Hosting step-grandson for two weeks- how to deal with food fussiness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This child is a product of our time and so are most of the responses on this thread. You would think we were talking about a one-year-old baby by the way people suggest you cater to him.

He's a guest in your house. You cook a few meals you know he enjoys and for the rest of the meals, you cook like you usually do.
If the boy doesn't like your cooking and is still hungry after dinner, he can make himself a peanut butter sandwich later in the evening.

Going back to the beginning, this didn't seem like OP's approach. Her husband wants to have on hand alternate food. She doesn't. She wants to cook what she wants to cook, and require the young man to eat it as part of teaching him manners.

PP here : I agree that this is not her role.

And she also wants to announce when he arrives that his fussy ways will not be tolerated. She doesn't like this kid and is spoiling for a fight.

There's a lot of middle ground between "force kid to eat food you know he hates" and "let kid eat nothing but frozen pizza for two weeks." Cook meals you know he likes some nights. Cook meals you have a reasonable expectation he will like the rest of the time. Let him eat as much or as little of those meals as he wants. Let him make a PB&J if he's still hungry (and he will be. Teen boys are like vacuum cleaners.) If he actually makes a rude comment about the food, you can reprimand him and remind him to be polite. But it's not your job to teach him to like vegetables. It's your job to be a gracious hostess, and no gracious hostess intentionally prepares food she knows that her guests will not like.

[Anonymous]

This thread is like the perfect embodiment of every stereotype about Germans. All that’s missing is a complaint about how the grandson refuses to wear white tube socks with his sandals.

OP, it is not your role to fix this boy’s eating habits. And deliberately serving your guests food they don’t like is rude. Perhaps even more so for a kid who is stuck with you and doesn’t have the option to go out and buy himself something else like an adult guest could.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure the grandpa will take the boy out to eat something. You guys sound like it's the end of the world for the kid. The kid won't care. I'm sure he's got some money and can walk to a grocery store. He is not helpless no matter how fussy he is.

[Anonymous]

I don't think the OP said anything about making the child like vegetables. She is taking the stance that they are not changing their cooking habits for the child because he is a child. It's not unreasonable. A 12 yo doesn't get to run the show at the house of a host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the OP said anything about making the child like vegetables. She is taking the stance that they are not changing their cooking habits for the child because he is a child. It's not unreasonable. A 12 yo doesn't get to run the show at the house of a host.

At this point this thread has now run its course and is circling back again and again.

OP can choose to change nothing about how she cooks, and either argue with grandson about it or not.
OP can choose to find ways to evolve her cooking to make it a more pleasurable experience for her grandson and not have food be a source of argument during a 2wk visit.

OP cannot magically make an adolescent love vegetables, spicy food, or other cuisines.
OP absolutely can ruin a relationship by making food a power struggle with a guest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, my two year old eats a big variety of very healthy food. They love nothing more than to sit and read book together. So it’s not like I think the 12yonin question is totally typical and fine. I agree that there are other and arguably better ways to raise kids.

OP’s child-rearing opinions are not invalid because she’s wrong. Her opinions are invalid because IT’S NOT HER KID!

Furthermore, it’s quite clear that she doesn’t much like kids in general or this kid in particular. She keeps saying that “If he were an adult I wouldn’t cater to him.” News flash: adults are different from kids. If he were an adult and he came to stay with you and you served kugel exclusively and he hated it, he could leave! Kids get more catering because they are trapped in their situation. He isn’t choosing to visit and he isn’t able to choose to leave, so if you are a bitch to him the whole time then he will have no healthy options for responding (such as leaving) and will likely resort to unhealthy responses (such as pouting, whining or generally being miserable). Are his mealtime manners ideal? No. But it is clearly time to be the bigger person when the other party to your feud is a literal child.

But my guess is that OP would be fine with him being miserable for two weeks since he will then choose to never come back, which is her ultimate goal. She just wants her husband and doesn’t want to deal with his kid and grandkid.

Please know that undermining your husband’s relationship with his grandson is a jerk move.

Please tell us you did not just come on this thread and compare your still in diaper's behavior, food preferences and "reading" habits to that of a 12 year old, then proclaim your parenting methods superior?

My point was not that I am a superior parent. I mention that my kids eat veggies because so far anyone who posts that OP is being a jerk has been accused of being pro-junk food. My point is that even those of us who would not be okay with pizza and burgers for two weeks for our own kids can agree that it is not step-grandma’s place to decide to overhaul this poor kid’s diet over a 2 week period. Basically, even the pro-veggie among us can still think that OP is being way too judgemental and is massively overstepping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are some posters assuming that OP is younger than her husband’s children/the child’s parents?Plenty of people under the age of 40 have 12-year-olds. And how is that at all relevant to the topic at hand anyway?

Because OP said earlier in this thread that she does not consider herself a grandma because she is only 40 years old.

And?Does her age &/or her age relative to that of the kid’s parents (or her DH for that matter) make it any more right (or wrong, depending on one’s point of view) for the kid to make comments about the food or the hosts to refuse to make him frozen pizza or whatever every night?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are some posters assuming that OP is younger than her husband’s children/the child’s parents?Plenty of people under the age of 40 have 12-year-olds. And how is that at all relevant to the topic at hand anyway?

Because OP said earlier in this thread that she does not consider herself a grandma because she is only 40 years old.

And?Does her age &/or her age relative to that of the kid’s parents (or her DH for that matter) make it any more right (or wrong, depending on one’s point of view) for the kid to make comments about the food or the hosts to refuse to make him frozen pizza or whatever every night?

No one said the host should make him frozen pizza every night. OP's DH suggested having frozen pizza in the event the child didn't like what was cooked and OP didn't want to do that. She posted that she doesn't want to change her cooking and she wants to tell the grandson when he gets there that his fussiness will not be tolerated in her house. So she doesn't want to compromise and she wants to start of the visit by scolding the child. You are right, her age has nothing to do with it, her behavior is just confrontational and unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are some posters assuming that OP is younger than her husband’s children/the child’s parents?Plenty of people under the age of 40 have 12-year-olds. And how is that at all relevant to the topic at hand anyway?

Because OP said earlier in this thread that she does not consider herself a grandma because she is only 40 years old.

And?Does her age &/or her age relative to that of the kid’s parents (or her DH for that matter) make it any more right (or wrong, depending on one’s point of view) for the kid to make comments about the food or the hosts to refuse to make him frozen pizza or whatever every night?

No one said the host should make him frozen pizza every night. OP's DH suggested having frozen pizza in the event the child didn't like what was cooked and OP didn't want to do that. She posted that she doesn't want to change her cooking and she wants to tell the grandson when he gets there that his fussiness will not be tolerated in her house. So she doesn't want to compromise and she wants to start of the visit by scolding the child. You are right, her age has nothing to do with it, her behavior is just confrontational and unnecessary.

I don't know where you grew up but it seems like 99% of the PPs live in a world where children rule the roost. It's like people want their children bubble wrapped and to never hear a single negative thing about their behavior. Such children are going to get a rude shock when they grow up because guess what? People do judge picky eaters. People do not like dealing with someone who goes 'ewww' or 'gross' just because a food item is from another cuisine. The point OP was making is that children do not get to dictate mealtimes. Period. My child just told me she wants to be vegan and doesn't any more animal products in our house. I told her that she can choose all that when she moves out and lives on her own. Our house, our rules. Don't like it? That's the way of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound pretty awful, OP. I actually feel really sad for that poor kid and I don't even know him. You've already decided to make his visit miserable.

[phone]. This post made me feel so fortunate my kids have grandparents that love them and want to spoil them every time they visit. Grandma always have their favourite cake and all their favourite foods waiting for them when they arrive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, my two year old eats a big variety of very healthy food. They love nothing more than to sit and read book together. So it’s not like I think the 12yonin question is totally typical and fine. I agree that there are other and arguably better ways to raise kids.

OP’s child-rearing opinions are not invalid because she’s wrong. Her opinions are invalid because IT’S NOT HER KID!

Furthermore, it’s quite clear that she doesn’t much like kids in general or this kid in particular. She keeps saying that “If he were an adult I wouldn’t cater to him.” News flash: adults are different from kids. If he were an adult and he came to stay with you and you served kugel exclusively and he hated it, he could leave! Kids get more catering because they are trapped in their situation. He isn’t choosing to visit and he isn’t able to choose to leave, so if you are a bitch to him the whole time then he will have no healthy options for responding (such as leaving) and will likely resort to unhealthy responses (such as pouting, whining or generally being miserable). Are his mealtime manners ideal? No. But it is clearly time to be the bigger person when the other party to your feud is a literal child.

But my guess is that OP would be fine with him being miserable for two weeks since he will then choose to never come back, which is her ultimate goal. She just wants her husband and doesn’t want to deal with his kid and grandkid.

Please know that undermining your husband’s relationship with his grandson is a jerk move.

Please tell us you did not just come on this thread and compare your still in diaper's behavior, food preferences and "reading" habits to that of a 12 year old, then proclaim your parenting methods superior?

My point was not that I am a superior parent. I mention that my kids eat veggies because so far anyone who posts that OP is being a jerk has been accused of being pro-junk food. My point is that even those of us who would not be okay with pizza and burgers for two weeks for our own kids can agree that it is not step-grandma’s place to decide to overhaul this poor kid’s diet over a 2 week period. Basically, even the pro-veggie among us can still think that OP is being way too judgemental and is massively overstepping.

Exactly. My kids eat vegetables and we eat very healthfully in our house but when they are visiting the grandparents who want to spoil them because they live in another country, I am willing to bend the rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who in their right mind takes a visiting 11 year old boy to the library "to bond"? Unless the kids is a real bookwork, why would you think this was a fun idea?

Take him:

Go Karting
Indoor Rock Climbing
Fishing
Air and Space Museum
County Fair
Dinosaur Park
High Ropes Course like Sandy Spring Adventure Park
Kayaking
Amusement Park
Movies

The same kind of person who would make a 12-year old boy eat sauerkraut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who in their right mind takes a visiting 11 year old boy to the library "to bond"? Unless the kids is a real bookwork, why would you think this was a fun idea?

Take him:

Go Karting
Indoor Rock Climbing
Fishing
Air and Space Museum
County Fair
Dinosaur Park
High Ropes Course like Sandy Spring Adventure Park
Kayaking
Amusement Park
Movies

The same kind of person who would make a 12-year old boy eat sauerkraut.

Plenty of 12 year old boys grow up eating sauerkraut. Ok, they're mostly in Europe but even so. My siblings and I ate sauerkraut at that age and we were Americans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are some posters assuming that OP is younger than her husband’s children/the child’s parents?Plenty of people under the age of 40 have 12-year-olds. And how is that at all relevant to the topic at hand anyway?

Because OP said earlier in this thread that she does not consider herself a grandma because she is only 40 years old.

And?Does her age &/or her age relative to that of the kid’s parents (or her DH for that matter) make it any more right (or wrong, depending on one’s point of view) for the kid to make comments about the food or the hosts to refuse to make him frozen pizza or whatever every night?

No one said the host should make him frozen pizza every night. OP's DH suggested having frozen pizza in the event the child didn't like what was cooked and OP didn't want to do that. She posted that she doesn't want to change her cooking and she wants to tell the grandson when he gets there that his fussiness will not be tolerated in her house. So she doesn't want to compromise and she wants to start of the visit by scolding the child. You are right, her age has nothing to do with it, her behavior is just confrontational and unnecessary.

I don't know where you grew up but it seems like 99% of the PPs live in a world where children rule the roost. It's like people want their children bubble wrapped and to never hear a single negative thing about their behavior. Such children are going to get a rude shock when they grow up because guess what? People do judge picky eaters. People do not like dealing with someone who goes 'ewww' or 'gross' just because a food item is from another cuisine. The point OP was making is that children do not get to dictate mealtimes. Period. My child just told me she wants to be vegan and doesn't any more animal products in our house. I told her that she can choose all that when she moves out and lives on her own. Our house, our rules. Don't like it? That's the way of the world.

Totally different things. Letting a child dictate what is allowed in the house is dumb. But treating a 12 year old guest as a guest is just basic manners. Why serve a guest something you know they don’t like? That’s just rude. (As an aside: this is a reasonable dislike (ie, German food)).

[Anonymous]

The child's dislike encompasses non American food so it isn't just German food. Even if she makes something Korean, he wouldn't touch it. Why is it so hard to admit that some children are like that? They aren't all saints.