don't think the advice (or at least MY advice) would be so different of Op was a guy. It is interesting how no one has asked whether or not Op's husband has "let himself go" or not. If Op was a guy someone would have asked if his wife "had let herself go" and if that was why he had cheated by the 2nd or 3rd post....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All you pps know that if this was a DH you would tell him he is a pig and an a-hole and that he had to tell his wife.

I cannot believe these responses.

Just posted the same thing.

I know I really cannot believe I am reading these responses. It really is an f-ed up double standard.

WTF are all of you old hags talking about. No double standard. I'd give the same advice to a DH.

Well thats great you are "pro-cheater". And I am 31 idiot....but yes I am an old hag!!!!!!!!!!

LOL. Pro cheater?

Pretty sure your DH thought you were an old hag before he started cheating on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow if this was a man who was the OP the responses would be SO DIFFERENT. Interesting.

-Signed a Married Woman

+1,000

I disagree. I've always read it's selfish to tell. You are unloading your guilt o you feel better, and at the same time out your spouse in a world of hurt. I don't care of it's a man or woman.

But, OP, I'd be really worried about STDs. Condoms are not 100% protection. For that reason, I'd get tested and consider telling spouse.,it's horrible to cheat but even worse to pass on a disease that could be dangerous or last a lifetime. I'd definitely try some counseling to work through that. Not friends, they will hold it against you.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All you pps know that if this was a DH you would tell him he is a pig and an a-hole and that he had to tell his wife.

I cannot believe these responses.

Just posted the same thing.

Just hold your britches. I'm sure the slut-shaming brigade will be here very soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All you pps know that if this was a DH you would tell him he is a pig and an a-hole and that he had to tell his wife.

I cannot believe these responses.

Just posted the same thing.

I know I really cannot believe I am reading these responses. It really is an f-ed up double standard.

WTF are all of you old hags talking about. No double standard. I'd give the same advice to a DH.

Well thats great you are "pro-cheater". And I am 31 idiot....but yes I am an old hag!!!!!!!!!!

LOL. Pro cheater?

Pretty sure your DH thought you were an old hag before he started cheating on you.

DING DING DING, we have identified who the insane poster will be on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Regardless of if this is a DW and DH, if you knew this was a horrible one time mistake, I would tell you not to tell your spouse.

Make amends, see a therapist to find out what went wrong and change that thing in your life.

I am a DW. I never want to know about my DH's cheating if this was a one time mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to take care of your alcohol problem. Find a therapist as soon as you get home.

Yes, OP, I think you should review whether you have a problem with drinking generally that gets you into trouble or if this a one-time mistake.