6th grade DD is being excluded from social events with longtime friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don’t think you have to force your kids to play with dolls, but you can prevent her from doing TikTok challenges and letting her a$$ hang out from her microskirt.

Oh wow. The Friday drunk mom moved from the elementary school board to here. Because ANY middle and high school parent know that zero teens are wearing “micro skirts” The style is baggy mom jeans, sweat pants, and crop or sport tops. Go too off your glass sweetie. Keep making a complete a$$ out of yourself.

And i don’t know one 6th grader playing with dolls. I sure didn’t either when I was in 6th grade. Stop babying teens.

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

My 6th grader is 12 so I guess they must stay like a child and miraculously turn teen at 13? There is a reason there are tween ages for 4-6th grade

Your kid is really old for the grade.

How? My child was also 12 in 6th grade. Graduated at 18. Isn’t that when most kids graduate? Many red shirts graduate at 19 so there can be 13yr olds in 6th grade too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

All correct, but none of it changes the fact that, as your child gets older, you cannot micromanage their lives the way you once did, including requiring them to stay friends with old friends - which was the issue in the original post here.

Again, how is it micro managing? If a friendship truly falls through then ok, but I'm not going to let my kid just dump friends for stupid reasons. So kids who may have different interests can't be friends? If they were ever real friends they can be.

Your post is EXACTLY micro managing friendships. You should have ZERO say in who they are friends with. ZERO, NONE, NADA. It doesn’t matter their reasoning or the consequences they may have afterwards. You are over-stepping and trying to soften blows and make sure no mistakes are made. And you wonder why so many kids/teens can not handle when things go wrong or when a mistake was made, etc… No grit, no autonomy, no learning from mistakes. Let’s make sure Mama steps in.

You are probably the kind of parent who doesn’t check their child’s phone either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

All correct, but none of it changes the fact that, as your child gets older, you cannot micromanage their lives the way you once did, including requiring them to stay friends with old friends - which was the issue in the original post here.

Again, how is it micro managing? If a friendship truly falls through then ok, but I'm not going to let my kid just dump friends for stupid reasons. So kids who may have different interests can't be friends? If they were ever real friends they can be.

Your post is EXACTLY micro managing friendships. You should have ZERO say in who they are friends with. ZERO, NONE, NADA. It doesn’t matter their reasoning or the consequences they may have afterwards. You are over-stepping and trying to soften blows and make sure no mistakes are made. And you wonder why so many kids/teens can not handle when things go wrong or when a mistake was made, etc… No grit, no autonomy, no learning from mistakes. Let’s make sure Mama steps in.

You are probably the kind of parent who doesn’t check their child’s phone either.

Hit a nerve huh? You realize how wrong you are so you deflect instead.

My kids as 6th graders never had a phone. Earliest was 7th for youngest. They are in 8th now and downtime is 10pm-3pm. 2 hour app time, no internet, restrictions set to clean and no downloading apps unless with a parent code. Oh and linked to my computer so if I need to read texts, they weren’t deleted. But I give them privacy, encourage face to face socialization, and if they come for advice I look at the other side of the story and give unbiased encouragement and feedback.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don’t think you have to force your kids to play with dolls, but you can prevent her from doing TikTok challenges and letting her a$$ hang out from her microskirt.

Oh wow. The Friday drunk mom moved from the elementary school board to here. Because ANY middle and high school parent know that zero teens are wearing “micro skirts” The style is baggy mom jeans, sweat pants, and crop or sport tops. Go too off your glass sweetie. Keep making a complete a$$ out of yourself.

And i don’t know one 6th grader playing with dolls. I sure didn’t either when I was in 6th grade. Stop babying teens.

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

My 6th grader is 12 so I guess they must stay like a child and miraculously turn teen at 13? There is a reason there are tween ages for 4-6th grade

Your kid is really old for the grade.

How? My child was also 12 in 6th grade. Graduated at 18. Isn’t that when most kids graduate? Many red shirts graduate at 19 so there can be 13yr olds in 6th grade too.

My son turned 13 in May of 6th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

All correct, but none of it changes the fact that, as your child gets older, you cannot micromanage their lives the way you once did, including requiring them to stay friends with old friends - which was the issue in the original post here.

Again, how is it micro managing? If a friendship truly falls through then ok, but I'm not going to let my kid just dump friends for stupid reasons. So kids who may have different interests can't be friends? If they were ever real friends they can be.

Your post is EXACTLY micro managing friendships. You should have ZERO say in who they are friends with. ZERO, NONE, NADA. It doesn’t matter their reasoning or the consequences they may have afterwards. You are over-stepping and trying to soften blows and make sure no mistakes are made. And you wonder why so many kids/teens can not handle when things go wrong or when a mistake was made, etc… No grit, no autonomy, no learning from mistakes. Let’s make sure Mama steps in.

You are probably the kind of parent who doesn’t check their child’s phone either.

Hit a nerve huh? You realize how wrong you are so you deflect instead.

My kids as 6th graders never had a phone. Earliest was 7th for youngest. They are in 8th now and downtime is 10pm-3pm. 2 hour app time, no internet, restrictions set to clean and no downloading apps unless with a parent code. Oh and linked to my computer so if I need to read texts, they weren’t deleted. But I give them privacy, encourage face to face socialization, and if they come for advice I look at the other side of the story and give unbiased encouragement and feedback.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

All correct, but none of it changes the fact that, as your child gets older, you cannot micromanage their lives the way you once did, including requiring them to stay friends with old friends - which was the issue in the original post here.

Again, how is it micro managing? If a friendship truly falls through then ok, but I'm not going to let my kid just dump friends for stupid reasons. So kids who may have different interests can't be friends? If they were ever real friends they can be.

Your post is EXACTLY micro managing friendships. You should have ZERO say in who they are friends with. ZERO, NONE, NADA. It doesn’t matter their reasoning or the consequences they may have afterwards. You are over-stepping and trying to soften blows and make sure no mistakes are made. And you wonder why so many kids/teens can not handle when things go wrong or when a mistake was made, etc… No grit, no autonomy, no learning from mistakes. Let’s make sure Mama steps in.

You are probably the kind of parent who doesn’t check their child’s phone either.

Hit a nerve huh? You realize how wrong you are so you deflect instead.

My kids as 6th graders never had a phone. Earliest was 7th for youngest. They are in 8th now and downtime is 10pm-3pm. 2 hour app time, no internet, restrictions set to clean and no downloading apps unless with a parent code. Oh and linked to my computer so if I need to read texts, they weren’t deleted. But I give them privacy, encourage face to face socialization, and if they come for advice I look at the other side of the story and give unbiased encouragement and feedback.

DP. You obviously favor the mean girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don’t think you have to force your kids to play with dolls, but you can prevent her from doing TikTok challenges and letting her a$$ hang out from her microskirt.

Oh wow. The Friday drunk mom moved from the elementary school board to here. Because ANY middle and high school parent know that zero teens are wearing “micro skirts” The style is baggy mom jeans, sweat pants, and crop or sport tops. Go too off your glass sweetie. Keep making a complete a$$ out of yourself.

And i don’t know one 6th grader playing with dolls. I sure didn’t either when I was in 6th grade. Stop babying teens.

Huh? I have kids in MS and HS. When the weather is warm the shorts go very, very short for some girls. Sometimes short and tight jean shorts with tiny bra top. Or sometimes short and really baggy (why?) and you can see a full butt cheek. “Microskirts” cover the very short bodycon/babydoll/skater dresses - the length goes 1/4” max past the butt cheek. It was shocking for me to see what some girls wear to school parties, bat mitzvahs, and even school. They dress like they are 17, not 12. Maybe it’s me but the hypersexualization of tweens/teens is unsettling.

[Anonymous]

Huh? I have kids in MS and HS. When the weather is warm the shorts go very, very short for some girls. Sometimes short and tight jean shorts with tiny bra top. Or sometimes short and really baggy (why?) and you can see a full butt cheek. “Microskirts” cover the very short bodycon/babydoll/skater dresses - the length goes 1/4” max past the butt cheek. It was shocking for me to see what some girls wear to school parties, bat mitzvahs, and even school. They dress like they are 17, not 12. Maybe it’s me but the hypersexualization of tweens/teens is unsettling.

My son is a 13 year old 8th grader. At least half of his friends are female, and none of them dress like that. So it isn't everyone.

[Anonymous]

Who said anything about forcing a friendship? I would probably try to sit down with dd to try to figure out what's going on.

Unless the women at issue are awful, I would bet they have tried that. I have tried that with my own son. His response was that he wasn't having fun hanging out with the friend any more. All I could do is stress that he needed to exit the friendship in a kind and respectful manner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don’t think you have to force your kids to play with dolls, but you can prevent her from doing TikTok challenges and letting her a$$ hang out from her microskirt.

Oh wow. The Friday drunk mom moved from the elementary school board to here. Because ANY middle and high school parent know that zero teens are wearing “micro skirts” The style is baggy mom jeans, sweat pants, and crop or sport tops. Go too off your glass sweetie. Keep making a complete a$$ out of yourself.

And i don’t know one 6th grader playing with dolls. I sure didn’t either when I was in 6th grade. Stop babying teens.

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

My 6th grader is 12 so I guess they must stay like a child and miraculously turn teen at 13? There is a reason there are tween ages for 4-6th grade

Well that is what happens, your a child then a teen. But, imo teens are kids too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don’t think you have to force your kids to play with dolls, but you can prevent her from doing TikTok challenges and letting her a$$ hang out from her microskirt.

Oh wow. The Friday drunk mom moved from the elementary school board to here. Because ANY middle and high school parent know that zero teens are wearing “micro skirts” The style is baggy mom jeans, sweat pants, and crop or sport tops. Go too off your glass sweetie. Keep making a complete a$$ out of yourself.

And i don’t know one 6th grader playing with dolls. I sure didn’t either when I was in 6th grade. Stop babying teens.

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

My 6th grader is 12 so I guess they must stay like a child and miraculously turn teen at 13? There is a reason there are tween ages for 4-6th grade

Your kid is really old for the grade.

How? My child was also 12 in 6th grade. Graduated at 18. Isn’t that when most kids graduate? Many red shirts graduate at 19 so there can be 13yr olds in 6th grade too.

I started 6th grade at 11 and ended it at 12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don’t think you have to force your kids to play with dolls, but you can prevent her from doing TikTok challenges and letting her a$$ hang out from her microskirt.

Oh wow. The Friday drunk mom moved from the elementary school board to here. Because ANY middle and high school parent know that zero teens are wearing “micro skirts” The style is baggy mom jeans, sweat pants, and crop or sport tops. Go too off your glass sweetie. Keep making a complete a$$ out of yourself.

And i don’t know one 6th grader playing with dolls. I sure didn’t either when I was in 6th grade. Stop babying teens.

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

My 6th grader is 12 so I guess they must stay like a child and miraculously turn teen at 13? There is a reason there are tween ages for 4-6th grade

Well that is what happens, your a child then a teen. But, imo teens are kids too

+1

[Anonymous]

Tween wasn't even a word or concept until recent years either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don’t think you have to force your kids to play with dolls, but you can prevent her from doing TikTok challenges and letting her a$$ hang out from her microskirt.

Oh wow. The Friday drunk mom moved from the elementary school board to here. Because ANY middle and high school parent know that zero teens are wearing “micro skirts” The style is baggy mom jeans, sweat pants, and crop or sport tops. Go too off your glass sweetie. Keep making a complete a$$ out of yourself.

And i don’t know one 6th grader playing with dolls. I sure didn’t either when I was in 6th grade. Stop babying teens.

Huh? I have kids in MS and HS. When the weather is warm the shorts go very, very short for some girls. Sometimes short and tight jean shorts with tiny bra top. Or sometimes short and really baggy (why?) and you can see a full butt cheek. “Microskirts” cover the very short bodycon/babydoll/skater dresses - the length goes 1/4” max past the butt cheek. It was shocking for me to see what some girls wear to school parties, bat mitzvahs, and even school. They dress like they are 17, not 12. Maybe it’s me but the hypersexualization of tweens/teens is unsettling.

It’s even more so on spring break / at the beach.

You really do not want to google the images for “micro bikini.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Again, how is it micro managing? If a friendship truly falls through then ok, but I'm not going to let my kid just dump friends for stupid reasons.

You're not going to "let" your child choose not to be friends with someone? How exactly are you going to do that? Force invitations? Ask the school to compel them to sit together at lunch?

I didn't say that. I said that I'm not going to let my kid be a jerk about and just dump someone because that's just mean. I should know it happened to me.

You're the problem. Parents trying to force a friendship make everything so much worse. If you make your DD spend time with someone she doesn't wish to spend time with, she will one way or another resent and punish the other child for it. On the surface, everything might look fine, but your DD is likely to make snide comments or do other subtle but mean things to the girl you're forcing her to hang out with. It will also escalate the mean girl behaviors when the girls are at school or away from your supervision.

NP. There is a difference between forcing a friendship and teaching your kids not to be jerks. There's a difference between forcing your child to invite a kid they don't like to your house for a sleepover, and being inclusive in large group hangouts after school. There is a difference between telling your child they MUST befriend someone, and telling them that it's rude to try and avoid class projects or sitting near a particular person at school, where neither child has a choice of being.

You can teach your child to be kind and empathetic towards others without forcing them to be friends with people they aren't into being friends with. In fact, I'd argue that it's incumbent on parents to teach these skills because otherwise the passive aggressive mean girl behavior of exclusion, gossip, teasing, etc., continues into college and the workplace.

People need to learn that you can choose your friends but that does not mean you can guarantee that you will only ever have to talk to or interact with your select friend group. That's why this stuff gets toxic and becomes cliques and mean girl behavior -- when the selected friend groups also become hierarchies at school and in activities. I do not support my kid in participating in that. It's mean and unnecessary.