DW doesn’t understand how a sexless marriage effects me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have slipped into a sexless marriage and it is severely affecting me emotionally and mentally. Sex has always been important to me and she has always known that. The rejection and physical frustration weigh on my psyche and impact our relationship, my attitude at work, and my overall mood. She knows this and thinks I am being unreasonable and childish. I try to move on and set it aside as something that is just gone, like a deceased relative. But it doesn’t work that way and she just doesn’t get it.
I wont leave her over it and will never cheat because I don’t want my DD to ever have to think of me as that kind of man. I’ve had opportunity but won’t do it.
I’m just miserable and don’t want to be this way any longer. Most of all, I wish she understood and would discuss it without accusing me of being like a horny teen. She doesn’t think sex is important after 40 or after kids.

Whining and neediness is not a turn on, FYI. I would suggest you hit the gym and leave her alone. See what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have slipped into a sexless marriage and it is severely affecting me emotionally and mentally. Sex has always been important to me and she has always known that. The rejection and physical frustration weigh on my psyche and impact our relationship, my attitude at work, and my overall mood. She knows this and thinks I am being unreasonable and childish. I try to move on and set it aside as something that is just gone, like a deceased relative. But it doesn’t work that way and she just doesn’t get it.
I wont leave her over it and will never cheat because I don’t want my DD to ever have to think of me as that kind of man. I’ve had opportunity but won’t do it.
I’m just miserable and don’t want to be this way any longer. Most of all, I wish she understood and would discuss it without accusing me of being like a horny teen. She doesn’t think sex is important after 40 or after kids.

Whining and neediness is not a turn on, FYI. I would suggest you hit the gym and leave her alone. See what happens.

There's some truth to this - Read the 180. Probably don't need to implement all of it b/c it's meant for couples dealing with infidelity, but things like, "13. Don’t sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy!" is sound advice even in your case.

[Anonymous]

I’ll happily meet you at the gym!!

[Anonymous]

I would legally divorce but remain in the same home for your DD. You go out and date on your free time. Do not bring women home and do not subject your kids to them.

Separate bedrooms. Become roomates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she doesn't think it's important because the sex isn't that great for her, so she doesn't miss it?

+10000

[Anonymous]

Your entire post comes off as super selfish, starting with the title. I can see why your wife is turned off by you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have slipped into a sexless marriage and it is severely affecting me emotionally and mentally. Sex has always been important to me and she has always known that. The rejection and physical frustration weigh on my psyche and impact our relationship, my attitude at work, and my overall mood. She knows this and thinks I am being unreasonable and childish. I try to move on and set it aside as something that is just gone, like a deceased relative. But it doesn’t work that way and she just doesn’t get it.
I wont leave her over it and will never cheat because I don’t want my DD to ever have to think of me as that kind of man. I’ve had opportunity but won’t do it.
I’m just miserable and don’t want to be this way any longer. Most of all, I wish she understood and would discuss it without accusing me of being like a horny teen. She doesn’t think sex is important after 40 or after kids.

Whining and neediness is not a turn on, FYI. I would suggest you hit the gym and leave her alone. See what happens.

There's some truth to this - Read the 180. Probably don't need to implement all of it b/c it's meant for couples dealing with infidelity, but things like, "13. Don’t sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy!" is sound advice even in your case.

What is the 180? You mean this: https://www.amazon.com/180-Degrees-Unlearn-Taught-Believe/dp/1915236002

A book about politics?!

[Anonymous]

https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/

[Anonymous]

Have you been to therapy to find out why you put so much into this that it’s causing anxiety and depression

[Anonymous]

I hate these posts. I don’t want to sound like a “pick me” girl but unless your husband is abusive, very selfish, or possesses some major personality flaw, just have sex! I lost my libido while breastfeeding and I’m chronically tired from a toddler that doesn’t sleep still but I make sure I have sex 1x a week at minimum which is usually all I manage at this point. Men aren’t horny teens for wanting a basic human desire. So I’m sorry you are in a sexless marriage and you shouldn’t have to compromise on that point if you are a decent husband. Start marriage counseling and work towards adding it back into your routines (because that is what is becomes for a lot of women in middle age).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would legally divorce but remain in the same home for your DD. You go out and date on your free time. Do not bring women home and do not subject your kids to them.

Separate bedrooms. Become roomates.[/quot
No one is going to agree to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you been to therapy to find out why you put so much into this that it’s causing anxiety and depression

I am a woman and when DH started declining sex it made me anxious and depressed, especially when there’s a change with no explanation.

[Anonymous]

This could be considered constructive desertion of the marriage and is grounds for divorce.

I divorced my ex when she did this. It wasn’t easy but like you I wasn’t going to cheat and after about seven years I decided I couldn’t live with the cruelty anymore.

I ended up with primary physical custody as the kids, who were teens, didn’t want to live with her. Turns out they felt as alienated from her affections as me.

In hindsight I realize she had some mental illness issues that contributed to this. And she actually WAS getting help for that but it turns out the therapist was counseling her to “self-actualize” and she took that to extremes and decided her family was the source of her unhappiness.

Five years later, me and the girls are ok. It’s bittersweet— I miss their younger years when we were an intact family. But even when I look back on those things now, I realize it was only ever me taking the girls somewhere solo from the time there were about 5 and 7. She was always demanding “me time” and sitting in bed, on her computer or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you been to therapy to find out why you put so much into this that it’s causing anxiety and depression

Is that a real question? You think it’s a mystery why someone is depressed to be rejected sexually by the one person who they have agreed to have sex with. (I’m a woman by the way).

[Anonymous]

Sexless is your reality. Figure out how to live with it.