DW doesn’t understand how a sexless marriage effects me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate these posts. I don’t want to sound like a “pick me” girl but unless your husband is abusive, very selfish, or possesses some major personality flaw, just have sex! I lost my libido while breastfeeding and I’m chronically tired from a toddler that doesn’t sleep still but I make sure I have sex 1x a week at minimum which is usually all I manage at this point. Men aren’t horny teens for wanting a basic human desire. So I’m sorry you are in a sexless marriage and you shouldn’t have to compromise on that point if you are a decent husband. Start marriage counseling and work towards adding it back into your routines (because that is what is becomes for a lot of women in middle age).

Just wait. You too may hit a point where not only do you have zero libido, but sex shreds the tissue paper thin skin of your menopausal body into a bloody wounds, such that walking, sitting, urinating, showering and pretty much everything hurts for a week after, then what? Let him do that to you routinely? Where is the mutual love and respect in a marriage that would allow that abuse?

This! I never thought intimacy would be so terribly painful, but at 60, that is how it is.

I thought I would pass out from the pain the last time.

And yes I have been to the doctor. And tried lube and drugs.

You’re doing it wrong. Sex is pleasurable, NOT painful. Stop doing things that hurt. Only do things that feel good. Change your definition of “sex” accordingly.

I cannot believe I actually have to give somebody such completely obvious advice.

Ha. Did you go to history class? Women undergoing pain for a man’s pleasure or convenience is a practically a baseline expectation, so telling a woman not to do it isn’t obvious, it’s revolutionary.

Don't be a martyr. You can both do a lot of things with tongues and mouths and hands. There's a big gap between, on the one hand, having to endure painful PiV because of the patriarchy and, on the other hand, living the rest of your life in celibacy because that particular sex act doesn't work for you anymore.

So "servicing" a petulant man. And what is he doing for her?

Going to the ballet, looking at furniture, going out on dates, throwing parties and spending time with her friends, talking about Real Housewives.

My parents and their friends are in their 60’s. There is a lot that men do for women that they don’t want to do. I hope these men are getting occasional blowjobs.

If I respond to this will I get banned from this site?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I struggle with this too. My DH is divorcing me because I have lost interest in sex. I am trying to figure out how we will tell our two teenagers why we are splitting up. They don’t know yet. It is the only reason we are breaking up. We’ve tried to make it work but he has very unrealistic sexual demands that I can’t accommodate. And yes he has changed over the years. He was not as demanding in the early years. I sometimes wonder if porn is the reason because he’s become more and more aggressive with what he wants and needs sexually. I have to leave.

What are you considering unreasonable?

I don’t want to hijack this thread and also don’t want to be explicit. It’s subtle stuff but it adds up. It’s like he wants to push my limits.

You can still say it without being explicit

Ok. Sex on demand and no excuses. Ever. . Forcing me to sleep fully naked. . Even a tank top and panties not allowed. Sex only with lights on. Anal. 69. Forcing me to watch porn. Should I keep going…..?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of women lose interest in sex at perimenopause and menopause. Sometimes it's just temporary and comes back once hormones level out. You need to figure out why she doesn't want sex OP.

If that’s the case then she needs to figure out the reason instead of blaming the husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I struggle with this too. My DH is divorcing me because I have lost interest in sex. I am trying to figure out how we will tell our two teenagers why we are splitting up. They don’t know yet. It is the only reason we are breaking up. We’ve tried to make it work but he has very unrealistic sexual demands that I can’t accommodate. And yes he has changed over the years. He was not as demanding in the early years. I sometimes wonder if porn is the reason because he’s become more and more aggressive with what he wants and needs sexually. I have to leave.

What are you considering unreasonable?

I don’t want to hijack this thread and also don’t want to be explicit. It’s subtle stuff but it adds up. It’s like he wants to push my limits.

You can still say it without being explicit

Ok. Sex on demand and no excuses. Ever. . Forcing me to sleep fully naked. . Even a tank top and panties not allowed. Sex only with lights on. Anal. 69. Forcing me to watch porn. Should I keep going…..?

Man here. Did you actually submit to any of his demands? Sounds like he completely lost his mind and you are over submissive and he has gotten away in the past with pushing you beyond your limits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I struggle with this too. My DH is divorcing me because I have lost interest in sex. I am trying to figure out how we will tell our two teenagers why we are splitting up. They don’t know yet. It is the only reason we are breaking up. We’ve tried to make it work but he has very unrealistic sexual demands that I can’t accommodate. And yes he has changed over the years. He was not as demanding in the early years. I sometimes wonder if porn is the reason because he’s become more and more aggressive with what he wants and needs sexually. I have to leave.

What are you considering unreasonable?

I don’t want to hijack this thread and also don’t want to be explicit. It’s subtle stuff but it adds up. It’s like he wants to push my limits.

You can still say it without being explicit

Ok. Sex on demand and no excuses. Ever. . Forcing me to sleep fully naked. . Even a tank top and panties not allowed. Sex only with lights on. Anal. 69. Forcing me to watch porn. Should I keep going…..?

Man here. Did you actually submit to any of his demands? Sounds like he completely lost his mind and you are over submissive and he has gotten away in the past with pushing you beyond your limits.

You are probably right and yea I have

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I struggle with this too. My DH is divorcing me because I have lost interest in sex. I am trying to figure out how we will tell our two teenagers why we are splitting up. They don’t know yet. It is the only reason we are breaking up. We’ve tried to make it work but he has very unrealistic sexual demands that I can’t accommodate. And yes he has changed over the years. He was not as demanding in the early years. I sometimes wonder if porn is the reason because he’s become more and more aggressive with what he wants and needs sexually. I have to leave.

Irreconcilable differences

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I struggle with this too. My DH is divorcing me because I have lost interest in sex. I am trying to figure out how we will tell our two teenagers why we are splitting up. They don’t know yet. It is the only reason we are breaking up. We’ve tried to make it work but he has very unrealistic sexual demands that I can’t accommodate. And yes he has changed over the years. He was not as demanding in the early years. I sometimes wonder if porn is the reason because he’s become more and more aggressive with what he wants and needs sexually. I have to leave.

What are you considering unreasonable?

I don’t want to hijack this thread and also don’t want to be explicit. It’s subtle stuff but it adds up. It’s like he wants to push my limits.

You can still say it without being explicit

Ok. Sex on demand and no excuses. Ever. . Forcing me to sleep fully naked. . Even a tank top and panties not allowed. Sex only with lights on. Anal. 69. Forcing me to watch porn. Should I keep going…..?

"Forcing"... or what? None of these things seem particularly damaging or unmanageable to me, unless you're doing them at threat of violence or some other heavy consequence. You mentioned this is the only reason you are breaking up, and I don't see anything here as a dealbreaker unless you really are being forced in some way. What happens if you say no, or offer compromise?

[Anonymous]

There is no compromise. That’s why I call it forcing. For five years I have been strong and said I have a right to decide what makes me comfortable or uncomfortable. The more I stand strong the angrier and moodier he gets. He becomes irrational and snippy about other things. Gives me the silent treatment. Etc basically acts like a baby and it’s exhausting navigate. No longer worth the struggle. Compromise is not a word in his vocabulary. I let him control so many aspects of our life but have to draw the line here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I struggle with this too. My DH is divorcing me because I have lost interest in sex. I am trying to figure out how we will tell our two teenagers why we are splitting up. They don’t know yet. It is the only reason we are breaking up. We’ve tried to make it work but he has very unrealistic sexual demands that I can’t accommodate. And yes he has changed over the years. He was not as demanding in the early years. I sometimes wonder if porn is the reason because he’s become more and more aggressive with what he wants and needs sexually. I have to leave.

What are you considering unreasonable?

I don’t want to hijack this thread and also don’t want to be explicit. It’s subtle stuff but it adds up. It’s like he wants to push my limits.

You can still say it without being explicit

Ok. Sex on demand and no excuses. Ever. . Forcing me to sleep fully naked. . Even a tank top and panties not allowed. Sex only with lights on. Anal. 69. Forcing me to watch porn. Should I keep going…..?

"Forcing"... or what? None of these things seem particularly damaging or unmanageable to me, unless you're doing them at threat of violence or some other heavy consequence. You mentioned this is the only reason you are breaking up, and I don't see anything here as a dealbreaker unless you really are being forced in some way. What happens if you say no, or offer compromise?

Not a dealbreaker. ?!?!? So I should be sodomized as a compromise ? To keep the marriage together ???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I struggle with this too. My DH is divorcing me because I have lost interest in sex. I am trying to figure out how we will tell our two teenagers why we are splitting up. They don’t know yet. It is the only reason we are breaking up. We’ve tried to make it work but he has very unrealistic sexual demands that I can’t accommodate. And yes he has changed over the years. He was not as demanding in the early years. I sometimes wonder if porn is the reason because he’s become more and more aggressive with what he wants and needs sexually. I have to leave.

What are you considering unreasonable?

I don’t want to hijack this thread and also don’t want to be explicit. It’s subtle stuff but it adds up. It’s like he wants to push my limits.

You can still say it without being explicit

Ok. Sex on demand and no excuses. Ever. . Forcing me to sleep fully naked. . Even a tank top and panties not allowed. Sex only with lights on. Anal. 69. Forcing me to watch porn. Should I keep going…..?

"Forcing"... or what? None of these things seem particularly damaging or unmanageable to me, unless you're doing them at threat of violence or some other heavy consequence. You mentioned this is the only reason you are breaking up, and I don't see anything here as a dealbreaker unless you really are being forced in some way. What happens if you say no, or offer compromise?

Not a dealbreaker. ?!?!? So I should be sodomized as a compromise ? To keep the marriage together ???

He’s essentially divorcing me because I won’t do anal. Says if I loved him I would compromise. And I say if he loved me he would compromise. He’s so fixated on it that he has lost sight of everything else. And I HAVE compromised. I’ve done it. I just can’t do it on the regular and maybe never again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I struggle with this too. My DH is divorcing me because I have lost interest in sex. I am trying to figure out how we will tell our two teenagers why we are splitting up. They don’t know yet. It is the only reason we are breaking up. We’ve tried to make it work but he has very unrealistic sexual demands that I can’t accommodate. And yes he has changed over the years. He was not as demanding in the early years. I sometimes wonder if porn is the reason because he’s become more and more aggressive with what he wants and needs sexually. I have to leave.

What are you considering unreasonable?

I don’t want to hijack this thread and also don’t want to be explicit. It’s subtle stuff but it adds up. It’s like he wants to push my limits.

You can still say it without being explicit

Ok. Sex on demand and no excuses. Ever. . Forcing me to sleep fully naked. . Even a tank top and panties not allowed. Sex only with lights on. Anal. 69. Forcing me to watch porn. Should I keep going…..?

"Forcing"... or what? None of these things seem particularly damaging or unmanageable to me, unless you're doing them at threat of violence or some other heavy consequence. You mentioned this is the only reason you are breaking up, and I don't see anything here as a dealbreaker unless you really are being forced in some way. What happens if you say no, or offer compromise?

Not a dealbreaker. ?!?!? So I should be sodomized as a compromise ? To keep the marriage together ???

He’s essentially divorcing me because I won’t do anal. Says if I loved him I would compromise. And I say if he loved me he would compromise. He’s so fixated on it that he has lost sight of everything else. And I HAVE compromised. I’ve done it. I just can’t do it on the regular and maybe never again.

Have you guys tried marriage counselling? I can’t imagine a decent counselor letting this slide.

I suspect your DH just wants to sleep around and is using this conflict as an excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I struggle with this too. My DH is divorcing me because I have lost interest in sex. I am trying to figure out how we will tell our two teenagers why we are splitting up. They don’t know yet. It is the only reason we are breaking up. We’ve tried to make it work but he has very unrealistic sexual demands that I can’t accommodate. And yes he has changed over the years. He was not as demanding in the early years. I sometimes wonder if porn is the reason because he’s become more and more aggressive with what he wants and needs sexually. I have to leave.

What are you considering unreasonable?

I don’t want to hijack this thread and also don’t want to be explicit. It’s subtle stuff but it adds up. It’s like he wants to push my limits.

You can still say it without being explicit

Ok. Sex on demand and no excuses. Ever. . Forcing me to sleep fully naked. . Even a tank top and panties not allowed. Sex only with lights on. Anal. 69. Forcing me to watch porn. Should I keep going…..?

"Forcing"... or what? None of these things seem particularly damaging or unmanageable to me, unless you're doing them at threat of violence or some other heavy consequence. You mentioned this is the only reason you are breaking up, and I don't see anything here as a dealbreaker unless you really are being forced in some way. What happens if you say no, or offer compromise?

You are a LUNATIC!

OMG PP get out of that marriage. Your husband become a pervert with rapist tendencies.

And I would make sure my kids knew why we were splitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of women lose interest in sex at perimenopause and menopause. Sometimes it's just temporary and comes back once hormones level out. You need to figure out why she doesn't want sex OP.

If that’s the case then she needs to figure out the reason instead of blaming the husband

You are an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I struggle with this too. My DH is divorcing me because I have lost interest in sex. I am trying to figure out how we will tell our two teenagers why we are splitting up. They don’t know yet. It is the only reason we are breaking up. We’ve tried to make it work but he has very unrealistic sexual demands that I can’t accommodate. And yes he has changed over the years. He was not as demanding in the early years. I sometimes wonder if porn is the reason because he’s become more and more aggressive with what he wants and needs sexually. I have to leave.

What are you considering unreasonable?

I don’t want to hijack this thread and also don’t want to be explicit. It’s subtle stuff but it adds up. It’s like he wants to push my limits.

You can still say it without being explicit

Ok. Sex on demand and no excuses. Ever. . Forcing me to sleep fully naked. . Even a tank top and panties not allowed. Sex only with lights on. Anal. 69. Forcing me to watch porn. Should I keep going…..?

Dare I say this is abuse. He has some type of addiction. If you are at a sure alimony milestone maybe consider options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no compromise. That’s why I call it forcing. For five years I have been strong and said I have a right to decide what makes me comfortable or uncomfortable. The more I stand strong the angrier and moodier he gets. He becomes irrational and snippy about other things. Gives me the silent treatment. Etc basically acts like a baby and it’s exhausting navigate. No longer worth the struggle. Compromise is not a word in his vocabulary. I let him control so many aspects of our life but have to draw the line here

Don’t take this the wrong way…are you a trophy?