Spouse Lets DD Ghost My Mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

Correct. It's not stopping you though from conjecturing that she was awful. Why is that? Are you projecting? Trying to justify your own horrible behavior towards your in-laws and parents?

If wife has a problem with grandma, she can be a big girl about it and bring up the concerns. I hate passive aggressive antics.

[Anonymous]

Your DD a tween/teen and your DS younger?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

Correct. It's not stopping you though from conjecturing that she was awful. Why is that? Are you projecting? Trying to justify your own horrible behavior towards your in-laws and parents?

If wife has a problem with grandma, she can be a big girl about it and bring up the concerns. I hate passive aggressive antics.

How do you know she hasn't? OP is very scant on details. Your default is that there is NO REASON for wife to behave this way. My default is the opposite. Until we have more details, we simply don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She'll go so far as to 'forget' to be home with my DD while running errands, schedule conflicting appointments, etc.

Make it clear that if DD misses a call, she will have to make it up later.

Grand plan. Then she can resent her grandmother AND her dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your spouse is zero percent responsible for you and your DD calling your mother.

This forever.

OP, it's your fscking mom. If you want to force your kid to engage her, YOU do that labor. Damn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

OMG, WTF?

This is just pathetic, PP. Gran isn't gonna die because she doesn't get a call from her grandkid. She's grown, and should continue to act like it, unless she can't, in which case, she probably can't even remember her granddaughter's name, let alone if she called this week.

This is extreme.

[Anonymous]

I don't force my kids to call their grandparents. We're socially anxious, introverted people and I remember hating talking to my grandparents when I was a teen. I have a weekly Facetime with my parents on Sunday mornings, a time when usually everyone's home, and I call my kids over to say hello, and talk for a little bit. They don't mind that because I'm here to fill in awkward silences, insert topics of conversations they can contribute to, and generally act as moderator. But they do mind, very much, having to initiate a call and taking on the bulk of the exchange, so I don't force them to do that.

I think you're a little rigid and authoritarian, OP, and your wife and daughter are reacting to that in a sneaky way because you can't be reasonable on this issue.

[Anonymous]

Would your daughter consider just a phone call? Because if she’s anything like me, I loathe FaceTime. Something about being up on video makes me avoid it at all costs. I don’t mind a phone call so I can multitask but the FaceTime is torture to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's pretty reprehensible behavior from your wife. What does she say when you talk to her about it? Everyone is so self centered these days. DD can most certainly sit through 10 minutes of talking to grandma.

It's pretty reprehensible for OP to be on his wife's ass about this while he sits on his own, forcing her to be the bad guy who strongarms their kid into doing HIS bidding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

Correct. It's not stopping you though from conjecturing that she was awful. Why is that? Are you projecting? Trying to justify your own horrible behavior towards your in-laws and parents?

If wife has a problem with grandma, she can be a big girl about it and bring up the concerns. I hate passive aggressive antics.

How do you know she hasn't? OP is very scant on details. Your default is that there is NO REASON for wife to behave this way. My default is the opposite. Until we have more details, we simply don't know.

I'm assuming she hasn't because according to OP she is simply missing the calls and DS has no problem talking to grandma. So we do have some information that doesn't support that grandma was horrible. Your default is to vilify people with zero information about their wrongdoing? NICE!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

Why is it bratty to not want to talk to someone? Why would you even want a forced conversation?

Normalize letting kids say no. Agency is important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

Just because she's old and lonely doesn't make it her granddaughter's burden either way.

If I'm like this in my old age, please shoot me. How pathetically needy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's pretty reprehensible behavior from your wife. What does she say when you talk to her about it? Everyone is so self centered these days. DD can most certainly sit through 10 minutes of talking to grandma.

It's pretty reprehensible for OP to be on his wife's ass about this while he sits on his own, forcing her to be the bad guy who strongarms their kid into doing HIS bidding.

I think he should definitely take charge and have grandma call when he is at home so he can correct DDs behavior. That I agree with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't force my kids to call their grandparents. We're socially anxious, introverted people and I remember hating talking to my grandparents when I was a teen. I have a weekly Facetime with my parents on Sunday mornings, a time when usually everyone's home, and I call my kids over to say hello, and talk for a little bit. They don't mind that because I'm here to fill in awkward silences, insert topics of conversations they can contribute to, and generally act as moderator. But they do mind, very much, having to initiate a call and taking on the bulk of the exchange, so I don't force them to do that.

I think you're a little rigid and authoritarian, OP, and your wife and daughter are reacting to that in a sneaky way because you can't be reasonable on this issue.

Agreed.