6th grade DD is being excluded from social events with longtime friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I would have never thought that idea of letting kids be kids as long s they could would ever be so controversial.

Even back in the old days (when I was in MS) there was a range of maturity. The problem isn't the range- we're all different and that's fine. The problem is the lack of supervision and limits set by their parents.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Again, how is it micro managing? If a friendship truly falls through then ok, but I'm not going to let my kid just dump friends for stupid reasons.

You're not going to "let" your child choose not to be friends with someone? How exactly are you going to do that? Force invitations? Ask the school to compel them to sit together at lunch?

I didn't say that. I said that I'm not going to let my kid be a jerk about and just dump someone because that's just mean. I should know it happened to me.

You're the problem. Parents trying to force a friendship make everything so much worse. If you make your DD spend time with someone she doesn't wish to spend time with, she will one way or another resent and punish the other child for it. On the surface, everything might look fine, but your DD is likely to make snide comments or do other subtle but mean things to the girl you're forcing her to hang out with. It will also escalate the mean girl behaviors when the girls are at school or away from your supervision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not an answer to her question though.


Answer. One girl sure, maybe even two. But not her entire friend group. There’s something else going on here.

Right, but it may not be fixable. I remember distinctly in 6th grade that my group of friends and I were furious at another girl in the group because we felt she was boy-crazy and obsessed with boys and did not care about our softball team (which all of us were on) as much as she used to. At the time it seemed like the worst possible offense - but in reality, we were just at different places in life. There's nothing wrong with having less interest in softball and more in boys, but it is really, really hard for immature kids to see something like that in a reasonable light.

This happened to me at this age, except I was the late bloomer who was left behind when, seemingly overnight, all my friends became boy-crazy and we just couldn't relate to each other anymore. I don't think there's anything my mom could have said to the other moms to fix this.
It sucked, but I was able to connect with other kids through extracurricular activities (dance, art) so agree with all the advice to encourage DD to meet people outside of school.

This, and I had the exact same experience. 6th grade is really weird, in that half of the girls are like 11-going-on-16, while the other half are still little girls. The more mature girls are going to find the late bloomers immature and annoying, even if they previously were friends. OP, if you think this is what's happening, there's not much you can do other than encouraging other friendships. You can't make your DD more mature, and if the other girls are forced to include your DD, they will likely escalate from largely ignoring your DD to being quite mean.

The 11-going-on-16 girls are really disturbing, and their parents who think it’s totally great!

It really is ok for girls to develop sooner than other girls, both physically and in terms of their interest in the opposite sex. That is nothing to be ashamed of, nor is having a late bloomer something to be proud of.

Not sure exactly what PP meant but some girls in 6th are wearing very mature outfits, watching TikTok, speaking like a much older teen, etc.

It’s the social precociousness, not physical.

This. Parents should not be giving 11 year olds TikTok, Snapchat and Instagram. Many girls in my daughter's grade not only have all 3 but are very very mean to her that she does not. And yes parents that IS YOUR FAULT.

It's not just TikTok, Snapchat, and Instagram. The maturity gap was there 30-40 years ago, when I was in school. It has always been there. It always will be there. Some kids who are more mature are going to act and present themselves as older than their age. That, too, has been going on a lot longer than social media has existed. Sixth grade is often where girl friend groups shift, because it's the age with the widest gap in maturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not an answer to her question though.


Answer. One girl sure, maybe even two. But not her entire friend group. There’s something else going on here.

Right, but it may not be fixable. I remember distinctly in 6th grade that my group of friends and I were furious at another girl in the group because we felt she was boy-crazy and obsessed with boys and did not care about our softball team (which all of us were on) as much as she used to. At the time it seemed like the worst possible offense - but in reality, we were just at different places in life. There's nothing wrong with having less interest in softball and more in boys, but it is really, really hard for immature kids to see something like that in a reasonable light.

This happened to me at this age, except I was the late bloomer who was left behind when, seemingly overnight, all my friends became boy-crazy and we just couldn't relate to each other anymore. I don't think there's anything my mom could have said to the other moms to fix this.
It sucked, but I was able to connect with other kids through extracurricular activities (dance, art) so agree with all the advice to encourage DD to meet people outside of school.

This, and I had the exact same experience. 6th grade is really weird, in that half of the girls are like 11-going-on-16, while the other half are still little girls. The more mature girls are going to find the late bloomers immature and annoying, even if they previously were friends. OP, if you think this is what's happening, there's not much you can do other than encouraging other friendships. You can't make your DD more mature, and if the other girls are forced to include your DD, they will likely escalate from largely ignoring your DD to being quite mean.

The 11-going-on-16 girls are really disturbing, and their parents who think it’s totally great!

It really is ok for girls to develop sooner than other girls, both physically and in terms of their interest in the opposite sex. That is nothing to be ashamed of, nor is having a late bloomer something to be proud of.

Not sure exactly what PP meant but some girls in 6th are wearing very mature outfits, watching TikTok, speaking like a much older teen, etc.

It’s the social precociousness, not physical.

This. Parents should not be giving 11 year olds TikTok, Snapchat and Instagram. Many girls in my daughter's grade not only have all 3 but are very very mean to her that she does not. And yes parents that IS YOUR FAULT.

It's not just TikTok, Snapchat, and Instagram. The maturity gap was there 30-40 years ago, when I was in school. It has always been there. It always will be there. Some kids who are more mature are going to act and present themselves as older than their age. That, too, has been going on a lot longer than social media has existed. Sixth grade is often where girl friend groups shift, because it's the age with the widest gap in maturity.

But, it's all getting worse and these things aren't helping

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not an answer to her question though.


Answer. One girl sure, maybe even two. But not her entire friend group. There’s something else going on here.

Right, but it may not be fixable. I remember distinctly in 6th grade that my group of friends and I were furious at another girl in the group because we felt she was boy-crazy and obsessed with boys and did not care about our softball team (which all of us were on) as much as she used to. At the time it seemed like the worst possible offense - but in reality, we were just at different places in life. There's nothing wrong with having less interest in softball and more in boys, but it is really, really hard for immature kids to see something like that in a reasonable light.

This happened to me at this age, except I was the late bloomer who was left behind when, seemingly overnight, all my friends became boy-crazy and we just couldn't relate to each other anymore. I don't think there's anything my mom could have said to the other moms to fix this.
It sucked, but I was able to connect with other kids through extracurricular activities (dance, art) so agree with all the advice to encourage DD to meet people outside of school.

This, and I had the exact same experience. 6th grade is really weird, in that half of the girls are like 11-going-on-16, while the other half are still little girls. The more mature girls are going to find the late bloomers immature and annoying, even if they previously were friends. OP, if you think this is what's happening, there's not much you can do other than encouraging other friendships. You can't make your DD more mature, and if the other girls are forced to include your DD, they will likely escalate from largely ignoring your DD to being quite mean.

The 11-going-on-16 girls are really disturbing, and their parents who think it’s totally great!

It really is ok for girls to develop sooner than other girls, both physically and in terms of their interest in the opposite sex. That is nothing to be ashamed of, nor is having a late bloomer something to be proud of.

Not sure exactly what PP meant but some girls in 6th are wearing very mature outfits, watching TikTok, speaking like a much older teen, etc.

It’s the social precociousness, not physical.

This. Parents should not be giving 11 year olds TikTok, Snapchat and Instagram. Many girls in my daughter's grade not only have all 3 but are very very mean to her that she does not. And yes parents that IS YOUR FAULT.

It's not just TikTok, Snapchat, and Instagram. The maturity gap was there 30-40 years ago, when I was in school. It has always been there. It always will be there. Some kids who are more mature are going to act and present themselves as older than their age. That, too, has been going on a lot longer than social media has existed. Sixth grade is often where girl friend groups shift, because it's the age with the widest gap in maturity.

Except kids are now taking unflattering photos of other kids without their permission and airdropping them to everyone on the bus or in the class. They are taking photos of shoes under bathroom stalls and posting them to instagram accounts with the name/grade of the school asking people to guess who it was. Or they are "shipping" people online and so on. Its so much worse and all of you "kids will be kids, it was like this in the 80's" parents ARE THE PROBLEM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not an answer to her question though.


Answer. One girl sure, maybe even two. But not her entire friend group. There’s something else going on here.

Right, but it may not be fixable. I remember distinctly in 6th grade that my group of friends and I were furious at another girl in the group because we felt she was boy-crazy and obsessed with boys and did not care about our softball team (which all of us were on) as much as she used to. At the time it seemed like the worst possible offense - but in reality, we were just at different places in life. There's nothing wrong with having less interest in softball and more in boys, but it is really, really hard for immature kids to see something like that in a reasonable light.

This happened to me at this age, except I was the late bloomer who was left behind when, seemingly overnight, all my friends became boy-crazy and we just couldn't relate to each other anymore. I don't think there's anything my mom could have said to the other moms to fix this.
It sucked, but I was able to connect with other kids through extracurricular activities (dance, art) so agree with all the advice to encourage DD to meet people outside of school.

This, and I had the exact same experience. 6th grade is really weird, in that half of the girls are like 11-going-on-16, while the other half are still little girls. The more mature girls are going to find the late bloomers immature and annoying, even if they previously were friends. OP, if you think this is what's happening, there's not much you can do other than encouraging other friendships. You can't make your DD more mature, and if the other girls are forced to include your DD, they will likely escalate from largely ignoring your DD to being quite mean.

The 11-going-on-16 girls are really disturbing, and their parents who think it’s totally great!

It really is ok for girls to develop sooner than other girls, both physically and in terms of their interest in the opposite sex. That is nothing to be ashamed of, nor is having a late bloomer something to be proud of.

Not sure exactly what PP meant but some girls in 6th are wearing very mature outfits, watching TikTok, speaking like a much older teen, etc.

It’s the social precociousness, not physical.

This. Parents should not be giving 11 year olds TikTok, Snapchat and Instagram. Many girls in my daughter's grade not only have all 3 but are very very mean to her that she does not. And yes parents that IS YOUR FAULT.

It's not just TikTok, Snapchat, and Instagram. The maturity gap was there 30-40 years ago, when I was in school. It has always been there. It always will be there. Some kids who are more mature are going to act and present themselves as older than their age. That, too, has been going on a lot longer than social media has existed. Sixth grade is often where girl friend groups shift, because it's the age with the widest gap in maturity.

Except kids are now taking unflattering photos of other kids without their permission and airdropping them to everyone on the bus or in the class. They are taking photos of shoes under bathroom stalls and posting them to instagram accounts with the name/grade of the school asking people to guess who it was. Or they are "shipping" people online and so on. Its so much worse and all of you "kids will be kids, it was like this in the 80's" parents ARE THE PROBLEM.

None of this has anything to do with OP’s situation. You should probably start an anti social media thread or something.

And for the record, I’m an “80s parent” style poster and my teens aren’t allowed to have tik tok, instagram etc. You are painting a broad brush. I restrict internet and social media access but I don’t micromanage my kids’ choice of friends.

[Anonymous]

Giggling about boys ~ some girls are ready for it, some girls aren't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Again, how is it micro managing? If a friendship truly falls through then ok, but I'm not going to let my kid just dump friends for stupid reasons.

You're not going to "let" your child choose not to be friends with someone? How exactly are you going to do that? Force invitations? Ask the school to compel them to sit together at lunch?

I didn't say that. I said that I'm not going to let my kid be a jerk about and just dump someone because that's just mean. I should know it happened to me.

You're the problem. Parents trying to force a friendship make everything so much worse. If you make your DD spend time with someone she doesn't wish to spend time with, she will one way or another resent and punish the other child for it. On the surface, everything might look fine, but your DD is likely to make snide comments or do other subtle but mean things to the girl you're forcing her to hang out with. It will also escalate the mean girl behaviors when the girls are at school or away from your supervision.

DP. You seem to resent the fact that the bullies(relational aggression included) are starting to receive consequences for their actions. The issue is a forest, not a tree; and what you’re suggesting is the equivalent of giving a lollipop to a toddler having a tantrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Again, how is it micro managing? If a friendship truly falls through then ok, but I'm not going to let my kid just dump friends for stupid reasons.

You're not going to "let" your child choose not to be friends with someone? How exactly are you going to do that? Force invitations? Ask the school to compel them to sit together at lunch?

I didn't say that. I said that I'm not going to let my kid be a jerk about and just dump someone because that's just mean. I should know it happened to me.

You're the problem. Parents trying to force a friendship make everything so much worse. If you make your DD spend time with someone she doesn't wish to spend time with, she will one way or another resent and punish the other child for it. On the surface, everything might look fine, but your DD is likely to make snide comments or do other subtle but mean things to the girl you're forcing her to hang out with. It will also escalate the mean girl behaviors when the girls are at school or away from your supervision.

DP. You seem to resent the fact that the bullies(relational aggression included) are starting to receive consequences for their actions. The issue is a forest, not a tree; and what you’re suggesting is the equivalent of giving a lollipop to a toddler having a tantrum.

NP but I have no idea what any of this is supposed to mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Again, how is it micro managing? If a friendship truly falls through then ok, but I'm not going to let my kid just dump friends for stupid reasons.

You're not going to "let" your child choose not to be friends with someone? How exactly are you going to do that? Force invitations? Ask the school to compel them to sit together at lunch?

I didn't say that. I said that I'm not going to let my kid be a jerk about and just dump someone because that's just mean. I should know it happened to me.

You're the problem. Parents trying to force a friendship make everything so much worse. If you make your DD spend time with someone she doesn't wish to spend time with, she will one way or another resent and punish the other child for it. On the surface, everything might look fine, but your DD is likely to make snide comments or do other subtle but mean things to the girl you're forcing her to hang out with. It will also escalate the mean girl behaviors when the girls are at school or away from your supervision.

Who said anything about forcing a friendship? I would probably try to sit down with dd to try to figure out what's going on.

[Anonymous]

It does sound like a big mom/daughter clique that you can’t expect to continue as kids get older. They will and should be able to choose their friends. Also OP, has your group been excluding other girls/moms all of these years? If so think about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don’t think you have to force your kids to play with dolls, but you can prevent her from doing TikTok challenges and letting her a$$ hang out from her microskirt.

Oh wow. The Friday drunk mom moved from the elementary school board to here. Because ANY middle and high school parent know that zero teens are wearing “micro skirts” The style is baggy mom jeans, sweat pants, and crop or sport tops. Go too off your glass sweetie. Keep making a complete a$$ out of yourself.

And i don’t know one 6th grader playing with dolls. I sure didn’t either when I was in 6th grade. Stop babying teens.

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

My 6th grader is 12 so I guess they must stay like a child and miraculously turn teen at 13? There is a reason there are tween ages for 4-6th grade

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don’t think you have to force your kids to play with dolls, but you can prevent her from doing TikTok challenges and letting her a$$ hang out from her microskirt.

Oh wow. The Friday drunk mom moved from the elementary school board to here. Because ANY middle and high school parent know that zero teens are wearing “micro skirts” The style is baggy mom jeans, sweat pants, and crop or sport tops. Go too off your glass sweetie. Keep making a complete a$$ out of yourself.

And i don’t know one 6th grader playing with dolls. I sure didn’t either when I was in 6th grade. Stop babying teens.

She’s referring to the Lululemon tennis skirts, which are popular at DD’s school. They aren’t that short but they are expensive. I have more of an issue with that. Those are the only skirts I see.

They aren’t skirts LOL. They are skorts so how is she seeing their butt?

We came from an era of bra less tube tops, Daisy dukes, leather minis, and skin tight body suits. Are we really trashing tennis skorts? LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don’t think you have to force your kids to play with dolls, but you can prevent her from doing TikTok challenges and letting her a$$ hang out from her microskirt.

Oh wow. The Friday drunk mom moved from the elementary school board to here. Because ANY middle and high school parent know that zero teens are wearing “micro skirts” The style is baggy mom jeans, sweat pants, and crop or sport tops. Go too off your glass sweetie. Keep making a complete a$$ out of yourself.

And i don’t know one 6th grader playing with dolls. I sure didn’t either when I was in 6th grade. Stop babying teens.

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

My 6th grader is 12 so I guess they must stay like a child and miraculously turn teen at 13? There is a reason there are tween ages for 4-6th grade

Your kid is really old for the grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

All correct, but none of it changes the fact that, as your child gets older, you cannot micromanage their lives the way you once did, including requiring them to stay friends with old friends - which was the issue in the original post here.

Again, how is it micro managing? If a friendship truly falls through then ok, but I'm not going to let my kid just dump friends for stupid reasons. So kids who may have different interests can't be friends? If they were ever real friends they can be.

Your post is EXACTLY micro managing friendships. You should have ZERO say in who they are friends with. ZERO, NONE, NADA. It doesn’t matter their reasoning or the consequences they may have afterwards. You are over-stepping and trying to soften blows and make sure no mistakes are made. And you wonder why so many kids/teens can not handle when things go wrong or when a mistake was made, etc… No grit, no autonomy, no learning from mistakes. Let’s make sure Mama steps in.