Spouse Lets DD Ghost My Mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

Why is it bratty to not want to talk to someone? Why would you even want a forced conversation?

Normalize letting kids say no. Agency is important.

Normilize raising kind, polite kids who understand that grandparents love them and are important. FFS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Mother is 81, lives alone and has 4 grandkids. Two from me and two from my brother. In addition to our DD, we have a DS. My mother likes weekly calls/face time with them. My son participates happily but my daughter is 'annoyed' by the calls and tries to skip them. I don't allow her to skip them, but my wife does. She'll go so far as to 'forget' to be home with my DD while running errands, schedule conflicting appointments, etc. She will happily 'defend' my DD's objections when I challenge her non participation. Basically, she is complicit and I am irrationally angry over this. Am I wrong?

Your mother likes things. Great. Good for her. This does not make her entitled to these things. Your son participates. Lovely. How nice for him and how nice for your mom. Your daughter doesn't want to. LET HER OPT OUT.

What do you think you're going to gain by forcing an interaction here, and why are you so adamant that you control your kid? This is unreasonable.

You ARE irrationally angry over this, and you are 100% in the wrong. No means no. Let your daughter opt in at her leisure, and when she doesn't want to engage, allow her to set her own boundaries over who she will/won't communicate with. She doesn't owe you or your mother any differently. If your mama is whining at you, be a man and PROTECT YOUR DAUGHTER.

And the part where you blame your wife for not doing your dirty work? Pathetic. Truly pathetic. If you want to go to war with your own kid over your mom's wants, well, that's fscking idiotic, but I suppose you can. But getting bent that your wife doesn't want to join in that losing battle and has sided with giving your kid agency? Now you're choosing your mama over your wife and kid.

Don't be an idiot, OP. Drop this mess immediately. Explain to your kid that she can talk or not as she chooses. She'll probably opt in a few times, which is better than the 'none voluntarily' you've currently got going. And go make amends with your wife for siding with your mother instead of her, as I suspect this isn't the first time you've done it. Make it the last, because YIKES. What a mess!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

Correct. It's not stopping you though from conjecturing that she was awful. Why is that? Are you projecting? Trying to justify your own horrible behavior towards your in-laws and parents?

If wife has a problem with grandma, she can be a big girl about it and bring up the concerns. I hate passive aggressive antics.

How do you know she hasn't? OP is very scant on details. Your default is that there is NO REASON for wife to behave this way. My default is the opposite. Until we have more details, we simply don't know.

I'm assuming she hasn't because according to OP she is simply missing the calls and DS has no problem talking to grandma. So we do have some information that doesn't support that grandma was horrible. Your default is to vilify people with zero information about their wrongdoing? NICE!

We also have the information that DD DOESN'T WANT TO. Which you are conveniently ignoring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

Why is it bratty to not want to talk to someone? Why would you even want a forced conversation?

Normalize letting kids say no. Agency is important.

Normilize raising kind, polite kids who understand that grandparents love them and are important. FFS

So saying "no" isn't kind or polite, and little girls shouldn't do it? Really? That's the message you want to send?

Welcome to rape culture. Where did you think that started?

[Anonymous]

Troll?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

Why is it bratty to not want to talk to someone? Why would you even want a forced conversation?

Normalize letting kids say no. Agency is important.

Normilize raising kind, polite kids who understand that grandparents love them and are important. FFS

PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU DON'T FORCE YOU TO DO THINGS YOU DON'T NEED TO DO AND DON'T WANT!!!

Fsckabuncha this "kind, polite" mess. It's not kind to the kid. You can explain to her, you can talk with her and explain what it means to Grandma, but forcing an interaction is not kind or polite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

Correct. It's not stopping you though from conjecturing that she was awful. Why is that? Are you projecting? Trying to justify your own horrible behavior towards your in-laws and parents?

If wife has a problem with grandma, she can be a big girl about it and bring up the concerns. I hate passive aggressive antics.

How do you know she hasn't? OP is very scant on details. Your default is that there is NO REASON for wife to behave this way. My default is the opposite. Until we have more details, we simply don't know.

I'm assuming she hasn't because according to OP she is simply missing the calls and DS has no problem talking to grandma. So we do have some information that doesn't support that grandma was horrible. Your default is to vilify people with zero information about their wrongdoing? NICE!

We also have the information that DD DOESN'T WANT TO. Which you are conveniently ignoring.

This. Maybe bored grandma can send a card, or try to engage the kid some other way, instead of being a demanding old hag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

Correct. It's not stopping you though from conjecturing that she was awful. Why is that? Are you projecting? Trying to justify your own horrible behavior towards your in-laws and parents?

If wife has a problem with grandma, she can be a big girl about it and bring up the concerns. I hate passive aggressive antics.

How do you know she hasn't? OP is very scant on details. Your default is that there is NO REASON for wife to behave this way. My default is the opposite. Until we have more details, we simply don't know.

I'm assuming she hasn't because according to OP she is simply missing the calls and DS has no problem talking to grandma. So we do have some information that doesn't support that grandma was horrible. Your default is to vilify people with zero information about their wrongdoing? NICE!

We also have the information that DD DOESN'T WANT TO. Which you are conveniently ignoring.

I'm sure DD doesn't want to do a LOT of stuff which both parents have no issue making her do. Taking showers, going to school, eating right, exercising, going to bed on time. But THIS, this is where you draw the line. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

Correct. It's not stopping you though from conjecturing that she was awful. Why is that? Are you projecting? Trying to justify your own horrible behavior towards your in-laws and parents?

If wife has a problem with grandma, she can be a big girl about it and bring up the concerns. I hate passive aggressive antics.

How do you know she hasn't? OP is very scant on details. Your default is that there is NO REASON for wife to behave this way. My default is the opposite. Until we have more details, we simply don't know.

I'm assuming she hasn't because according to OP she is simply missing the calls and DS has no problem talking to grandma. So we do have some information that doesn't support that grandma was horrible. Your default is to vilify people with zero information about their wrongdoing? NICE!

We also have the information that DD DOESN'T WANT TO. Which you are conveniently ignoring.

This. Maybe bored grandma can send a card, or try to engage the kid some other way, instead of being a demanding old hag.

Wow, just wow. No wonder we have Trump in office. We've lost all sense of decency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your spouse is zero percent responsible for you and your DD calling your mother.

This forever.

OP, it's your fscking mom. If you want to force your kid to engage her, YOU do that labor. Damn.

100%

If OP wants these calls to happen, OP needs to do the work. It’s not his wife's responsibility to foster a relationship between his kid and his mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

Why is it bratty to not want to talk to someone? Why would you even want a forced conversation?

Normalize letting kids say no. Agency is important.

Normilize raising kind, polite kids who understand that grandparents love them and are important. FFS

PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU DON'T FORCE YOU TO DO THINGS YOU DON'T NEED TO DO AND DON'T WANT!!!

Fsckabuncha this "kind, polite" mess. It's not kind to the kid. You can explain to her, you can talk with her and explain what it means to Grandma, but forcing an interaction is not kind or polite.

Who gives a shit!!!!!! I'm sure the kid already does plenty of things she doesn't love doing. Model kindness and caring for old people instead of being a self centered ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

Correct. It's not stopping you though from conjecturing that she was awful. Why is that? Are you projecting? Trying to justify your own horrible behavior towards your in-laws and parents?

If wife has a problem with grandma, she can be a big girl about it and bring up the concerns. I hate passive aggressive antics.

How do you know she hasn't? OP is very scant on details. Your default is that there is NO REASON for wife to behave this way. My default is the opposite. Until we have more details, we simply don't know.

I'm assuming she hasn't because according to OP she is simply missing the calls and DS has no problem talking to grandma. So we do have some information that doesn't support that grandma was horrible. Your default is to vilify people with zero information about their wrongdoing? NICE!

We also have the information that DD DOESN'T WANT TO. Which you are conveniently ignoring.

This. Maybe bored grandma can send a card, or try to engage the kid some other way, instead of being a demanding old hag.

Wow, just wow. No wonder we have Trump in office. We've lost all sense of decency.

You are a sad person. Nobody but a Trumper says things like that (plausible deniabity?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

Correct. It's not stopping you though from conjecturing that she was awful. Why is that? Are you projecting? Trying to justify your own horrible behavior towards your in-laws and parents?

If wife has a problem with grandma, she can be a big girl about it and bring up the concerns. I hate passive aggressive antics.

How do you know she hasn't? OP is very scant on details. Your default is that there is NO REASON for wife to behave this way. My default is the opposite. Until we have more details, we simply don't know.

I'm assuming she hasn't because according to OP she is simply missing the calls and DS has no problem talking to grandma. So we do have some information that doesn't support that grandma was horrible. Your default is to vilify people with zero information about their wrongdoing? NICE!

We also have the information that DD DOESN'T WANT TO. Which you are conveniently ignoring.

This. Maybe bored grandma can send a card, or try to engage the kid some other way, instead of being a demanding old hag.

Wow, just wow. No wonder we have Trump in office. We've lost all sense of decency.

You are a sad person. Nobody but a Trumper says things like that (plausible deniabity?)

No, dear. You've lost all decency and I'm sure voted for him because it's always about you. You have no problem calling a caring grandma who just want to see her grandkids for 10 min a week a "demanding old hag" for no reason at all. F u.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

Correct. It's not stopping you though from conjecturing that she was awful. Why is that? Are you projecting? Trying to justify your own horrible behavior towards your in-laws and parents?

If wife has a problem with grandma, she can be a big girl about it and bring up the concerns. I hate passive aggressive antics.

How do you know she hasn't? OP is very scant on details. Your default is that there is NO REASON for wife to behave this way. My default is the opposite. Until we have more details, we simply don't know.

I'm assuming she hasn't because according to OP she is simply missing the calls and DS has no problem talking to grandma. So we do have some information that doesn't support that grandma was horrible. Your default is to vilify people with zero information about their wrongdoing? NICE!

We also have the information that DD DOESN'T WANT TO. Which you are conveniently ignoring.

This. Maybe bored grandma can send a card, or try to engage the kid some other way, instead of being a demanding old hag.

OP should have said he was the wife. DCUM hates MILs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

Correct. It's not stopping you though from conjecturing that she was awful. Why is that? Are you projecting? Trying to justify your own horrible behavior towards your in-laws and parents?

If wife has a problem with grandma, she can be a big girl about it and bring up the concerns. I hate passive aggressive antics.

How do you know she hasn't? OP is very scant on details. Your default is that there is NO REASON for wife to behave this way. My default is the opposite. Until we have more details, we simply don't know.

I'm assuming she hasn't because according to OP she is simply missing the calls and DS has no problem talking to grandma. So we do have some information that doesn't support that grandma was horrible. Your default is to vilify people with zero information about their wrongdoing? NICE!

We also have the information that DD DOESN'T WANT TO. Which you are conveniently ignoring.

This. Maybe bored grandma can send a card, or try to engage the kid some other way, instead of being a demanding old hag.

OP should have said he was the wife. DCUM hates MILs.

EXACTLY!!!!!!!