S/O How do you justify having an affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

NP. It's because obviously this woman doesn't actually enjoy sex.

I guess I would ask how many men dump the AP and go non-contact if it encroaches on their 'real' life? I assume that is the norm. Take a ride on the bicycle for awhile and then it gets a flat or the novelty wears off so they put her out on the curb for free-cycle. Maybe another married guy can pick her up and get some more use out of her.

Many of those old bikes on the dating apps being recycled over and over again when the exit doesn't materialize. The question is why only provide rides to the married guys? You think you would start to see the odds aren't in your favor for a real garage of your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

NP. It's because obviously this woman doesn't actually enjoy sex.

I guess I would ask how many men dump the AP and go non-contact if it encroaches on their 'real' life? I assume that is the norm. Take a ride on the bicycle for awhile and then it gets a flat or the novelty wears off so they put her out on the curb for free-cycle. Maybe another married guy can pick her up and get some more use out of her.

Many of those old bikes on the dating apps being recycled over and over again when the exit doesn't materialize. The question is why only provide rides to the married guys? You think you would start to see the odds aren't in your favor for a real garage of your own.

That's a question that should be explored in therapy, and the answer often has something to do with being afraid of dating someone who is available and actually being afraid of the exit materializing. You can want something but be very afraid of it, and self-sabotage.

[Anonymous]

I am a 46 yo divorced empty nester woman who recently started dating on OLD. I have so many interested single, available men ranging 40 to 56 yo. I date them in batches of 9-10 for a month, kissed some and went on 2-3rd dates but haven’t slept yet with anyone. Now I have 2 “front runners” to decide on who to put out with. Yes, I came across couple married/they say separated men, but have no desire to be a secret side piece. They are funny suggesting to meet away from their neighborhoods, lying about wives etc. I just have no time to deal with this crap even if he had paid me! So many other options.

I don’t believe an attractive woman would sleep with married guy secretly just because she needs sex. She’s either not attractive, has no other options, low self esteem of he pays her one way or another to get laid and keep quiet. Or maybe a married woman would sleep for sex. My exH was cheating with a married co-worker. Hate poly- and cheaters men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

NP. It's because obviously this woman doesn't actually enjoy sex.

How do you know this?

Because she thinks these women are being "used" for sex because they aren't getting anything in return. Um, hello, they're getting sex!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

NP. It's because obviously this woman doesn't actually enjoy sex.

How do you know this?

Because she thinks these women are being "used" for sex because they aren't getting anything in return. Um, hello, they're getting sex!

Aren’t there so many available, single men for sex? Why would a woman enjoy having sex with someone who can’t even go out with her in public ?

[Anonymous]

AP’s aren’t getting tortured people they are having a great time. The excitement of a secret relationship goes both ways. I also don’t believe they are the reason why marriages don’t work out. They are the result of a bad marriage, not the cause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:AP’s aren’t getting tortured people they are having a great time. The excitement of a secret relationship goes both ways. I also don’t believe they are the reason why marriages don’t work out. They are the result of a bad marriage, not the cause.

As a single woman I wouldn’t be nearly excited being in a secret relationship. The question is why you as AP get the kink from it and I get my kink sleeping with single men. Obviously, the men are not tortured in either case sleeping with women !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

NP. It's because obviously this woman doesn't actually enjoy sex.

How do you know this?

Because she thinks these women are being "used" for sex because they aren't getting anything in return. Um, hello, they're getting sex!

Aren’t there so many available, single men for sex? Why would a woman enjoy having sex with someone who can’t even go out with her in public ?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AP’s aren’t getting tortured people they are having a great time. The excitement of a secret relationship goes both ways. I also don’t believe they are the reason why marriages don’t work out. They are the result of a bad marriage, not the cause.

As a single woman I wouldn’t be nearly excited being in a secret relationship. The question is why you as AP get the kink from it and I get my kink sleeping with single men. Obviously, the men are not tortured in either case sleeping with women !

Believe it or not, not everyone gets off on the secrecy and it is not always intrinsically appealing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

NP. It's because obviously this woman doesn't actually enjoy sex.

How do you know this?

Because she thinks these women are being "used" for sex because they aren't getting anything in return. Um, hello, they're getting sex!

Aren’t there so many available, single men for sex? Why would a woman enjoy having sex with someone who can’t even go out with her in public ?

Sometimes, if the woman is also married, neither one wants to go out in public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

NP. It's because obviously this woman doesn't actually enjoy sex.

How do you know this?

Because she thinks these women are being "used" for sex because they aren't getting anything in return. Um, hello, they're getting sex!

Aren’t there so many available, single men for sex? Why would a woman enjoy having sex with someone who can’t even go out with her in public ?

I mean...I don't even understand this question. What does sex have to do with going out in public? She enjoys having sex with him because the sex is enjoyable, it feels good, it's fun.

- a woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

NP. It's because obviously this woman doesn't actually enjoy sex.

How do you know this?

Because she thinks these women are being "used" for sex because they aren't getting anything in return. Um, hello, they're getting sex!

Aren’t there so many available, single men for sex? Why would a woman enjoy having sex with someone who can’t even go out with her in public ?

I mean...I don't even understand this question. What does sex have to do with going out in public? She enjoys having sex with him because the sex is enjoyable, it feels good, it's fun.

- a woman

But as I date men, I also enjoy spending time with them socially: attending events, traveling together, they take me out to restaurants, museums etc. It significantly improves the quality of sex life with that particular man if I get to do things together with him! I can’t imagine enjoying hiding just having sex in cars, not visiting each others’ homes, socializing with friends, and just having a casual non consistent sex. And getting a thrill from it! Besides, this sex is non exclusive by definition and I like to do oral on my man, and not use conforms knowing we are exclusive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

NP. It's because obviously this woman doesn't actually enjoy sex.

How do you know this?

Because she thinks these women are being "used" for sex because they aren't getting anything in return. Um, hello, they're getting sex!

Aren’t there so many available, single men for sex? Why would a woman enjoy having sex with someone who can’t even go out with her in public ?

Sometimes, if the woman is also married, neither one wants to go out in public.

That I can understand and would think that married people more often cheat with other married people or on business with strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AP’s aren’t getting tortured people they are having a great time. The excitement of a secret relationship goes both ways. I also don’t believe they are the reason why marriages don’t work out. They are the result of a bad marriage, not the cause.

As a single woman I wouldn’t be nearly excited being in a secret relationship. The question is why you as AP get the kink from it and I get my kink sleeping with single men. Obviously, the men are not tortured in either case sleeping with women !

Believe it or not, not everyone gets off on the secrecy and it is not always intrinsically appealing.

I agree yet you - that’s what I also cannot understand: how this secret occasional sex can even be thrilling ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

NP. It's because obviously this woman doesn't actually enjoy sex.

I guess I would ask how many men dump the AP and go non-contact if it encroaches on their 'real' life? I assume that is the norm. Take a ride on the bicycle for awhile and then it gets a flat or the novelty wears off so they put her out on the curb for free-cycle. Maybe another married guy can pick her up and get some more use out of her.

Exactly this. My DH started an affair with a married coworker. We were in a bad place in our marriage and this woman gave him validation and made him feel wanted. He figured that since she was also married and lived in another city, there would be no strings attached and no one would get hurt. As their relationship went on, she became paranoid and jealous and made his life miserable dealing with her insanity. Bottom line is he ended it, and then she tried to get him fired because she was so angry. So, why did you think that this AP entered into this affair in the first place? I know her marriage wasn't happy either, but did she really think they'd end up together in the end given they only even saw each other a half a dozen times? Did she think this was an exit affair? I'm just trying to understand this because he is an ok guy, but no great catch in the physical sense.