Hosting step-grandson for two weeks- how to deal with food fussiness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it says more about Americans that they would berate a non-American host for not wanting to give in to some spoiled brat. Anyone agree? The only voices of dissent seem to come from people who grew up elsewhere and understand that cooking food that a child doesn't like isn't child abuse.

Not true. If you read the whole thread, you would find my post, I am from Europe and completely disagree with OP. I think she is picking a fight that isn't hers, that serves no purpose and that she should take the kid shopping and get him food he wants. It is for 2 weeks. She is making a mountain out of a mole hill and who knows, this is clearly some weird power play. If she was an actual grandma or a mom even, she would learn that you don't lose sleep over nothing.

Ok, even if you disagree with her...so what? Why are you so worked up? She never said she was losing sleep or wants to punish the child. You are the one who is exaggerating.

I mean if you are not OP, which I think you are, how am I worked up compared to you? My opinion mirrors the opinion of most pps, you are among few who decided to give opinion of other pps rather than just her opinion of what OP should do, and to make it about the whole American nation being defensive and raising spoiled brats. And I am the one who is worked up?

I'm speaking the truth: https://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2018/06/09/618025893/want-your-child-to-try-eat-almost-everything-skip-the-kids-menu

And you prove my point, you are worked up beyond reason. Sure, I was raised the same way as your article writes, sure kids are fed a lot of crap here. But, I don't see anything there about how a 40 year old step-grandma from Germany should put her foot down, and read the 12 year old a riot act for how he will eat for 2 weeks he is visiting his grandpa and her. And I bet you if she was this kids actual bio grandma most pps and I would give exact same advice. Heck, we have given similar advice, and that is that it is not her place.

[Anonymous]

How did I miss that OP is a 40 yo?! Man. Just take the kid to get some regular food.

[Anonymous]

"I'm very sad with some of the remarks here making me out to be a monster and I am not wanting to fight with the boy. Just to teach him some manners. Is that so wrong?"

Yep. That IS so wrong.

Because you are not his grandma, and you are not a trusted authority figure in his life. Literally no one wants you in the "Grandma" role; by your own admission, even you don't want that.

Your husband doesn't want you "teaching lessons," the child's parents don't want you "teaching lessons," and the child doesn't want you "teaching lessons."

Butt. Out. The child has two parents and at least one real grandparent. You need to be courteous and maybe even try to be--gasp!--a little fun.

Make some simple meals. Set them out. Don't monitor or nag. If he's still hungry, you can tell him he's free to make a PB&J.

If he complains, you can say, "Tim, that's not very nice. I won't force you to try anything, but I would appreciate if you kept your unkind thoughts to yourself." That's not "lesson-teaching," that's just standing up for yourelf in your own home. But only do that IF HE ACTUALLY SAYS SOMETHING.

You're spoiling for a fight. Stand down and let his real grandfather do any heavy lifting that needs to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I'm very sad with some of the remarks here making me out to be a monster and I am not wanting to fight with the boy. Just to teach him some manners. Is that so wrong?"

Yep. That IS so wrong.

Because you are not his grandma, and you are not a trusted authority figure in his life. Literally no one wants you in the "Grandma" role; by your own admission, even you don't want that.

Your husband doesn't want you "teaching lessons," the child's parents don't want you "teaching lessons," and the child doesn't want you "teaching lessons."

Butt. Out. The child has two parents and at least one real grandparent. You need to be courteous and maybe even try to be--gasp!--a little fun.

Make some simple meals. Set them out. Don't monitor or nag. If he's still hungry, you can tell him he's free to make a PB&J.

If he complains, you can say, "Tim, that's not very nice. I won't force you to try anything, but I would appreciate if you kept your unkind thoughts to yourself." That's not "lesson-teaching," that's just standing up for yourelf in your own home. But only do that IF HE ACTUALLY SAYS SOMETHING.

You're spoiling for a fight. Stand down and let his real grandfather do any heavy lifting that needs to happen.

+1 Get to know him and have some fun with your guest for the short amount of time you have. Before you know it, he's an adult that you can continue getting to know as a person. Or go away for the 2 weeks and let grandpa enjoy his grandson. My grandma was my favorite person in the world. I ate some of her food, some she altered for me, sometimes she let me have whatever I wanted. We baked together and played games. She let me stay up late watching tv with popcorn. Now I'm a grandma and treasure the time with my grandson. Your posts make me sad. It's not all about teaching/drilling manners on a 2 week stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I'm very sad with some of the remarks here making me out to be a monster and I am not wanting to fight with the boy. Just to teach him some manners. Is that so wrong?"

Yep. That IS so wrong.

Because you are not his grandma, and you are not a trusted authority figure in his life. Literally no one wants you in the "Grandma" role; by your own admission, even you don't want that.

Your husband doesn't want you "teaching lessons," the child's parents don't want you "teaching lessons," and the child doesn't want you "teaching lessons."

Butt. Out. The child has two parents and at least one real grandparent. You need to be courteous and maybe even try to be--gasp!--a little fun.

Make some simple meals. Set them out. Don't monitor or nag. If he's still hungry, you can tell him he's free to make a PB&J.

If he complains, you can say, "Tim, that's not very nice. I won't force you to try anything, but I would appreciate if you kept your unkind thoughts to yourself." That's not "lesson-teaching," that's just standing up for yourelf in your own home. But only do that IF HE ACTUALLY SAYS SOMETHING.

You're spoiling for a fight. Stand down and let his real grandfather do any heavy lifting that needs to happen.

Personally, if I were OP, I would just cook for myself given how disrespectful this brat sounds. Let the grandfather handle his meals. I believe that if OP were a man, there wouldn't be so much outrage. But no, people call her all sorts of names from shitty to being a gold digger as if they are saints. Amazing how righteous people are online...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it says more about Americans that they would berate a non-American host for not wanting to give in to some spoiled brat. Anyone agree? The only voices of dissent seem to come from people who grew up elsewhere and understand that cooking food that a child doesn't like isn't child abuse.

Well, we are here, not a different country, and what OP wants to do is considered very rude, not good hosting and exactly the opposite of normal grandparent behavior in this country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it says more about Americans that they would berate a non-American host for not wanting to give in to some spoiled brat. Anyone agree? The only voices of dissent seem to come from people who grew up elsewhere and understand that cooking food that a child doesn't like isn't child abuse.

OP, you keep sock puppeting your thread.

Almost no one agrees with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I'm very sad with some of the remarks here making me out to be a monster and I am not wanting to fight with the boy. Just to teach him some manners. Is that so wrong?"

Yep. That IS so wrong.

Because you are not his grandma, and you are not a trusted authority figure in his life. Literally no one wants you in the "Grandma" role; by your own admission, even you don't want that.

Your husband doesn't want you "teaching lessons," the child's parents don't want you "teaching lessons," and the child doesn't want you "teaching lessons."

Butt. Out. The child has two parents and at least one real grandparent. You need to be courteous and maybe even try to be--gasp!--a little fun.

Make some simple meals. Set them out. Don't monitor or nag. If he's still hungry, you can tell him he's free to make a PB&J.

If he complains, you can say, "Tim, that's not very nice. I won't force you to try anything, but I would appreciate if you kept your unkind thoughts to yourself." That's not "lesson-teaching," that's just standing up for yourelf in your own home. But only do that IF HE ACTUALLY SAYS SOMETHING.

You're spoiling for a fight. Stand down and let his real grandfather do any heavy lifting that needs to happen.

Personally, if I were OP, I would just cook for myself given how disrespectful this brat sounds. Let the grandfather handle his meals. I believe that if OP were a man, there wouldn't be so much outrage. But no, people call her all sorts of names from shitty to being a gold digger as if they are saints. Amazing how righteous people are online...

Nice trolling OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I'm very sad with some of the remarks here making me out to be a monster and I am not wanting to fight with the boy. Just to teach him some manners. Is that so wrong?"

Yep. That IS so wrong.

Because you are not his grandma, and you are not a trusted authority figure in his life. Literally no one wants you in the "Grandma" role; by your own admission, even you don't want that.

Your husband doesn't want you "teaching lessons," the child's parents don't want you "teaching lessons," and the child doesn't want you "teaching lessons."

Butt. Out. The child has two parents and at least one real grandparent. You need to be courteous and maybe even try to be--gasp!--a little fun.

Make some simple meals. Set them out. Don't monitor or nag. If he's still hungry, you can tell him he's free to make a PB&J.

If he complains, you can say, "Tim, that's not very nice. I won't force you to try anything, but I would appreciate if you kept your unkind thoughts to yourself." That's not "lesson-teaching," that's just standing up for yourelf in your own home. But only do that IF HE ACTUALLY SAYS SOMETHING.

You're spoiling for a fight. Stand down and let his real grandfather do any heavy lifting that needs to happen.

Personally, if I were OP, I would just cook for myself given how disrespectful this brat sounds. Let the grandfather handle his meals. I believe that if OP were a man, there wouldn't be so much outrage. But no, people call her all sorts of names from shitty to being a gold digger as if they are saints. Amazing how righteous people are online...

Nice trolling OP.

This thread has definitely gotten out of hand. 16 pages of nastiness over an innocent question.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think a typical American brat would probably like spätzle actually. It's basically just junk filler devoid of nutritional content like the rest of the crap that most kids eat here. Slather it with cheese (doesn't have to be good quality, they don't know the difference anyway) and bake it and it's basically mac & cheese. He'll love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm still stuck on a grandparent inviting a grandkid for 2 weeks, and intentionally making things she knows the kid won't like. Everything else is just noise compared to this. If you had an adult houseguest for 2 weeks, would you make things you know she doesn't like? Of course not. OP is a shitty grandparent, and a shitty person.

I'm sure you're Grandparent of the Year. *Slow clap*

"Make food you know your guest (and everyone else) likes, and don't make food you know your grandkid won't like" is not sufficient to be grandparent of the year. It's the bare minimum for decent behavior. No one is suggesting that you become a short order cook. What we are suggesting is that it'll be fairly easy to determine what meals he likes, and . . . make them for everyone. Make dinners that everyone likes. This is not rocket science.

Instead, your approach seems to be, "I am going to make what I want, even though I *know* he won't like it. And I'm going to use this opportunity to preemptively scold him for being a picky eater." And yes, this makes you a shitty host, and yes, a shitty person. That you either refuse to see or acknowledge this is a whole other issue.

The kid has an extremely limited list of items that he'll eat. Unless OP and her husband is willing to limit themselves to pizza (and no vegetables) every night, that's not going to work. If OP wants to eat normally and 100% accommodate kid's pickiness, then she basically has to make two separate meals. In other words, be a short order cook.

How did you invent this from what OP posted?

Because that is actually OP sock puppeting.

No, it's not. That's just I interpreted OP's statements. I read it to mean that the kid was only willing to eat a small list of stereotypical American foods (pizza, hamburger, chicken nuggets). Maybe OP can clarify exactly what she means. But I highly doubt that the kid willing to eat California or new American foods- both of which would fall under the umbrella of American cuisine.

Nein.

She said he only eats American food (not unusual for any kid of any heritage to only eat the food he is accustomed to, and that he picks veggies out when they are mixed into food. Again, not unusual for a kid to eat around veggies cooked into other foods.

She poopoo'd grandpas soloution of having a few frozen pizzas on hand just in case.

OP also said the is going to lay down the law as soon as the kid arrives, making zero attempt to be a good hostess or indulgent grandma. Who does that kind of thing to a guest?

The issue is OP. Not the kid.

You missed my point. American cuisine varies depending on the region. Traditional southern food is differs from Cali food (which includes a lot of Asian and Mexican influences). American food in the northeast has a lot of Italian and Jewish influences. Does OP mean that the kid will eat any food that falls under the umbrella of American cuisine? In that case, OP would be wrong since she has a wide range of options to choose from. Or does OP mean that he will only eat what we think of as stereotypical American foods (pizza, burger, nuggets, etc)? I assumed that it was the latter meaning. I could be wrong but I doubt it.

OP here. Yes, I meant the stereotypical American foods like pizza, burgers, meatloaf, mac and cheese, spaghetti and meatballs...which we can make but not for two whole weeks! We do consume foods like that but once in a while. I don't know why people had to start criticizing German food but just because I'm German doesn't mean that I usually make German food. I like to cook Korean, Vietnamese, French, Italian (real Italian...like with anchovies and a ton of garlic) and Chinese foods. I do have spätzle in my pantry and I can make one or two German dishes but that's it. I'm very sad with some of the remarks here making me out to be a monster and I am not wanting to fight with the boy. Just to teach him some manners. Is that so wrong?

My grandparents are from Italy and I eat all types of food but draw the line at anchovies. I’m not eating them. My parents don’t like them either. Yes, you are wrong to try to teach him manners by serving anchovies during a two week visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think a typical American brat would probably like spätzle actually. It's basically just junk filler devoid of nutritional content like the rest of the crap that most kids eat here. Slather it with cheese (doesn't have to be good quality, they don't know the difference anyway) and bake it and it's basically mac & cheese. He'll love it.

Well, germans usually serve it either. with cheese or drowning in gravy, so OP can hardly claim that German food is more nutritious than American.

[Anonymous]

I'm very sad with some of the remarks here making me out to be a monster and I am not wanting to fight with the boy. Just to teach him some manners. Is that so wrong?

First, no, it is not your job to teach him manners. You are not his mom, and not even his grandma, according to you. Stop being so controlling. Second, we have a different idea of what teaching manners means. You can correct him for saying "ewww" or other negative things about food you have prepared - absolutely. But forcing him to eat the food and not having anything else available for him to make for himself when he's a guest in your home is unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm still stuck on a grandparent inviting a grandkid for 2 weeks, and intentionally making things she knows the kid won't like. Everything else is just noise compared to this. If you had an adult houseguest for 2 weeks, would you make things you know she doesn't like? Of course not. OP is a shitty grandparent, and a shitty person.

I'm sure you're Grandparent of the Year. *Slow clap*

"Make food you know your guest (and everyone else) likes, and don't make food you know your grandkid won't like" is not sufficient to be grandparent of the year. It's the bare minimum for decent behavior. No one is suggesting that you become a short order cook. What we are suggesting is that it'll be fairly easy to determine what meals he likes, and . . . make them for everyone. Make dinners that everyone likes. This is not rocket science.

Instead, your approach seems to be, "I am going to make what I want, even though I *know* he won't like it. And I'm going to use this opportunity to preemptively scold him for being a picky eater." And yes, this makes you a shitty host, and yes, a shitty person. That you either refuse to see or acknowledge this is a whole other issue.

The kid has an extremely limited list of items that he'll eat. Unless OP and her husband is willing to limit themselves to pizza (and no vegetables) every night, that's not going to work. If OP wants to eat normally and 100% accommodate kid's pickiness, then she basically has to make two separate meals. In other words, be a short order cook.

How did you invent this from what OP posted?

Because that is actually OP sock puppeting.

No, it's not. That's just I interpreted OP's statements. I read it to mean that the kid was only willing to eat a small list of stereotypical American foods (pizza, hamburger, chicken nuggets). Maybe OP can clarify exactly what she means. But I highly doubt that the kid willing to eat California or new American foods- both of which would fall under the umbrella of American cuisine.

Nein.

She said he only eats American food (not unusual for any kid of any heritage to only eat the food he is accustomed to, and that he picks veggies out when they are mixed into food. Again, not unusual for a kid to eat around veggies cooked into other foods.

She poopoo'd grandpas soloution of having a few frozen pizzas on hand just in case.

OP also said the is going to lay down the law as soon as the kid arrives, making zero attempt to be a good hostess or indulgent grandma. Who does that kind of thing to a guest?

The issue is OP. Not the kid.

You missed my point. American cuisine varies depending on the region. Traditional southern food is differs from Cali food (which includes a lot of Asian and Mexican influences). American food in the northeast has a lot of Italian and Jewish influences. Does OP mean that the kid will eat any food that falls under the umbrella of American cuisine? In that case, OP would be wrong since she has a wide range of options to choose from. Or does OP mean that he will only eat what we think of as stereotypical American foods (pizza, burger, nuggets, etc)? I assumed that it was the latter meaning. I could be wrong but I doubt it.

OP here. Yes, I meant the stereotypical American foods like pizza, burgers, meatloaf, mac and cheese, spaghetti and meatballs...which we can make but not for two whole weeks! We do consume foods like that but once in a while. I don't know why people had to start criticizing German food but just because I'm German doesn't mean that I usually make German food. I like to cook Korean, Vietnamese, French, Italian (real Italian...like with anchovies and a ton of garlic) and Chinese foods. I do have spätzle in my pantry and I can make one or two German dishes but that's it. I'm very sad with some of the remarks here making me out to be a monster and I am not wanting to fight with the boy. Just to teach him some manners. Is that so wrong?

So much to unpack here. First, you named five general dishes that he likes, and I am quite sure there are several others you could come up with if you put your mind to it. So, make them. It won't kill you to refrain from making Korean, Vietnamese, etc. for a couple of weeks. He's not staying the summer. Make his stay pleasant.

Second, it is unclear whether you are taking this stand because you are incredibly rigid and refuse to alter your menu, or because you want to provoke a confrontation and "teach him some manners." If it's the former, grow up. If it's the later, you can help teach him manners without going to these measures. Your plan is to make food you *know* he doesn't like (when there are plenty of foods you know he does like) in order to get him to refuse to eat it so you can chastise him for not eating it. Think about that for a second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it says more about Americans that they would berate a non-American host for not wanting to give in to some spoiled brat. Anyone agree? The only voices of dissent seem to come from people who grew up elsewhere and understand that cooking food that a child doesn't like isn't child abuse.

Of course it isn't child abuse. But it isn't welcoming or considerate, or the actions of a good host (much less a loving family member). Surely you can see that, even with your wel-developed foreign sophistication?