How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t cheat and we ultimately divorced over lack of sex.

I think that has been harder on my kids/family than if I had cheated and we’d stayed together.

You really don't know.

Intact families are better for the kids especially when there is no resentments over lack of sex. So I would say yes, PP does indeed know it would have been better not to have divorced over something insignificant like fidelity in a sexless marriage.

If infidelity is insignificant, let your wife know about your infidelity.

She already knows!! Who do you think decided that sex is insignificant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Truth is they believe their needs come before their kids.

Most resent their kids because their spouse put the kids first.

It’s not normal but cheaters live in a world view that is not normal.

Reminds me of the thread "you love them more than me...".

and I agree.. cheaters aren't thinking about anything other than themselves. They disassociate what they do outside the home with their home life.

Different children react differently to the cheating spouse. My dad cheated on my mom (before I was born), and my oldest sister remembers everything though she was quite young. It's impacted how she views him. Same for DH. His dad cheated, and his one sister never forgave him for that, even when he died. DH wasn't as angry, but he certainly lost some respect for his father after this. There's a lot of anger and resentment in some of the kids.

We had this discussion with our kids. 14 yr old said if his dad ever cheated (it was about men cheating), DS would hate him for it.

People who think cheating doesn't impact your kids are delusional.

I wanted to post on that thread make an exit plan now because he will eventually cheat and blame you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t cheat and we ultimately divorced over lack of sex.

I think that has been harder on my kids/family than if I had cheated and we’d stayed together.

You really don't know.

Intact families are better for the kids especially when there is no resentments over lack of sex. So I would say yes, PP does indeed know it would have been better not to have divorced over something insignificant like fidelity in a sexless marriage.

If infidelity is insignificant, let your wife know about your infidelity.

She already knows!! Who do you think decided that sex is insignificant?

If she knows, it’s not infidelity.

[Anonymous]

Cheaters - in marriage, or other areas of life, are not people who care about others in general. They lack empathy, so of course they don't care about how it affects kids.

If "sex" is the issue then be a grownup and ask for an open marriage or get a divorce. Cheating is the juvenile path of cowards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The example from the original poster is not typical cheating. This is an extreme example of people who are idiots who cheated in the wrong place. Don’t cheat around your kids. Vast majority of people married or divorced or single or cheating—your sex life has nothing to do with your children. It only affects children if people make decisions that are vastly stupid like the original poster’s example.

If cheating happens to cause a divorce chances are the divorce would’ve happened anyway and it’s not the cheating that causes the problems it’s the way the parents handle the divorce. In any divorce regardless of cheating some parents handle it well and some parents cause a ton of drama and go after the other parent and make it public and that’s what causes problems—not cheating.

Divorce is not the end of the world for kids but if parents choose to make it the end of the world because they are bitter because a spouse cheated and they got caught then that’s on them for screwing up their kids not on the cheating itself.

This can't possibly have been written by an adult. If the marriage ends due to cheating, it ALWAYS affects the kids. They have learned that the parent lies and isn't trustworthy, betrayed their other parent (the other most important person in the kids' lives) and completely destroyed not only the betrayed spouse but the kids as well. Many, many children in a marriage broken due to cheating never have a healthy relationship again with the cheating parent, whether or not it happens like in the OP's story or with someone the kid never knew. Your shortsightedness is stunning, but typical of a cheater. You have to construct a world view that justifies your cheating.

I am an adult. Married 10 years. Not cheating. I do not believe cheating or not has anything to do with kids. Sorry, i don’t. Cheating is usually a symptom of a marriage that should not be. People are idiots if the cheat and get caught. But they should divorce first before the marriage is so bad they need to cheat to feel something. However, if cheating is caught, and parents divorce, the kids or anyone should not know. People should not air their dirty laundry in public. That is what is damaging...how a divorce is handled. The actual cheating or any reason for a marriage ending has nothing to do with kids.

If my marriage ended over infidelity I would let people know. I would not accept or advance any narrative about we just grew apart, etc. Let the cheater deal with the shame and consequences, including loss of respect of his children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cheaters - in marriage, or other areas of life, are not people who care about others in general. They lack empathy, so of course they don't care about how it affects kids.

If "sex" is the issue then be a grownup and ask for an open marriage or get a divorce. Cheating is the juvenile path of cowards.

If you aren’t having sex and are the rejecting party, you have deemed sex to be unimportant and have no right to object when your spouse does that unimportant thing elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheaters - in marriage, or other areas of life, are not people who care about others in general. They lack empathy, so of course they don't care about how it affects kids.

If "sex" is the issue then be a grownup and ask for an open marriage or get a divorce. Cheating is the juvenile path of cowards.

If you aren’t having sex and are the rejecting party, you have deemed sex to be unimportant and have no right to object when your spouse does that unimportant thing elsewhere.

That's fine - if the person who feels rejected wants to have sex with others, tell your spouse you're seeking it elsewhere. Be honest and up front - don't lie about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: The example from the original poster is not typical cheating. This is an extreme example of people who are idiots who cheated in the wrong place. Don’t cheat around your kids. Vast majority of people married or divorced or single or cheating—your sex life has nothing to do with your children. It only affects children if people make decisions that are vastly stupid like the original poster’s example.

If cheating happens to cause a divorce chances are the divorce would’ve happened anyway and it’s not the cheating that causes the problems it’s the way the parents handle the divorce. In any divorce regardless of cheating some parents handle it well and some parents cause a ton of drama and go after the other parent and make it public and that’s what causes problems—not cheating.

Divorce is not the end of the world for kids but if parents choose to make it the end of the world because they are bitter because a spouse cheated and they got caught then that’s on them for screwing up their kids not on the cheating itself.

+1000. It’s the stupidity of the parties involved and/or the vindictive spouse that ruins the kids. Who I have sex with is not their business, unless they want me to choose who they will be having sex with for the rest of their lives.

you can't be serious.... you are cheating on the kids' parents, of course it impacts them. If you cheat on the parent, the child feels you have betrayed them, too.

I do not “betray” them. I am their parent and I stay their parent and do all the things the parent does regardless of my sex life. It’s the people that tell their kids that the other parent “betrayed” them that screw up the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: The example from the original poster is not typical cheating. This is an extreme example of people who are idiots who cheated in the wrong place. Don’t cheat around your kids. Vast majority of people married or divorced or single or cheating—your sex life has nothing to do with your children. It only affects children if people make decisions that are vastly stupid like the original poster’s example.

If cheating happens to cause a divorce chances are the divorce would’ve happened anyway and it’s not the cheating that causes the problems it’s the way the parents handle the divorce. In any divorce regardless of cheating some parents handle it well and some parents cause a ton of drama and go after the other parent and make it public and that’s what causes problems—not cheating.

Divorce is not the end of the world for kids but if parents choose to make it the end of the world because they are bitter because a spouse cheated and they got caught then that’s on them for screwing up their kids not on the cheating itself.

+1000. It’s the stupidity of the parties involved and/or the vindictive spouse that ruins the kids. Who I have sex with is not their business, unless they want me to choose who they will be having sex with for the rest of their lives.

you can't be serious.... you are cheating on the kids' parents, of course it impacts them. If you cheat on the parent, the child feels you have betrayed them, too.

I do not “betray” them. I am their parent and I stay their parent and do all the things the parent does regardless of my sex life. It’s the people that tell their kids that the other parent “betrayed” them that screw up the kids.

My DH is the child of a cheater and he would emphatically disagree with you. He was betrayed by his cheating father (and did not find out through his mother). You are delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The example from the original poster is not typical cheating. This is an extreme example of people who are idiots who cheated in the wrong place. Don’t cheat around your kids. Vast majority of people married or divorced or single or cheating—your sex life has nothing to do with your children. It only affects children if people make decisions that are vastly stupid like the original poster’s example.

If cheating happens to cause a divorce chances are the divorce would’ve happened anyway and it’s not the cheating that causes the problems it’s the way the parents handle the divorce. In any divorce regardless of cheating some parents handle it well and some parents cause a ton of drama and go after the other parent and make it public and that’s what causes problems—not cheating.

Divorce is not the end of the world for kids but if parents choose to make it the end of the world because they are bitter because a spouse cheated and they got caught then that’s on them for screwing up their kids not on the cheating itself.

This can't possibly have been written by an adult. If the marriage ends due to cheating, it ALWAYS affects the kids. They have learned that the parent lies and isn't trustworthy, betrayed their other parent (the other most important person in the kids' lives) and completely destroyed not only the betrayed spouse but the kids as well. Many, many children in a marriage broken due to cheating never have a healthy relationship again with the cheating parent, whether or not it happens like in the OP's story or with someone the kid never knew. Your shortsightedness is stunning, but typical of a cheater. You have to construct a world view that justifies your cheating.

I am an adult. Married 10 years. Not cheating. I do not believe cheating or not has anything to do with kids. Sorry, i don’t. Cheating is usually a symptom of a marriage that should not be. People are idiots if the cheat and get caught. But they should divorce first before the marriage is so bad they need to cheat to feel something. However, if cheating is caught, and parents divorce, the kids or anyone should not know. People should not air their dirty laundry in public. That is what is damaging...how a divorce is handled. The actual cheating or any reason for a marriage ending has nothing to do with kids.

If my marriage ended over infidelity I would let people know. I would not accept or advance any narrative about we just grew apart, etc. Let the cheater deal with the shame and consequences, including loss of respect of his children.

And that’s ladies and gentlemen is how the kids end up screwed. I bet you’ll try to limit the father’s contact with the kids and keep drumming into their heads how bad their dad is. Then it would be years of therapy for the kids. Hell hath no fury...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheaters - in marriage, or other areas of life, are not people who care about others in general. They lack empathy, so of course they don't care about how it affects kids.

If "sex" is the issue then be a grownup and ask for an open marriage or get a divorce. Cheating is the juvenile path of cowards.

If you aren’t having sex and are the rejecting party, you have deemed sex to be unimportant and have no right to object when your spouse does that unimportant thing elsewhere.

That's fine - if the person who feels rejected wants to have sex with others, tell your spouse you're seeking it elsewhere. Be honest and up front - don't lie about it.

There is nothing really to tell. Is your spouse a normal healthy human but you reject their sexual advances yet they have not divorced you? Then you honestly can be certain they are seeking it elsewhere and you should be grateful for that because it is saving your marriage while freeing you from unwanted sexual attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheaters - in marriage, or other areas of life, are not people who care about others in general. They lack empathy, so of course they don't care about how it affects kids.

If "sex" is the issue then be a grownup and ask for an open marriage or get a divorce. Cheating is the juvenile path of cowards.

If you aren’t having sex and are the rejecting party, you have deemed sex to be unimportant and have no right to object when your spouse does that unimportant thing elsewhere.

That's fine - if the person who feels rejected wants to have sex with others, tell your spouse you're seeking it elsewhere. Be honest and up front - don't lie about it.

There is nothing really to tell. Is your spouse a normal healthy human but you reject their sexual advances yet they have not divorced you? Then you honestly can be certain they are seeking it elsewhere and you should be grateful for that because it is saving your marriage while freeing you from unwanted sexual attention.

You're skirting around it. If someone is clear they aren't interested in sex, then you be clear that you're seeking it elsewhere. "Be certain" by being honest, and thus declaring your marriage open. I've zero judgment about people who honestly "cheat" on their spouse (which I don't think is cheating). Cheating is when you haven't made it clear that your marriage is now open, or being direct about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: The example from the original poster is not typical cheating. This is an extreme example of people who are idiots who cheated in the wrong place. Don’t cheat around your kids. Vast majority of people married or divorced or single or cheating—your sex life has nothing to do with your children. It only affects children if people make decisions that are vastly stupid like the original poster’s example.

If cheating happens to cause a divorce chances are the divorce would’ve happened anyway and it’s not the cheating that causes the problems it’s the way the parents handle the divorce. In any divorce regardless of cheating some parents handle it well and some parents cause a ton of drama and go after the other parent and make it public and that’s what causes problems—not cheating.

Divorce is not the end of the world for kids but if parents choose to make it the end of the world because they are bitter because a spouse cheated and they got caught then that’s on them for screwing up their kids not on the cheating itself.

+1000. It’s the stupidity of the parties involved and/or the vindictive spouse that ruins the kids. Who I have sex with is not their business, unless they want me to choose who they will be having sex with for the rest of their lives.

you can't be serious.... you are cheating on the kids' parents, of course it impacts them. If you cheat on the parent, the child feels you have betrayed them, too.

I do not “betray” them. I am their parent and I stay their parent and do all the things the parent does regardless of my sex life. It’s the people that tell their kids that the other parent “betrayed” them that screw up the kids.

You are screwing up you kids. Own it .. sex is more important to you than their emotional well being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheaters - in marriage, or other areas of life, are not people who care about others in general. They lack empathy, so of course they don't care about how it affects kids.

If "sex" is the issue then be a grownup and ask for an open marriage or get a divorce. Cheating is the juvenile path of cowards.

If you aren’t having sex and are the rejecting party, you have deemed sex to be unimportant and have no right to object when your spouse does that unimportant thing elsewhere.

That's fine - if the person who feels rejected wants to have sex with others, tell your spouse you're seeking it elsewhere. Be honest and up front - don't lie about it.

There is nothing really to tell. Is your spouse a normal healthy human but you reject their sexual advances yet they have not divorced you? Then you honestly can be certain they are seeking it elsewhere and you should be grateful for that because it is saving your marriage while freeing you from unwanted sexual attention.

You sound like you are overplaying the “normal” description.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, my FIL cheated back in the early 80s and we are still dealing with the consequences. They're selfish people, that's all.

Was there a love child? Can nobody forgive? That's almost 40 years your family has been dealing with this. This seems like their problem. I'd have to say I've got no respect for you in-laws of they can't figure shit pout after 40 years.