Spouse Lets DD Ghost My Mother

[Anonymous]

My Mother is 81, lives alone and has 4 grandkids. Two from me and two from my brother. In addition to our DD, we have a DS. My mother likes weekly calls/face time with them. My son participates happily but my daughter is 'annoyed' by the calls and tries to skip them. I don't allow her to skip them, but my wife does. She'll go so far as to 'forget' to be home with my DD while running errands, schedule conflicting appointments, etc. She will happily 'defend' my DD's objections when I challenge her non participation. Basically, she is complicit and I am irrationally angry over this. Am I wrong?

[Anonymous]

Sounds miserable. I wouldn't want to do those facetime calls on command either. Was your mom a good grandmother? Or just the performative kind?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds miserable. I wouldn't want to do those facetime calls on command either. Was your mom a good grandmother? Or just the performative kind?

Speaking with your grandmother every week or so for 5 minutes is "miserable"?

Did you grandmother molest you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She'll go so far as to 'forget' to be home with my DD while running errands, schedule conflicting appointments, etc.

Make it clear that if DD misses a call, she will have to make it up later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Mother is 81, lives alone and has 4 grandkids. Two from me and two from my brother. In addition to our DD, we have a DS. My mother likes weekly calls/face time with them. My son participates happily but my daughter is 'annoyed' by the calls and tries to skip them. I don't allow her to skip them, but my wife does. She'll go so far as to 'forget' to be home with my DD while running errands, schedule conflicting appointments, etc. She will happily 'defend' my DD's objections when I challenge her non participation. Basically, she is complicit and I am irrationally angry over this. Am I wrong?

Yes. Call grandma some other time, it doesn’t need to be on a schedule that blocks errands, etc. grandma isn’t so busy she can’t talk a different 5 minutes of the week.

[Anonymous]

You call her when kids are home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

[Anonymous]

Your spouse is zero percent responsible for you and your DD calling your mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds miserable. I wouldn't want to do those facetime calls on command either. Was your mom a good grandmother? Or just the performative kind?

Speaking with your grandmother every week or so for 5 minutes is "miserable"?

Did you grandmother molest you?

My grandmother (may she rest in peace) was lovely. But she earned our love and didn't demand stuff like this. My inlaws on the other hand are very performative as grandparents. They have this image in their head of when and how we should all see each other, but there is no real relationship there. They are really strict and grumpy with the grandkids (not just my kids) and make the kids not want to be there. My kids definitely wouldn't want to be forced to have a weekly call with them, and I wouldn't make them. Thankfully that has not come up yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

[Anonymous]

That's pretty reprehensible behavior from your wife. What does she say when you talk to her about it? Everyone is so self centered these days. DD can most certainly sit through 10 minutes of talking to grandma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

[Anonymous]

Why is this your wife's fault and not yours?