Spouse Lets DD Ghost My Mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

People have to be good humans. Then, people want to visit you.

It's not your spouse's job to make your kid talk to your mom. If you are going to force someone to do something, don't pawn that off on your wife.

You can't scare me with the assisted living. I've been supporting and visiting family members in those places longer than you have. Currently, the parent in AL has the depends, the bed pads that keep poop off the sheets, and so on because of me. I buy all that.

So take your scare tactics somewhere else. They won't work with me. I've sat with many a dying relative until the bitter end. Never minded doing it for the nice ones.

BS!!!!!! No way you do any of that and so adamantly oppose a 5 min phone call.

Learn that "it's just..." is a manipulation tactic. "it's just a 5 min phone call" No, it's a call the kid said she didn't want to make.

Instead of steamrolling her, try to understand why. Whining that "it's just..." is a weak person's trick.

I know, honey. Life is so hard for your generation. Everyone is either a narcissist or a manipulator or controlling. You were all abused and mistreated. No one ever lifted a finger for you. It's like you're completely incapable of having an independent thought.

You can't even hold space for the PP's point without barfing out these generational tropes and stereotypes.

That's a you problem. Get help with it, if needed.

Because you are the poster child of your generation. Perhaps try to be a little more thoughtful and less of a cliché and then you won't feel so called out by the "older generation."

For funsies, since you're making these assumptions about me: what generation am I?

A lot of y'all make up whole characters to hate on this forum. I find it hard to believe that your projections and strawmanning stops here.

Why, so you could come back and say "you're so wrong!" and we will just have to take your word for it? It's plainly obvious what generation you are. Take that however you will.

DP, but I knew you wouldn't answer. Because you can't. You're a sad little prick.

Awww are you from the same generation and your feelings got hurt too when I called you out?

[Anonymous]

The OP complained about appointments getting in the way. This suggests something like a standing 1pm Saturday call with Grandma. And OP is angry that things like doctors appointments, haircuts, birthdays getting in the way. I think it is nuts to expect the world to stop in the middle of the day for a casual call. I am with the wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:please don’t force your children to do this. it’s awful. And you are the horrible one if you think it’s ok-your children will resent both you and the grandparent. Ask me how I know.

I'm sorry your boundaries weren't respected, PP.

Listening to all these posts saying "just force her" is retraumatizing for me, too.

OP will figure it out. Hopefully the easy way. Probably the hard way.

What a bunch of fragile flowers who can’t take a 5 minute FaceTime conversation. Oh the trauma!

People who talk like this often need the most kindness, because they're responding from their own damage.

I hope you heal, pp. Truly. Nobody happy talks that way. I wish you peace.

That’s all you got?

Yep. Nothing but love for you, PP. Be well.

Good luck healing all those 5 minute phone calls. It was a lot for you, I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP complained about appointments getting in the way. This suggests something like a standing 1pm Saturday call with Grandma. And OP is angry that things like doctors appointments, haircuts, birthdays getting in the way. I think it is nuts to expect the world to stop in the middle of the day for a casual call. I am with the wife.

The polite thing is for DD to text grandma back with a good time to talk. You don’t leave grandma hanging if she thinks you are calling at a certain time. Again, how do you people exist in the world without basic social skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I definitely do not want to be on a group chat or speakerphone call with my husband and his parents. I noped right out of that somewhere around my first wedding anniversary.

SAME, girl. I like my ILs but only because I don’t have to talk to them that often. That way I have plenty to catch up on when they visit, too. Helps pass the time!

Good fences make good neighbors. Good boundaries make good In-Laws.

Oh, FFS. IT'S A 5 MINUTE PHONE CALL. AGAIN. IT'S A FIVE MINUTE PHONE CALL. SAY IT OUTLOUD. IT'S NOT A BOUNDARY.

Clearly not. She's not allowed to draw boundaries, even about a 5-minute phone call.

All caps all you like. That argument cuts both ways.

Right? Funny how it's "just a 5-minute phone call" when they want to force her to do it, but not obviously the same 5-minute phone call when she doesn't want to.

Granny's not gonna die of loneliness over a missed call, and reasonable dads don't disown their kids over one, either.

And the DD isn’t going to die of anything by calling her grandmother. See how that works?

You are still ranking one above the other. From OP's own description it does not sound like that ranking was earned.

[Anonymous]

Here's how this plays out in real life.

Grandma will leave a bunch of money to the grandson but not the grand daughter. The grand daughter, being the spoiled little brat she is, will then make a huge show out of being 'wronged' and the mom will support her, again. And OP will grow to hate both of them and likely become estranged from the daughter.

I've seen college kids lose tuition for lesser things.

Mom and DD are dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I definitely do not want to be on a group chat or speakerphone call with my husband and his parents. I noped right out of that somewhere around my first wedding anniversary.

SAME, girl. I like my ILs but only because I don’t have to talk to them that often. That way I have plenty to catch up on when they visit, too. Helps pass the time!

Good fences make good neighbors. Good boundaries make good In-Laws.

Oh, FFS. IT'S A 5 MINUTE PHONE CALL. AGAIN. IT'S A FIVE MINUTE PHONE CALL. SAY IT OUTLOUD. IT'S NOT A BOUNDARY.

Clearly not. She's not allowed to draw boundaries, even about a 5-minute phone call.

All caps all you like. That argument cuts both ways.

Right? Funny how it's "just a 5-minute phone call" when they want to force her to do it, but not obviously the same 5-minute phone call when she doesn't want to.

Granny's not gonna die of loneliness over a missed call, and reasonable dads don't disown their kids over one, either.

And the DD isn’t going to die of anything by calling her grandmother. See how that works?

You are still ranking one above the other. From OP's own description it does not sound like that ranking was earned.

OP said nothing either on what ranking was earned. But you need to read into to justify your position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I definitely do not want to be on a group chat or speakerphone call with my husband and his parents. I noped right out of that somewhere around my first wedding anniversary.

SAME, girl. I like my ILs but only because I don’t have to talk to them that often. That way I have plenty to catch up on when they visit, too. Helps pass the time!

Good fences make good neighbors. Good boundaries make good In-Laws.

Oh, FFS. IT'S A 5 MINUTE PHONE CALL. AGAIN. IT'S A FIVE MINUTE PHONE CALL. SAY IT OUTLOUD. IT'S NOT A BOUNDARY.

Clearly not. She's not allowed to draw boundaries, even about a 5-minute phone call.

All caps all you like. That argument cuts both ways.

Right? Funny how it's "just a 5-minute phone call" when they want to force her to do it, but not obviously the same 5-minute phone call when she doesn't want to.

Granny's not gonna die of loneliness over a missed call, and reasonable dads don't disown their kids over one, either.

And the DD isn’t going to die of anything by calling her grandmother. See how that works?

Ever do that "hack" where you write out the list of pros and cons for each option so you can really get a look at things and weigh them properly?

The cons of forcing your kid to communicate in this situation dramatically outweigh any pros. There are dozens of other ways to achieve the pros people have listed here (prosocial behavior training, practicing communication skills, maintaining family connections). There aren't a whole lot of ways to get around the "you'll ruin your trust and credibility with your kid" part though.

Really spell it out and look. They're not equal. Not even close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

People have to be good humans. Then, people want to visit you.

It's not your spouse's job to make your kid talk to your mom. If you are going to force someone to do something, don't pawn that off on your wife.

You can't scare me with the assisted living. I've been supporting and visiting family members in those places longer than you have. Currently, the parent in AL has the depends, the bed pads that keep poop off the sheets, and so on because of me. I buy all that.

So take your scare tactics somewhere else. They won't work with me. I've sat with many a dying relative until the bitter end. Never minded doing it for the nice ones.

BS!!!!!! No way you do any of that and so adamantly oppose a 5 min phone call.

Learn that "it's just..." is a manipulation tactic. "it's just a 5 min phone call" No, it's a call the kid said she didn't want to make.

Instead of steamrolling her, try to understand why. Whining that "it's just..." is a weak person's trick.

I know, honey. Life is so hard for your generation. Everyone is either a narcissist or a manipulator or controlling. You were all abused and mistreated. No one ever lifted a finger for you. It's like you're completely incapable of having an independent thought.

You can't even hold space for the PP's point without barfing out these generational tropes and stereotypes.

That's a you problem. Get help with it, if needed.

Because you are the poster child of your generation. Perhaps try to be a little more thoughtful and less of a cliché and then you won't feel so called out by the "older generation."

For funsies, since you're making these assumptions about me: what generation am I?

A lot of y'all make up whole characters to hate on this forum. I find it hard to believe that your projections and strawmanning stops here.

Why, so you could come back and say "you're so wrong!" and we will just have to take your word for it? It's plainly obvious what generation you are. Take that however you will.

DP, but I knew you wouldn't answer. Because you can't. You're a sad little prick.

Awww are you from the same generation and your feelings got hurt too when I called you out?

DP - This is the problem with the "older generation" (your scare quotes, not mine) borrowing the language of the youth. This isn't a call out, hon. This is you telling on yourself. They are not the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:please don’t force your children to do this. it’s awful. And you are the horrible one if you think it’s ok-your children will resent both you and the grandparent. Ask me how I know.

I'm sorry your boundaries weren't respected, PP.

Listening to all these posts saying "just force her" is retraumatizing for me, too.

OP will figure it out. Hopefully the easy way. Probably the hard way.

What a bunch of fragile flowers who can’t take a 5 minute FaceTime conversation. Oh the trauma!

People who talk like this often need the most kindness, because they're responding from their own damage.

I hope you heal, pp. Truly. Nobody happy talks that way. I wish you peace.

That’s all you got?

Yep. Nothing but love for you, PP. Be well.

Good luck healing all those 5 minute phone calls. It was a lot for you, I know.

Good luck healing whatever's causing you to continue beating this dead horse thread. I really must've been a lot to have damaged you this deeply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP complained about appointments getting in the way. This suggests something like a standing 1pm Saturday call with Grandma. And OP is angry that things like doctors appointments, haircuts, birthdays getting in the way. I think it is nuts to expect the world to stop in the middle of the day for a casual call. I am with the wife.

The polite thing is for DD to text grandma back with a good time to talk. You don’t leave grandma hanging if she thinks you are calling at a certain time. Again, how do you people exist in the world without basic social skills.

"basic social skills" do not require you to return every call, or make every call someone would like you to make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's how this plays out in real life.

Grandma will leave a bunch of money to the grandson but not the grand daughter. The grand daughter, being the spoiled little brat she is, will then make a huge show out of being 'wronged' and the mom will support her, again. And OP will grow to hate both of them and likely become estranged from the daughter.

I've seen college kids lose tuition for lesser things.

Mom and DD are dumb.

So your solution is: suck up to granny for the money? It's not about those "family values" after all, eh? How positively Trumpian.

The DD in this story you're spinning has way more integrity than you do. I suspect she'll be okay, no matter what her a-hole family members try to pull.

Imagine thinking this was a flex

[Anonymous]

OP, real issue here isn't how to pressurize DD into attending grandma's calls. Your real issue seems like a bad relationship with your wife and enforcing your wants. Since she can't refuse those without you tripping your fuse, she tries passive aggressive way to get out of unwanted situations.

Your other issue seems like a bad relationship with your daughter. She doesn't trust you to listen to why she doesn't want to take these calls or giving her grace to say no without you tripping your fuse.

Your son is either younger or trying to avoid the unpleasant consequences by pleasing you.

Try to fix your relationship with your kids. You chose to have kids so they are your responsibility until employed adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

People have to be good humans. Then, people want to visit you.

It's not your spouse's job to make your kid talk to your mom. If you are going to force someone to do something, don't pawn that off on your wife.

You can't scare me with the assisted living. I've been supporting and visiting family members in those places longer than you have. Currently, the parent in AL has the depends, the bed pads that keep poop off the sheets, and so on because of me. I buy all that.

So take your scare tactics somewhere else. They won't work with me. I've sat with many a dying relative until the bitter end. Never minded doing it for the nice ones.

BS!!!!!! No way you do any of that and so adamantly oppose a 5 min phone call.

Learn that "it's just..." is a manipulation tactic. "it's just a 5 min phone call" No, it's a call the kid said she didn't want to make.

Instead of steamrolling her, try to understand why. Whining that "it's just..." is a weak person's trick.

I know, honey. Life is so hard for your generation. Everyone is either a narcissist or a manipulator or controlling. You were all abused and mistreated. No one ever lifted a finger for you. It's like you're completely incapable of having an independent thought.

You can't even hold space for the PP's point without barfing out these generational tropes and stereotypes.

That's a you problem. Get help with it, if needed.

Because you are the poster child of your generation. Perhaps try to be a little more thoughtful and less of a cliché and then you won't feel so called out by the "older generation."

For funsies, since you're making these assumptions about me: what generation am I?

A lot of y'all make up whole characters to hate on this forum. I find it hard to believe that your projections and strawmanning stops here.

Why, so you could come back and say "you're so wrong!" and we will just have to take your word for it? It's plainly obvious what generation you are. Take that however you will.

DP, but I knew you wouldn't answer. Because you can't. You're a sad little prick.

Awww are you from the same generation and your feelings got hurt too when I called you out?

DP - This is the problem with the "older generation" (your scare quotes, not mine) borrowing the language of the youth. This isn't a call out, hon. This is you telling on yourself. They are not the same.

Of course, it is, hon. You are having to defend PP because you're the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's how this plays out in real life.

Grandma will leave a bunch of money to the grandson but not the grand daughter. The grand daughter, being the spoiled little brat she is, will then make a huge show out of being 'wronged' and the mom will support her, again. And OP will grow to hate both of them and likely become estranged from the daughter.

I've seen college kids lose tuition for lesser things.

Mom and DD are dumb.

So your solution is: suck up to granny for the money? It's not about those "family values" after all, eh? How positively Trumpian.

The DD in this story you're spinning has [/b]way more integrity than you do[b]. I suspect she'll be okay, no matter what her a-hole family members try to pull.

Imagine thinking this was a flex

Yeah, the teenage brat skipping a call with her elderly grandma has integrity. Thanks for the laugh, clown!