Hosting step-grandson for two weeks- how to deal with food fussiness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are some posters assuming that OP is younger than her husband’s children/the child’s parents?Plenty of people under the age of 40 have 12-year-olds. And how is that at all relevant to the topic at hand anyway?

Because OP said earlier in this thread that she does not consider herself a grandma because she is only 40 years old.

And?Does her age &/or her age relative to that of the kid’s parents (or her DH for that matter) make it any more right (or wrong, depending on one’s point of view) for the kid to make comments about the food or the hosts to refuse to make him frozen pizza or whatever every night?

No one said the host should make him frozen pizza every night. OP's DH suggested having frozen pizza in the event the child didn't like what was cooked and OP didn't want to do that. She posted that she doesn't want to change her cooking and she wants to tell the grandson when he gets there that his fussiness will not be tolerated in her house. So she doesn't want to compromise and she wants to start of the visit by scolding the child. You are right, her age has nothing to do with it, her behavior is just confrontational and unnecessary.

I don't know where you grew up but it seems like 99% of the PPs live in a world where children rule the roost. It's like people want their children bubble wrapped and to never hear a single negative thing about their behavior. Such children are going to get a rude shock when they grow up because guess what? People do judge picky eaters. People do not like dealing with someone who goes 'ewww' or 'gross' just because a food item is from another cuisine. The point OP was making is that children do not get to dictate mealtimes. Period. My child just told me she wants to be vegan and doesn't any more animal products in our house. I told her that she can choose all that when she moves out and lives on her own. Our house, our rules. Don't like it? That's the way of the world.

Totally different things. Letting a child dictate what is allowed in the house is dumb. But treating a 12 year old guest as a guest is just basic manners. Why serve a guest something you know they don’t like? That’s just rude. (As an aside: this is a reasonable dislike (ie, German food)).

But the child doesn't like a lot of foods. She isn't going to serve him chicken feet. But at the same time, she can't subsist on a child's menu of pizza and nuggets for two weeks. It's inconvenient and unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But the child doesn't like a lot of foods. She isn't going to serve him chicken feet. But at the same time, she can't subsist on a child's menu of pizza and nuggets for two weeks. It's inconvenient and unhealthy.

Not a single person has suggest that she should subsist on pizza and nuggets for two weeks. Many people, including me, have offered suggestions for how to cook meals that work for all. She likes to make Italian food. Fine, make pasta but this time don't include anchovies. She provided a list of things he likes that are not child-like chicken nuggets, but are basic American fare. Right there that's 6 or 7 meals. Throw in eating out two or three times. Now, they're down to having to figure out four meals. This is where she can decide whether to be creative with her approach to cuisine, or have an argument with a kid. Or, as her husband wants, have alternative options in the house or on the table.

The tween cannot say yuck or gross, that's fair and reasonable and acceptable. There is a big middle ground on the food, she just wants the fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But the child doesn't like a lot of foods. She isn't going to serve him chicken feet. But at the same time, she can't subsist on a child's menu of pizza and nuggets for two weeks. It's inconvenient and unhealthy.

Not a single person has suggest that she should subsist on pizza and nuggets for two weeks. Many people, including me, have offered suggestions for how to cook meals that work for all. She likes to make Italian food. Fine, make pasta but this time don't include anchovies. She provided a list of things he likes that are not child-like chicken nuggets, but are basic American fare. Right there that's 6 or 7 meals. Throw in eating out two or three times. Now, they're down to having to figure out four meals. This is where she can decide whether to be creative with her approach to cuisine, or have an argument with a kid. Or, as her husband wants, have alternative options in the house or on the table.

The tween cannot say yuck or gross, that's fair and reasonable and acceptable. There is a big middle ground on the food, she just wants the fight.

Has anyone considered that the kid won't put up a fight when challenged? It could be that his parents just easily give in to him (otherwise why do children's menus exist?) and he has never thought about how his misbehavior comes across. This visit could be beneficial for him to learn how to be a good guest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But the child doesn't like a lot of foods. She isn't going to serve him chicken feet. But at the same time, she can't subsist on a child's menu of pizza and nuggets for two weeks. It's inconvenient and unhealthy.

Not a single person has suggest that she should subsist on pizza and nuggets for two weeks. Many people, including me, have offered suggestions for how to cook meals that work for all. She likes to make Italian food. Fine, make pasta but this time don't include anchovies. She provided a list of things he likes that are not child-like chicken nuggets, but are basic American fare. Right there that's 6 or 7 meals. Throw in eating out two or three times. Now, they're down to having to figure out four meals. This is where she can decide whether to be creative with her approach to cuisine, or have an argument with a kid. Or, as her husband wants, have alternative options in the house or on the table.

The tween cannot say yuck or gross, that's fair and reasonable and acceptable. There is a big middle ground on the food, she just wants the fight.

Has anyone considered that the kid won't put up a fight when challenged? It could be that his parents just easily give in to him (otherwise why do children's menus exist?) and he has never thought about how his misbehavior comes across. This visit could be beneficial for him to learn how to be a good guest.

Why is she challenging her guest. And why is she planning to start the visit with "your fussiness won't be tolerated?" OP will get what she wants with that attitude. She'll make sure the grandson doesn't come back and she'll have grandpa and his money all to herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this kid is probably from some hicktown and doesn't have a cosmopolitan palate. You won't win because typical Americans like your stepgrandson just don't like non-American foods. Sad to say but it's the truth. Why else would there be 14 pages of dumb responses on this thread? If that kid was visiting the US from another country, and didn't like to eat stereotypical American crap, people would be up in arms saying that he needs to be introduced to burgers, pizza and mac and cheese.

Did anyone else notice that OP and many of the posts supporting her use the word "foods" instead of "food?" Very few people in the US do that. I know this because when I first moved her my friend noticed that I did that. I think OP may be sock puppeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But the child doesn't like a lot of foods. She isn't going to serve him chicken feet. But at the same time, she can't subsist on a child's menu of pizza and nuggets for two weeks. It's inconvenient and unhealthy.

Not a single person has suggest that she should subsist on pizza and nuggets for two weeks. Many people, including me, have offered suggestions for how to cook meals that work for all. She likes to make Italian food. Fine, make pasta but this time don't include anchovies. She provided a list of things he likes that are not child-like chicken nuggets, but are basic American fare. Right there that's 6 or 7 meals. Throw in eating out two or three times. Now, they're down to having to figure out four meals. This is where she can decide whether to be creative with her approach to cuisine, or have an argument with a kid. Or, as her husband wants, have alternative options in the house or on the table.

The tween cannot say yuck or gross, that's fair and reasonable and acceptable. There is a big middle ground on the food, she just wants the fight.

+1 Certainly, she can make Asian food and he'll likely eat the rice and maybe bypass the rest. Or not...my kids are not typically adventurous eaters but discovered they love tempura shrimp and vegetables when cooked by my Chinese SIL and served in a friendly, no-pressure, one of several things on the table, style.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But the child doesn't like a lot of foods. She isn't going to serve him chicken feet. But at the same time, she can't subsist on a child's menu of pizza and nuggets for two weeks. It's inconvenient and unhealthy.

Not a single person has suggest that she should subsist on pizza and nuggets for two weeks. Many people, including me, have offered suggestions for how to cook meals that work for all. She likes to make Italian food. Fine, make pasta but this time don't include anchovies. She provided a list of things he likes that are not child-like chicken nuggets, but are basic American fare. Right there that's 6 or 7 meals. Throw in eating out two or three times. Now, they're down to having to figure out four meals. This is where she can decide whether to be creative with her approach to cuisine, or have an argument with a kid. Or, as her husband wants, have alternative options in the house or on the table.

The tween cannot say yuck or gross, that's fair and reasonable and acceptable. There is a big middle ground on the food, she just wants the fight.

+1
I would not tolerate a kid saying "yuck" and being a pill about dinner. But I would also not be looking for a fight or cooking meals I expect my guest will not like. Make some meals you know he likes. Make some meals you think he'll like. Eat out/get takeout a few times. Don't throw down the gauntlet the minute he walks through the door and announce that his "fussy ways will not be tolerated."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But the child doesn't like a lot of foods. She isn't going to serve him chicken feet. But at the same time, she can't subsist on a child's menu of pizza and nuggets for two weeks. It's inconvenient and unhealthy.

Not a single person has suggest that she should subsist on pizza and nuggets for two weeks. Many people, including me, have offered suggestions for how to cook meals that work for all. She likes to make Italian food. Fine, make pasta but this time don't include anchovies. She provided a list of things he likes that are not child-like chicken nuggets, but are basic American fare. Right there that's 6 or 7 meals. Throw in eating out two or three times. Now, they're down to having to figure out four meals. This is where she can decide whether to be creative with her approach to cuisine, or have an argument with a kid. Or, as her husband wants, have alternative options in the house or on the table.

The tween cannot say yuck or gross, that's fair and reasonable and acceptable. There is a big middle ground on the food, she just wants the fight.

Has anyone considered that the kid won't put up a fight when challenged? It could be that his parents just easily give in to him (otherwise why do children's menus exist?) and he has never thought about how his misbehavior comes across. This visit could be beneficial for him to learn how to be a good guest.

Uh, not all the posts supporting OP use the word “foods” .Mone didn’t nor did some others. And, btw. some Americans do use that word.

Why is it so hard for you to accept that not everybody responding completely disagrees with the OP?

-not the OP

[Anonymous]

LOL...22 pages of debate about a non-issue and where is the OP? Isn't it crazy that feeding a 12-year-old can become such a debatable topic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this kid is probably from some hicktown and doesn't have a cosmopolitan palate. You won't win because typical Americans like your stepgrandson just don't like non-American foods. Sad to say but it's the truth. Why else would there be 14 pages of dumb responses on this thread? If that kid was visiting the US from another country, and didn't like to eat stereotypical American crap, people would be up in arms saying that he needs to be introduced to burgers, pizza and mac and cheese.

Did anyone else notice that OP and many of the posts supporting her use the word "foods" instead of "food?" Very few people in the US do that. I know this because when I first moved her my friend noticed that I did that. I think OP may be sock puppeting.

Of course she is sock puppeting.

She is probably the same person who trolls about Princess Kate and Meghan all the time.

[Anonymous]

Did he arrive, step grandma? How did it go? Did you take any of our advice?

[Anonymous]

How pathetic to watch people presented with a situation where they can choose between 2 possible outcomes, pick the one with the worst consequences
Be a flexible, kind family member to a child who may have food sensory issues and have a new person who loves you
Or
Be a rigid, controlling witch, put everyone in an uncomfortable position and maintain control over your little kingdom of misery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Former, picky eater here- heavy handed tactics don't work. It's the smell, texture, flavor of veggies or certain foods-- some kids can't abide it, and react more strongly. At twelve, I would sit and starve before eating a cooked carrot.
Sensory issues and inflexibility will calm down when they are adults as long as it's not linked to a lot of bad memories of being told to "clean their plate" or going hungry because the smell of cooked broccoli is overwhelming.
Introducing food to try without pressure or embarrassment works great. I was around twelve when I realized that food could be mixed up in a burrito and taste great- it was a no pressure family dinner at a Mexican restaurant. No one cared whether I ate my burrito or not.

THIS!

Nanny here. I have worked with soooooo many picky eaters! "One bite to be polite" can work with some kids, not with others. I'm a huge fan of having kids help me cook, and having them see that I can put vegetables in almost anything to "hide" the veggie flavor. While I would never hide a vegetable from a child who was going to be with me long term, in your case, I definitely would for the duration of the visit. However, I would also put a noticeable vegetable on the table that he can reject, that way he doesn't start to wonder why you aren't having vegetables at all.

Mashed potatoes = half cauliflower
Smoothie for breakfast = zucchini mixed into the strawberry banana
Spatzle= half cauliflower
Any sauce = onion just starting to turn translucent blended in to liquid before making the sauce

There is no way that I would be okay serving meals for 2 weeks and knowing that a child was not eating vegetables at all. That's just me, I can't do it! But I also know I'm not going to change a child's pickiness in the short-term.

I would also make sure that there's very little processed food in the house. I'm sorry, but I don't buy into the whole idea of eating what you want AFTER the meal. That's not how my family worked, nor is it what any of the kids do when I work with them. Meals are served, you can choose to eat or not, and everyone's taste should be taken into account (at least somewhat). No one person's taste should decide every meal for 2 weeks, your tastes included.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to be the dissenting voice. The kid's 12. He's old enough to understand that it's unreasonable to expect other people to cater to his extreme pickiness. It's normal to have likes and dislikes.- to like some vegetables but not other vegetables. It's not normal to write off entire food groups and only eat frozen pizza for dinner. The only reason that he's become this bad is because his parents have constantly indulged him.

Don't force him to eat anything but don't cater to his pickiness. Make whatever you normally make. Once or twice a week, make one of his favorites. (This is normal amount of catering to a guest, not changing your entire diet for 2 weeks.) If he doesn't want to eat whatever you make, then he make a sandwich or heat up a frozen pipzza himself.

Really..if a guest said I am avoiding carbs/dairy/glutton I would make sure there were acceptable meals every day. I want my guests to be comfortable and happy. My M-in-law would make two different boxes of pasta if each kid wanted a different shape. She was happy to make them happy.

I didn't see this before. Dietary restrictions to medical issues (including allergies, sensory) or religion/ethics is not the same as picky eating. That's ridiculous. If a picky eater is only willing to eat 5 food items their entire lives, that's fine. But they shouldn't expect other people to go out of their way to cater to their issues.

I was not referring to medical issues..trying to lose 5pounds..no carbs..no dairy no glouton..is that so difference than a kid having preferences? I consider my vegetarian neice the same as my daughter who has lots of food preferences. I accommodate as well as I can.

Vegetarian is one thing. Picky is another. If there are sensory issues, to me that falls into the medical/lifestyle. I don't cater to diets, fads or pickiness, I do accommodate for lifestyle (as going too far can actually make someone ill) and I'm anal about making sure that allergens aren't present for medical conditions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good grief, is this how you people act when adult visitors come to your home?

"Well, I know Paul hates fish, but that's not an ALLERGY, just a preference. I'm going to make salmon. And I know Mary doesn't eat carbs, but it's not like she's ALLERGIC, it's just vanity. We'll have orzo as the side!"

My dad is a very meat-and-potatoes eater. My husband and I are more adventurous. But when my dad comes to visit, I downshift a bit. I don't see his visit to my home as an opportunity to cast his preferences as a moral failure, and teach him a lesson.

And do you expect to cater to his tastes for 2 solid weeks?