Hosting step-grandson for two weeks- how to deal with food fussiness

[Anonymous]

I think it would be very forward to send my kid to anyone’s house for two weeks without strict instructions that he be a decent guest and eat what he’s given. If he’s that picky I’d be sending favorite food with him. Clearly these people are doing the child’s family a big favor (sounds like this is not a usual vacation for him) so they could step up and help.

[Anonymous]

Said no one ever: “Let’s go out for German food!”

[Anonymous]

Frozen burritos are more healthy than frozen pizza—will he eat those? That’s out standard “if you don’t want what I cooked...” meal. You can basically live on those. Costco has really good organic bean and rice ones.

[Anonymous]

Former, picky eater here- heavy handed tactics don't work. It's the smell, texture, flavor of veggies or certain foods-- some kids can't abide it, and react more strongly. At twelve, I would sit and starve before eating a cooked carrot.
Sensory issues and inflexibility will calm down when they are adults as long as it's not linked to a lot of bad memories of being told to "clean their plate" or going hungry because the smell of cooked broccoli is overwhelming.
Introducing food to try without pressure or embarrassment works great. I was around twelve when I realized that food could be mixed up in a burrito and taste great- it was a no pressure family dinner at a Mexican restaurant. No one cared whether I ate my burrito or not.

[Anonymous]

My first reaction is to suggest you nix the visit, as your grandchild seems destined for a miserable two weeks. But that aside, what I do when I host a child is to call ahead and ask for some things said child likes to eat. Maybe its meals, maybe its things like peaches, bananas, cheese, rolls, yogurt. Or he loves to drink milk. Hopefully there is a meal or two in there, like spaghetti, or loves grilled hamburgers and hot dogs. Then I make sure I have the food my guest likes on hand. I make an effort to cook the meals s/he likes at least every few days, and when I am making something s/he doesn't especially like, I make sure that there are some of the preferred side foods on the table, so everyone can find something the like to eat. If you can't manage even that, then I'm back to suggesting you nix the visit.

[Anonymous]

I’m dying because I just got back from Germany and literally the only veggies I was served was potatoes and some limp lettuce with other limp veggies that was supposed to be a mixed salad.

Anyway, no, most 12 year olds will not eat warm potato salad or sauerkraut. They will eat about any hot dog/sausage/brat that is grilled up and presented to them. It’s about 50/50 on if you can get one to eat schnitzel or spatzle.

When my picky eater nephew visits I give him the option of trying what we are having or making himself a sandwich or frozen pizza. Even picky 12 year old boys eat a LOT of food so be prepared for that.

[Anonymous]

Way to ruin your relationship with your step-grandson, OP. How hard is it to contact his mom or dad and ask for some menu planning ideas? He's 12 , not 21. Be gracious and make him feel at home. It's not your place to "fix" his picky eating habits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first reaction is to suggest you nix the visit, as your grandchild seems destined for a miserable two weeks. But that aside, what I do when I host a child is to call ahead and ask for some things said child likes to eat. Maybe its meals, maybe its things like peaches, bananas, cheese, rolls, yogurt. Or he loves to drink milk. Hopefully there is a meal or two in there, like spaghetti, or loves grilled hamburgers and hot dogs. Then I make sure I have the food my guest likes on hand. I make an effort to cook the meals s/he likes at least every few days, and when I am making something s/he doesn't especially like, I make sure that there are some of the preferred side foods on the table, so everyone can find something the like to eat. If you can't manage even that, then I'm back to suggesting you nix the visit.

+1 When we visit my parents, mom always asks what my kids current favorites are for snacks, breakfasts, dinners so she can plan to cook what they like and have favorite foods on hand. My sister and teen nephews are visiting and I did the same thing. Because we all actually enjoy spending time together and want to be good hosts.

OP sounds like she doesn't want this child in her house. If you can't be kind and welcoming, then please take a trip of your own so he can enjoy time with his grandfather.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the title states...The kid in question is 12 yo and known for picking vegetables out of his meals for as long as I've known him. He also doesn't like anything other than American food and will make all sorts of remarks about how much he hates vegetables etc. DH said earlier today that "if he doesn't want to eat what we eat, then we can heat up something like a frozen pizza etc." while I disagree. I think that if we've taken the trouble of making a meal, he should be having what we're having and not be catered to. It's not like he's deathly allergic to vegetables. If the kid was just staying for a few days, I would let my husband just deal with it. However, it's two weeks so I will definitely be handling at least half of meal prep/cooking. I like to cook a variety of dishes from various non-American cuisines (FWIW, I'm German). Knowing how outspoken this kid will be about the food that is served, I plan on informing him at the start that his fussy ways won't be tolerated. That said, I wouldn't want him complaining to his parents that we were mean to him. Is my approach considered inappropriate to American parents?

Other than brats, most American kids do not like German food.

It is too heavy and greasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the title states...The kid in question is 12 yo and known for picking vegetables out of his meals for as long as I've known him. He also doesn't like anything other than American food and will make all sorts of remarks about how much he hates vegetables etc. DH said earlier today that "if he doesn't want to eat what we eat, then we can heat up something like a frozen pizza etc." while I disagree. I think that if we've taken the trouble of making a meal, he should be having what we're having and not be catered to. It's not like he's deathly allergic to vegetables. If the kid was just staying for a few days, I would let my husband just deal with it. However, it's two weeks so I will definitely be handling at least half of meal prep/cooking. I like to cook a variety of dishes from various non-American cuisines (FWIW, I'm German). Knowing how outspoken this kid will be about the food that is served, I plan on informing him at the start that his fussy ways won't be tolerated. That said, I wouldn't want him complaining to his parents that we were mean to him. Is my approach considered inappropriate to American parents?

But you are planning in advance to be mean to him.

Why would you think he won't pick up on your disdain for him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the title states...The kid in question is 12 yo and known for picking vegetables out of his meals for as long as I've known him. He also doesn't like anything other than American food and will make all sorts of remarks about how much he hates vegetables etc. DH said earlier today that "if he doesn't want to eat what we eat, then we can heat up something like a frozen pizza etc." while I disagree. I think that if we've taken the trouble of making a meal, he should be having what we're having and not be catered to. It's not like he's deathly allergic to vegetables. If the kid was just staying for a few days, I would let my husband just deal with it. However, it's two weeks so I will definitely be handling at least half of meal prep/cooking. I like to cook a variety of dishes from various non-American cuisines (FWIW, I'm German). Knowing how outspoken this kid will be about the food that is served, I plan on informing him at the start that his fussy ways won't be tolerated. That said, I wouldn't want him complaining to his parents that we were mean to him. Is my approach considered inappropriate to American parents?

If you know he's fussy and don't want to tolerate his fussy ways, why have him as a guest? At 12, if you started out a vacation by telling me my fussiness would not be tolerated, I'd have immediately called my parents and asked to go home because it would be clear I wasn't welcome. It's two weeks, my kids love my mom's cooking and she still asks what they would like her to cook while they visit. If he doesn't like vegetables, there are so many basic dishes that you can make without vegetables and then serve vegetables on the side for you and DH. Would a couple weeks of America food kill you? Would making mac and cheese, pasta or frozen pizza as an extra dish be that overwhelming, if you decide to must have nonAmerican food during the two weeks? You sound rigid. Don't have him visit, it won't be a pleasant vacation for him to be with someone so controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Former, picky eater here- heavy handed tactics don't work. It's the smell, texture, flavor of veggies or certain foods-- some kids can't abide it, and react more strongly. At twelve, I would sit and starve before eating a cooked carrot.
Sensory issues and inflexibility will calm down when they are adults as long as it's not linked to a lot of bad memories of being told to "clean their plate" or going hungry because the smell of cooked broccoli is overwhelming.
Introducing food to try without pressure or embarrassment works great. I was around twelve when I realized that food could be mixed up in a burrito and taste great- it was a no pressure family dinner at a Mexican restaurant. No one cared whether I ate my burrito or not.

Thanks for this. This has basically been our approach and gives me hope for my one picky eater, age 12.

[Anonymous]

Make sure you have food he likes to eat. You don't have to plan every meal around him, but you do need to provide a backup food. If the problem is microwave pizza, that doesn't have to be the backup option for every meal. As someone else suggested, there are frozen burritos. Or boxed mac and cheese. Or sandwich fixings. When I was a kid, the standing rule was if you didn't care for the meal you could make yourself a peanut butter sandwich.

Complaining about and criticizing the food is a different issue. I think you'd be within your rights to take that on, if it's something he does. And there are two sides to this - a polite person can decline a food without saying "eeew, it's gross!" and a polite host can offer a food without being pushy, as well as making sure a guest knows there are other options.

You're the adult. Model the behavior you'd like to see from him. If you're mean to him, you'll get it right back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be very forward to send my kid to anyone’s house for two weeks without strict instructions that he be a decent guest and eat what he’s given. If he’s that picky I’d be sending favorite food with him. Clearly these people are doing the child’s family a big favor (sounds like this is not a usual vacation for him) so they could step up and help.

He's visiting his grandfather. I never considered my grandfather was doing my parents a favor by letting me visit. It was actually a treat for him and he would look forward to the trips. My parents want my kids to visit and complain they don't visit enough. You and OP sound like kindred spirits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Said no one ever: “Let’s go out for German food!”

+100 We lived in Germany for four years. Worst food I've ever had anywhere. And we have lived all over the world. It's not just German food. Germans are notoriously bad cooks no matter what they cook.