Hosting step-grandson for two weeks- how to deal with food fussiness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Treat it as you would any other guest--by which I mean, don't go so far as to prepare multiple meals, but do cook things within your normal repotoire/range that you know this guest will like. Stock your pantry with healthful snacks that he can use to supplement--independently--if he doesn't like the meals.

It's not for you to "fix" or overanalyze his food issues. It's for you to provide a nice home and basic meals for his temporary visit. If any problems arise, by all means, step out of the way and let your husband handle this.

Don't "inform him" of anything. Set the food out, and don't monitor his portion sizes or his choices. He can eat what he wants, how much he wants, of what is available for a few days.

If he complains or asks for alternate meals, that's a different story, but again, STEP OUT OF THE WAY and let his grandfather handle it.

Is your husband seriously such an incapable parent/grandparent that he can't handle this without your intervention? If so, reconsider whether you can actually host this child.

To be fair, he doesn’t seem to be asking for OPs intervention. He has a plan, although she disagrees. She’s inserting herself and her opinions. I’m guessing they share meal prep in general.

I'm guessing they don't "share" much of anything so much as OP runs the show.

"NEIN!"

[Anonymous]

Since you don’t want this random non-blood related kid coming to visit you, maybe you should make sure to have some dinner plans with friends a few times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Treat it as you would any other guest--by which I mean, don't go so far as to prepare multiple meals, but do cook things within your normal repotoire/range that you know this guest will like. Stock your pantry with healthful snacks that he can use to supplement--independently--if he doesn't like the meals.

It's not for you to "fix" or overanalyze his food issues. It's for you to provide a nice home and basic meals for his temporary visit. If any problems arise, by all means, step out of the way and let your husband handle this.

Don't "inform him" of anything. Set the food out, and don't monitor his portion sizes or his choices. He can eat what he wants, how much he wants, of what is available for a few days.

If he complains or asks for alternate meals, that's a different story, but again, STEP OUT OF THE WAY and let his grandfather handle it.

Is your husband seriously such an incapable parent/grandparent that he can't handle this without your intervention? If so, reconsider whether you can actually host this child.

I agree with all of this. You are going to create an antagonistic, unwelcoming atmosphere if you basically tell him that he must eat what you prepare, period; it will be at the expense of your relationship with him. Don’t create a power struggle; just put veggies on the side and try to have something at each meal that he’ll eat, and healthy snacks to supplement. It’s two weeks of your life, and he’s your guest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since you don’t want this random non-blood related kid coming to visit you, maybe you should make sure to have some dinner plans with friends a few times.

Yes, do this. You'll have a nice time with people you actually enjoy, and he'll love pizza and carrot sticks night with grandpa.

[Anonymous]

What’s your goal here? The kind and polite thing is to make food you think he will enjoy, even if it is different from what you usually make.

[Anonymous]

If my grandparents had behaved as you intend to when I was young, it would have been the last time I stayed with them.

Which, maybe, is your goal.

Time with grandparents should be fun and special and spoiling, especially if you don't see him often. Feed him things he'll like, or he will do his best not to return.

[Anonymous]

You sound pretty awful, OP. I actually feel really sad for that poor kid and I don't even know him. You've already decided to make his visit miserable.

[Anonymous]

1 . Two weeks. Step grandkid. You don't have to fix this, you just have to make your table a reasonably comfortable place to be.

2. You can ban complaints about the food and discussion about how it fails to meet standards. In my family, everyone has to compliment the cook after eating a first bite. A real discussion about the pros and cons of a given dish can occur after the compliment*

3. It isn't so hard to provide something plain alongside whatever else you are doing, or serve the odd ingredient in a separate bowl.

4. I know you like "world cuisine", but it truly is the case that some are more physically sensitive to spice than others, so please respect that.



* In my house, everyone has to compliment the meal prior to eating it. This rule started when my child was four, and somewhat fussy. We scripted the compliments so he still had something nice to say when he hated it. This is how we got around the lying issue.

I also meet him half way on some things:
* mushrooms always cut big enough to be picked out.
* eggplant in a separate bowl.
* he will eat collards, and I promise not to serve kale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound pretty awful, OP. I actually feel really sad for that poor kid and I don't even know him. You've already decided to make his visit miserable.

Which makes me wonder, what is really going on that you have chosen to only see the negatives in this child? It can't possibly be about food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the title states...The kid in question is 12 yo and known for picking vegetables out of his meals for as long as I've known him. He also doesn't like anything other than American food and will make all sorts of remarks about how much he hates vegetables etc. DH said earlier today that "if he doesn't want to eat what we eat, then we can heat up something like a frozen pizza etc." while I disagree. I think that if we've taken the trouble of making a meal, he should be having what we're having and not be catered to. It's not like he's deathly allergic to vegetables. If the kid was just staying for a few days, I would let my husband just deal with it. However, it's two weeks so I will definitely be handling at least half of meal prep/cooking. I like to cook a variety of dishes from various non-American cuisines (FWIW, I'm German). Knowing how outspoken this kid will be about the food that is served, I plan on informing him at the start that his fussy ways won't be tolerated. That said, I wouldn't want him complaining to his parents that we were mean to him. Is my approach considered inappropriate to American parents?

Will you bark, or say it politely?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the title states...The kid in question is 12 yo and known for picking vegetables out of his meals for as long as I've known him. He also doesn't like anything other than American food and will make all sorts of remarks about how much he hates vegetables etc. DH said earlier today that "if he doesn't want to eat what we eat, then we can heat up something like a frozen pizza etc." while I disagree. I think that if we've taken the trouble of making a meal, he should be having what we're having and not be catered to. It's not like he's deathly allergic to vegetables. If the kid was just staying for a few days, I would let my husband just deal with it. However, it's two weeks so I will definitely be handling at least half of meal prep/cooking. I like to cook a variety of dishes from various non-American cuisines (FWIW, I'm German). Knowing how outspoken this kid will be about the food that is served, I plan on informing him at the start that his fussy ways won't be tolerated. That said, I wouldn't want him complaining to his parents that we were mean to him. Is my approach considered inappropriate to American parents?

Will you bark, or say it politely?

There's no way politely to "inform someone"--before they've even had the opportunity to have a meal--that they "won't be tolerated."

Good grief, OP. You're itching for this fight, aren't you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah this is not your battle to fight and very bizarre that you would take this approach as a host. Having some microwaveable pizzas for the kid to heat up himself is fine. It almost seems like you are planning to make foods he won’t like so you have the pleasure of making him eat them...

I agree.

OP does not sound like she is cut out to host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the title states...The kid in question is 12 yo and known for picking vegetables out of his meals for as long as I've known him. He also doesn't like anything other than American food and will make all sorts of remarks about how much he hates vegetables etc. DH said earlier today that "if he doesn't want to eat what we eat, then we can heat up something like a frozen pizza etc." while I disagree. I think that if we've taken the trouble of making a meal, he should be having what we're having and not be catered to. It's not like he's deathly allergic to vegetables. If the kid was just staying for a few days, I would let my husband just deal with it. However, it's two weeks so I will definitely be handling at least half of meal prep/cooking. I like to cook a variety of dishes from various non-American cuisines (FWIW, I'm German). Knowing how outspoken this kid will be about the food that is served, I plan on informing him at the start that his fussy ways won't be tolerated. That said, I wouldn't want him complaining to his parents that we were mean to him. Is my approach considered inappropriate to American parents?

Will you bark, or say it politely?

There's no way politely to "inform someone"--before they've even had the opportunity to have a meal--that they "won't be tolerated."

Good grief, OP. You're itching for this fight, aren't you?

Does anyone else have visions of a stereotypical Fraulein Helga from so many campy bad 90s movies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why it’s such a problem for you if he’s eating the bulk of the meal, but just picking out the vegetables.

You’re German. Cmon, I can go there for two weeks and eat meals in restaurants with pretty much nary a vegetable save for mixed salad and potatoes in sight, and the salad is likely to be overdressed. So use some of your heritage and make some more plain German dishes that he can leave the vegetables off his plate for. It’s really not that hard. Even an American kid is likely to eat spätzle and gravy.

At the end of the day, it’s only two weeks. You are an adult, and I trust you can work around it for whatever your six meals are. I think it just bugs you that he’s the step grandson and you’re put out about hosting him at all. Stock some frozen pizzas, cereal and some extra things to make sandwiches.

Haha!

I thought the same thing.

Given what German food often consists of, I find it hilarious that OP is pointing out that she is German, then complaining about American food.

I mean, come on. German food. It is not like she is French or Italian. German food is a step down or two from a stereotypical American in terms of health and freshness.

[Anonymous]

Gee whiz.

Let grandpa spoil his grandson a bit by heating up frozen pizza.

Don't let your resentment of him being your "STEP" taint the visit to your house.

I bet if he was you blood grandchild you would find a way to be kind and make the visit and meals enjoyable.