How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?

[Anonymous]

I do a lot of adult things without red ard for my kids.

[Anonymous]

The only advice my father ever gave me that I truly remember was when I was heading to college. He said “always make your mother proud of you.” To this day - 40 years later - that still resonates. It helps that my mother was very special! I’m far from being a perfect person but I’m better because of what he set as an objective.

[Anonymous]

>>How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?<<

The blood is redirected away from the brain at the critical moments. That's how.

[Anonymous]

In general cheaters lack the ability to feel for others and to put another’s needs before their own. They also think they won’t get caught. Cheaters think having a double life is normal.

So, they don’t really feel it in their gut when thinkung about if little Larlo will be hurt. Even if they did, they would never put Larlo before them self. Anyway, the cheater isn’t going to get caught. And if they do, they expect the spouse will maintain the facade of marriage.

It’s a pretty messed up way of thinking, but once you understand it, yhey become very predictable.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t cheat and we ultimately divorced over lack of sex.

I think that has been harder on my kids/family than if I had cheated and we’d stayed together.

[Anonymous]

"How can you be a sexless spouse and not think about how that will affect your kids?"

^^ whatever your answer to this question is the exact same answer as thread title

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"How can you be a sexless spouse and not think about how that will affect your kids?"

^^ whatever your answer to this question is the exact same answer as thread title

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: The example from the original poster is not typical cheating. This is an extreme example of people who are idiots who cheated in the wrong place. Don’t cheat around your kids. Vast majority of people married or divorced or single or cheating—your sex life has nothing to do with your children. It only affects children if people make decisions that are vastly stupid like the original poster’s example.

If cheating happens to cause a divorce chances are the divorce would’ve happened anyway and it’s not the cheating that causes the problems it’s the way the parents handle the divorce. In any divorce regardless of cheating some parents handle it well and some parents cause a ton of drama and go after the other parent and make it public and that’s what causes problems—not cheating.

Divorce is not the end of the world for kids but if parents choose to make it the end of the world because they are bitter because a spouse cheated and they got caught then that’s on them for screwing up their kids not on the cheating itself.

+1000. It’s the stupidity of the parties involved and/or the vindictive spouse that ruins the kids. Who I have sex with is not their business, unless they want me to choose who they will be having sex with for the rest of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Truth is they believe their needs come before their kids.

Most resent their kids because their spouse put the kids first.

It’s not normal but cheaters live in a world view that is not normal.

Reminds me of the thread "you love them more than me...".

and I agree.. cheaters aren't thinking about anything other than themselves. They disassociate what they do outside the home with their home life.

Different children react differently to the cheating spouse. My dad cheated on my mom (before I was born), and my oldest sister remembers everything though she was quite young. It's impacted how she views him. Same for DH. His dad cheated, and his one sister never forgave him for that, even when he died. DH wasn't as angry, but he certainly lost some respect for his father after this. There's a lot of anger and resentment in some of the kids.

We had this discussion with our kids. 14 yr old said if his dad ever cheated (it was about men cheating), DS would hate him for it.

People who think cheating doesn't impact your kids are delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: The example from the original poster is not typical cheating. This is an extreme example of people who are idiots who cheated in the wrong place. Don’t cheat around your kids. Vast majority of people married or divorced or single or cheating—your sex life has nothing to do with your children. It only affects children if people make decisions that are vastly stupid like the original poster’s example.

If cheating happens to cause a divorce chances are the divorce would’ve happened anyway and it’s not the cheating that causes the problems it’s the way the parents handle the divorce. In any divorce regardless of cheating some parents handle it well and some parents cause a ton of drama and go after the other parent and make it public and that’s what causes problems—not cheating.

Divorce is not the end of the world for kids but if parents choose to make it the end of the world because they are bitter because a spouse cheated and they got caught then that’s on them for screwing up their kids not on the cheating itself.

+1000. It’s the stupidity of the parties involved and/or the vindictive spouse that ruins the kids. Who I have sex with is not their business, unless they want me to choose who they will be having sex with for the rest of their lives.

you can't be serious.... you are cheating on the kids' parents, of course it impacts them. If you cheat on the parent, the child feels you have betrayed them, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t cheat and we ultimately divorced over lack of sex.

I think that has been harder on my kids/family than if I had cheated and we’d stayed together.

You really don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t cheat and we ultimately divorced over lack of sex.

I think that has been harder on my kids/family than if I had cheated and we’d stayed together.

You really don't know.

Intact families are better for the kids especially when there is no resentments over lack of sex. So I would say yes, PP does indeed know it would have been better not to have divorced over something insignificant like fidelity in a sexless marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t cheat and we ultimately divorced over lack of sex.

I think that has been harder on my kids/family than if I had cheated and we’d stayed together.

You really don't know.

Intact families are better for the kids especially when there is no resentments over lack of sex. So I would say yes, PP does indeed know it would have been better not to have divorced over something insignificant like fidelity in a sexless marriage.

If infidelity is insignificant, let your wife know about your infidelity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: The example from the original poster is not typical cheating. This is an extreme example of people who are idiots who cheated in the wrong place. Don’t cheat around your kids. Vast majority of people married or divorced or single or cheating—your sex life has nothing to do with your children. It only affects children if people make decisions that are vastly stupid like the original poster’s example.

If cheating happens to cause a divorce chances are the divorce would’ve happened anyway and it’s not the cheating that causes the problems it’s the way the parents handle the divorce. In any divorce regardless of cheating some parents handle it well and some parents cause a ton of drama and go after the other parent and make it public and that’s what causes problems—not cheating.

Divorce is not the end of the world for kids but if parents choose to make it the end of the world because they are bitter because a spouse cheated and they got caught then that’s on them for screwing up their kids not on the cheating itself.

+1000. It’s the stupidity of the parties involved and/or the vindictive spouse that ruins the kids. Who I have sex with is not their business, unless they want me to choose who they will be having sex with for the rest of their lives.

you can't be serious.... you are cheating on the kids' parents, of course it impacts them. If you cheat on the parent, the child feels you have betrayed them, too.

Messy. Your kids shouldn't be involved in your bedroom affairs. Do you tell them how frequently you have sex too?

[Anonymous]

Well, my FIL cheated back in the early 80s and we are still dealing with the consequences. They're selfish people, that's all.