I slept with another man and am consumed with guilt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:14:25 here. To the PP who asked, I confessed because I because I was tired and ashamed of lying to her.

When you say "lying" does it mean just "not telling" or something else? We might have completely different definitions of lying but in my book "not telling anything about one night stand while drunk" for 15 years is not the same as "lying for 15 years".

And was yours a one night stand or something else?

PP - it lasted a few weeks (maybe 3 or 4) - see my previous response. It was lie of omission - I am not a lawyer but trying to be legalistic is not a good choice. You should not expect your spouse to "ask the right question" in order to provide the truth. Besides, women are typically more intuitive - my wife always suspected something had happened.

[Anonymous]

You need to tell him right away. If you come clean and say "I did something I regret" it is the least worst option. If you wait even a few days he will feel worse when the truth comes out. And he will find out eventually, be sure of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to tell him right away. If you come clean and say "I did something I regret" it is the least worst option. If you wait even a few days he will feel worse when the truth comes out. And he will find out eventually, be sure of that.

Exactly. You own up to mistakes...no matter how bad they are. When you start hiding it, that makes it even worse in the eyes of your DH. Because when they do find out, they are going to wonder how long you were going to let it be a secret.

Own up to it. If he stays with you...you are lucky. You made your bed so sleep in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Currently on a business trip overseas. Last night I got incredibly drunk and slept with a colleague. He is a foreign affiliate and I only see him twice a year. I do not have feelings for him. I was drunk and caught up in the moment. I have never ever cheated on my husband and I am just so devastated. I don't know what to do. Should I call my husband? I feel so sick over this. My husband is a good man and we have a good marriage. I would do anything to take it back. Has anyone been through anything similar? Can anyone offer me advice? Please help.

You're definitely an alcoholic slut. if I were your boss, and this will get back to him/her, I would fire you. If I wete your husband, and it will get back to him, I would be livid. Divorce? Don't know but I would never trust you again.

Also, i do not believe this is the first time you have gotten drunk and slept with a colleague.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to tell him right away. If you come clean and say "I did something I regret" it is the least worst option. If you wait even a few days he will feel worse when the truth comes out. And he will find out eventually, be sure of that.

Exactly. You own up to mistakes...no matter how bad they are. When you start hiding it, that makes it even worse in the eyes of your DH. Because when they do find out, they are going to wonder how long you were going to let it be a secret.

Own up to it. If he stays with you...you are lucky. You made your bed so sleep in it.

She did more than sleep in it

[Anonymous]

I love the part about being drunk and "in the moment". WTF does that mean? I get drunk around female colleagues and it doesn't end up with us banging.

OP obviously was flirtatious and brought this on herself. It wasn't like the alcohol made her do it. Alcohol is a lame excuse. And she knows deep down she has wanted to bang this guy and found alcohol to be the easy out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We used a condom. Yes. He is married too. I don't believe he would say anything to anyone but I honestly don't know him we'll enough

You can bet his close colleagues now l know you are an eady lay.

[Anonymous]

Foreign affiliate probably telling everyone and anyone about the roll in the hay with the OP. Won't be long before rumors start circulating and she's back here begging for advice on whether or not to quit her job because of all the whispers around the office.

[Anonymous]

Easy lay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Foreign affiliate probably telling everyone and anyone about the roll in the hay with the OP. Won't be long before rumors start circulating and she's back here begging for advice on whether or not to quit her job because of all the whispers around the office.

She will be fired. It may be 2015 but the double standard still applies. You were an idiot, op.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you thought about what the other man will do? If he wants to continue the "relationship" and you don't, the he could make your life hell. This is much deeper than just your relationship with your DH since you did it with a work colleague. You might want to give some thought to what this is going to do to your career.

You seem to be willing to share this information online which is probably safe. However, he probably has the same desire to share his experience...maybe he won't be as discreet and tell a friend or one of your other coworkers.

I see a shit storm on the horizon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to tell him right away. If you come clean and say "I did something I regret" it is the least worst option. If you wait even a few days he will feel worse when the truth comes out. And he will find out eventually, be sure of that.

Ignore this. Your DH will never find out. The other guy is married. He'll keep quiet. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - A man here who cheated on his wife, felt horrible, then lied about it for almost 15 years. When I finally confessed - it was HELL for both of us. One of the things that hurt her almost as much as my betrayal was that my wife was never given the chance to react in real time, I never gave her the option of ditching my lying cheating ass and finding someone better. I not only cheated on her and our marriage but I cheated out of the opportunity to make an honest opinion of whether to stay married to me. Insert knife, then twist... You have to own this, suffer the consequences, whatever they are, and then move on. Don't insult him further by lying just because you are a chicken shit (like I was). You did it, own it and deal with the consequences - then move on. Hopefully your marriage will survive.

If you were my husband and confessed about something that happened 15 years ago, I'd call you stupid for bringing that up (because you did it to make yourself make feel better, not me), and go on with our life.

When my DH and I were married, I told him that if he ever has a one-night stand with no intention of doing it again, then I hope he has enough brains to never let me find out because I don't want to know. I expect to be protected from this information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you thought about what the other man will do? If he wants to continue the "relationship" and you don't, the he could make your life hell. This is much deeper than just your relationship with your DH since you did it with a work colleague. You might want to give some thought to what this is going to do to your career.

You seem to be willing to share this information online which is probably safe. However, he probably has the same desire to share his experience...maybe he won't be as discreet and tell a friend or one of your other coworkers.

I see a shit storm on the horizon.

Oh please. You have no idea how easy it is to turn it around and pin it on a man who is a horndog who won't leave her alone. I doubt anything would happen because he's married too, remember? It's incredibly easy to have the man end up in the HR office for "counseling". As long as there's no proof, there is no proof.

[Anonymous]

Telling is incredibly selfish. You're essentially buying your own clean conscience with your spouse's pain. Why?