Is wife being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

I suspect your marriage is going to be pretty fragile for the next few years, if it lasts that long. You are leaving her unheard. You are belittling her hurts. You are choosing sides, but not her side. No wonder she wants to be left behind.

Seek someone trained and objective to guide you to a more unified marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Okay this will probably be my final post. I cannot give every single detail about everything that has happened. The very strong reactions indicate I have not accurately portrayed the situation. The few people I have discussed this situation with IRL can see the merit to my point of view so I will just leave it at that. I am not going to pressure my wife to attend the wedding. She can stay home wth the kids. You guys have helped me to realize that it would be a tremendous amount of work having Munoz toddler there. He is extremely active and always wants to be running around on his feet. I can only imagine how much more adventurous he will become in another 7 months.

I love my wife and I want to support her. I work hard so that she can stay home and raise our children. I have worries that if I just give in and agree with her about my parents being jerks, then she will demand we cut them off, at least from our children. That is not an acceptable option for me so I find myself reluctant to agree with her.

Here’s a concept. Why don’t you grow a spine and refuse to let your parents be jerks to your wife. You’ve basically admitted that you are pretending to be delusional so you don’t feel pressured into doing what you know is right. Meanwhile, your wife is the one who needs to be abused by people she can’t stand. All because you “work hard so she can stay home”. Disgusting.

+80!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Okay this will probably be my final post. I cannot give every single detail about everything that has happened. The very strong reactions indicate I have not accurately portrayed the situation. The few people I have discussed this situation with IRL can see the merit to my point of view so I will just leave it at that. I am not going to pressure my wife to attend the wedding. She can stay home wth the kids. You guys have helped me to realize that it would be a tremendous amount of work having Munoz toddler there. He is extremely active and always wants to be running around on his feet. I can only imagine how much more adventurous he will become in another 7 months.

I love my wife and I want to support her. I work hard so that she can stay home and raise our children. I have worries that if I just give in and agree with her about my parents being jerks, then she will demand we cut them off, at least from our children. That is not an acceptable option for me so I find myself reluctant to agree with her.

You really think your wife is so awful, that there is no middle ground, that she would insist on cutting off your parents rather than figuring out some healthy boundaries?

Damn. Get to therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Okay this will probably be my final post. I cannot give every single detail about everything that has happened. The very strong reactions indicate I have not accurately portrayed the situation. The few people I have discussed this situation with IRL can see the merit to my point of view so I will just leave it at that. I am not going to pressure my wife to attend the wedding. She can stay home wth the kids. You guys have helped me to realize that it would be a tremendous amount of work having Munoz toddler there. He is extremely active and always wants to be running around on his feet. I can only imagine how much more adventurous he will become in another 7 months.

I love my wife and I want to support her. I work hard so that she can stay home and raise our children. I have worries that if I just give in and agree with her about my parents being jerks, then she will demand we cut them off, at least from our children. That is not an acceptable option for me so I find myself reluctant to agree with her.

OMG, you are hopeless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Expecting a woman to travel on a three hour flight 6 weeks PP with a toddler and a newborn, while you perform best man duties all weekend, is actually unreasonable.

She, on the other hand is being perfectly reasonable by staying home and encouraging you to go. If you believe you have enough help there, go and take your toddler so she can stay home and recover with the new born.

I also wouldn’t be keen on travelling on a flight that long with a newborn, before they’ve had vaccinations.

Agree, she is being reasonable. You are not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, I was curious what others would think about this situation and it appears I’ve gotten my answer. I still think my wife should be willing to travel to see BOTH of our families with our children, health permitting. It would appear that is not the popular vote so okay, it’s been noted. Thank you for your time and consideration on this matter. If my wife refuses to budge and ultimately does not want to attend, I will accept her decision and have my MIL fly out here to help her with the kids while I attend solo. I know that everyone will be very disappointed to miss out on seeing my kids and my wife unfortunately, but we can always book a trip for a later time.

Op you are insane! “Everyone will be disappointed...” ?! Omg that is ridiculous. You cannot possibly be serious.

[Anonymous]

Holy sh*t I am SO GLAD I did not marry a spineless, clueless manchild. Your poor wife...

[Anonymous]

Wow. I previously posted that I thought wife should let 2 year old go.

Now . . . Wow. Just sitting here feeling so lucky not to be OP's wife.

OP, if you're still reading - it's only reasonable for you to ask or expect your wife to "let it go and move on" if your mother has sincerely apologized. You said she refused to do so. It doesn't matter if she meant to offend or not (and frankly, I don't see how you can seriously think that calling a pregnant woman lazy and criticizing her eating was not meant to be offensive). The fact is that what your mother said was objectively rude and out of line. Your wife was justifiably offended and is owed and apology, regardless of your mother's intentions.

You acknowledge that your mother's statements were not ok, but back her up on refusing to apologize. That's not fair and, frankly, is a huge cop out. Man up.

Also, your dad yelled at your wife? Also really not cool. Adults do not yell at each other, regardless of the circumstances. They may have issues but they should be addressed respectfully. It's not appropriate for your dad to tell at her and you should tell him so. I can really imagine my FIL yelling at me, but I am 100 percent certain that if he did, my DH would call.him out on it. Again, I'm back to - man up.

[Anonymous]

Was the part "to forsake all others" part of your wedding vows? If so, do you understand the complete meaning of this vow?

[Anonymous]

I really don’t believe this is real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I previously posted that I thought wife should let 2 year old go.

Now . . . Wow. Just sitting here feeling so lucky not to be OP's wife.

OP, if you're still reading - it's only reasonable for you to ask or expect your wife to "let it go and move on" if your mother has sincerely apologized. You said she refused to do so. It doesn't matter if she meant to offend or not (and frankly, I don't see how you can seriously think that calling a pregnant woman lazy and criticizing her eating was not meant to be offensive). The fact is that what your mother said was objectively rude and out of line. Your wife was justifiably offended and is owed and apology, regardless of your mother's intentions.

You acknowledge that your mother's statements were not ok, but back her up on refusing to apologize. That's not fair and, frankly, is a huge cop out. Man up.

Also, your dad yelled at your wife? Also really not cool. Adults do not yell at each other, regardless of the circumstances. They may have issues but they should be addressed respectfully. It's not appropriate for your dad to tell at her and you should tell him so. I can really imagine my FIL yelling at me, but I am 100 percent certain that if he did, my DH would call.him out on it. Again, I'm back to - man up.

I agree. We're going on what you tell us. I was on the fence about traveling with a 6 week old but when you add THIS to the dynamic, no f@cking way would I make an effort for this, especially it would lead to a longer visit. I also don't blame your wife for not letting your 2 yo go with out. I would not be encouraging a relationship with someone who treated me so poorly.

This wedding is just a symptom of far more significant problems. You really should find a good relationship counselor. You're heading down the wrong path. When there's so much consensus on DCUM, you need to pay attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t believe this is real.

I’m finding it hard to believe too. It’s just gotten more and more outrageous.

If it’s real then OP’s wife needs to divorce him yesterday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op again-

Just to clarify. I never said what my mom said was okay or not offensive. It wasn’t okay and it was rude. I told my wife that. I do not think my mother meant them to be offensive. She doesn’t just walk around being rude and awful to people. I think she spoke carelessly and without thinking and it’s time for my wife to let it go. My wife is the type to be offended when my parents give me a large sum of money for Christmas and give her a small amount on a target gift card.

The fact that your mother gave YOU money for Christmas and gave HER a much smaller amount on a gift card for Christmas, and the fact that you seem to think this is all totally normal, is very telling.

You're married and you have kids together. Good grief.

A normal married couple, if they receive money from their parents, get it as a combined gift. Not "here's a big cash gift for YOU, my darling, oh and here's a little token gift card for you".

Your wife is right. There's something really wrong with your parents. And all of DCUM can see that the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

DP That is the way it works in our family, on both sides. We would think it was extremely weird if we received a joint gift. Who wants that? We're separate people. I appreciate it when I receive a gift that is given with my interests in mind, and so does my husband.

PP, you are having a very strong reaction to something you can't control (other people giving gifts to you). Why is that?

I think the practice of my family is very common to our social set. I cannot think of any couple that receives a "joint" gift from either set of parents. That just seems odd.

Anyway, clearly you are outraged about OP. I just wanted to chime in that the gift-giving thing is actually pretty normal in my family and in our social set.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again-

Just to clarify. I never said what my mom said was okay or not offensive. It wasn’t okay and it was rude. I told my wife that. I do not think my mother meant them to be offensive. She doesn’t just walk around being rude and awful to people. I think she spoke carelessly and without thinking and it’s time for my wife to let it go. My wife is the type to be offended when my parents give me a large sum of money for Christmas and give her a small amount on a target gift card.

Guys if you didn’t think this was a troll before I hope everyone realizes it has to be based on the above!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op again-

Just to clarify. I never said what my mom said was okay or not offensive. It wasn’t okay and it was rude. I told my wife that. I do not think my mother meant them to be offensive. She doesn’t just walk around being rude and awful to people. I think she spoke carelessly and without thinking and it’s time for my wife to let it go. My wife is the type to be offended when my parents give me a large sum of money for Christmas and give her a small amount on a target gift card.

The fact that your mother gave YOU money for Christmas and gave HER a much smaller amount on a gift card for Christmas, and the fact that you seem to think this is all totally normal, is very telling.

You're married and you have kids together. Good grief.

A normal married couple, if they receive money from their parents, get it as a combined gift. Not "here's a big cash gift for YOU, my darling, oh and here's a little token gift card for you".

Your wife is right. There's something really wrong with your parents. And all of DCUM can see that the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

DP That is the way it works in our family, on both sides. We would think it was extremely weird if we received a joint gift. Who wants that? We're separate people. I appreciate it when I receive a gift that is given with my interests in mind, and so does my husband.

PP, you are having a very strong reaction to something you can't control (other people giving gifts to you). Why is that?

I think the practice of my family is very common to our social set. I cannot think of any couple that receives a "joint" gift from either set of parents. That just seems odd.

Anyway, clearly you are outraged about OP. I just wanted to chime in that the gift-giving thing is actually pretty normal in my family and in our social set.

When it’s money, it should be a joint gift. Especially not a huge sum for you and hardly anything for you.

If it’s a physical gift then it could be a joint thing (eg something big for a new house) or separate gifts.