Hosting step-grandson for two weeks- how to deal with food fussiness

[Anonymous]

Don't they teach manners in germany?

I would be embarrassed to be so bad at hosting.

[Anonymous]

It is not your job to teach him manners, OP! You are a step-grandma! Here are some other ideas: quesadillas, lasagna, tacos, roast beef, roast chicken, pork chops.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't they teach manners in germany?

I would be embarrassed to be so bad at hosting.

Don't they teach manners in the US?

I would be embarrassed to be such a bad guest.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'm still stuck on a grandparent inviting a grandkid for 2 weeks, and intentionally making things she knows the kid won't like. Everything else is just noise compared to this. If you had an adult houseguest for 2 weeks, would you make things you know she doesn't like? Of course not. OP is a shitty grandparent, and a shitty person.

I'm sure you're Grandparent of the Year. *Slow clap*

"Make food you know your guest (and everyone else) likes, and don't make food you know your grandkid won't like" is not sufficient to be grandparent of the year. It's the bare minimum for decent behavior. No one is suggesting that you become a short order cook. What we are suggesting is that it'll be fairly easy to determine what meals he likes, and . . . make them for everyone. Make dinners that everyone likes.she This is not rocket science.

Instead, your approach seems to be, "I am going to make what I want, even though I *know* he won't like it. And I'm going to use this opportunity to preemptively scold him for being a picky eater." And yes, this makes you a shitty host, and yes, a shitty person. That you either refuse to see or acknowledge this is a whole other issue.

The kid has an extremely limited list of items that he'll eat. Unless OP and her husband is willing to limit themselves to pizza (and no vegetables) every night, that's not going to work. If OP wants to eat normally and 100% accommodate kid's pickiness, then she basically has to make two separate meals. In other words, be a short order cook.

How did you invent this from what OP posted?

Because that is actually OP sock puppeting.

No, it's not. That's just I interpreted OP's statements. I read it to mean that the kid was only willing to eat a small list of stereotypical American foods (pizza, hamburger, chicken nuggets). Maybe OP can clarify exactly what she means. But I highly doubt that the kid willing to eat California or new American foods- both of which would fall under the umbrella of American cuisine.

Nein.

She said he only eats American food (not unusual for any kid of any heritage to only eat the food he is accustomed to, and that he picks veggies out when they are mixed into food. Again, not unusual for a kid to eat around veggies cooked into other foods.

She poopoo'd grandpas soloution of having a few frozen pizzas on hand just in case.

OP also said the is going to lay down the law as soon as the kid arrives, making zero attempt to be a good hostess or indulgent grandma. Who does that kind of thing to a guest?

The issue is OP. Not the kid.

You missed my point. American cuisine varies depending on the region. Traditional southern food is differs from Cali food (which includes a lot of Asian and Mexican influences). American food in the northeast has a lot of Italian and Jewish influences. Does OP mean that the kid will eat any food that falls under the umbrella of American cuisine? In that case, OP would be wrong since she has a wide range of options to choose from. Or does OP mean that he will only eat what we think of as stereotypical American foods (pizza, burger, nuggets, etc)? I assumed that it was the latter meaning. I could be wrong but I doubt it.

OP here. Yes, I meant the stereotypical American foods like pizza, burgers, meatloaf, mac and cheese, spaghetti and meatballs...which we can make but not for two whole weeks! We do consume foods like that but once in a while. I don't know why people had to start criticizing German food but just because I'm German doesn't mean that I usually make German food. I like to cook Korean, Vietnamese, French, Italian (real Italian...like with anchovies and a ton of garlic) and Chinese foods. I do have spätzle in my pantry and I can make one or two German dishes but that's it. I'm very sad with some of the remarks here making me out to be a monster and I am not wanting to fight with the boy. Just to teach him some manners. Is that so wrong?

My grandparents are from Italy and I eat all types of food but draw the line at anchovies. I’m not eating them. My parents don’t like them either. Yes, you are wrong to try to teach him manners by serving anchovies during a two week vi

She was stating what she likes to cook, not what she would like to cook for the boy. Please read properly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't they teach manners in germany?

I would be embarrassed to be so bad at hosting.

Don't they teach manners in the US?

I would be embarrassed to be such a bad guest.

The kid sounds find.

You (sock puppeting OP) sound beyond rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't they teach manners in germany?

I would be embarrassed to be so bad at hosting.

Don't they teach manners in the US?

I would be embarrassed to be such a bad guest.

The kid sounds find.

You (sock puppeting OP) sound beyond rude.

So just because there are some PPs who agree with OP, you think it's OP? That OP could be the only person in the whole of DCUM who thinks that feeding carb-laden, nutritionally devalued food (aka American food) to a child who only wants those foods is bad??? The world doesnt revolve around a single kid's preference. I tell my own kids that they can eat whatever they want in the future but until then, I won't cook anything different for them in our home. I'm Asian-American and my home, my rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't they teach manners in germany?

I would be embarrassed to be so bad at hosting.

Don't they teach manners in the US?

I would be embarrassed to be such a bad guest.

The kid sounds find.

You (sock puppeting OP) sound beyond rude.

I'd be curious to know how your kids are like given that you think a child who automatically whines about food being "ewww" or "gross" is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not your job to teach him manners, OP! You are a step-grandma! Here are some other ideas: quesadillas, lasagna, tacos, roast beef, roast chicken, pork chops.

Since there have been 17 pages of responses, I won't add any more advice. However, why cant the kid prepare any of these on his own or with grandpa? And leave OP alone? If all American kids were like her stepGS, then there wouldn't be MasterChef Junior.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'm still stuck on a grandparent inviting a grandkid for 2 weeks, and intentionally making things she knows the kid won't like. Everything else is just noise compared to this. If you had an adult houseguest for 2 weeks, would you make things you know she doesn't like? Of course not. OP is a shitty grandparent, and a shitty person.

I'm sure you're Grandparent of the Year. *Slow clap*

"Make food you know your guest (and everyone else) likes, and don't make food you know your grandkid won't like" is not sufficient to be grandparent of the year. It's the bare minimum for decent behavior. No one is suggesting that you become a short order cook. What we are suggesting is that it'll be fairly easy to determine what meals he likes, and . . . make them for everyone. Make dinners that everyone likes. This is not rocket science.

Instead, your approach seems to be, "I am going to make what I want, even though I *know* he won't like it. And I'm going to use this opportunity to preemptively scold him for being a picky eater." And yes, this makes you a shitty host, and yes, a shitty person. That you either refuse to see or acknowledge this is a whole other issue.

The kid has an extremely limited list of items that he'll eat. Unless OP and her husband is willing to limit themselves to pizza (and no vegetables) every night, that's not going to work. If OP wants to eat normally and 100% accommodate kid's pickiness, then she basically has to make two separate meals. In other words, be a short order cook.

How did you invent this from what OP posted?

Because that is actually OP sock puppeting.

No, it's not. That's just I interpreted OP's statements. I read it to mean that the kid was only willing to eat a small list of stereotypical American foods (pizza, hamburger, chicken nuggets). Maybe OP can clarify exactly what she means. But I highly doubt that the kid willing to eat California or new American foods- both of which would fall under the umbrella of American cuisine.

Nein.

She said he only eats American food (not unusual for any kid of any heritage to only eat the food he is accustomed to, and that he picks veggies out when they are mixed into food. Again, not unusual for a kid to eat around veggies cooked into other foods.

She poopoo'd grandpas soloution of having a few frozen pizzas on hand just in case.

OP also said the is going to lay down the law as soon as the kid arrives, making zero attempt to be a good hostess or indulgent grandma. Who does that kind of thing to a guest?

The issue is OP. Not the kid.

You missed my point. American cuisine varies depending on the region. Traditional southern food is differs from Cali food (which includes a lot of Asian and Mexican influences). American food in the northeast has a lot of Italian and Jewish influences. Does OP mean that the kid will eat any food that falls under the umbrella of American cuisine? In that case, OP would be wrong since she has a wide range of options to choose from. Or does OP mean that he will only eat what we think of as stereotypical American foods (pizza, burger, nuggets, etc)? I assumed that it was the latter meaning. I could be wrong but I doubt it.

OP here. Yes, I meant the stereotypical American foods like pizza, burgers, meatloaf, mac and cheese, spaghetti and meatballs...which we can make but not for two whole weeks! We do consume foods like that but once in a while. I don't know why people had to start criticizing German food but just because I'm German doesn't mean that I usually make German food. I like to cook Korean, Vietnamese, French, Italian (real Italian...like with anchovies and a ton of garlic) and Chinese foods. I do have spätzle in my pantry and I can make one or two German dishes but that's it. I'm very sad with some of the remarks here making me out to be a monster and I am not wanting to fight with the boy. Just to teach him some manners. Is that so wrong?

So much to unpack here. First, you named five general dishes that he likes, and I am quite sure there are several others you could come up with if you put your mind to it. So, make them. It won't kill you to refrain from making Korean, Vietnamese, etc. for a couple of weeks. He's not staying the summer. Make his stay pleasant.

Second, it is unclear whether you are taking this stand because you are incredibly rigid and refuse to alter your menu, or because you want to provoke a confrontation and "teach him some manners." If it's the former, grow up. If it's the later, you can help teach him manners without going to these measures. Your plan is to make food you *know* he doesn't like (when there are plenty of foods you know he does like) in order to get him to refuse to eat it so you can chastise him for not eating it. Think about that for a second.

Having a limited selection of American foods that he eats is not "plenty of foods". It's embarrassing that more parents cannot encourage their children to eat better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Having a limited selection of American foods that he eats is not "plenty of foods". It's embarrassing that more parents cannot encourage their children to eat better.

Might be, but it is not the job of step-grandma to correct this situation in a 2 week visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Having a limited selection of American foods that he eats is not "plenty of foods". It's embarrassing that more parents cannot encourage their children to eat better.

Might be, but it is not the job of step-grandma to correct this situation in a 2 week visit.

She can still introduce him to new foods. Why is that considered bad? It's her home; she shouldn't have to feel like the family's dining habits are being overhauled for a 12yo. And I think that is where the conflict lies. The 12yo shouldn't be running the show. When I was growing up none of the grownups ask me what they should be cooking, and they shouldn't have. It's the same philosophy I have with my own children to the chagrin of my sister who gives in to her children so readily. I see how differently our children behave and I have no doubt it is because my kids don't get their way but hers do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I'm very sad with some of the remarks here making me out to be a monster and I am not wanting to fight with the boy. Just to teach him some manners. Is that so wrong?"

Yep. That IS so wrong.

Because you are not his grandma, and you are not a trusted authority figure in his life. Literally no one wants you in the "Grandma" role; by your own admission, even you don't want that.

Your husband doesn't want you "teaching lessons," the child's parents don't want you "teaching lessons," and the child doesn't want you "teaching lessons."

Butt. Out. The child has two parents and at least one real grandparent. You need to be courteous and maybe even try to be--gasp!--a little fun.

Make some simple meals. Set them out. Don't monitor or nag. If he's still hungry, you can tell him he's free to make a PB&J.

If he complains, you can say, "Tim, that's not very nice. I won't force you to try anything, but I would appreciate if you kept your unkind thoughts to yourself." That's not "lesson-teaching," that's just standing up for yourelf in your own home. But only do that IF HE ACTUALLY SAYS SOMETHING.

You're spoiling for a fight. Stand down and let his real grandfather do any heavy lifting that needs to happen.

Personally, if I were OP, I would just cook for myself given how disrespectful this brat sounds. Let the grandfather handle his meals. I believe that if OP were a man, there wouldn't be so much outrage. But no, people call her all sorts of names from shitty to being a gold digger as if they are saints. Amazing how righteous people are online...

You do get that *OP herself* is the one saying she’s going to do the cooking, right? Many, many people—including me in other posts—have suggested she just let her husband cook. OP seems unwilling to do that.

[Anonymous]

She said that she would be expected to do 50% of the cooking. Because it's two weeks, and not two days. That's not hard to believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Having a limited selection of American foods that he eats is not "plenty of foods". It's embarrassing that more parents cannot encourage their children to eat better.

Might be, but it is not the job of step-grandma to correct this situation in a 2 week visit.

She can still introduce him to new foods. Why is that considered bad? It's her home; she shouldn't have to feel like the family's dining habits are being overhauled for a 12yo. And I think that is where the conflict lies. The 12yo shouldn't be running the show. When I was growing up none of the grownups ask me what they should be cooking, and they shouldn't have. It's the same philosophy I have with my own children to the chagrin of my sister who gives in to her children so readily. I see how differently our children behave and I have no doubt it is because my kids don't get their way but hers do.

Okay, tell the parents and let them decide whether to send their son. OP is trying to do this sneakily so the parents don't know. When your kids go to your sister's house and she's serving pizza, mac and cheese, and hamburgers for meals, plus ice cream for dessert, do you want her to sneak and do that or do you want her to be upfront and say she's serving what she feels like? Same thing here. OP can serve whatever she wants, just be an adult and tell the parents instead of being sneaky about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Having a limited selection of American foods that he eats is not "plenty of foods". It's embarrassing that more parents cannot encourage their children to eat better.

Might be, but it is not the job of step-grandma to correct this situation in a 2 week visit.

She can still introduce him to new foods. Why is that considered bad? It's her home; she shouldn't have to feel like the family's dining habits are being overhauled for a 12yo. And I think that is where the conflict lies. The 12yo shouldn't be running the show. When I was growing up none of the grownups ask me what they should be cooking, and they shouldn't have. It's the same philosophy I have with my own children to the chagrin of my sister who gives in to her children so readily. I see how differently our children behave and I have no doubt it is because my kids don't get their way but hers do.

Okay, tell the parents and let them decide whether to send their son. OP is trying to do this sneakily so the parents don't know. When your kids go to your sister's house and she's serving pizza, mac and cheese, and hamburgers for meals, plus ice cream for dessert, do you want her to sneak and do that or do you want her to be upfront and say she's serving what she feels like? Same thing here. OP can serve whatever she wants, just be an adult and tell the parents instead of being sneaky about it.

I don't allow my children to be on their own at my sister's. They usually come over to ours when they visit the East Coast and we eat together as a family. They do wrinkle their noses at quinoa and avocado smoothies but I am not stocking up on unhealthy foods because of them. My sister knows I am who I am and if she has a problem, she can feed her kids junk food before coming over.