How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

There aren't any secrets: a sexless spouse clearly knows the normal spouse is going elsewhere.
And any lying is just to avoid affecting kids, which is the whole point of subject thread.
Sorry but no, there is no difference.

no. Just, no. The moment your argument require your spouse to read minds, you lose. Use your Big Boy word and say what you want and what you plan to do. I you cant do that, you deserve the situation you are in.

OK then if you insist on playing dumb (gee how should I know that men need sex? that when I consistently reject my husband, is it really a problem? that eventually he would go find it elsewhere?) this "play stupid" act works both ways too. How could he possibly know you expected him not to sleep with your sister? People can't read minds you know. If you didn't specifically tell him not to sleep with Claire (and Alice, and Donna, and Jane, and Mary....) well then I guess you must deserve it.

[Anonymous]

Do you not remember the “forsaking all others”, “for better or for worse”, and “till death us do part” clauses in your wedding vows. I don’t remember anything that says these clauses only apply if you have sex x times per week/month/year.

If you aren’t happy with the frequency, you need to discuss it with your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There aren't any secrets: a sexless spouse clearly knows the normal spouse is going elsewhere.
And any lying is just to avoid affecting kids, which is the whole point of subject thread.
Sorry but no, there is no difference.

no. Just, no. The moment your argument require your spouse to read minds, you lose. Use your Big Boy word and say what you want and what you plan to do. I you cant do that, you deserve the situation you are in.

OK then if you insist on playing dumb (gee how should I know that men need sex? that when I consistently reject my husband, is it really a problem? that eventually he would go find it elsewhere?) this "play stupid" act works both ways too. How could he possibly know you expected him not to sleep with your sister? People can't read minds you know. If you didn't specifically tell him not to sleep with Claire (and Alice, and Donna, and Jane, and Mary....) well then I guess you must deserve it.

Are you serious? This is crazy talk.

One requires understanding what and how much is acceptable to your partner whereas sleeping with ANYONE outside of your marriage is unacceptable unless you have an explicit agreement to be in open marriage.

[Anonymous]

Angry sexless guy knows this. Hes just hot some sort of personality disorder that is showing through, which is also why his wife wont sleep with him. He almost certainly doesnt have an affair partner, either, and he is very angry about it.

[Anonymous]

^I know right? The way his mind justifies things is just so way out there. Just crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you not remember the “forsaking all others”, “for better or for worse”, and “till death us do part” clauses in your wedding vows. I don’t remember anything that says these clauses only apply if you have sex x times per week/month/year.

If you aren’t happy with the frequency, you need to discuss it with your spouse.

Those vows are bidirectional. Forsaking others .. to have and to hold. Attempts to initiate that are rejected IS a discussion with your spouse (the answer: No).
Again you go playing dumb, well gee how could anybody know you expected fidelity after breaking the opposite side of those same vows? If you are sexlessly married and unhappy with your spouse going elsewhere, then you need to discuss that with your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Angry sexless guy knows this. Hes just hot some sort of personality disorder that is showing through, which is also why his wife wont sleep with him. He almost certainly doesnt have an affair partner, either, and he is very angry about it.

Sexless wives who stay married yet are angry to be “cheated upon” have an equivalent personality disorder. There seem to be lots of those in this thread. No wonder their husbands have entirely “moved on” from the relationship/romantic part of their platonic marriage. They are pretty angry about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Angry sexless guy knows this. Hes just hot some sort of personality disorder that is showing through, which is also why his wife wont sleep with him. He almost certainly doesnt have an affair partner, either, and he is very angry about it.

Sexless wives who stay married yet are angry to be “cheated upon” have an equivalent personality disorder. There seem to be lots of those in this thread. No wonder their husbands have entirely “moved on” from the relationship/romantic part of their platonic marriage. They are pretty angry about this.

Half the time I don’t even understand what you’re trying to say. You really need to see someone for this anger and thought process. Seriously. Something is really wrong.

[Anonymous]

I picture angry sexless guy as an overweight, passive aggressive introverted dork who is probably married to a lawyer who makes him feel emasculated.

[Anonymous]

^ he clearly feels emasculated. That is the reason he’s so angry all the time and says crazy things all the time.

[Anonymous]

The fact you ladies dislike my position does not make me angry, emasculated, overweight, or in need of therapy. I could make the same pointless claims about you. Consider that the behavior of society at large supports me, so perhaps YOU are on the radical side here?

One more time, for those in the back: if you aren't divorced and not having normal sex with your spouse, you MUST ASSUME they are getting it elsewhere. To further claim "oh I did not see THAT coming!!" is just adding to your craziness.

[Anonymous]

Angry sexless guy.... divorced woman here. You could have been my ex-husband. At 16 years of marriage, with 2 elementary school kids, working full time (I was def the breadwinner) I was exhausted. Bone weary exhausted. I thought I had the flu, I was so sore and tired, and I couldnt shake it. My husband started having to pick up more child care duties on the weekends because I was so worn down. We went from having sex 4 or 5 times a week to maybe once a week. After about 3 or 4 months, I found an email to his coworker that made it clear he was having an affair. I was devastated. Went to my doctor needing some sort of valium or something because I couldnt stop crying for days and days. My doctor was alarmed and did a full work up on me, and discovered my thyroid had completely crapped out. It was at extremely dangerous levels. Over the course of the next few months, we figured out the right dose of thyroid meds and I got my energy back and started to el like myself. My ex's explanation was "you seemed so checked out... I assumed you were just done with me." My perspective... my ex was such a passive aggressive, selfish, self-absorbed pathetic little man that instead of helping me recognize and address a potentially fatal health crisis, he chose to take it personally and step outside the marriage. He was incapable of thinking about anyone but himself.

Fast forward years later, I'm kicking ass, in the best shape of my life, dating a rich NFL player, and getting my freak on. My ex got demoted at work for sleeping with a coworker, is renting a sad little apartment, gained at least 50 lbs, is single, and his family and kids want nothing to do with him. It's absolutely pathetic.

Use your words. Marriage requires communication. If my ex had thought for one second that maybe he should talk to me, let me know how he was feeling, our story could have had a very different ending. But instead he decided to behave like you, a sad angry little man who assumes everyone is out to get him.

[Anonymous]

You SERIOUSLY think that once-per-week sex with a bread winning medically diagnosed sick wife is the cheating scenario in this thread?

[Anonymous]

Human are animals OP. We kid ourselves if we think we're any better than other animals. It's not right, but "it is what it is".

[Anonymous]

You SERIOUSLY think that once-per-week sex with a bread winning medically diagnosed sick wife is the cheating scenario in this thread?

It easily could be, based on the angry guy's point of view. He would look at that situation and think "wow, wife is checked out. Therefore, this gives me permission to get some action elsewhere. She's given me tacit approval. I don't have to actually discuss anything with her or tell her my plans, or even verbally express my take on the situation with her because she should just know that such a dramatic reduction in the frequency of sex is a dealbreaker for fidelity." It's a scenario to demonstrate why mature adults who enter into a marriage should use their words to communicate with each other about their needs and assumptions.