Catholic mom wants us to essentially say grace as part of our Jewish kid’s education ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Admittedly, I haven’t read the entire thread, but I don’t understand the part about praying for the sick or other individual people during grace. That is not a Catholic thing or even a generally Christian thing. Grace before meals is simply supposed to be a prayer of thanks for the food given, not a time to offer up prayers for for general petitions.

Mom is having a spiritual crisis and inflicting it on those around her. Doesn't sound like mom is doing the work she needs to do to figure out where she belongs, though.

+1 I was raised Catholic and said a traditional Catholic grace. I'm now Methodist and when my kids attended a Methodist preschool they learned a different grace and we switched to saying that. Neither one has anything to do with praying for specific people. It's a ritual of thankfulness not a free-form praying for everything (that's more of a bedtime prayers think in my experience). Certainly, some Christians do that at mealtimes but there not one way it HAS to be done.

Regardless, Grandma is out of line. The fact that she keeps pushing it makes me think OP hasn't given her a firm and repeated "no." She needs to stop engaging on it in anyway, the answer is "no", period.

I have given her many firm replies. She is an exceptionally pushy person. I will keep trying.

I hear you OP. My mother is also very pushy about some child rearing issues. After 10 times I just ignore it and change the subject or at the most say "we discussed this, I know how you feel and you know how I feel about this. It won't change". Done. It's really hard. Don't frame it as "trying" frame it as the new way of dealing with your mom about issues you disagree on. This won't be the only one. You don't have to agree but she has to grudgingly respect your choice as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever asked her why this is so important to her or have you just worked yourself into knots with incomplete information? Knowing her intent will help you respond appropriately. It feels as if you are just arguing with your mom like a 15 year old girl.

Are Jews never allowed to just address God directly? You can't ever go off script? I don't think there's a God who wouldn't be down with "thanks for this food and help out some people who need it" isn't that the core of all religions - Appreciation and kindness?

It’s already been established that it’s not Jewish. Please accept it.

Just trying to learn. Many of the people I know (Muslim, Christian, Buddhist) do things that aren't officially sanctioned by the rules of their faith, I didn't know if Judaism was more specifically prescriptive. Or are we not allowed to ask questions?

Your comment was fairly judgmental. Please consider your tone next time.

Dude, You read a tone that wasn’t there. Not every question is an attack or an insult. I’m pretty sure that you would read anything that wasn’t wholly supportive of the OP as negative in tone. That’s on you.

"Are Jews never allowed to just address God directly? You can't ever go off script? I don't think there's a God who wouldn't be down with "thanks for this food and help out some people who need it" isn't that the core of all religions - Appreciation and kindness?"

NP. I can't quite read this in a tone that isn't a bit judgmental. "Why can't you JUST do this?" You should be aware that intent does not equal outcome. At least two people here saw your post as judgmental and dismissive of Jewish culture. Don't hide under the guise of "just trying to learn". If you are Christian, why don't you JUST consider that maybe Jesus isn't the son of God. See how easy that is?

Ok you inserted all kinds of assumptions that aren’t there and I guess you’d rather tell me what I meant when I typed that than answer the questions. Also not Christian so you were wrong about that too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last posters are just going over old ground. Bottom line is OP cannot face the fact that she’s an adult. She has gotten good advice, but cannot execute. Her child deserves a better role model.

OP here. It’s been 2 days since I posted this. In that time, you’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t be an adult? You haven’t ever had a difficult time dealing with a parent?

You are honestly a mean person. I mean that with zero disrespect. I hope you can learn to be a little kinder.

I posted nicely several times, but you need someone who is firm. You need can only change your response, you can’t change your mother. You two are not going to agree. Adults understand this. Good luck, bubala.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever asked her why this is so important to her or have you just worked yourself into knots with incomplete information? Knowing her intent will help you respond appropriately. It feels as if you are just arguing with your mom like a 15 year old girl.

Are Jews never allowed to just address God directly? You can't ever go off script? I don't think there's a God who wouldn't be down with "thanks for this food and help out some people who need it" isn't that the core of all religions - Appreciation and kindness?

It’s already been established that it’s not Jewish. Please accept it.

Just trying to learn. Many of the people I know (Muslim, Christian, Buddhist) do things that aren't officially sanctioned by the rules of their faith, I didn't know if Judaism was more specifically prescriptive. Or are we not allowed to ask questions?

Your comment was fairly judgmental. Please consider your tone next time.

Dude, You read a tone that wasn’t there. Not every question is an attack or an insult. I’m pretty sure that you would read anything that wasn’t wholly supportive of the OP as negative in tone. That’s on you.

"Are Jews never allowed to just address God directly? You can't ever go off script? I don't think there's a God who wouldn't be down with "thanks for this food and help out some people who need it" isn't that the core of all religions - Appreciation and kindness?"

NP. I can't quite read this in a tone that isn't a bit judgmental. "Why can't you JUST do this?" You should be aware that intent does not equal outcome. At least two people here saw your post as judgmental and dismissive of Jewish culture. Don't hide under the guise of "just trying to learn". If you are Christian, why don't you JUST consider that maybe Jesus isn't the son of God. See how easy that is?

Ok you inserted all kinds of assumptions that aren’t there and I guess you’d rather tell me what I meant when I typed that than answer the questions. Also not Christian so you were wrong about that too!

NP. Sorry, but no. “Why can’t you just...” is critical. It’s not a simple question. Contrast it with - “Are you able to...?” Which IS a simple question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Admittedly, I haven’t read the entire thread, but I don’t understand the part about praying for the sick or other individual people during grace. That is not a Catholic thing or even a generally Christian thing. Grace before meals is simply supposed to be a prayer of thanks for the food given, not a time to offer up prayers for for general petitions.

Mom is having a spiritual crisis and inflicting it on those around her. Doesn't sound like mom is doing the work she needs to do to figure out where she belongs, though.

+1 I was raised Catholic and said a traditional Catholic grace. I'm now Methodist and when my kids attended a Methodist preschool they learned a different grace and we switched to saying that. Neither one has anything to do with praying for specific people. It's a ritual of thankfulness not a free-form praying for everything (that's more of a bedtime prayers think in my experience). Certainly, some Christians do that at mealtimes but there not one way it HAS to be done.

Regardless, Grandma is out of line. The fact that she keeps pushing it makes me think OP hasn't given her a firm and repeated "no." She needs to stop engaging on it in anyway, the answer is "no", period.

I have given her many firm replies. She is an exceptionally pushy person. I will keep trying.

I hear you OP. My mother is also very pushy about some child rearing issues. After 10 times I just ignore it and change the subject or at the most say "we discussed this, I know how you feel and you know how I feel about this. It won't change". Done. It's really hard. Don't frame it as "trying" frame it as the new way of dealing with your mom about issues you disagree on. This won't be the only one. You don't have to agree but she has to grudgingly respect your choice as a parent.

What a grown up response, PP. This is ANOTHER good example for you Op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Admittedly, I haven’t read the entire thread, but I don’t understand the part about praying for the sick or other individual people during grace. That is not a Catholic thing or even a generally Christian thing. Grace before meals is simply supposed to be a prayer of thanks for the food given, not a time to offer up prayers for for general petitions.

Mom is having a spiritual crisis and inflicting it on those around her. Doesn't sound like mom is doing the work she needs to do to figure out where she belongs, though.

+1 I was raised Catholic and said a traditional Catholic grace. I'm now Methodist and when my kids attended a Methodist preschool they learned a different grace and we switched to saying that. Neither one has anything to do with praying for specific people. It's a ritual of thankfulness not a free-form praying for everything (that's more of a bedtime prayers think in my experience). Certainly, some Christians do that at mealtimes but there not one way it HAS to be done.

Regardless, Grandma is out of line. The fact that she keeps pushing it makes me think OP hasn't given her a firm and repeated "no." She needs to stop engaging on it in anyway, the answer is "no", period.

I have given her many firm replies. She is an exceptionally pushy person. I will keep trying.

I hear you OP. My mother is also very pushy about some child rearing issues. After 10 times I just ignore it and change the subject or at the most say "we discussed this, I know how you feel and you know how I feel about this. It won't change". Done. It's really hard. Don't frame it as "trying" frame it as the new way of dealing with your mom about issues you disagree on. This won't be the only one. You don't have to agree but she has to grudgingly respect your choice as a parent.

What a grown up response, PP. This is ANOTHER good example for you Op.

OP here. I appreciate that this person acknowledged that they share my experience. I consider this much more helpful than those who make all of this sound so easy. Notice how this person said "It's really hard" and "I hear you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Admittedly, I haven’t read the entire thread, but I don’t understand the part about praying for the sick or other individual people during grace. That is not a Catholic thing or even a generally Christian thing. Grace before meals is simply supposed to be a prayer of thanks for the food given, not a time to offer up prayers for for general petitions.

Mom is having a spiritual crisis and inflicting it on those around her. Doesn't sound like mom is doing the work she needs to do to figure out where she belongs, though.

+1 I was raised Catholic and said a traditional Catholic grace. I'm now Methodist and when my kids attended a Methodist preschool they learned a different grace and we switched to saying that. Neither one has anything to do with praying for specific people. It's a ritual of thankfulness not a free-form praying for everything (that's more of a bedtime prayers think in my experience). Certainly, some Christians do that at mealtimes but there not one way it HAS to be done.

Regardless, Grandma is out of line. The fact that she keeps pushing it makes me think OP hasn't given her a firm and repeated "no." She needs to stop engaging on it in anyway, the answer is "no", period.

I have given her many firm replies. She is an exceptionally pushy person. I will keep trying.

I hear you OP. My mother is also very pushy about some child rearing issues. After 10 times I just ignore it and change the subject or at the most say "we discussed this, I know how you feel and you know how I feel about this. It won't change". Done. It's really hard. Don't frame it as "trying" frame it as the new way of dealing with your mom about issues you disagree on. This won't be the only one. You don't have to agree but she has to grudgingly respect your choice as a parent.

What a grown up response, PP. This is ANOTHER good example for you Op.

OP here. I appreciate that this person acknowledged that they share my experience. I consider this much more helpful than those who make all of this sound so easy. Notice how this person said "It's really hard" and "I hear you."

Too bad you won’t use it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Admittedly, I haven’t read the entire thread, but I don’t understand the part about praying for the sick or other individual people during grace. That is not a Catholic thing or even a generally Christian thing. Grace before meals is simply supposed to be a prayer of thanks for the food given, not a time to offer up prayers for for general petitions.

Mom is having a spiritual crisis and inflicting it on those around her. Doesn't sound like mom is doing the work she needs to do to figure out where she belongs, though.

+1 I was raised Catholic and said a traditional Catholic grace. I'm now Methodist and when my kids attended a Methodist preschool they learned a different grace and we switched to saying that. Neither one has anything to do with praying for specific people. It's a ritual of thankfulness not a free-form praying for everything (that's more of a bedtime prayers think in my experience). Certainly, some Christians do that at mealtimes but there not one way it HAS to be done.

Regardless, Grandma is out of line. The fact that she keeps pushing it makes me think OP hasn't given her a firm and repeated "no." She needs to stop engaging on it in anyway, the answer is "no", period.

I have given her many firm replies. She is an exceptionally pushy person. I will keep trying.

I hear you OP. My mother is also very pushy about some child rearing issues. After 10 times I just ignore it and change the subject or at the most say "we discussed this, I know how you feel and you know how I feel about this. It won't change". Done. It's really hard. Don't frame it as "trying" frame it as the new way of dealing with your mom about issues you disagree on. This won't be the only one. You don't have to agree but she has to grudgingly respect your choice as a parent.

What a grown up response, PP. This is ANOTHER good example for you Op.

OP here. I appreciate that this person acknowledged that they share my experience. I consider this much more helpful than those who make all of this sound so easy. Notice how this person said "It's really hard" and "I hear you."

Too bad you won’t use it.

? How do you know that? I have never said I won’t keep trying with her. In fact I’ve said the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do have to say, OP, that I think it’s really weird that you’re making this an issue. Allow your mother to say grace when she’s there for meals, and tell her that when she’s not there you don’t say grace because it’s not your religion. It’s a simple as that. What is the problem? My suspicion is that you don’t want her to say it even when she is there, and that’s just really uncool of you. But truly religious person, as you purport yourself to be, respects and allows the free exercise of someone else’s religion. Especially if it’s your mother.

I have zero problem with her saying it. I don’t appreciate you making that assumption. My issue is she keeps pushing us to say it even when she’s not there.

This is really the dumbest thread ever. It's simple, OP. Say "no, we won't be doing that." DONE. If you can't stand up to your mom on this one tiny thing that she's not even going to be there for, then I see a lot of problems in your future. You might consider counseling if you can't say no to this request.

+1

It's not hard. Mom wants you to say grace when she's not there. JUST DON'T DO IT.

Do you think mom has spy cams in your house or something?

You need help OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do have to say, OP, that I think it’s really weird that you’re making this an issue. Allow your mother to say grace when she’s there for meals, and tell her that when she’s not there you don’t say grace because it’s not your religion. It’s a simple as that. What is the problem? My suspicion is that you don’t want her to say it even when she is there, and that’s just really uncool of you. But truly religious person, as you purport yourself to be, respects and allows the free exercise of someone else’s religion. Especially if it’s your mother.

I have zero problem with her saying it. I don’t appreciate you making that assumption. My issue is she keeps pushing us to say it even when she’s not there.

This is really the dumbest thread ever. It's simple, OP. Say "no, we won't be doing that." DONE. If you can't stand up to your mom on this one tiny thing that she's not even going to be there for, then I see a lot of problems in your future. You might consider counseling if you can't say no to this request.

Yeah, I feel like OP is looking for an effective and painless way of dealing with this, but the only way to deal with it is to continue to to state her boundaries. Eventually the mother will have to accept it, but it likely won’t be a quick or non-contentious process.

OP here. Yeah I know it won’t be simple. I know some are saying it’s simple, but in this case it’s not as easy as it seems. I will keep trying, of course, but it won’t be easy.

It is simple, OP. Painless? No. Annoying? Yes. But it's very simple to repeat your simple phrase as many times as needed.

You’re being somewhat obtuse. Obviously saying the words is simple. But family is often complicated.

What aren't you telling us OP? Is this request tied to money???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do have to say, OP, that I think it’s really weird that you’re making this an issue. Allow your mother to say grace when she’s there for meals, and tell her that when she’s not there you don’t say grace because it’s not your religion. It’s a simple as that. What is the problem? My suspicion is that you don’t want her to say it even when she is there, and that’s just really uncool of you. But truly religious person, as you purport yourself to be, respects and allows the free exercise of someone else’s religion. Especially if it’s your mother.

I have zero problem with her saying it. I don’t appreciate you making that assumption. My issue is she keeps pushing us to say it even when she’s not there.

This is really the dumbest thread ever. It's simple, OP. Say "no, we won't be doing that." DONE. If you can't stand up to your mom on this one tiny thing that she's not even going to be there for, then I see a lot of problems in your future. You might consider counseling if you can't say no to this request.

Yeah, I feel like OP is looking for an effective and painless way of dealing with this, but the only way to deal with it is to continue to to state her boundaries. Eventually the mother will have to accept it, but it likely won’t be a quick or non-contentious process.

OP here. Yeah I know it won’t be simple. I know some are saying it’s simple, but in this case it’s not as easy as it seems. I will keep trying, of course, but it won’t be easy.

Please explain to us why it is difficult to NOT do something in your own home when the person requesting it is NOT there?

The issue is getting her to shut up about it.

Who cares, OP? You keep saying no and eventually she'll stop. You're stringing her along, or something. There is something wrong with YOU, not your mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do have to say, OP, that I think it’s really weird that you’re making this an issue. Allow your mother to say grace when she’s there for meals, and tell her that when she’s not there you don’t say grace because it’s not your religion. It’s a simple as that. What is the problem? My suspicion is that you don’t want her to say it even when she is there, and that’s just really uncool of you. But truly religious person, as you purport yourself to be, respects and allows the free exercise of someone else’s religion. Especially if it’s your mother.

I have zero problem with her saying it. I don’t appreciate you making that assumption. My issue is she keeps pushing us to say it even when she’s not there.

This is really the dumbest thread ever. It's simple, OP. Say "no, we won't be doing that." DONE. If you can't stand up to your mom on this one tiny thing that she's not even going to be there for, then I see a lot of problems in your future. You might consider counseling if you can't say no to this request.

Yeah, I feel like OP is looking for an effective and painless way of dealing with this, but the only way to deal with it is to continue to to state her boundaries. Eventually the mother will have to accept it, but it likely won’t be a quick or non-contentious process.

OP here. Yeah I know it won’t be simple. I know some are saying it’s simple, but in this case it’s not as easy as it seems. I will keep trying, of course, but it won’t be easy.

Please explain to us why it is difficult to NOT do something in your own home when the person requesting it is NOT there?

The issue is getting her to shut up about it.

Well, you definitely are her daughter. You cannot shut up about getting your mother to shut up

I’m replying to all of you. You somehow can’t stop posting — ask yourself why that is.

Because you're an idiot train wreck, that's why!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do have to say, OP, that I think it’s really weird that you’re making this an issue. Allow your mother to say grace when she’s there for meals, and tell her that when she’s not there you don’t say grace because it’s not your religion. It’s a simple as that. What is the problem? My suspicion is that you don’t want her to say it even when she is there, and that’s just really uncool of you. But truly religious person, as you purport yourself to be, respects and allows the free exercise of someone else’s religion. Especially if it’s your mother.

I have zero problem with her saying it. I don’t appreciate you making that assumption. My issue is she keeps pushing us to say it even when she’s not there.

This is really the dumbest thread ever. It's simple, OP. Say "no, we won't be doing that." DONE. If you can't stand up to your mom on this one tiny thing that she's not even going to be there for, then I see a lot of problems in your future. You might consider counseling if you can't say no to this request.

Yeah, I feel like OP is looking for an effective and painless way of dealing with this, but the only way to deal with it is to continue to to state her boundaries. Eventually the mother will have to accept it, but it likely won’t be a quick or non-contentious process.

OP here. Yeah I know it won’t be simple. I know some are saying it’s simple, but in this case it’s not as easy as it seems. I will keep trying, of course, but it won’t be easy.

Please explain to us why it is difficult to NOT do something in your own home when the person requesting it is NOT there?

The issue is getting her to shut up about it.

Who cares, OP? You keep saying no and eventually she'll stop. You're stringing her along, or something. There is something wrong with YOU, not your mom.

You're lucky you haven't had to deal with difficult family members. Count yourself lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do have to say, OP, that I think it’s really weird that you’re making this an issue. Allow your mother to say grace when she’s there for meals, and tell her that when she’s not there you don’t say grace because it’s not your religion. It’s a simple as that. What is the problem? My suspicion is that you don’t want her to say it even when she is there, and that’s just really uncool of you. But truly religious person, as you purport yourself to be, respects and allows the free exercise of someone else’s religion. Especially if it’s your mother.

I have zero problem with her saying it. I don’t appreciate you making that assumption. My issue is she keeps pushing us to say it even when she’s not there.

This is really the dumbest thread ever. It's simple, OP. Say "no, we won't be doing that." DONE. If you can't stand up to your mom on this one tiny thing that she's not even going to be there for, then I see a lot of problems in your future. You might consider counseling if you can't say no to this request.

Yeah, I feel like OP is looking for an effective and painless way of dealing with this, but the only way to deal with it is to continue to to state her boundaries. Eventually the mother will have to accept it, but it likely won’t be a quick or non-contentious process.

OP here. Yeah I know it won’t be simple. I know some are saying it’s simple, but in this case it’s not as easy as it seems. I will keep trying, of course, but it won’t be easy.

Please explain to us why it is difficult to NOT do something in your own home when the person requesting it is NOT there?

The issue is getting her to shut up about it.

Well, you definitely are her daughter. You cannot shut up about getting your mother to shut up

I’m replying to all of you. You somehow can’t stop posting — ask yourself why that is.

Because you're an idiot train wreck, that's why!

Why do you feel the urge to be so mean? You should examine why. Really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Admittedly, I haven’t read the entire thread, but I don’t understand the part about praying for the sick or other individual people during grace. That is not a Catholic thing or even a generally Christian thing. Grace before meals is simply supposed to be a prayer of thanks for the food given, not a time to offer up prayers for for general petitions.

Mom is having a spiritual crisis and inflicting it on those around her. Doesn't sound like mom is doing the work she needs to do to figure out where she belongs, though.

+1 I was raised Catholic and said a traditional Catholic grace. I'm now Methodist and when my kids attended a Methodist preschool they learned a different grace and we switched to saying that. Neither one has anything to do with praying for specific people. It's a ritual of thankfulness not a free-form praying for everything (that's more of a bedtime prayers think in my experience). Certainly, some Christians do that at mealtimes but there not one way it HAS to be done.

Regardless, Grandma is out of line. The fact that she keeps pushing it makes me think OP hasn't given her a firm and repeated "no." She needs to stop engaging on it in anyway, the answer is "no", period.

I have given her many firm replies. She is an exceptionally pushy person. I will keep trying.

I hear you OP. My mother is also very pushy about some child rearing issues. After 10 times I just ignore it and change the subject or at the most say "we discussed this, I know how you feel and you know how I feel about this. It won't change". Done. It's really hard. Don't frame it as "trying" frame it as the new way of dealing with your mom about issues you disagree on. This won't be the only one. You don't have to agree but she has to grudgingly respect your choice as a parent.

What a grown up response, PP. This is ANOTHER good example for you Op.

OP here. I appreciate that this person acknowledged that they share my experience. I consider this much more helpful than those who make all of this sound so easy. Notice how this person said "It's really hard" and "I hear you."

You let this go on for 16 pages and all you wanted was validation? That's so cute. Shut up, OP. I hear you, you're a loser. It's hard, especially when you're a loser.