Be honest- what do you think about women who are content to be just wives and mothers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm fine with it except in two scenarios, both of which I have experienced:

1) Calling yourself CEO of Smith Household on social media, Linkedin or in person
2) Telling moms with childcare you stay home because you don't want someone else raising your children.

I currently stay at home but didn't always and could not agree with you more on #2. It is so offensive.

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM. I don’t really look at people by their working status. I used to work. Now I stay home. I will likely go back to work in a year or two.

For now, my kids are my main priority. I am active in their schools. I host lots of play dates. My kids are happy and thriving.

I worked until I was 36. I had a career before I had kids and was a working mom for 6 years. I have my own savings. We have a few million in joint accounts and own a few properties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fine with it except in two scenarios, both of which I have experienced:

1) Calling yourself CEO of Smith Household on social media, Linkedin or in person
2) Telling moms with childcare you stay home because you don't want someone else raising your children.

I currently stay at home but didn't always and could not agree with you more on #2. It is so offensive.

Agreed. Day orphanages are one of the triumphs of feminism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fine with it except in two scenarios, both of which I have experienced:

1) Calling yourself CEO of Smith Household on social media, Linkedin or in person
2) Telling moms with childcare you stay home because you don't want someone else raising your children.

I currently stay at home but didn't always and could not agree with you more on #2. It is so offensive.

Agreed. Day orphanages are one of the triumphs of feminism.

I’m a SAHM now but I used to be a working mom. My older two kids went to daycare while my youngest went to PT preschool. At the end of the day, these three kids have the same two parents.

My older two definitely were sick a lot more when they were younger. One kid was less advanced academically while the second was always ahead. My third kid is right in between the older two. We have the same values. I, the mom, feel guilty about not spending as much time with my older two when they were younger. The time just flew by. I wish I could get that time back. Back then, I was just trying to get through the day juggling work and rushing home to see the kids. Since I no longer work, I can spend much more time with all three kids. I used to hate snow days and breaks. Now we all enjoy them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for them! Hope it works out.

This. But if it were my daughter I would be privately disappointed after spending so much money on sending her to college and then to not work professionally. I could have saved that money in my retirement instead and retired earlier. I do believe that the world needs more women in the workforce, especially in leadership roles and science, to change the status quo for all women.

Life happens. She could have gotten all that education and had an accident or other disability that forced her out of the workplace. The education is formative and beneficial regardless of what you do with it in the years to come.

As for other women in the workforce - only if that’s what they choose to do. It’s all about choices and freedom. You don’t owe other women a career.

But we do. and that kind of thinking is why/how women keep holding other women back. it's the war of which SAHM has it better, WOHM stepping on other women to get ahead instead of helping others achieve.

You dont need a college education to stay home. Save your parents the money and do your part to marry well.

You don't need a college education to work. Save yourself the time and money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for them! Hope it works out.

This. But if it were my daughter I would be privately disappointed after spending so much money on sending her to college and then to not work professionally. I could have saved that money in my retirement instead and retired earlier. I do believe that the world needs more women in the workforce, especially in leadership roles and science, to change the status quo for all women.

Life happens. She could have gotten all that education and had an accident or other disability that forced her out of the workplace. The education is formative and beneficial regardless of what you do with it in the years to come.

As for other women in the workforce - only if that’s what they choose to do. It’s all about choices and freedom. You don’t owe other women a career.

But we do. and that kind of thinking is why/how women keep holding other women back. it's the war of which SAHM has it better, WOHM stepping on other women to get ahead instead of helping others achieve.

You dont need a college education to stay home. Save your parents the money and do your part to marry well.

You sound like the people on the college forum who won't pay for their kids' school unless they declare a STEM major. People are 17 and 18 years old when they choose a college. You really think they all know what they are doing with their entire lives?

By the way, since you raised it, who do you think all the well-to-do men are marrying? College educated women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fine with it except in two scenarios, both of which I have experienced:

1) Calling yourself CEO of Smith Household on social media, Linkedin or in person
2) Telling moms with childcare you stay home because you don't want someone else raising your children.

I currently stay at home but didn't always and could not agree with you more on #2. It is so offensive.

Agreed. Day orphanages are one of the triumphs of feminism.

I’m a SAHM now but I used to be a working mom. My older two kids went to daycare while my youngest went to PT preschool. At the end of the day, these three kids have the same two parents.

My older two definitely were sick a lot more when they were younger. One kid was less advanced academically while the second was always ahead. My third kid is right in between the older two. We have the same values. I, the mom, feel guilty about not spending as much time with my older two when they were younger. The time just flew by. I wish I could get that time back. Back then, I was just trying to get through the day juggling work and rushing home to see the kids. Since I no longer work, I can spend much more time with all three kids. I used to hate snow days and breaks. Now we all enjoy them.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fine with it except in two scenarios, both of which I have experienced:

1) Calling yourself CEO of Smith Household on social media, Linkedin or in person
2) Telling moms with childcare you stay home because you don't want someone else raising your children.

I currently stay at home but didn't always and could not agree with you more on #2. It is so offensive.

Who cares? I WFH FT and I have three kids and our amazing nanny takes care of at least one of them 9 hours a day M-F (minus vacations and holidays etc). I do not care what people say on social media about what they do because it has zero impact on me. I also don't care if someone says to me that they stay home because they don't want someone else raising their children. That's a valid reason to stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for them! Hope it works out.

This. But if it were my daughter I would be privately disappointed after spending so much money on sending her to college and then to not work professionally. I could have saved that money in my retirement instead and retired earlier. I do believe that the world needs more women in the workforce, especially in leadership roles and science, to change the status quo for all women.

Life happens. She could have gotten all that education and had an accident or other disability that forced her out of the workplace. The education is formative and beneficial regardless of what you do with it in the years to come.

As for other women in the workforce - only if that’s what they choose to do. It’s all about choices and freedom. You don’t owe other women a career.

But we do. and that kind of thinking is why/how women keep holding other women back. it's the war of which SAHM has it better, WOHM stepping on other women to get ahead instead of helping others achieve.

You dont need a college education to stay home. Save your parents the money and do your part to marry well.

You sound like the people on the college forum who won't pay for their kids' school unless they declare a STEM major. People are 17 and 18 years old when they choose a college. You really think they all know what they are doing with their entire lives?

By the way, since you raised it, who do you think all the well-to-do men are marrying? College educated women.

Smart men want smart women to be their partners and raise their children. Most of us meet our husbands in college, graduate school and through post-college jobs. Education is never a waste and to claim it is for women is misogynist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for them! Hope it works out.

This. But if it were my daughter I would be privately disappointed after spending so much money on sending her to college and then to not work professionally. I could have saved that money in my retirement instead and retired earlier. I do believe that the world needs more women in the workforce, especially in leadership roles and science, to change the status quo for all women.

Life happens. She could have gotten all that education and had an accident or other disability that forced her out of the workplace. The education is formative and beneficial regardless of what you do with it in the years to come.

As for other women in the workforce - only if that’s what they choose to do. It’s all about choices and freedom. You don’t owe other women a career.

But we do. and that kind of thinking is why/how women keep holding other women back. it's the war of which SAHM has it better, WOHM stepping on other women to get ahead instead of helping others achieve.

You dont need a college education to stay home. Save your parents the money and do your part to marry well.

You sound like the people on the college forum who won't pay for their kids' school unless they declare a STEM major. People are 17 and 18 years old when they choose a college. You really think they all know what they are doing with their entire lives?

By the way, since you raised it, who do you think all the well-to-do men are marrying? College educated women.

These doctors, lawyers, tech executives are not marrying uneducated women who didn’t go to college. They are reproducing with these women. DH is glad to have his ivy educated wife staying home to raise his children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fine with it except in two scenarios, both of which I have experienced:

1) Calling yourself CEO of Smith Household on social media, Linkedin or in person
2) Telling moms with childcare you stay home because you don't want someone else raising your children.

I currently stay at home but didn't always and could not agree with you more on #2. It is so offensive.

I've never said either of these things, but I knew I didn't want anyone caring for my kids when they were infants except me and dh. I worked at a daycare center when I was 18 and seeing babies dropped off at 7am and picked up at 5:30pm had a big impact on me. The babies and toddlers were well cared for, but I thought it was a long time to be away from their family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends HOW they do it. My mother was a SAHM and our house was always dirty and she was always laying on the couch in her nightgown watching soaps and talk shows when I came home. It wasn't some super clean house with cookies fresh from the oven after school. She never made me breakfast. She never decorated the house for any holidays. She often "forgot" to take anything out to defrost for dinner and we scrambled to pull together a meal.

So someone like that, I don't feel good. A friend of mine is a SAHM and she gets dressed each morning when her kids do, makes them breakfast, makes their lunches with them, keeps up the house, is always arranging play dates, does holiday decor, makes homemade treats for her kids to pass out to their classes for their birthdays, invites people over spontaneously, etc. She's a great SAHM. She treats it like a full time job.

I do all that and I work, so am I a superhuman (yes, yes we are).

So to you it is a contest?

I think the point is that not every stay home mom is all that good. Not every working. Mom is all that bad.

You can’t look at these things in generalities.

That is not what your "superhuman" comment suggests.

I'm the pp who wrote the superhuman thing, not the pp who wrote about generalities. but that is a big part of the point--that you can't break working parents and saph's into binaries, with the former doing nothing with family and the latter doing it all. the other point is that all of those parental tasks and working (for pay or otherwise) is hard, and props to all of the parents out there just giving it their best. whatever their arrangement.

Clearly you ARE a superhuman employee, posting here in the middle of a work day. You can troll on parenting listserves AND hold down a full time job AND be an awesome mom. Cape and leotard to THAT woman!!!

[Anonymous]

I do what makes me happy and I'm happy for any other woman who gets to do what makes her happy, whether that is staying at home or having a career.

The only people who get worked up about this topic are those who are insecure with their own choice (or lack of choice, as the case may be).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends HOW they do it. My mother was a SAHM and our house was always dirty and she was always laying on the couch in her nightgown watching soaps and talk shows when I came home. It wasn't some super clean house with cookies fresh from the oven after school. She never made me breakfast. She never decorated the house for any holidays. She often "forgot" to take anything out to defrost for dinner and we scrambled to pull together a meal.

So someone like that, I don't feel good. A friend of mine is a SAHM and she gets dressed each morning when her kids do, makes them breakfast, makes their lunches with them, keeps up the house, is always arranging play dates, does holiday decor, makes homemade treats for her kids to pass out to their classes for their birthdays, invites people over spontaneously, etc. She's a great SAHM. She treats it like a full time job.

I'm married to one. She's amazing. She gets up at 4:20, at the gym by 5:15. While she's gone I get up and make breakfast, get the kids ready for the day. She returns from the gym, I go to work, she starts teaching the kids. Takes them to ski club (where she volunteers), swim, etc. Yeah, I know, we have 4 kids and homeschool so DCUM thinks we're wacko extremists. But really, public school sucks, Catholic school was meh, with homeschooling there are now more options than there are at most schools. All 4 kids have some live online classes, in-home piano lessons, math tutoring from a local engineering student, etc.

Obviously I'm the breadwinner but I try to keep it to 40 hours so I can help with meals, weeknight activities, etc.

Our perspective is that her time is so valuable that we can't afford for her to work elsewhere. I know I'm being annoying by bragging on her, but it definitely works for us and I think more people would be happy doing this if they could get over the perceived social stigma.

Sounds like Brooke Raybould's husband is on DCUM.

Or more likely Brooke herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fine with it except in two scenarios, both of which I have experienced:

1) Calling yourself CEO of Smith Household on social media, Linkedin or in person
2) Telling moms with childcare you stay home because you don't want someone else raising your children.

I currently stay at home but didn't always and could not agree with you more on #2. It is so offensive.

How so? As a parent, you are responsible for choosing who takes care of your kid 24 hours of a day. Why is it offensive to choose to stay home to be the primary caregiver? Why is it offensive to not want to hand your children over to a stranger for the majority of their waking hours?