WWYD? Struggling to help my devastated teen DD whose friends/teammates pranked her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I've had a heart-to-heart with my DD. Here's what we've decided (at least so far):

1. She has decided to stay on the team.

2. I've agreed not to take any affirmative steps to tell school or coach.

3. She understands that if someone asks me, in the normal course of conversation, where we were that I will not lie, that I will say matter-of-factly what happened.

4. She will try to maintain a new vigilance about who to trust and will stick up for anyone else in the locker room who may be targeted in the future.

5. I have offered (and she is thinking over) to get her some extra coaching to help move to Varsity so she will have a little respite from these girls (not in the locker room but at least at outside events).

I'll check back on Monday to let anyone interested know what happened when I ran into parents this weekend (if I do and I think I will).

-OP

These are good ideas. She should also pretend she is over it, and make friends with the nicer girls in the group.

Pretend it didn't happen? How about people being accountable for being a$$holes? The only way a bully learns to stop is when someone stands up to them. You do this the first time they try to pull anything on you and you will see them back down really quick.

By not giving them a reaction or any more attention, that is standing up to them. Crying to the principal or getting a lawyer involved (which is the most ridiculous idea advanced here LOLOLOL), you show weakness and hurt and look like easy prey.

I didn't say get anyone else to stand up for the DD--she should do so herself imo.

[Anonymous]

The best answer is for the mom to bring it to the coach for punishment of the two bullies.

DD should claim she can't control her mom, wasn't bothered and has moved on. Let DD have plausible deniability.

Mom, don't let the bullies off the hook, but let your daughter pretend she isn't bothered.

[Anonymous]

Wow Wow Wow. What shitty "friends" They need to be called out.

That's NOT a prank. Its called being an asshole.

[Anonymous]

I'm curious what the celebrity athlete would think if they knew that this had happened. Wouldn't it be sweet justice for your daughter to get to do something exceptional with that athlete?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The coach needs to know two girls are rotting her team from the inside.

I would find out where bully girls want to go college and back channel the info to the institution.

You really need to stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The coach needs to know two girls are rotting her team from the inside.

I would find out where bully girls want to go college and back channel the info to the institution.

You need to get a grip.

DP. Yep, the bully girl’s mom has definitely logged in.

[Anonymous]

That is bullying. Don't let your daughter passively try to rationalize it and say it was only a prank or I don't care anymore. If you have to, confront the coach yourself. That's really cruel BS and will leave a lasting sting on your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The coach needs to know two girls are rotting her team from the inside.

I would find out where bully girls want to go college and back channel the info to the institution.

You really need to stop.

I am the PP, and it's my first post on the thread.

I stand by those two statements. Why wouldn't you tell the coach? Two little b**tches are trying to tear up her team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I've had a heart-to-heart with my DD. Here's what we've decided (at least so far):

1. She has decided to stay on the team.

2. I've agreed not to take any affirmative steps to tell school or coach.

3. She understands that if someone asks me, in the normal course of conversation, where we were that I will not lie, that I will say matter-of-factly what happened.

4. She will try to maintain a new vigilance about who to trust and will stick up for anyone else in the locker room who may be targeted in the future.

5. I have offered (and she is thinking over) to get her some extra coaching to help move to Varsity so she will have a little respite from these girls (not in the locker room but at least at outside events).

I'll check back on Monday to let anyone interested know what happened when I ran into parents this weekend (if I do and I think I will).

-OP

You're letting the bullies get away with it and they have (successfully) intimidated your daughter. You are an ADULT, your kid is a CHILD. You don't let a CHILD take the lead here.

[Anonymous]

Nair in their shampoo bottles

[Anonymous]

OP is protecting bullies so they can metastasize and continue bullying. Their behavior will only get worse, sounds like OP just prays it's not her daughter next time. What a great society we live in and a great lesson to your daughter...

[Anonymous]

The girls deserve to be punished. They and the rest of the team would probably feel better if they were punished. But if your daughter does not want you tell the coach, I think you have to respect that. The coach will probably catch wind of what happened. I wouldn't be surprised if someone on the team tells a coach or their own parents and it gets reported. The instigators need to be suspended from the team for a few weeks, or have to sit out a few games. They all need a lecture from an adult on what a prank means and how this was bullying. It is an important lesson that I hope they learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The coach needs to know two girls are rotting her team from the inside.

I would find out where bully girls want to go college and back channel the info to the institution.

You need to get a grip.

DP. Yep, the bully girl’s mom has definitely logged in.

Yeah, and it's funny that she thinks there's just one person who thinks it's fine if the colleges know about this incident. Not sure I'd go out of my way to tell them specifically (or even how to do it, although I guess a call to the college coach would probably do it) but I think having it in the local media that certain girls got kicked off the team at xyz school for bullying a teammate is totally fine. Maybe the colleges won't see it, and maybe they will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I have much younger kids so am not in a position to advice you as such. However, I am wondering why you aren't able to advice or enlighten your daughter about going to coach and taking a harder stance on this.

Not the OP, but here's my 2 cents on this.

As your kids age, they get more and more autonomy and you understand less and less of the social dynamic of their day-to-day. You can advise, but almost always, it really is best to follow the kid's lead. Sometimes telling the grownups is absolutely the worst thing to do. The kid is the one who has to be there every day, not the mom. None of us were there, and it may not be the case that telling the coach would work out well. Some coaches are great. Some care more about winning than about the kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, you should ask your daughter if she'll be quiet -- and one of the perpetrators -- when bully girls decide to do it to someone else on the team. Everyone who participated is at fault, not just the two girls who led it.